Advice for a Neo-Switch (Full Version)

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unseenBindings -> Advice for a Neo-Switch (9/23/2010 9:30:08 PM)

Hello, I just joined the boards because I found this to be very interesting. I plan to have an introduction thread up soon, but I wanted to ask something before I hit the hay for tonight.

All my life, I've been attracted to BDSM art and literature, however I've never really focused on dating at all. I've dated one woman who was able to Dom me and I loved it (even if she doesn't admit that it was like that). I've also seem to be attracted to both sides of the Dom/Sub relationship. When I explained all this to a friend, she said that I could easily be a switch (and that I had the personality for it too). Thus after a bit of searching, I've come across here.

Now with college almost over, I've been thinking more and more on my dating life and have been trying to get into the pool again. Since I want to further explore my "switchiness", is there any advice that anyone can give me as a person who is pretty new to the entire switch experience?



allthatjaz -> RE: Advice for a Neo-Switch (9/24/2010 1:28:12 AM)

The best advice I can give is, always be honest about who you are. Switches often have a harder time than subs and doms in finding a partner or play. There are lots of puritans on here and there are lots of closet switches that wouldn't dream of letting others know the truth. These people are betraying themselves in a desperation to get 'something' because something is better than nothing but ultimately they are unhappy in their fakery.
So, be yourself and let yourself shine because only this way can you push your own boundaries. Find your own identity and be that lucid free spirit that you need to be to enjoy this lifestyle.
Right now you can afford to be totally selfish. Work yourself out, know what you want. Be prepared for frustration and disappointment. This is about fulfilling your dream and out there, in this huge metropolis of BDSM, there is a perfect partner who's dreams you can fulfill without compromising your own.
For the time being, get yourself out there and start to push your boundaries and learn from Genuine Players while cultivating more empathy and knowledge of the lifestyle.
Don't concentrate on trying to find a long term partner, when it happens you will know. Have some fun and use the fun times as an inner learning experience.

I wish you well



hereyesruponyou -> RE: Advice for a Neo-Switch (9/24/2010 8:17:02 PM)

Meet people and see how they make you feel. Don't go into any experience expecting to be able to switch in all situations. Many switches get a different vibe depending on the person they are with or the situation presented. It's actually very difficult to find one person you can switch with all the time. Don't get discouraged. Just enjoy the experiences as they come and take some time to learn about yourself. You'll really appreciate it later and it will be easier to know when you find the right person!



DarkSteven -> RE: Advice for a Neo-Switch (9/25/2010 9:56:28 AM)

What do you mean by "switch"? Do you mean someone that can scene as either a Top or a bottom?  If so, just go to play parties and try out both roles.

If you mean someone that can be the leader or the follower in a relationship, I don't know enough to know how that could work.



unseenBindings -> RE: Advice for a Neo-Switch (10/2/2010 10:02:05 PM)

Gahh, I'm sorry I haven't been on recently, School has been getting to me.

@allthatjaz: I've kinda noticed that before I joined up on this board, in all honesty it kinda makes me sad that there are people who are like that.

@hereyesruponyou: Thank you for that advice, it honestly makes the most sense to me.

@DarkSteven: In both senses I suppose. I honestly can't really look at it just as an impersonal thing though, I find it very personal to open myself up to another person and thus I don't think play parties would work out for me. However I don't know so I guess I'll try it once before I decide not to.



KitchenWench -> RE: Advice for a Neo-Switch (10/14/2010 10:17:11 PM)

Unseenbindings...try everything that you're unsure of at least once. While the whole public dom/sub thing is certainly an active sexual fantasy of mine (and always has been), going to a play party taught me that the fantasy was much better than the reality of being with a lot of strangers and I just couldn't get comfortable. On the other hand, you might find that being with a group of like-minded people you have developed a friendship with is just the thing for you. Enjoy and be safe!



Steelslilbit -> RE: Advice for a Neo-Switch (10/15/2010 7:05:51 AM)

And another thing about the play parties.... you don't need to feel as though you HAVE to play.  If you just want to go and talk to other people there, then enjoy that aspect of it.  You never know if/when the mood will strike that indeed you are interested in playing with someone there.



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