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Getting into BDSM - 3/23/2004 1:12:24 PM

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Joined: 3/22/2004
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I have always been interested in BDSM and bondage and have practiced things like selfbondage, but I want to experience more. I am definitely a submissive and would like to know how to get started. I've heard about muches and have read a ton about the lifestyle, but I guess I'm not sure where to start and a little nervous about it too. Any suggestions or stories of how you first got into BDSM?

Curious682

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/23/2004 3:07:36 PM

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Yes. Don't have the experience I did. (No emoticon on purpose.)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Curious682)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/23/2004 8:00:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Curious682

I have always been interested in BDSM and bondage and have practiced things like selfbondage, but I want to experience more. I am definitely a submissive and would like to know how to get started. I've heard about muches and have read a ton about the lifestyle, but I guess I'm not sure where to start and a little nervous about it too. Any suggestions or stories of how you first got into BDSM?

Curious682

I'd just look for a munch group in your area. Most of them have online BBS. Talk there and get a feel for the people before you go to your first munch. You'll already have some friends.
Then talk a lot at the munch. Maybe go to a discussion group or two. Meet friends. I would'nt say go to a party without having a friend there. Sort of for each other.
Online chat rooms give you a lot of ideas..only problem is they are'nt always realistic.
So, chat room beware.

(in reply to Curious682)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/23/2004 8:01:16 PM

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i realize that you asked about where to start; but just want to let you know to be safe.

As others have warned on the message boards, not everyone is who they say they are.

Go slowly, don't rush into anything, (i speak from experience).

It is very easy to get caught up in the rush and excitment of something new, but just like vanilla relationships, use common sense.

Ok, enough of the lecture: i've heard munches and/or sloshes are great places to meet people, and share information. i have yet to attend one, so i can't offer much more info than that.

Folks on here are friendly and have provided us newbies with good, useful, and valuable information. Researching bdsm is also good, and, if you happen to live in a big city, there may be workshops, lectures, or gatherings to attend.

Good luck in your journey!

~rain~

(in reply to Curious682)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/23/2004 10:54:23 PM

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Joined: 3/9/2004
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Getting info on line is a great start. Munches are also good but unrealistic it is just some people sitting around talking.

If and when you are ready to actually meet others, a party is the safest way to go. No pressure, no expectations with all the action to watch and learn from plus other live people!!! So many of you newbies are going at this from a point of Be Very Careful....Great but come on. Use common sense when you meet someone new and all will be well.

Meet at the party, play at the party then say good night until you know each other for a while and maybe meet some of the kinkstres they know. It is just like dating, use your brain not your lust.

There are many wonderful people at parties that you will never see online. ALOT of "onliners" are not SSC because they only play privately or online. NOT saying that anyone on line is a wannabe but from my 5 years of experience in the scene, Plenty are!

I would go to a party faster than I would a chat room!!!!! Trust people face to face where you can see 'em!

This lifestyle draws many types of people. Don't be afraid, just be smart.

_____________________________

This will follow you into your dreams, for years, a lifetime...a lifestyle.

(in reply to belongtoyou)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/24/2004 6:16:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikatt

Getting info on line is a great start.

Anyone can put up a website saying anything that they want to. I rarely recommend people get info about wiitwd online, because so much of it is, frankly, claptrap at best.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikatt
Munches are also good but unrealistic it is just some people sitting around talking.

Munches are a great way to get to know people as *people* not roles. And once you've spent some time talking to folks, you often have a better sense of how much stock to put into what they have to say about topics that are important to you. I think munches are a very valuable tool when just starting out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikatt
If and when you are ready to actually meet others, a party is the safest way to go. No pressure, no expectations with all the action to watch and learn from plus other live people!!!

I rarely, if ever, recommend a party as a "first contact" with the community. It can simply be way too overwhelming for a lot of folks, especially if this is your first contact with these people and you don't know them from adam.

Once you've gotten to know some people, via munches or other "non-play" type events, then it's much easier to ease into a party. You have people you can talk to, who can help you overcome the stress of a new situation. You're not out there all *alone*.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikatt
Trust people face to face where you can see 'em!

This one I agree with. :)

-- Sherri

This lifestyle draws many types of people. Don't be afraid, just be smart.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to kalikatt)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/24/2004 7:02:04 PM

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::laughing:: thank you for saying everything I was planning to Sherri. I will add most groups that I have belonged to don't even offer a party as a choice until you have been to several munches. So, not only are they not *unrealistic* they are needed.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/25/2004 5:33:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EStrict

::laughing:: thank you for saying everything I was planning to Sherri. I will add most groups that I have belonged to don't even offer a party as a choice until you have been to several munches. So, not only are they not *unrealistic* they are needed.

Sandy,

Sherri and I have the occasional dungeon party at our house and usually the guest list is from the munch group. MANY people contact us asking for an invitation to a party before we've ever even met them. The answer is pretty much always the same - "Come to a munch and get to know us...and let us get to know you...and we'll see."

A lot of beginners have many concerns about meeting people in a D/s context simply because they are beginners and are unsure of "the rules." A munch is a very neutral way to meet folks without having to worry about protocol, etiquette, etc. Usually they end up seeing that a party isn't really any different, but early on when they are unsure the munch is a great opportunity to meet on neutral ground and test the waters a bit.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to EStrict)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/27/2004 12:40:33 AM

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Joined: 2/6/2004
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Ah... but the problem was munch is trying to squeak your way into the conversation and making those critical introductions. Some of us are more exciteable then others when it comes to social situations...nervous as a bunny one might say.

My first (and only) munch I was a nervous wreck and didn't hang around very long. The newbie helper wasn't there that day.

Everyone was nice enough, but I found even those little collars and that guy in the leather pants very intimidating. It didn't help that everyone I could see appeared to be 10 years my senior. The bar was very dark and you could barely recognize someone standing five feet in front of you.... let alone the two or so groups of (a dozen?) people huddled around tables chatting quietly in those even darker corners. I'm sure if I was to go back nobody would remember me, since I showed up, asked for the newbie helper (who wasn't there), got even more scared and hid by myself at the bar for about half an hour before leaving.

Now... if you're like me and can't even survive a munch, there's no way you'll be ready for a play party (not that I have any experience there).

Heck... if you're like me you probably can't string two words together around girls... or for that matter anybody you don't know well.

But to sum up... don't expect too much that first time out. You might have a great time... or you could end up bummed out for a week and then start looking for some other way to get into the local kinster community (but there really isn't one). There's always next month, if you find the courage to go back (I haven't yet).

-jeff

(in reply to Curious682)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/27/2004 2:57:28 AM

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jeff2505,

I'm guessing by the lower case letter you are a submissive male. (Yes, I know that is thin evidence.

)

This may sound crass, but seek a pro. You'll be amazed at how your shyness melts away when you know she'll talk to you and "sexual" things won't scare her away. (Oh, I'm defining "sex" as kinky stuff; you will not be having any type of intercourse. Besides, that is not what you want anyway!

) She will talk to you, and since you probably are a nice guy, might be a friendly face at a munch.

She might be. This assumes you pick the pro well and you are a nice guy.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to jeff2505)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/27/2004 1:14:06 PM

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Joined: 2/6/2004
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Yes I am a submissive, with what I'm told are switch tendencies (?). I wouldn't make a good dom. I'm too jittery.

As for a professional... never had any luck finding those either. Having a good munch is pretty much the only way to go. The problem is you don't know if it ever will be good. I'll just sit back an age, like a good cheese. When I'm of similar vintage to the others I'll try again.

-Jeff

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/27/2004 5:50:29 PM

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jeff2505,

Depending on where you live, the alternative newspaper will have personal ads. (That is the alternative newspaper. In Boston not the Globe or Herald, but the Phoenix.] Short of that I can only wish you luck and say they are not really looking at the new guy standing alone. You gotta talk to them eventually. (Just try not to spill anything. or they will be looking at the new wet guy.

)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to jeff2505)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/28/2004 4:42:11 PM

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Joined: 2/6/2004
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Not to be a bum, but we don't have on those here either (at least not that I can find).

I'm just going to have to stick with plan A and get old enough to feel comfortable... that or wait for somebody to start a group your younger kinksters. Either way I'm stuck with what I've got... which is a whole lot of nothing.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/28/2004 4:55:45 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Good luck!

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to jeff2505)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/29/2004 3:43:20 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jeff2505

Not to be a bum, but we don't have on those here either (at least not that I can find).

I'm just going to have to stick with plan A and get old enough to feel comfortable... that or wait for somebody to start a group your younger kinksters. Either way I'm stuck with what I've got... which is a whole lot of nothing.

So start one yourself. It's just people meeting for a meal and/or drinks. You might find if you put a call out that there are a lot of folks in your area they just have no cohesion.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to jeff2505)

RE: Getting into BDSM - 3/29/2004 5:11:43 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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The problem with your plan is that as you get older, so do they. You will never catch up. If you really want to get involved, you will figure out a way. Quit complaining and test the waters.

(in reply to jeff2505)

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