Intimidation or misinterpretation?

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Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/20/2006 7:49:41 PM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

I'm sure this has been addressed; and to be honest, I didnt bother looking because different days- different perspectives.
I identify as a submissive, but I love topping women. Because of this, a good percentage of the dominants that I've spoken with tend to slap a 'switch' label on my forehead. Not that I'm offended by this, but very confused! What confuses me is that they instantly assume that I'll top from the bottom and have told me so.
I spoke with one via phone for about 3 weeks. He stated that he was very hesitant to take me seriously because of my strong personality and the fact that I top- regardless of the fact that I do top ONLY women. I have gotten at least a dozen responses like this.
Do you think this comes from intimidation? A misunderstanding? A misinterpretation? Sometimes I feel like I may as well be talking to the wall when trying to explain my preferences to them. How can I make this any clearer?
Any opinions will be appreciated.

Respectfully,
enthralled

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A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/20/2006 9:32:14 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
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Well have you tried. . . "I am submissive with males but I like to Top with females"?

I think that is pretty clear, and if they do not get it. . . well, then they are idiots.

Best,

LaMalinche

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/20/2006 9:47:22 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
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Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.

Best,

LaMalinche

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/21/2006 7:45:11 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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If he or she doesn't "get" you, or if they're not willing to try, they're not a match for you. My girl anne has three aspects to her personality. There's slave girl anne, who is mine, little girl annie, who I share with a Dominant (I am her Master...those are different to us) and there's Anne, the Dominant who is a Syr. she's a unique individual, which is one reason why I adore her so much. I accept all these things in her. I'm sure there's someone out there who will do the same for you.

Fire

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/21/2006 11:50:43 AM

WyrdRich

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
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      Sounds like you need a Dom who is both open-minded and self-confident of his ability to handle you. You're looking for a cut above and it may take a bit longer to find.

     Good luck and happy hunting.

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/21/2006 7:05:25 PM

MistWalker

Posts: 90
Joined: 4/20/2006
From: Memphis
Status: offline

While I'm new to these fourms, and this sight in general. Im not so much to the lifestyle, far younger and inexperenced then many. Yet intelegent to know i do not nor ever will know everything. One of the things i find wondefull, and intersting about the Lifestyle, is its inclusion of so many different aspects,personalitys, ect. Because of that what works for Oone set dose not always work for Aanother.

My personle case I am submissive, to my Mistress, and few others. i have chosen to give her that hold over me, the power. in return She dose recognize my dominiat side as well, be it occasonaly switcing roles in Oour relationship. or in allowing me to look outside Oours to find a submissive of my own within the limits we have set.

honestly i would say simply that the one you spoke with, just isnt right for who you are,and what your intersted in. if they can not accept all you are in each part, then contiue looking. the one, ones that will see and accept each part of you will be out there. myself i wouldnt say no simply because you chose to top females, and sub to a male since do the same in reverse here. as accepting as the Lifestyle can be there are always goign to be those that only see things There way, and belive no other is correct. but thats as true for life in general. .. and while i doubght ive been of any real assistance. i did feel like throwing my half cent into the ring on this topic..

blessed be Aall..
jake.

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/21/2006 7:18:16 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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Just consider yourself lucky that the people who don't understand you RECOGNIZE that they don't understand you.

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/21/2006 7:27:12 PM

Reasonable

Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
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I understand where it comes from-feeling you are dealing with a peer,rather than a subordinate.

Many Domianats feel that taking on a switch is going to be too confusing and complicated to deal with. Add in that you want to do the same things, in part, that a guy considers to be HIS job description, and it really gets squicky for some-now you are seen as a potential competitor............

Like it or no,it's not so much ignorance as a simple emotional thing.....you don't add up to a "feel good", and they desperately want to feel good in a relationship.

I know it sucks,but people often don't have a lot of control over how they feel-It's about them,not you.

So try not to take it as a slap in the face,it has nothing to do with your worthiness,whatsoever-only your suitability.

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/21/2006 8:43:15 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Sounds like he felt intimidated to me, or maybe he was worried that your performance as a Top was better than his. At any rate I'd say your better off without him if he can't handle a strong sub. Just be honest and tell the next one that you don't Top males, if he is sincere in his dominance there shouldnt be a problem

~Lashra

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/23/2006 11:03:11 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

I spoke with one via phone for about 3 weeks. He stated that he was very hesitant to take me seriously because of my strong personality and the fact that I top- regardless of the fact that I do top ONLY women. I have gotten at least a dozen responses like this.
Do you think this comes from intimidation? A misunderstanding? A misinterpretation? Sometimes I feel like I may as well be talking to the wall when trying to explain my preferences to them. How can I make this any clearer?

Odds are, the men are intimidated. It takes a very strong man to dominate a dominant woman - one who is sure of himself and not afraid to let the hammer fall when necessary. A lot of them, from my experience, are afraid they won't measure up.

Some male dominants will also view your topping women as being "competition" for them. If you're topping a girl, that means they're not topping her.

I would suggest that you tell them in a concise, clear manner that you seek an owner, but wish to retain the right to top women. Those who want to berate or ridicule or otherwise brush you off are the ones who lack the confidence to handle you, and you probably don't want them, anyway.

I have a Master, and I top men almost exclusively (when I've been a good girl and He gives me permission to do so). But He knows what it takes for me to submit to Him, and it works for us. You'll find yours, too. Give it time.

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/23/2006 2:14:36 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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I think that truth in advertising is the way to go. I have Doms that have approached me since I label as switch with one line come ons... They are usually greeted with "I don't take that crap from a sub why should I from you? If you have something intelligent to share with me or a logical reason for why you believe I would be a match then please try again." What usually comes out is that they are a newbie Dom that wants chat, cam, wank material.

I also have boys that tell me they have 10 years of experience with Dommes that can't be reached for references and they are articulate in their applications. After talking for a while I try to move to real time...what is so freaking scary about coffee I want to know?!?! Sorry rantus interruptus. After getting to know them they reveal infexibilities, areas where their submission is questionable. It usually goes downhill from there.

It may be that your personality includes dominant traits that are not compatable with that Dom. You appear to want it all regardless of the Dom. As a Domme this is kind of hard to make work unless ground rules are established early on. My relationship with my Dom never ever would have worked...especially as well as it did if others were involved. The reason that we were such a force to be reconed with was that we worked in tandem...think driving horses...the force of the two is 8 times that of the one.
IMO the primary relationship should be your focus. As others mentioned the ego of the male dom is a fragile thing. If they believe that their desires are going to be secondary they don't like it, if they feel that your desires may be a distraction, they don't like it.
For me I have to pick one side of the switch or the other, switching in mid-stream is hard enough without looking for someone willing to go along for the ride. It's not to say that finding someone is impossible just going to take a lot more work to have it all.

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/23/2006 10:13:44 PM

EmrysSwitch

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

I am a switch. I believe that is the path for me but I have gotten a lot of trouble over the years because of this. I think it is really hard for people to know where to place "switches" because we prove that power exchange is not a black and white decision. Your interest prove that even further.

The truth is that there is nothing wrong with you topping women but considering yourself a submissive because there are thousands of shades of D/s. If a Dom has not figured that out than he is not worth your time anyways. A worthwhile Dom would take the time to understand your interest and your persepective on power exchange.

I am not sure if there is a way to make this clearer. I think it is pretty darn clear. You just need to keep working at it. There are Doms out there who will honestly listen to you and try to figure you out. If your talking to a wall that means the Dom doesn't really care to much what your interest are. As a submissive you might be tempted to believe that a lack of interest is ok but in truth it is not. The Dom is in charge but your interest count as much as his.

Its harder to find good Doms online who really listen but keep working at it.

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RE: Intimidation or misinterpretation? - 4/24/2006 2:23:32 PM

SimplyV

Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: enthralled
I spoke with one via phone for about 3 weeks. He stated that he was very hesitant to take me seriously because of my strong personality

Back before I discovered and embraced my dominant side, I used to get that all the time as a submissive. Usually by the Dominant wanna-bes, who thought every submissive .. to be a good submissive .. must also bow down and humbly kiss every dominant's feet no matter what. Even back then, if I was submissive it was to ONE person and one person only. Everyone else had better expect to be my equal. Many wanna-bees are intimidated by a strong personalitied submissive. They tend to like doormats that don't make them feel responsible or accountable for their actions.

I even had a couple of them that thought I was so rude, that they wanted to notify my Dominant so he could discipline me. I even gave a couple of them his contact info (per his instructions) and his replies to them were pretty to the point. Something to the point of "I know my submissive well. Her strengths and her weaknesses. If you found her rude in any way, I am truely sorry. You either misunderstood her, or you deserved it." (And most of the time, I wasn't rude, just telling them "no" when they thought I should serve their every whim)

There are many submissives with very strong personalities. Its one of the great things about a truely good submissive. One with a very strong personality, who chooses to submit to you. Mmmm yummy. So keep your head high and keep looking. A truely good Dominant will see you for yourself and seek your true potential.

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