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wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 6:10:55 AM

steelmagnolia

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I've recently met a very nice Dom. Yet, he said he wanted romance, passion, ect...but all he wishes to do talk 'dirty'..not that it's a bad thing...but He knew I required a bit more. What would you advise?

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 6:14:11 AM

bandit25

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Well, I'm a bit jaded right now so take this with a grain of salt, but if that's all he wants to do, I'd end it before it has begun. If you want more and he knows it and isn't willing to invest a bit of himself now, in my opinion, he won't later.

(in reply to steelmagnolia)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 6:19:52 AM

ScooterTrash

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From: Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: steelmagnolia

I've recently met a very nice Dom. Yet, he said he wanted romance, passion, ect...but all he wishes to do talk 'dirty'..not that it's a bad thing...but He knew I required a bit more. What would you advise?

If the initial conversations turn directly to kink, then I would have to assume that is their focus. Personally I look at the first conversation as an indicator of whether they are interesed (or interesting) as a person first..the rest is just a perk. If the first convesation they want to know how many ways I can tie them up instead of what my hobbies and interests are, I'm pretty sure they aren't anyone I would be interested in.

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(in reply to steelmagnolia)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 6:43:16 AM

CrappyDom

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Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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Steel,

What would you think of a lover who only wanted sex?

That said, long distance is different than being there. I love sleeping with my arms around someone, and act that doesn't translate to the phone. What creates intimacy long distance is different that what works when you are really together.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 6:58:27 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
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I run into this ALL the time! These are the clueless NON-BDSM folk who equate BDSM with sexual gratification. To them BDSM is the kink, and they generally tend to NOT be dominant so much as playacting what they think being dominant is... which to them is talking dirty and having hot monkey sex while screaming "Take that you cunt". Which is fine, if that's your thing. And of course it can also be a really nifty part of the BDSM lifestyle if that's also your thing. But these people like the self-styled Dom you describe, generally are NOT lifestyle folks, but just looking for some hot sex... the "some kink with their coffee" crowd.

If you are truly looking for a D/s relationship, I would suggest moving on. What you've got is a vanilla who is fantacizing.

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(in reply to steelmagnolia)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 7:09:50 AM

Areflectionofyou

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Either he is just a kinky person or he wants to rewire you to be more ideal to his needs. You need to decide whether or not this works for you.

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 7:58:24 AM

feastie

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For some people, that's romance. If it's making you uncomfortable or not fulfilling your needs in the development of a relationship, let it go.

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 8:01:27 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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You met a nice guy.

You let him know you were looking for A B and C.

He is clearly communicating to you that he wants and is offering D.

What should you do?

Say thanks, and then date someone else who clearly communicates and gives A B and C.

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 8:07:57 AM

cariad

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From: Calgary, Alberta
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*smiles softly reading the posts here* girl has to agree with LuckyAlbatross on this ........ Dom X says "I'll give you this and this." when what you want is this, that and the other.

go with what you feel is in your best interest and take it from there...pay attention to the gut feelings you may be getting or the warning bells in your head as they usually are good judges. (just girl's opinion)

Blessed Be

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 9:17:49 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: steelmagnolia

I've recently met a very nice Dom. Yet, he said he wanted romance, passion, ect...but all he wishes to do talk 'dirty'..not that it's a bad thing...but He knew I required a bit more. What would you advise?

Person = Need & wants, Values & Principles = Demonstrated Behaviors

Nice guy = Romance, Passion, etc = All he Does... "TALK DIRTY"

mmmmmmmmm are you sure the equation is balanced

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(in reply to steelmagnolia)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 1:02:40 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

quote:

ORIGINAL: steelmagnolia

I've recently met a very nice Dom. Yet, he said he wanted romance, passion, ect...but all he wishes to do talk 'dirty'..not that it's a bad thing...but He knew I required a bit more. What would you advise?

If the initial conversations turn directly to kink, then I would have to assume that is their focus. Personally I look at the first conversation as an indicator of whether they are interesed (or interesting) as a person first..the rest is just a perk. If the first convesation they want to know how many ways I can tie them up instead of what my hobbies and interests are, I'm pretty sure they aren't anyone I would be interested in.

Yup what they said.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 1:17:10 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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I do not think you really need us to answer this for you..you already know the answer, you just hate the fact that he is not what you seek and now must either make do or put yourself out there again...be well..Tempting

(in reply to theRose4U)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 4:12:25 PM

Focus50

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It's a simple case of actions versus words and which one you give most credence to....

I'm one who seeks "it all", as opposed to just a piece of willing sub meat, and I tend to correspond along those expanded lines. Sounds like you also seek someone who acknowledges all that you are, not just the sub within, and I'd advise you wish him well and keep looking.

Focus.

(in reply to steelmagnolia)

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RE: wondering about behavior - 4/23/2006 4:34:23 PM

crouchingtigress

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Sounds like a bait and switch to me.

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(in reply to Focus50)

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