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RE: Desire for Punishment - 9/28/2010 3:03:58 PM

junecleaver

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I'm not sure what you mean by 'punishment.'

I know there can be a genuine desire to have drama in a relationship and punishment (not funishment) is a sort of drama. I have been there and done that. It's like when you have the chicken pox and you have the uncontrollable desire to itch but itching really only makes you sore and prone to scarring. Yet...you still have the desire to do that which will not benefit you in the long run. Where does it come from? Insecurity, immaturity, boredom? Who knows.

It is really tiring, first for your partner and eventually for you as well. It is best to keep it on the down low and use 'funishment' as a release for these types of desires.

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 9/28/2010 3:09:35 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fallenangel17

My question is....is this a normal occurance in submissives? and if so i know it is ultimately up to my Dominant to determine when it is warranted...but other than flat out asking for punishment what is a submissive to do in order to have this need in her met?

Greetings fallenangel,

The one question that comes to mind as I read your post is how the relationship does/would benefit from this activity? Are you able to articulate what the other party would get out of providing this or if doing so meets his needs in any fashion? Or are your thoughts singularly focused without giving consideration to the other person and how the act could be of merit for everyone involved? Perhaps if you look at it in that context you'll be able to make a convincing proposition to the dominant.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 9/28/2010 11:27:23 PM

fallenangel17

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Good replies. Thank you to all. I very much appreciate the thought that went into them.

To clarify. One...I should not write when I'm a little sleepy as using words like punishment when I am aware of the term funishment is appropriate.

I think maintenance spankings would satisfy what I seem to crave. I have no desire to displease Him ...quite the opposite so "acting out" unless it was agreed upon doesn't seem a good response...besides in funishments I much prefer being challenged to do something almost if not entirely impossible and therefore warrant a role played spanking. That does work.

More than anything, I feel that like the character in The Secretary, I crave something that will meet me intensely and get to that spot inside that giving me a hug alone doesn't touch.

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 9/29/2010 7:08:38 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fallenangel17

Good replies. Thank you to all. I very much appreciate the thought that went into them.

To clarify. One...I should not write when I'm a little sleepy as using words like punishment when I am aware of the term funishment is appropriate.

I think maintenance spankings would satisfy what I seem to crave. I have no desire to displease Him ...quite the opposite so "acting out" unless it was agreed upon doesn't seem a good response...besides in funishments I much prefer being challenged to do something almost if not entirely impossible and therefore warrant a role played spanking. That does work.

More than anything, I feel that like the character in The Secretary, I crave something that will meet me intensely and get to that spot inside that giving me a hug alone doesn't touch.

Then indeed, it does sound as if you are seeking 'funishment' rather than out and out punishment for realistic or fantasy-based "wrong-doings".

There's nothing wrong with needing pain-play and needing it to come...at least part of the time...with a note of punishment in it UNTIL you fail to recognize it as such or try to make it part of the dynamic without your partner's agreement. It doesn't sound like that is your goal so I'd say that you'd be well-advised to take the ideas offered up here, mull them over in your mind and then have some discussion with whatever dominant you interact with.

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 9/29/2010 4:00:01 PM

Arturas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fallenangel17

Good replies. Thank you to all. I very much appreciate the thought that went into them.

To clarify. One...I should not write when I'm a little sleepy as using words like punishment when I am aware of the term funishment is appropriate.

I think maintenance spankings would satisfy what I seem to crave. I have no desire to displease Him ...quite the opposite so "acting out" unless it was agreed upon doesn't seem a good response...besides in funishments I much prefer being challenged to do something almost if not entirely impossible and therefore warrant a role played spanking. That does work.

More than anything, I feel that like the character in The Secretary, I crave something that will meet me intensely and get to that spot inside that giving me a hug alone doesn't touch.

Greetings again, fallenangel,

You and star have much in common. You both crave to be funished by your One almost daily. No surprise since you're here on CM and she started looking here also. She looked for someone who enjoyed and knew how to bind and "funish" a girl safely and who then will make it a natural part of their relationship. You have them also, they are natural parts like stolen kisses and holding hands in public or cuddling on the couch, quiet shared moments and lots of clean white rope framing her small hands and black 6 inch heels, normally a bright red feather for the soft touch and a collar sometimes but aways a thuddy oiled cowhide flogger followed by well placed wartenberg wheel strokes to make her cry out for her mother and a soft baby oil rubdown with hot wax to start...don't get me started. So, the bottom line is she does not have to do something displeasing to be funished (I am so liking that word, thanks to whoever mentioned it first) because I insist on it!

Be well,
Arturas

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 9/30/2010 5:40:31 PM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fallenangel17

i am interested in others thoughts on this:

i desire punishment almost daily. Perhaps because recieving it is difficult given my situation.

My question is....is this a normal occurance in submissives? and if so i know it is ultimately up to my Dominant to determine when it is warranted...but other than flat out asking for punishment what is a submissive to do in order to have this need in her met?

i am willing to earn what i seek. i do not mean to demean and understand simply asking is okay...just welcoming a more in depth thought and experience from others. The psychology of it...things like that. How others have handled this need.

Before I could answer that I'd have to know why. Is it because your actions dictate a need or is this just simply a way to receive an endorphin fix?

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 10/3/2010 12:16:36 AM

strlght

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I know exactly what you're saying. I feel guilty about everything, being "punished" (since everyone on here seems to be so offended by the word!) frees me. The more I am punished the more relaxed I become.

I wish I knew what to tell you. I am married and find it difficult to get him to maintain his dominance. I feel very anxious when he doesn't attend to me (and no its not about attention, he gives me lots of that).

I hope you find what you're looking for.

-strlght

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 10/3/2010 12:53:35 AM

ResidentSadist

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Humiliation eh? Hmm.... let me count the ways.

What is framework? Are you allowed to get arrested, put in medically embarrassing situations, get outted to neighbors, abuse pets or livestock or interact with strangers? You gotta' give me some idea of the framework ya' know.

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 10/3/2010 1:41:13 AM

TotalDiscipline

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quote:

Desire for Punishment

Do you fail all the time then?
MAsters don't want you to fail...and there for don't want to punish you.
They prever to be satisfied.

( perhaps they should be = Me/I...speaking for myself)

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 10/3/2010 9:29:25 AM

DesFIP

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strlght, perhaps it isn't that he isn't maintaining his dominance but that you're missing the intensity of the beginning training. Are the rules different than they used to be? Do they only have to be kept when he's actively dominating you?

But yes that intense focus during training is like a drug. Since it isn't right to demand he keep instituting new rules that he doesn't care about just to give you the same feelings, this is where play comes in. Maintenance spankings or just the random hair pull, nipple twist etc.

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RE: Desire for Punishment - 10/3/2010 9:42:48 AM

strlght

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You are right. I am not new to bdsm but he is. We have ben together for four years. I am a bit high maintenance in the area. I have ADD and generalized anxiety disorder. BDSM is my therapy... the only thing that helps in fact. The more stressed I am the more I require of him.

Thank you for your response.

-strlght

< Message edited by strlght -- 10/3/2010 9:45:14 AM >

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