RE: how to come across as being a sub. Coming from a vanilla background

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: how to come across as being a sub. Coming from a vanilla background

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RE: how to come across as being a sub. Coming from a va... - 9/21/2010 1:00:53 PM

EligibleOwner

Posts: 51
Joined: 10/16/2009
From: London
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On the musical point, Angel, I know three submissive women who are professional musicians. They're all solo performers as it happens - which I think a lot of people would assume is a sort of "dominant" role. Plus I know another slightly different sort of musician who I suspect of being submissive - but that's just my highly fallible femsub radar of course.

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RE: how to come across as being a sub. Coming from a va... - 9/22/2010 12:09:02 AM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
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I do not recommend the "order whatever you want for me" approach.
I've been informed some vanilla women use that to test if their date is "controlling" (in a bad way).

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RE: how to come across as being a sub. Coming from a va... - 9/22/2010 6:42:57 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

I do not recommend the "order whatever you want for me" approach.
I've been informed some vanilla women use that to test if their date is "controlling" (in a bad way).

I agree. If he ordered mushrooms for me, I would be so out of there.

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RE: how to come across as being a sub. Coming from a va... - 9/22/2010 7:54:01 AM

Twoshoes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
I do not recommend the "order whatever you want for me" approach.
I've been informed some vanilla women use that to test if their date is "controlling" (in a bad way).

I agree. If he ordered mushrooms for me, I would be so out of there.

It's a game where there is little to win.

Besides potentially looking like a jackass, ordering chicken or salmon will definately land you in the wuss category.

So the best solution may be to literally order the most spinachy, mushroom-filled, eggplant-containing concoction on the menu.

Should be fun, especially if your date is trying her hardest to be polite!

EligibleOwner is coming from a "Taken in hand" perspective, though. His post was a very good read, although obviously not for everyone.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/22/2010 8:26:02 AM >

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RE: how to come across as being a sub. Coming from a va... - 10/1/2010 5:46:17 PM

viscera

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Joined: 6/22/2010
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Wow.. thank you so much. You all are so helpful. I'm very grateful! :)

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RE: how to come across as being a sub. Coming from a va... - 10/1/2010 9:46:34 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
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A bit late to the thread but here is my take-
I don't know that you need change your behavior to be "more sub-like";
Most submissive women I have known are actually very assertive take charge people, depending on teh circumstances- for instance, most are mothers and run households, which is not a job for the faint of heart.

It is one of the worst myths of the lifestyle that you must be the eyes cast down yes-sir no-sir type in order to attract a Dom; in fact, oftentimes that just masks a sly and dishonest passive aggression.

I would suggest just looking for a man who you could love and enjoy being with, kinky or not. Since you are looking for a relationship that is love based and (presumably) long term, that is primarily vanilla based, the kink will take a very small part of your life.
The overriding portion- the Dominance- will be just a reflection of your personalities- what I have found is that Dominant and submissive personalities just "click" in a way that two Dom/mes don't, even if they aren't consciously talking about their orientation. So looking for a Dom first and lover second might be backwards.

In any case- a lifetime partner and soulmate doesn't happen every day- it may take a few years to get one that is right.

Good luck.

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Post #: 26