from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (Full Version)

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kittencurious -> from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 12:33:54 AM)

i will only be lonely in this lifestyle unless i open my wallet or do housework for some ungrateful slob who has no desire to touch me anyway because despite their advertising they really hate the idea of sex with someone like me and probably hate or are oblivious to what was once romantic and beautiful about this lifestyle, but have learned to become skilled in the "art" of taking advantage of people.

this 'culture' and the way it treats people breed the "horny net geeks" you love to bitch about.

i am living proof.



ModeratorThree -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 1:10:30 AM)

That's a pretty harsh statement, there are numerous great people on this site and on the forums- that are real.

You just have to take your time and learn patience. Try staying around the forums for a bit before giving up.


Mod3



kittencurious -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 1:26:40 AM)

i understand this is a social community and the above is what you were recruited to say in response to posts like mine, but after being involved for years and experiencing little more than the aforementioned fraud and proxy hookers, i'll have to respectfully disagree with your assessment.

thanks for your response and good luck with your site.



ModeratorThree -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 2:34:15 AM)

Actually I say what I want not what I am told to. If you read much of the forums you will find that out on your own.

And I really do like a great many of the people here and find them to be very genuine. Some are assholes granted, but most are great.

Did you come here just to complain? You are most welcome for the place to vent.:)


Mod3



Synocense -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 2:44:04 AM)

Kitten,
In reading your profile, you appear to be exactly what a few of my very real, very educated, very active, friends are looking for. I am not playing matchmaker, I am just trying to prove a point. You state that from "reading these forums and profiles" you have concluded the lifestyle has become de-romantisized (did i just make that word up?) and no one suits you. This is a matter of your opinion, but I hardly see how that makes anyone here ungrateful or slobs or HNG's. It means instead, to me anyway, that you have specific wants and needs that are difficult to get met. Is that *our* failure? Is it yours? or could it simply be how it is and you should slip out quietly and try another method?

Syn



SentForu -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 6:06:58 AM)

kitten,
I know what you mean. I have been having similar thoughts myself. Just don't give up. Not everyone is like that. Though, there is a large number of users and abusers. Rejection is extremely harsh. Take it as it comes though. Never give up on something you've set your heart on. Keep your chin up.....[;)]



LadyShoshin -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 7:21:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittencurious

i will only be lonely in this lifestyle unless i open my wallet or do housework for some ungrateful slob who has no desire to touch me anyway because despite their advertising they really hate the idea of sex with someone like me and probably hate or are oblivious to what was once romantic and beautiful about this lifestyle, but have learned to become skilled in the "art" of taking advantage of people.

this 'culture' and the way it treats people breed the "horny net geeks" you love to bitch about.

i am living proof.

I have read your profile, very lovely.
Consider though that you are looking for a BDSM partner (I, personally won't date vanilla), you have eliminated anyone vanilla, so now you have a smaller pool, you are bisexual, so you have eliminated anyone who is heterosexual only, creating a smaller pool again, go down your list of things you are looking for and the pool of available folks keeps getting smaller.

My stable of part time subs are expected to do household chores, not because I am a lazy slob, but because getting the tedious tasks done makes my life more enjoyable. They also get their needs met through play, it may be sexual play if that is my whim or it might be some other sort of play. Having a stable means having to keep track of what each unique individual hopes to get from the arrangement and meeting that need. Romance? Unfortunately I have some major baggage I am working on around romantic involvement. Just because there is no falling in love doesn't mean it isn't caring and intimate. If my subs weren't getting their needs met, they most certainly wouldn't come back, they are mature, intelligent gentlemen who are in agreement with the negotiated relationship.



subbiejenn -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 7:35:10 AM)

In anything you do online you will find undesirables but it isn't fair to group us all as a whole. i have met many wonderful Doms/subs/Dommes on this site (one in particular *grins*) Some have kinks i wouldn’t do or just isn't my kink but i do not think badly for them on what things they enjoy. i have found many who enjoy the same kinks i do even so they aren't the right Dom for me. Point is W/we are all different just because some are looking just for someone to cook and clean for them doesn’t mean E/everyone is like that.

i was shocked when i read Y/your post. i have been on many sites and by far i have found more genuine people here at collarme looking for true relationships built on love and respect. i have also found a lot just looking for sex and wanting to touch.


Give it time kitten, tell the
quote:

ungrateful slob
who e-mail you that you aren't interested in that and move on. There are people out there looking for the same things you are, just have to find them.

Good look in your search and don't let the bad ones or ones who are have other kinks then you get you down.

(i just woke up, hope that all makes sense)



sub4hire -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 7:41:49 AM)

I have to say I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said here. I don't think there is a single one of us here who didn't go through hell and back to find our mate. I know myself, I almost gave up. Most are still looking, they are still in their own "hell" phases.
Right now you're feeling down. Could use a bit of attention even if it is from people you don't really know and that's fine.
Shoshin is right, you'd made certain limits within yourself. You've narrowed down a good chunk of people you could be compatible with. So it is just going to take time. Just keep your chin up when you're least expecting it love will come your way.



newflowers -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 8:40:48 AM)

There is a thread in the submissives forum that is applicable to this topic. It's about saying what you want and, in doing so, excluding those who, on the surface, may not seem to be, but in taking time, you find that they are.

Reading your profile, it seems me that you do limit the potential prospects in an effort to get what you want. And that's okay - I've done a similar thing and I know by doing so I extend the time spent looking. We all want what we want.

However - for all of the HNG and others who are time wasting impostors, there are very genuine men and women who may meet the needs you have. I think you must consider that they too are inundated and have the same complaints you make. In wading through the phoney and the fakes, it is easy to miss someone who would be good. Additionally, the effort spent wading can tire and discourage you - you and the one you're looking for and who is looking for you.

The solution: vent when you must - we all do it and we understand. And after that, get up and go again. Whether you're doing socials and munches (which I hate) or online or parties or whichever method of combinations thereof, be upset today, and maybe even tomorrow, then take a deep breath and keep going. It is so easy to fall into discouragement and negativity when you present yourself as honestly and straighforward as possible and in return you receive back nothing that even vaguly resembles what you seek. It's worse still when you think you have only to find that it was an illusion.

Any relationship worth having is worth taking time to find, taking time to build, and taking time to nurture - there is no limit on the time, figure on a great deal of it.

I am sorry you're upset now, but please consider that painting everyone with the same brush is not a good thing and we have all been where you are. It seems to be a mandatory stop on the search road.

When you feel better again, and having read your profile, you don't seem the quitting type, go again, a little wiser and maybe even a bit more cynical, but quitting is the very worst thing.

newflowers



happypervert -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 10:34:36 AM)

On the flip side to the positive approaches others have written -- if you're going to have a bitter, miserable attitude about it and expect failure, then failure is what you'll surely get. Could anyone worthwhile really stay interested in someone who treats them like a HNG trying to take advantage? You'll drive them away for sure.



strongnsubmissiv -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 10:45:38 AM)

Think of it this way kitten...


.... all the idiots just make us look better.... :P


I sympathize with your frustration... keep your wits about you if ya can.

sns



SentForu -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 10:48:06 AM)

Silly question here, but I can't not ask any longer. What's a HNG? I assume it's a bad thing....[:)]



happypervert -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/24/2004 10:55:18 AM)

not silly -- I was just too lazy to type out "Horny Net Geek"



kiki blue -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/26/2004 8:42:51 AM)

As Shoshin has said, we're fishing from a really small pool here. The pool I'm fishing from is even smaller, because I want to meet someone local to me, though I'm on the verge of extending that to the SE Queensland area, and maybe to northern NSW, just to get some fresh meat in.

Finding someone who meets your standards, who is compatible where you want them to be, someone you are attracted to, mentally and physically, can be hard enough in the non kink world. Adding kink to it, and your sort of kink does make it harder. It's no offense to not be attracted to someone, or to not be interested, and in the kink setting, there are as many ways to have a relationship as you can think about it. If it doesn't work for you, just move on, and let someone else find it.

Having finding a relationship be your main goal can be off putting to many. I've really enjoyed being single over the last 6 or so months, and have started moving towards being ready and being excited about the possibility of a new relationship. I'm aware I may not meet anyone I want to be involved with for months or years, even, so I'll be focusing on enjoying being me and growing.

Just keep in mind what's important to you in a relationship, and don't worry about everyone else.



curiouskitten -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/26/2004 5:19:55 PM)

i have to apologize...i laughed myself silly over this post. None of the replies which were thoughtful and well meaning. the post itself; HONEY! calm down, have a cup of tea and think about this. this is the internet. if you take the time to read your post you sound almost paranoid. if this is how you are dealing with the people that are writing to you, it's no wonder you aren't having fun.

there are a lot of very wonderful Doms/Dommes out there who love to be pampered, and lots of subs and slaves who enjoy pampering. i can't keep my own house clean to save my soul, but under the care of a loving dominant...everything shines. i'm a gourmet cook and preparing food for my owner(s) and his/her friends is delight beyond compare. and oh! by the way, my trying to balance my check book would try the patience of Job; it is for my own GOOD i turn my finances over. these are not bad things.

perhaps you need to examine both your attitude and motives, it may very well be that you are seeking to find the wrong in what is being offered to you.

good luck to you....



Laura -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (9/26/2004 5:40:26 PM)

Will the real kittencurious curiouskitten please stand up?

Everyone feels some version of discouragement with all the ads in the personals here. At times I think dealing with the personals here is much worse than actually meeting a group of people at a local event would be. From my experience (limited as it is) the hng's are mainly online and few of them go to munches. I've made the munch question one of the first things I ask anyone now. If they aren't interested in attending muches that sets off a warning for me. I will still email and find out more about them but... I don't expect to find anyone interesting.

For you, I'd definitely suggest getting offline and mixing with some real people. Give yourself a fresh perspective.



Nvernilla -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (10/2/2004 8:44:48 PM)

I have found in life that any group of people you can define as a group it is a mistake to generalize as all have good people and bad you just have to weed through them and not get discouraged. Lots of people are bad but even some of them have good things about them. And also that people who are supposed to be really good people have bad things about them too. LOL you just got to decide what kind and how much bad you can tolerate. I personally am a man of high morals except for my kink thing thats pretty weird huh? I wish you the best in your quest...Mike



angelpet -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (10/7/2004 7:15:44 AM)

It is a harsh statement and one that many do agree with. Finding that within yourself you are who an what you claim keeps you above water. As for happiness, it is a subjective term at best.
I find I am not happy if I lower the bar on what i NEED. It is not a matter of wants but of needs. If we settle we will be unhappy. If we allow another to convince us to do so we will remain in the same ruts.
Enjoy your true place an happiness will find you. I never seek others that is a task that leads to emotional hell. Frequent the kinds of places you would go if you had a partner and meet people there. Our lifestyle is not all about clubs, groups and kinky people.

angel



anthrosub -> RE: from reading these forums and profiles, i've come to the conclusion... (10/7/2004 1:35:42 PM)

i have to add my voice to those who have posted supportive comments in this thread. i will confess there have been times in my frustration that i've felt pretty close to what you wrote but the reality is what people here are saying. The truth "will out" in time and when it comes to trying to find someone online...patience is probably the most important quality you can possess. The real folks are here, make no mistake, but knowing who they are will take more time than you can ever hope to anticipate. That's not meant to be a negative...just the first truth you need to accept. On the other hand, when you finally do meet the right one, all of this will go "poof" and no longer be an issue.

anthrosub



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