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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 3:40:39 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		If my daughter came to me and asked out it I would answer all questions honestly.

I would not introduce it out of thin air.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 3:41:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If my kids asked me any questions, I would answer to the fullest and give them books to learn from. I'm not sure exactly what is meant by introducing them. Would I take them to a munch? No nor to a dungeon. But I have always answered any questions they've asked.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 3:44:55 PM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with Holly, MM, and juliaoceania.  They say it best!

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 4:08:19 PM   
TheRaptorJesus


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Joined: 6/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Pogo, but if you're son is mentally handicapped, or mentally and emotionally the age of a 10 year old, I am sorry but he has no business doing kinky things, where informed consent and being able to comprehend emotionally and mentally what you're getting into is important. And you're not doing him any favors by teaching him things he has no business knowing and doing as an emotional child.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pogo4pres


Great point Music, my son though 18 physically, is about 10 or 12 mentally (autism is a bitch).  I'd intro him to the "standard beginners literature".  I would also intro him to some Male & Female dominants closer to his own age to mentor him. 



Fatherly,
Some Knucklehead in NJ



Isn't this sort of hypocritical from someone who identifies as a "babygirl" and will make some decisions from the prism of whatever age you feel?

I don't think either is right but it seems an apt comparison.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 5:18:58 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I would want to teach them about not falling for the ploys out there many doms use about  if you were a real sub you'd............ or real subs don't............. Or that if you express needs and are polite but stand up for yourself that you're topping from the bottom.

There's a lot of pitfalls and it just being part of your personality, doesn't mean you are already aware of the predators out there, and the tricks they may play.   If I can save someone from falling prey to something they could of avoided with a word from mom to be wary, then I want that for them.
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

If it's just their personality traits then what would there be to explain or teach????

You let them live their lives like every other human being on the planet.





Yeah ok. I've never understood people who fall for such things. I just completely don't understand it. I dunno. I don't see how that has anything at all to do with being dominant or submissive in personality but being things one should learn from life in general by anyone who starts dating and people get into relationships and make mistakes. It's part of the growing up process. Nothing I say or do will teach that to an 18 year old. At 18 they know it all and  a parent telling them anything at all goes in one ear and out the other.

My daughter is moving out on her own tomorrow. I've talked to her about everything possible till I'm blue in the face. Do I really think she heard a single word I said?? Nope. She's 18. She'll learn things the hard way like everyone does....by making mistakes and learning from them.

That's how life works.


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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 5:51:49 PM   
Twoshoes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Nothing I say or do will teach that to an 18 year old. At 18 they know it all and  a parent telling them anything at all goes in one ear and out the other.


Or even worse, they could deliberately do the exact opposite!

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 6:09:38 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
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From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I would want to teach them about not falling for the ploys out there many doms use about  if you were a real sub you'd............ or real subs don't............. Or that if you express needs and are polite but stand up for yourself that you're topping from the bottom.

There's a lot of pitfalls and it just being part of your personality, doesn't mean you are already aware of the predators out there, and the tricks they may play.   If I can save someone from falling prey to something they could of avoided with a word from mom to be wary, then I want that for them.



Good point. I think my life would have been different and easier if someone had recognized my submissive and passive traits. There was a lot I didn't recognize simply because it never occured to my parents that I'd have issues in those areas.

Way before kinky sex I was a submissive and docile child. I think that all children need to work within and tailor their personality traits to become a happy adult.



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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 6:28:56 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


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Status: offline 		TheRaptorJesus, If I was always the age of 2, and never matured beyond that age, mentally or did bdsm from the age vantage of a 2 y.o nor  never thought as an adult, then, yes, it would be.

However, before I am 2, I am a functioning 27  year old. And my emotional age of 2, is not constant, and it's not due to a mental or medical illness. I am able to consent  I understand what the risks of sex and bdsm are. I  do not have an illness that keeps me from understanding the seriousness of  what it is we do, I'm capable of keeping myself safe. I do not do bdsm and kink as a 2 year old, I do it as a mature fully functioning 27 year old.

I save the "2 year old stuff" for things that are not inappropriate for me at the age I am feeling. I color, I play in the park, I ask Daddy to feed me , I'm not being beat and spanked and fucked, from the vantage of a  "2 y.o" mind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus




Isn't this sort of hypocritical from someone who identifies as a "babygirl" and will make some decisions from the prism of whatever age you feel?

I don't think either is right but it seems an apt comparison.


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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 6:43:28 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you. Contarary to popular belief, if I was submissive at 18 and someone told me about the ploys and plots people will use to twist you to their advantage, I surein the hell would of listened lol.

Specially if I was unsure in my submission, like so many new subs are when they get into this, even at earlier ages, they question if things like a dom they don't know trying to tell them "this is the way it is" is correct.

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65


[
Good point. I think my life would have been different and easier if someone had recognized my submissive and passive traits. There was a lot I didn't recognize simply because it never occured to my parents that I'd have issues in those areas.

Way before kinky sex I was a submissive and docile child. I think that all children need to work within and tailor their personality traits to become a happy adult.




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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 6:46:26 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


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Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		-shrugs- If I had a son that was 18 id be selling my body to science... however if i do have children i will be honest with them, and if i found what my parents found in my room id bring it up and talk to them about it...

I also would like to ask if those who are older who are so sure us younger people are complete and utter idiots until we reach some magical age.

Do you ever think that people between say 18 and 22 ignore everything older people say simply because they think we are to stupid to understand? Or because you believe in your older age that YOU know Everything and frankly some of us realized no one does from the age 10.

Im sorry but I know more emotionally mature 18 year olds then I do 40 and 50 year olds, I know people in their 70s who still havent found the ability to mature. Age is not the determining factor for maturity, life experience isnt.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 11:56:32 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I have an 18 year old son who definitely has Dominant traits. I've been watching these traits refine themselves over the last few years. I won't be surprised when he 'finds' himself someday as a Dom. If he had questions about the lifestyle of course I'd discuss it with him like we do any other questions he has, but I won't be bringing up this topic out of nowhere. I value his privacy and desire to keep my own. He can find this out about himself...or not...but it'll be his discovery. If this lifestyle ever comes to the table as a discussion topic I'll do my best to cover it, if it doesn't then I won't be putting it up front and center.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 5:51:22 AM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
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quote:

If you had an 18 year old son that had some dominant/masterly traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it? Why or why not?
By the time my boys were 18, they'd already had all the introduction that is appropriate.

To raise a child is to teach the child what it is to be an adult.  To raise a son is to teach him what it is to be a man, just as to raise a daughter is to teach her what it is to be a woman.

Each can only teach the values and beliefs one has--and I taught my boys that the good man takes charge of his household, that he rules over it firmly and fairly, with the constant objective of providing a safe and nurturing haven for all who dwell within.  By the time they had graduated high school, they'd had a full measure of that teaching.

How they take that lesson to heart is the adventure of their lifetime, not mine.  Will they choose to incorporate power exchange dynamics into their relationships?  That is for them to decide.  My only hope is that they will continue to grow as good men, and continue to be an uplifting presence in the lives of whatever women catch their fancy.


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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 9:01:41 AM   
laurell3


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

Just no. Between 18-22 my personality has changed so much... And it's probably still slightly in flux.

Just no, no and no.

Traits don't mean a person should be D or s.

My close family wouldn't be suprised if I told them I had Dominant tendancies, but I'm glad they didn't influence me.

The worst thing you'd need at that point is wondering whether you're doing something to satisfy someone else's suggestion or expectations.

^^ Just no.

Actually, the more I think about it, if my parents had talked to me about this I would have became a monk. I would have hated myself that much.


This. However, neither of these OPs is really the question of if they came to you. If that happened, no I wouldn't turn a child away without information whether they were male, female, dominant or submissive, it doesn't matter. Merely seeing "traits" and attempting to steer them into bdsm? HELL NO that's ridiculous. There are a whole lot of people in the world with "traits" that have NO interest in bdsm and a parent's suggestions can carry alot of weight with a child.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 9:09:16 AM   
sexyred1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: alatheia

If I had a kid, I wouldnt introduce him/her to the lifestyle. If I saw "dominant traits", Id take it as I take anyone I see with those traits in. Alpha personality, good leadership skills, completely vanilla traits as well. Now if he/she came to me and directly asked me for information about wiitwd then sure Id answer as accurately as possible.

I do believe that if it's meant to happen, it will happen. Especially in this era where information is so easily accessed.


I agree. Kids grow up too fast in too many areas these days and 18 year olds are kids in my opinion. There is not need for any type of introduction to any lifestyle.

Let them grow up at the rate they grow up. Why accelerate it?

If someone is going to introduce something to 18 year olds, I think it should be the right way to treat others. THAT is what is lacking today, not interest in BDSM.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/16/2010 9:11:10 AM >

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 10:02:14 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

Thanks everyone who posts on this thread. For me personally, I don't see anything wrong with what Carol and I do nor do I see it as sexuality. So I did, in fact, have this discussion with you young sons (about 20 and 22 at the time).. one of whom is generally dom the other generally sub. They know all about Carol and I. From my standpoint as a parent, I was simply informing them about their family and about some off-the-beaten-path ways in which a relationship might be structured.

The sexuality part isn't much of a problem in my family either. Frank and open discussion about sexuality is a part of what I consider appropriate parenting. I would never discuss the details of what Carol and I did last night. But I would discuss the concepts in broad generalities... including kink concepts.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 10:38:14 AM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

Do you ever think that people between say 18 and 22 ignore everything older people say simply because they think we are to stupid to understand? Or because you believe in your older age that YOU know Everything and frankly some of us realized no one does from the age 10.


Funny, my son hasn't talked like this since he was about 15 when he went through the age of "You just don't understand me and I know everything"... thank god he was over it by 16. He is 20 today and is one of the wisest, kindest, intelligent people I know... He is usually the one shaking his head at his own peers because they are filled with drama... his words, not mine

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 10:51:20 AM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I am curious why this is limited to dominant/masterly traits?  What is your son exhibited submissive traits?
Nope, not a personal post Missokyst. I was merely trying to echo the other post as clearly as possible so I swapped genders and orientations.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 12:09:00 PM   
candisa


Posts: 127
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline 		I do have a boy, he is 17 soon to be 18.  He has been showing dominant behavior for many years now.
He seems to be the  leader of the pack in his peer group, they have always looked to him for advise, help and answers.
He does " try " to dominant  me around.( telling me what to do, say, wear, etc). bahaha....I never forget that I am the parent now and always will be. I do not try to be his best friend.
I  have introduced him to the words  Dominant and Submissive, and the meaning of them.
That is as far as I would go to school him, the rest of the lifestyle he is completely on his own to find out about in his time, and his maturity level.

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respectfully,
candisa

Freely we serve, because we freely love, as in our will
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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 12:42:44 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

He does " try " to dominant  me around.( telling me what to do, say, wear, etc).


I think this is a "boy" thing, especially if you are a single mom... my son used to try to boss me around too, not about what I wear, but he hated it when I cursed. Imagine my kid lecturing me about how I should talk....lol. He also did not like my choices in men because they were too "controlling" ... I guess he did not want the competition

He outgrew it though

_____________________________

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/16/2010 1:21:44 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Both of my grown sons have asked me about their local communities, and I've been happy to share the information with them. However, only one of my -daughters- has actually become active in the community. One of my boys -did- opt for the military, though, and has pushed himself to do what he needed to do to be the highest ranking member of his basic training class (and therefore, the squadron leader).

Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/16/2010 1:23:38 PM >

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