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Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 5:21:12 AM

slaveladyj

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incident helped to form your submissive desires?
I often think back to my childhood, and can point to one incident that I suspect has made me into the pain slut I think I am. So I'm wondering if others here can point to something directly in their youth that affects this need. I'm not talking just about my personal need for a bit of pain, but all general issues that concern a sub/slave.

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RE: Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 5:44:50 AM

KittenWithaTwist

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I actually find this practice (of looking back into the past that we remember to search for submissive practices and appearances) to be a bit...off. When we look back into our past, we're judging it with the perceptions that we have, currently. So, say you're a sadist. You could try to look back at those memories you have and eenie meenie miney moe around which one might possibly maybe lead to a sadistic desire.

I don't think that we can pinpoint that turning point in our lives, if ever there was a turning point. We're looking for "the truth" with a predisposed judgement. But it's difficult to look into a child's eye and say for certain that "this kid will grow up to be submissive."

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RE: Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 5:54:42 AM

Halcyone

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I went through a long period where I couldn't look past an event in my childhood, and because of that let it affect all of my desires, in every area of my life. When it came time for me to put a name to myself as a submissive, I had a great deal of trouble because I thought that being this way had to stem from what had happened to me. It was torture to think of it that way, in the same way it was torture to think of the commonly held belief (at that time) that those who are abused become abusers.

Eventually I was able to sit down, think back and actually remember short periods of my life before all of that terrible stuff happened. I realized then that there were signs of my submissive nature early on, long before I'd been pushed into that wrong turn. Realizing that was liberating. That was when I actually began to heal, inside, from the damage done to me. To remove it from the parts of my life that I'd allowed it to color.

I guess that means I've gone in the opposite direction from the OP. There was an incident that I believed caused me to be this way, but I no longer believe that to be true. I've been this way for as long as I can remember and am finally able to use it in a way that is healthy and beneficial for me and those I love.

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RE: Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 6:03:54 AM

Tikkiee

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My childhood was not pretty; I spent the majority of it in foster care, and some of it in JV; yet, I would in no way say that an event in my past caused me to become a masochist. In fact, I would go so far as to say that becoming a masochist helped me to overcome my past

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RE: Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 6:14:09 AM

MLskajira

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this girl remembers haveing fantasies about being held immobile while she was being forceably fondled. this was before she started school.
she has always been this way. some of the things that happened to her in her childhood, probably happened because she was chaseing her fantasy. most was because she had a pedofile in her family, but some she brought on herself, due to a burning desire and very little intelligence or experiance on her part. she opened herself up to a lot of abuse because she was searching for something she didnt know the name of.

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RE: Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 6:20:32 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Nope. I was raised to be a fully self-sufficient men-are-losers women-can't-be-trusted vanilla heterosexual adult.

I turned into this slave dominant polyamorous slut humanity loving women-can't-be-trusted adult.

I think how we are raised greatly influences our personality, our perspective and how we process things. I don't think it makes much of a difference on our actual orientations.

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RE: Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 7:14:03 AM

Daddysredhead

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This is a great question as I have wondered the same thing for quite a while and watch how my children behave and react to certain situations to see if they react the same way that I used to.

I grew up in a pretty traditional southern Christian home, where the dad worked and the mom stayed home, and daddy had the final say in decisions. My dad was the main disciplinarian ("just wait till your father comes home!"), was very strict but fair, loving, protective, and simply adored my mom. My mom was also loving and backed up my dad when he laid down the law, and treasured all that my dad did to make sure that she was treated like the queen of the castle.

While I was attending college and meeting people who didn't come from the same type of household that I did, I started to resent men in authority roles. I thought I was missing out on something by the way I was raised. I began thinking that I was demeaning myself by submitting to men in authority. I saw submission as a sign of weakness and lack of self-respect and I wanted no part of it. I was going through a very defiant stage and wanted to be the "one in charge" in every area of my life.

I was in a disastrous relationship for years where I was indeed the "one in charge." After the initial "woo-hoo, I'm the boss!" phase wore off, I started to resent men who didn't step up and take charge. I thought that he wasn't doing his part, and I was very frustrated. I later found out that my submissive tendencies were not going to go anywhere. When I found my Master and we established our roles in our relationship, I began to feel "normal" again.

I don't think it was one particular act that made me realize that I was submissive, but rather the way I was raised and how I wanted to be cherished in the same way my dear sweet mom was by my very strong dad. I am very glad to say that I now have that. I wish for all my fellow submissives and slaves to find their bliss in submission.

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RE: Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 7:22:37 AM

Lashra

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I was raised in a home of equality. Mom and Dad discussed and made decisions together, if they couldn't agree compromise would be the way it was handled. My Father always encouraged me to think outside of the box and to never think because I was a girl that there was anything I couldnt do. My Mom would sugarcoat things to a degree, my Father on the other hand laid it right out on the table. I'm like my Dad, I tell it like I see it. I have to say I had a great childhood, my parents were very supportive and encouraging.
I am a parent now and I use this same parenting model for my child and so far so good.

~Lashra

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RE: Do you think that a childhood - 4/21/2006 11:13:31 AM

VvShadowspawnvV

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i don't remember ever NOT being this way. Of course, as a young adult/teenager, it wasn't considered acceptable by my social peers and family... hence the behavior-unlearning i am working on...

becca

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