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theroebabe -> Church Bloopers (9/27/2004 4:19:54 PM)
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Church Bloopers
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be
speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist.
Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care
much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood
donors for more transfusions. She is also having
|trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.
Irvi ng Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their
school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on
Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing
in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at
7 PM. Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
And last but not least...
Heard about the Mom who was trying to speak at her
son's Missionary farewell, but kept crying so hard she
couldn't get a word out.
Finally the bishop got up from his seat on the stand and
put his arm around the good sister, trying to give her
comfort and support to give her the
courage to open her mouth and give her talk.
After taking about ten deep breaths she finally said,
"I'm sorry to be such a big boob bishop, I
just get so emotional.'
In which the bishop answered without thinking,
"That's okay Sister Hall, I like big boobs."
Looking up at the snickering
congration both theBishop and
good sister realized what he just said
and returned to their
seats to sing the rest Hymn,
"Truth Reflects Upon our Senses."
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