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curious - 4/21/2006 7:31:12 PM

untappedriches

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I am what I believe is called vanilla, I'm not sure of the terminology, I have always been in I guess you'd call them "regular" relationships. I was/am more passive than anything else and just did what was asked of me, I might add very rarely did I care about the person I was with, it was just a means to an end. A while ago I was approached by a sub in another online chatroom, he offered his services as he was looking for a Domme. I was at first just humoring the gentleman but the more he introduced certain ideas to me the more enthralled I became. We have been chatting ,e-mailing, and talking over the phone for over a month, now as we are coming to the point of meeting and perhaps introducing me to this lifestyle, he has decided that maybe he doesn't really want to give up his freedom, after being without a Mistress for the past six years. I am unsure if this person was for real or if he was just toying with me but my curiousity is getting the better of me. How does one go about finding out if this lifestyle is for them and what capacity they should be in? I know this sounds frivolous and crazy but some part of me really cares for and desires this man and I feel that I have lost something special. Am I nuts or what? Please enligthen me.

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RE: curious - 4/21/2006 8:30:34 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
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I do believe you have graduated from vanilla status. Your career life, family and friends and anything mainstream (outside of the Bdsm lifestyle), would be your vanilla world, and those who do not participate in the lifestyle are considered vanilla.

According to your profile, you seem to know exactly what you are looking for, you just have yet to have the opportunity to fully explore it. Perhaps your Dominance has always been part of you, but you did not recognize it, or at least didn't realize the fun and kinky benefits which are often involved. The male you speak of perhaps was 'toying' with you, (there is a lot of that around here), but who knows... the point is, a seed was planted, and you owe it to yourself to allow it to blossom.

If what you have learned thus far excites you and has made you crave more... I would think you should explore all you can and see if if this lifestyle is for you. You are already in a good place, I would recommend reading the forums here; possibly attending a local Bdsm munch (there are Bdsm organizations in most areas) or function with like-minded people, and interact via your e-mail here (with care and the ability to spot the 'toyer' types). Also, there are some great sites on the internet which might help you learn more about yourself, your desires, and give you a good feel of whether this lifestyle may be for you and in what capacity. Here are some sites I like:

http://www.femalesincontrol.com/articles.htm

http://elisesutton.com/

http://www.venus-on-top-society.com/

Also Aakasha who you may see post here has a good site as well... and there are many more which can be helpful in uncovering more of yourself. It's possible that your passive nature and disinterest in your vanilla relationships could have been due to boredom, unfulfillment, and what was needed to really stimulate you was not present.. and you may just have found what sparks your desires. Good luck.

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RE: curious - 4/21/2006 8:47:57 PM

WyrdRich

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Joined: 1/3/2005
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Get out to a munch and then some different ones. Beware of those who just want to play with your mind as previously noted but also be aware there are those who try to make this a full-blown religious cult instead of just one aspect of a persons life. There is no TRUE path here. Find what works for you and yours.

Akasha has some great stuff on her site.

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RE: curious - 4/22/2006 4:53:54 PM

untappedriches

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Thank you so much for your imput. I truely appreciate everything that has been mentioned. I must ask though how would I go about finding a munch in my area and must I first be invited? Also, the gentleman previously mentioned has told me time and again that he considers himself collared, having read some things concerning this, am I right in assuming that he has no control over the situation and that it is up to me to release him or not? Thank you again.

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RE: curious - 4/22/2006 4:57:37 PM

untappedriches

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Thank you for the advice and the sites that you suggested are offering valuable imformation. I look forward to the day when I can come back and let you know that I have found my true self.

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RE: curious - 4/22/2006 5:11:26 PM

Proprietrix

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Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
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I'm starting to get a bit confused with this thread because I'm seeing some inconsistencies.
You said you've always been a submissive/passive person, but you're a Domme?
And this guy you've been speaking with has been without a Mistress for 6 years but he's collared?
And you say you're new to the lifestyle and haven't been introduced to it yet, but your profile reads as if you've already had experiences and are quite secure in your Dominant role.

?

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RE: curious - 4/22/2006 5:40:45 PM

untappedriches

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Hopefully I can shine some light on your questions. The gentleman had offered his services to me prviously and now he wishes to withdraw them. I say that I was basically passive because that was the way I was raised to be, not my choice, and not really knowing that I had a choice, now my thinking is going in an all together different direction which I would like to pursue and explore. My profile pretty much discribes the agreement that was made between the gentleman and myself, I chose to use those ideas for the time being as they appealed greatly to me. As time goes on, there are other things that I am finding are becoming appealing as well but I have not rewritten my profile as yet.

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RE: curious - 4/22/2006 5:52:28 PM

Proprietrix

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So when he speaks of being collared, he considers himself collared to YOU?
I thought you meant he was collared to another Mistress.
(Thank you for your clarifications. I was confused.)

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RE: curious - 4/22/2006 6:03:46 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Me confused too? I think she is a submissive and the poor lad she's chatting with has her in knots......and thinking she can be something she truly isn't?

Somebody tie her up and spank her so we can find out for certain!

Fastlane grabs the Cane and hopes to go first!

Good luck in whatever you decide....really, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: curious - 4/23/2006 5:42:49 PM

untappedriches

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No love, I am not into pain, and I don't follow rules well.

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RE: curious - 4/24/2006 6:02:40 AM

MistressDREAD

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untapped,
You named yourself well.
You do not have to be aggressive nor arrogant to be Dominant.
Y/you dont have to be aggressive nor arrogant to be a Switch.
you dont have to be aggressive nor arrogant to be a submissive.
you are NOT a slave. (having read your profile.)

Having said this, It seems that you have come into contact with one of the online folks who enjoy their fantasies of fullfillment by tapping into the unknown. you were a vanilla looking for a relationship and this person presented a kind of one that attracted you. If they were real or not is of no nevermind. Its done with, move on now. Your horizions have been opened and You are on a new journey. Mind You that this road is very VERY treatorious and has many stones that will lay in your path. Preditors of all shapes and forms abound within Our walls so be very very careful where You tread. Protect Your true identy from all here untill you are experianced enough with in these alternate lifestyles ways to know how to protect yourself or have yourself surrounded by those who will protect you. If You wish to learn more about Dominance-Switch-submissive online simply google the word and read to Your hearts content. If you wish to learn from a Dominant how to be tap your Dominance-Switching-submissiveness, there are those of Us who would show You how to tap such inner beings. If you want to simply find a man to Top once in a while or to be Toppd they to can be had here online or in the real world. Alternate Lifestyles has gained more noteriety in the past 8 years or so with the explosion of the internet and many people who would not of had exposure to such lifestyles that have evolved and thrived underground for many generations are now finding and connecting with things that they thought only revolved inside theirselfs. Congratulations on your discoveries thus far. Alternate Lifestyles , Fetishes, Kinks, and Perversions are practice widerspread across the world then most in the vanilla or morally correct world would like anyone to know. What I would suggest first tho is to determine just what kind of experiance or relationship you seek. You do not need to give of your self emotionally as it seems you have in this past relationship in order to experiance what it sounds like you did with this person.Know to that this lifestyle has many who get off on giving pain, humiliating, and tricking others so be very wary and learn first how to defend yourself against such people who might pry on you not knowing what you are doing whilst within these walls of Alternate ways. Its good to be curious but being curious and actually partisapating in any form of scene with any will set you up for a fall if you are not prepared and those falls off of a alternate high are not like the vanilla ones and you could find yourself emotionally harmed. Here are two sayings that We like to pass on in the Alternate Lifestyle but keep in mind that not all Alternate Lifestyles adhear to such practice and beliefs: S.S.C.= Be Safe, Be Sane, Be Concensual. and R.A.C.K.= Be Risk Safe, Be Aware of Practice, Be Concensual, Know your Kink. JMO= ~Just My Opinion~ DREAD

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RE: curious - 4/24/2006 9:15:32 AM

untappedriches

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Thank you so much for your insight Mistress, my biggest problem in the past and may have to overcome now is giving too much of me, I am attempting a new direction in my life and I am aware that part of me needs to be revamped or perhaps put away all together. I am not really sure if I have anymore to give anyway as there is no one that deserves my affections, they simply do not grasp the universe. I will treasure your advice, again, thank you.

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