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help needed - 4/22/2006 2:50:37 AM   
xot


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline 		i have a Master who is a alcoholic.  He jus drinks whiskey all the time and we go hungry sometimes.  i can't work for health reasons.  what can i do ?
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RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 3:23:08 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xot
i have a Master who is a alcoholic.  He jus drinks whiskey all the time and we go hungry sometimes.  i can't work for health reasons.  what can i do ?



For him? Nothing. If he is an alcoholic then there is only one person who will ever change him.... himself. Whilst he is in love with the bottle to that extent you and anyone else will always take second place, even if he says the right words when he is more lucid. Actions are the only thing you can trust. If his actions show he is trying to deal with it then you can support that, if however he isn't at that point yet (And some never get to that point) then you have two choises.... let the addiction destroy you as well or get the hell OUT!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to xot)
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RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 3:27:49 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Hi and welcome to the Forums.... :-)
 
First thing I'm wondering is just how much you've got invested with him.  Going hungry suggests you live together?  No-one is as selfish as an alki or addict and most won't even concede they have a problem.... 
 
There's no simple answer here and given that most vanillas find it difficult to have their alcoholic partner face up to their problem, I don't envy the probability that your master is even more dismissive of your concerns.
 
Frankly, I think you should at least make one decent effort to discuss this with him and then consider your own options.  Says you're 46 so you should have the experience to know when to cut your losses and that you prefer female companionship anyway.... 
 
He's a train-wreck looking for somewhere to happen - if you can't reach the controls, you need to jump!
Focus.

(in reply to xot)
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RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 3:47:44 AM   
MistressDiane


Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:


For him? Nothing. If he is an alcoholic then there is only one person who will ever change him.... himself. Whilst he is in love with the bottle to that extent you and anyone else will always take second place, even if he says the right words when he is more lucid. Actions are the only thing you can trust. If his actions show he is trying to deal with it then you can support that, if however he isn't at that point yet (And some never get to that point) then you have two choises.... let the addiction destroy you as well or get the hell OUT!


Having dealt with and still dealing with a family member who's an addict/alcoholic I finally realized all I was doing with my good intentions and I'm going to save you attitude was destroying myself. The up and down rollercoaster he had me on with all his trips to rehab and the hospital were only to placate me and others who were trying to get him to quit. As Raven said "if he's an alcoholic there is only one person that will change him....himself". It took me a while for that concept to really sink in 'cause I love the sucker so damn much but in the end you can't let it destroy you as well.

_____________________________

Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 4:07:51 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xot

i have a Master who is a alcoholic.  He jus drinks whiskey all the time and we go hungry sometimes.  i can't work for health reasons.  what can i do ?


Leave.
 
I know you say you can't work due to your health, but do you have any income? Are the health problems permanent? Sounds like a tough situation.... are there any friends or relatives that would take you in?
 
Sorry this wasn't more helpful, I do wish you well.
 
Level

(in reply to xot)
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RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 6:00:46 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		xot,

you have gotten a lot of very good advice here, and none of it, I am sure, will be easy for you to digest and implement.  I think that, especially as a sub/slave, the idea of putting self before the one you love and serve is one of the most difficult decisions you will make, not just intellectually but intrinsically. 

There are a couple of other things I think you need to look at, beyond his alcoholism.  You need to find a way to be able to take care of yourself, disabled or not.  I do not know what resources are available in your area, but I work for a non-profit which helps find work for mental and physical disabilities.  If you like, I can try to find a sister program in your area, just drop me a note.  But the point is, that as much as he is dysfunctional in this relationship, if you are staying with him because you can not take care of yourself... so are you.

You can not stay with an alcoholic who is destructive, even without a disability.  The more vital issue to me is that you need to be able to take care of yourself.  Never think there is not a way, no matter what disadvantage is before you.  Get yourself together, get your own life out of the very real peril of dependency (not only because the one you are dependent upon is self imploding... you need to do this because you need to be functional, all by yourself), and get out.  I think it will be very important for you to find your own strength and self-reliability before you get involved in another relationship.

Good luck!

< Message edited by puella -- 4/22/2006 6:01:48 AM >

(in reply to xot)
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RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 12:28:19 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xot

i have a Master who is a alcoholic.  He jus drinks whiskey all the time and we go hungry sometimes.  i can't work for health reasons.  what can i do ?


Xot,

My first husband was a nasty alcoholic. Hopefully, you don't have any children at home, but the first thing you need to do is open your eyes to the reality of your situation. You can't fix him. No matter what 'you' do, you cannot fix him and hon, he is broken. Somewhere along the way he's allowed his demons to control him. Where is his Mastery if he's out of control? How is it that he is able to take and keep your power.. and more importantly, why are you allowing it?

I know you said you have health issues which prevent you from working but you managed to sit up and type on this forum, so maybe you can sit somewhere and type up flyers for a small business or do data entry at home for a company. Expand your mind to the possibilities. Take stock of what skills you really possess. Count everything, then see how you can utilize it to make enough money to support yourself even if that means renting a small room somewhere. Anything is better than dying a slow death in the situation in which you find yourself. You have two choices here.. either make excuses why you can't do something about your life or actually do something about your life.

It's up to you ... and it's not easy, but neither is what you are going through.

I wish you hope and strength.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to xot)
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RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 12:35:33 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

i have a Master who is a alcoholic.  He jus drinks whiskey all the time and we go hungry sometimes.  i can't work for health reasons.  what can i do ?


I know there are support groups for families and friends of alcoholics, you might do a search for online and local groups that can help you.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to xot)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 12:49:09 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Ravenmuse is right...there's nothing you can do for him, but you can for yourself.  You can get help.  Luckily, I was able to work, but I stayed waaaaay too long in a very unhappy relationship.  If he wants to change, he will.  If he doesn't, he will die...it's that simple.  You don't want to be there when he does...take it from me.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 1:04:08 PM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		All of the above posts are great advice. i grew up around an alcoholic and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Get help for yourself and leave him behind. The change is up to him and perhaps once you get the nerve to leave him he will realize that and work on his addiction. Take care of yourself, there are resources. Find a way to support yourself and start over. Don't let him take you down with him!

(in reply to xot)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 1:19:20 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I agree with what everyone said. Alcoholism is selfish. Any addiction a person has takes top priority over everything else in life. I can only imagine what you are going through, probably feeling trapped  having to depend on someone who is undependable due to your disability and his addiction.
Maybe go to a support group for the relatives of alcoholics, they would surely have dealt with situations before like you are in and could offer you suggestions.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to sweetbbwsub31)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 1:24:50 PM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		I think the best advice is to get out..if he doesn't want to help himself, nobody can help him. I have a close relative who's an alcoholic and he's been put in for treatment 10 times or even more..he always starts again as soon as he gets back out..the only thing the whole thing does it tearing the family down. It's impossible to help people who doesn't want to be helped, even though it's hard to face it then that's just the way it is. You can't help an addict to become clean if their own will isn't there.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 1:35:37 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		If you want I have numbers and details for familys of those affected by alcoholism, jsut mail me and will pass on what I have.

Good Luck

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 1:44:58 PM   
Gaia4Love


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		It sounds like your only with this guy because you feel you cant get by alone. If that is the case then its neither right for you or him.
Unless he admits to his addiction there is nothing you can do for him. best thing to do is as others have said, get out and look after yourself.

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 1:47:07 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Look for a local Alanon Group.  That would be the first step.  There you may find help to gain the strength you need to see more clearly.  There you will find others in very similar situations, and can lean on their advice and care.  What everyone here said is correct - you can not change an alchoholic.  But you can change how you respond to one.

I wish you the best.

(in reply to xot)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 1:55:46 PM   
kajira4aMaster


Posts: 49
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xot

i have a Master who is a alcoholic.  He jus drinks whiskey all the time and we go hungry sometimes.  i can't work for health reasons.  what can i do ?


understand that you can not save him or change him, he alone can do so if he so wishes.. and then get you and yours the hell out of dodge.. 
there is no reason that anyone should go hungry when there is money for the drinks.
brightest blessings xot, i wish thee well!!

(in reply to xot)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 5:44:16 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xot

i have a Master who is a alcoholic.  He jus drinks whiskey all the time and we go hungry sometimes.  i can't work for health reasons.  what can i do ?


Take your SSI payments and housing allowance that are likely allowing him to drink and MOVE! Having someone that isn't in control of themselves controlling you is a ticket to further disability.

(in reply to xot)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 5:53:51 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		You know exactly what to do, I'm only surprised that you asked here?

Good luck and decide for yourself if you want to be with an alcoholic all of your life if he doesn't seek recovery?

My Best, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 5:59:41 PM   
foxnotinsox


Posts: 84
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: eastern Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

i have a Master who is a alcoholic.  He jus drinks whiskey all the time and we go hungry sometimes.  i can't work for health reasons.  what can i do ?


You could take the money and buy food .. or use the money for a one-way ticket out.
Many alcoholics cannot face their addiction unless they hit rock bottom. As long as you are there, in a way you are enabling him to drink.
You cannot help him, but you can help yourself.


_____________________________

oxox,foX
Veni vidi veni

(in reply to xot)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: help needed - 4/22/2006 7:05:55 PM   
refplace


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/2/2004
From: Oklahoma City
Status: offline 		Yep, nothing you can do about an alcoholic.
Until they really realize they have a problem no one can tell them because there in denial.
Only when they hit rock bottom will they realize they have a problem and that it is the alchol. Then maybe they can pull themselves back up. However in the meantime help and encouragement usually just keep the alcholic from seeing the problem.
They call it Enabling Behaviour.

(in reply to foxnotinsox)
Profile   Post #: 20
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