RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a social retard

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RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/2/2010 8:33:03 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Find a TNG group.

Date and be honest with your dates about your interest in kinky sex, power relationships. Don't use the terms master or slave because it has bad connotations. Just that you like traditional relationships where the male is in charge. If someone else says they also like this, then learn together.

You're a total newbie but you're expecting an experienced sub to take you on and teach you. Slowly bringing you up to her level. The problem with this, is that she'll be in charge and then you expect her to suddenly be okay with everything switching around later on. She won't.

Re social skills, join groups at school. Join Toastmasters and get over your social fears. Go out, do things, get laughed at, join in with the laughter, make friends, and enjoy yourself. As long as you're ashamed of yourself, no one else is going to feel that you're confident. Because you aren't. And what is most wanted in a dominant is that they be self aware and comfortable with themselves and confidant in their own abilities.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Twoshoes)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/2/2010 11:10:26 AM

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Wow.. twoshoes I remember those days as well.. *laugh* girls everywhere, especially in florida where I grew up.. There were 10 women to every man in the 80's.. I had My ten and 7 of someone elses.. They all knew about each other and did not have a problem with it.. All you can do, like Steve said, is change the things about yourself and start acting on what you want.. Is it hard..? HELL YES.. At first. But it gets easier every time you open your mouth.. Just be honest, upfront and ALWAYS keep your word.. If you have any questions, feel free to message Me.. I'm sure others here feel the same way..

(in reply to Twoshoes)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/2/2010 11:14:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: D0M1NANT

Wow.. twoshoes I remember those days as well.. *laugh* girls everywhere, especially in florida where I grew up.. There were 10 women to every man in the 80's.. I had My ten and 7 of someone elses.. They all knew about each other and did not have a problem with it..

Well, I didn't mean it quite like that. (I was referring to my shyness at 16.)

But the '80s sound nice.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/2/2010 11:54:32 AM >

(in reply to D0M1NANT)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/2/2010 12:14:07 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Aedh, when you're typing you posts please don't put things in them that would make your posts to big to display properly.

Your use of_________at the bottom of your post makes it to big to fit with in the normal boundaries of the screen and that makes it so you have to scroll sideways and back again to read your posts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aedh

Hi. I'm new. ^_^

First off, let me say thanks for any good advice I get, and any abuse, which I know is your way of giving me some tough love. -_-

_______________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Aedh)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/2/2010 9:07:07 PM

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A few simple tips. Make eye contact and smile. A full smile (showing both top and bottom teeth) is dominant. If she smiles back, with just her top teeth showing, and looks down she is submitting to you. This can even be used as a conversational opener if you can't think of anything better, but if you do, cheeze it up because it wont work as a sincere one.

(in reply to Twoshoes)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/2/2010 9:59:51 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Joined: 6/7/2009
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That's sort a silly suggestion, smiles are no indication of submission or Dominance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh

A few simple tips. Make eye contact and smile. A full smile (showing both top and bottom teeth) is dominant. If she smiles back, with just her top teeth showing, and looks down she is submitting to you. This can even be used as a conversational opener if you can't think of anything better, but if you do, cheeze it up because it wont work as a sincere one.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/2/2010 10:00:34 PM >

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Nineveh)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/3/2010 12:10:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

That's sort a silly suggestion, smiles are no indication of submission or Dominance.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh

A few simple tips. Make eye contact and smile. A full smile (showing both top and bottom teeth) is dominant. If she smiles back, with just her top teeth showing, and looks down she is submitting to you. This can even be used as a conversational opener if you can't think of anything better, but if you do, cheeze it up because it wont work as a sincere one.

You may not think so, or even notice, but they are. These are the sort of things that many people know naturally but other people have to be taught. As someone who was socially awkward and a computer nerd for my whole childhood that is the sort of advise that I wish someone had given me earlier.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/3/2010 1:15:41 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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I still find that notion kind of odd, because when I identified as a submissive I smiled full teeth, and it was just that to me a smile, a good full smile.

Daddy on the other hand IS a dominant, and he hates to smile and show his teeth, because he thinks his teeth are ugly, and hates showing them.

But of course I understand there's room for interpretation in this , as in other matters:)

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Nineveh)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/3/2010 2:39:16 PM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aedh

Hi. I'm new. ^_^

First off, let me say thanks for any good advice I get, and any abuse, which I know is your way of giving me some tough love. -_-

I'm a young, new dom - young as in 23, new as in zero experience - on or off the field. I realized I had a thing for girls on leashes mainly from watching Pron.

I'm somewhat of a social retard, especially when it comes to the more deadly of the species. There's a lot of reasons for this.
I come from a country which might as well be aamish. I was a uber-nerd in high school (computers not comic-books). After which I spent four years in a college that had a female population in the double digits.

So.. in short, the odds are stacked against me - I'm very new to the scene (literally from another country), have zero sm (or dating) experience and every sub seems to only want someone twice her age.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

be gentle, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. - plato
if you want to be a writer, write. -epictetus

p.s. The lack of dating experience aside, i'm pretty mature, having spent most of the last 5 years living on my own. Even as I say this, I realize how childish it sounds when you're telling people that you're mature.

Social retard???? It takes a certain amout og balls and courage to make that statement here or anywhere else for that matter. I was going to suggest you join the Marine Corps but I actually have the greatest respect for them and especially the Recon Platoons as well as I have more than a few ex marine mates .. Soo All I have to offer is just that I knw a few great people and jolly good Doms who were as you are now. They own girls and have reasonably happy sucessfull relationships with their property. They are still social retards so don't worry too much. Given time you will gather like minded paople who dont care much about being socially adept and like you for what you are.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Aedh)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/6/2010 10:27:20 AM

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Joined: 1/11/2006
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Speaking as someone who was raised on a farm, and very socially shy and inept - read - didn't know how to flirt - find someone whose behaviour you like, and imitate them. Believe it or not, but sooner or later you will become comfortable relating to people.

Its a skill like any other, and needs practise. So, go out there and practise, practise, practise. And enjoy yourself.

Just remember, age is something you eventually get over.

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/6/2010 11:54:50 AM

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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Hey OP, your best bet is an older sub.

Here is what you do:

-be teachable
-be really great in bed
-listen
-remember what you heard
-pay attention to her
-don't take it for granted
-very importantly, make sure you find a sub whose idea of what she thinks dominance is coincides with your own. always remember there is no one way to be dominant or submissive; it is different in every dynamic.

Even if it does not last, you can have a great time learning with someone older than you and you may even fall in love.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 9/6/2010 11:55:09 AM >

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/6/2010 1:39:17 PM

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Joined: 1/2/2010
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Great advice from Sexyred1.

When I first entered the scene I had no real idea what I was doing, I just knew that what I'd read of domming attracted me.

The best piece of advice I could have given the younger me is that it's more useful to make friends than it is to make play partners. Make friends with doms, make friends with subs, make friends who can give you advice, tell you when you're being a doofus, teach you about the scene, and eventually introduce you to a sub friend of theirs who is looking for a nice guy like you (hope you're a nice guy).

If a girl likes your friend, then you get approval points. A play partner is fantastic, but a friend is more valuable in the long run.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/6/2010 1:41:16 PM

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Joined: 7/27/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: realtime62
The best piece of advice I could have given the younger me is that it's more useful to make friends than it is to make play partners. Make friends with doms, make friends with subs, make friends who can give you advice, tell you when you're being a doofus, teach you about the scene, and eventually introduce you to a sub friend of theirs who is looking for a nice guy like you (hope you're a nice guy).

If a girl likes your friend, then you get approval points. A play partner is fantastic, but a friend is more valuable in the long run.

That's good advice. I'll try to make even more friends.

(in reply to realtime62)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/19/2010 9:35:32 AM

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I'm in a similar position, being shy and inexperienced, but it's annoying to see this interpreted as insecurity. I have a so-called social disorder called Asperger Syndrome, and while I don't like to rely on it as an excuse for my antisocial personality, it makes things more difficult than simply 'getting over it'. I don't enjoy casual conversation with strangers, I'm not very emotional, and unless you're someone I'm comfortable with it's difficult to have a personal or small-talk conversation with me. I am an aspiring dom but I'm not sure how to find or attract submissive girls, because I've always had trouble within the first few stages of meeting someone. Occasionally I meet girls that click with me on a particular interest and it's not a problem to get comfortable and progress from there, or can find similar interests with people I meet online, but as for walking around campus and striking a conversation with a random girl - it's not going to happen. I'm much more comfortable and talkative online, as you can tell from the information I'm letting loose here and on my profile, which is much more open than I am in person. I'm perfectly fine handling 'professional' interactions with people too, it's only rudimentary everyday conversation that I have problems with and don't enjoy. It's apparent that I have a difficult time reading body signals and facial expressions properly too. I tend to categorize and simplify things to understand people easier, but don't notice small signals and nuances in behavior that could indicate interest or other emotions.

I'm looking for any advice from doms or knowledgeable subs for someone in my position. I'm also interested in possible methods to exude dominance/masculinity without it being a social situation, perhaps changes in dress, mannerisms, etc. I'm not someone who smiles often, but that's something I can work on. I've never really realized how important a smile seems to be to girls. I am athletic, stand and sit straight, typically tend to be aggressive in mannerism and tend to be fast paced. I wouldn't think that I could seem unconfident from appearances alone. I really don't think I'm a bad looking guy or anything, and would like to think I'm intelligent. I tend to lean towards narcissism sometimes, depending on mood. :)

< Message edited by notomorrow -- 9/19/2010 9:38:46 AM >

(in reply to Twoshoes)

RE: Advise for a new dom who also happens to be a socia... - 9/25/2010 7:42:20 AM

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Joined: 7/2/2009
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OP - Clearly the correct answer for you is to switch teams. The likely hood of you becoming un-socially retarded is very low.

Switch to cock. You will thrive.

_____________________________

"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to Aedh)

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