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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/11/2010 2:15:56 AM   
breatheasone


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The correct answer is, you grieve and move on. i cannot vouch for whether or not this actually works. 

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/12/2010 8:09:21 PM   
addisonclarkgirl


Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
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My Master and I just split yesterday. It was a consensual thing, but I am having second thoughts. I am doubting my decision. For two years now, I have been with him, and I have come to rely on him for so many things. My place was with him, and for those two years, I thought it always would be. Now...I'm lost. For example, he always gave me permission to download and watch True Blood. Now, that I'm free, I feel guilty even thinking about it. It's my favorite show, and I don't know if I can watch it without some form of permission. He was always asking me, "Who does the thinking for us?" I knew that for major decisions, it was him, and now, I am left, thinking for myself. I am a smart girl, and I know I can do it, but I'm second guessing myself. I don't know what to do...where to turn...how to be someone without him. Is this normal? Do people in vanilla relationships struggle with this too? I literally feel like I am nothing without him. My head knows differently, but my heart...my heart and my soul are struggling.

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/12/2010 8:33:06 PM   
antinomy


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From experience, and not a great idea in retrospect:

Go into a deep depression.  Decide that nothing is worth that sort of pain or risk again.  Try to kill off the submissive part of myself, burying her deep within me, and getting involved in a rebound 'nilla relationship. A relationship where my partner never got to see the real me; where I died a little more each day; where my partner could not figure out what 'he' was doing wrong. 

Yeah...'bout sums it up.


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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/12/2010 10:03:32 PM   
RedBottomGirl26


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I think if a "Master" left (and I use it loosely here) because a Master really would care about your well-being, even if the relationship wasn't working, or if it changed. He/or She would still care about your feelings and progress. I don't think a true Master would just up and dump someone, especially if he/she knew just how damaging their absence could be. The very least they should do is stay friends with you until you are back on your feet, and have possibly found you something you could rely on, instead of leaving you to your own fears. A good Master is not a careless one, a good Master is not a thought-less one. True, most dominants & masters don't want to be called "sweet" but...depending on the type of dominant he is, he may not have the same ways as other Doms. Especially the Daddy Dom types tend to care a little more about the state they leave you in, though some of them don't want to leave you at all, even as a friend, which is a good thing. It's nice to know that even if the relationship isn't compatible, that you still feel that you can trust him to still be your friend and listen to you. Of course, not all dominants are Daddy Doms, some may not even be considered cuddly or very sympathetic at all, but first and foremost is his concern for your safety, next would be his pleasure or desire, and he should still care about your desires, he just may not think of them first thing, but certainly if your pleasure isn't on his list somewhere at the middle or bottom, then he's probably not thinking about you at all.

It's true. Life does go on, though sometimes it can be challenging to face that prospect alone. Even the most independent person still needs people from time to time, and of course for a sub or slave, this requirement seems to be a little more dependent (even if you're self-reliant or self-assured, you may still want to talk to people and social for your own well-being). So, it is really tough. I do agree that if the person was so quick to leave, then obviously the person who left thinks there is at the least a compatibility issue. It may be just as simple as that, maybe it doesn't really have to do with what they thought of you as a person. Sometimes you can be the best of friends with a Dominant and or Master, but the dynamic perhaps not always working out right. I've found out that while you may feel needy or clingy and yes, some men don't mind it, though it doesn't always win you any favors (trust me, over half my incompatibilities have been over the issue of clingy). Sometimes, it's best to just leave things be, if he really wants to come back to you he will in time, if not, then maybe you can do some re-evaluating and figure out if there are some things you need to change to better yourself, so the next time someone comes along, you'll be a little more prepared than you were before. I also agree w/ what someone else said, about you may not meet anyone soon after a break-off, but sometimes you can meet someone amazing even when you don't intent to find anyone. Alot of times I think the times we can find someone is when we're not trying so hard, and just being ourselves. While effort is good to put into anything, some people get intimidated by too much effort, though on the same coin, too little effort could signal laziness.

(in reply to NymphetamineGirl)
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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/13/2010 2:43:24 PM   
elleX


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Joined: 10/24/2009
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Greetings everyone,
i have not written here for months . So many things happened in my life that took and still take so much .
But i want to take some time to asnwer this .
If my Husband Master would leave me ,first it would not easy just to split our possesion. Then i would move on. I am who i am,, and could not be with a man who is not stronger than me.
I know i would spend some times ,,, maybe a lot of times alone .
And i would move foreward

Gosh i dont like portable !!!



(in reply to RedBottomGirl26)
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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/13/2010 3:34:40 PM   
jujubeeMB


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Joined: 1/8/2010
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I would be completely shocked, because he's not the type to suddenly leave. Then I would be furious, and probably burn down Times Square. Then I would cry a lot, eat all the Haagen Dasz Cookies n' Cream in the grocery store, and lock myself in my apartment for a month with every single Star Trek, Xena, Sex and the City, The Office and True Blood episode there is.

And then I'd move on.

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/21/2010 6:29:24 PM   
toungesgurl


Posts: 30
Joined: 6/11/2010
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If  MASTER left me, i think that would be the end of my BDSM lifestyle. i dont feel i could go on without HIM.

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/21/2010 7:05:49 PM   
hausboy


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I used to say "Oh, IF that ever happened to me.....   I couldn't function, live, love again, etc.."

And then to my absolute horror and surprise, it DID happen to me.  And it was horrible.  But then something amazing happened--I found a strength within myself I didn't know existed, and I became independent for the first time almost 20 years.  I didn't die of a broken heart. I didn't kill myself. I didn't lose my sobriety over it. (I thought all of these things could happen)  Each year got a little easier, each day slightly better than the last.  Now I feel like I could fall in love again, and I could serve another.

It was definitely the worst experience....worst pain I've ever felt... and I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. (my cheating ex-wife maybe)  Until you've really been there, you just don't know what you're truly capable of surviving.

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/21/2010 7:13:54 PM   
bestheadyet


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quote:

(in reply to NymphetamineGirl)
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that is sooooooooo well said.....where were you this summer when mine left?
i think it has a lot to do with effort or lack thereof....and a TRUE master would not poof go away as mine did(may he rot in hell for the pain he caused me)
ty for spouting truth.


(in reply to RedBottomGirl26)
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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/21/2010 7:52:00 PM   
sexyred1


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Actually...to all the people who have been left or are worried about someone leaving.

Think of it this way...it is better for someone to leave than to stay and continue to make you feel bad.

Sometimes people do you a big favor by screwing up, remember that.

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/21/2010 8:05:30 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
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Oh my goodness, what wonderful planet do you live on?  Men and women of all stripes dump perfectly wonderful submissives/slaves every day.  Few have anything to do with you once they've dumped you.  They go on to their next girlfriend/boyfriend. 

And really, isn't it too painful to stay in contact and watch them with someone else? 


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedBottomGirl26

I think if a "Master" left (and I use it loosely here) because a Master really would care about your well-being, even if the relationship wasn't working, or if it changed. He/or She would still care about your feelings and progress. I don't think a true Master would just up and dump someone, especially if he/she knew just how damaging their absence could be. The very least they should do is stay friends with you until you are back on your feet, and have possibly found you something you could rely on, instead of leaving you to your own fears.

(in reply to RedBottomGirl26)
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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/22/2010 6:29:40 AM   
DesFIP


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From: Apple County NY
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Not to mention that staying in contact will prevent you from moving on. You need a total break of a minimum of six months before you can begin talking to them. As long as they keep being the one you lean on, you won't heal. Instead they get to enjoy having you still need them while they're doing the same thing to someone else, and worse, you get to watch it first hand.

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/22/2010 6:41:02 AM   
Ait


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Joined: 9/7/2010
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My Owner says that there's right and wrong ways to release slaves easily, and he never, ever would just let one go cold turkey (unless they themselves insisted.. That would be dangerous and more to the point, cruel. My last Dom was my boyfriend as well, and we never cut off contact. He stayed one of my best friends and I'll always love him...I just have no desire to ever get involved with him intimate bits or obey him in any way.

I have an extreme fear of abandonment... If my Owner broke it off I would have a very big problem. I doubt I'd look again at BDSM --- he was the only reason I didn't give it up. I think I'd most likely try to transplant myself somewhere that wasn't here and start over vanilla and vehemently single. Or try to. I'm not sure how successful I'd be at this point considering.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/22/2010 6:55:13 AM   
angelikaJ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Not to mention that staying in contact will prevent you from moving on. You need a total break of a minimum of six months before you can begin talking to them. As long as they keep being the one you lean on, you won't heal. Instead they get to enjoy having you still need them while they're doing the same thing to someone else, and worse, you get to watch it first hand.


I broke that rule when my first D/s relationship ended.

It worked out just fine.

But I wasn't really dependent on him, and he kept his involvment with another a private matter.

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/22/2010 7:02:28 AM   
angelikaJ


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If He suddenly left me...

Well, first of I know what the "unforgiveables" are and without my doing those the relationship is unlikely to abruptly end.
I also promised him that if my feelings change and the unforgiveable is any sort of thought I will tell him so that he can make a choice, but that I won't be unfaithful to him.

However, in the event I commit an unforgiveable out of stupidity, I will know I caused the end of us and I don't know what I would do.



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The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/22/2010 8:08:43 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Sometimes people do you a big favor by screwing up, remember that.


I went through the awfulness that hausboy described, and the rebuilding, too.  Came out far better than I ever imagined.

Now I look at my life, and what I've been blessed with, and I am SO very grateful the ex owner ended things.  I was in a state of comfortable misery with him (ok sometimes not so comfortable).  Now I have found joy.  You are absolutely right - he did me a huge favor - even if he did it in the most despicable way.


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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/22/2010 5:09:00 PM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline
begin by having a life before it happens. one good friend that will answer the phone/ door at 3 am any day. lots of chocolate then go buy the most expensive sexy pair of shoes you can get and make a plan to go out with the girls or boys as the case may be. no hook ups just fun

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/22/2010 9:59:41 PM   
LPslittleclip


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if my Mistress suddnly left me i would be crushed and try to find out why. Mistress would not leave without a reason barring sudden death. i would be lost for a time but i would eventualy find someone to play with as i do need it and i am a service oriented slave need someone for whom to serve at some point. but no one would ever replace my Mistress as She is my first and i hope to be my only.

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/24/2010 5:53:03 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


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Happening to me right now.  At least I think so.  Cut off contact in an IM convo "fine then, np, talk to you later".  Not a word since.  I've sent an email requesitng that he be a man about it and if he no longer wants to be with me he at least owes me an answer.  It's the coward's way out to cut off all communication without sayaing why.  His CM acconnt is now also hidden or deleted. 

I'm heartbroken, but I won't let myself even think it's my fault.  I questionned him on something, he laughed it off, and then said "everyone plays on the internet, shit happens".  I am not a player, never have been, never will be.  I am  me, the only person I know how to be. I'm picking up the pieces with the help of some very good friends who've lent me a shoulder to cry on.  I figure it's his loss not mine.  I will forge on, I know there's someone out there who will cherish me, respect me for who I am, flaws and all. 

Not so easy to move on, but having clinical depression makes it that much tougher.  I've been living with this for almost 30 yrs now and have learned to cope as best I can.  If I can't do day by day, then it's either hour by hour or minute by minute.  No one gets to extinguish the small flame that glows inisde me.  It may grow dim, but I will never allow it to go out.  It would be the end of me, and I'm made of stronger stuff than I realize. 

I will still trust, my heart is still open to possibilities and i truly believe there is someone out there and we're just waiting for the right time to meet. 

Know that my thoughts are with you and that you will get through this and emerge stronger and wiser.  Do not allow him the pleasure of feeling that he somehow "won".  There's no such thing.   

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RE: If your owner/master suddenly left you... - 10/24/2010 2:07:20 PM   
LadyRian


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I can speak from the other side of this. I had to release my submissive, very suddenly, because he betrayed me in public, then refused to account for his actions. I was devastated. After 2 1/2 years of what I was told was a loving relationship with this man, he treated me as if I didn't matter, at all, and was busy sucking up everything he could find (and still is, on some other site) like a vacuum cleaner.  Apparently none of what he unequivocally asserted about his feelings for me was true. I saw that, first hand. It was awful. I had to let him go. It was the worst thing I've had happen to me relationship-wise for many, many years.

This was recent, about 2 mos ago. I'm still not even close to being over it. The hurt, the feeling of betrayal, the loss of the person I thought he was, was dreadful. In retrospect, and in view of some supplimentary information, I realise that the man is now out there doing things he swore he'd never do, and behaving in ways that he vehemently claimed to be wrong, in the many discussions we'd had.  I seriously have no idea what to make of this.  he changed from someone I knew to someone I would have never expected in the course of 24 hours.
I'm still wondering what the hell happened here.


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