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What is Domination to you? - 9/28/2004 7:03:30 AM

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I was recently talking to a friend of mine in the lifestyle. He said something that started a heated debate. That statement, well more of a question really, was, "Isn't Domination, just Aggression?"

I disagree with this statement. It is my belief that Domination is about Control. Aggression can be a part of Domination, but it does not constitute Domination in and of itself.

What are your thoughts?

RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/28/2004 8:20:28 AM

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In my mind simply put aggression is about abuse. Domination is about love.

(in reply to ilmaster1224)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/28/2004 10:09:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ilmaster1224
It is my belief that Domination is about Control. Aggression can be a part of Domination, but it does not constitute Domination in and of itself.

What are your thoughts?

I don't use aggression. If your sub/slave is well trained and obedient, what is there to get aggressive about? Control, yes. Assertiveness, sure. But aggression I associate more with abuse. If your friend thinks that domination is focused on combativeness and threats, maybe he needs to talk to some Daddies, or some 5'1", 97 pound Dommes who have subs that are perfectly capable of throwing them across the room.

(in reply to ilmaster1224)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/28/2004 10:45:44 AM

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IlMaster -
Surprised to see that comment from someone in the lifestyle. I don't think those terms are even closely related, especially when applied to D/s. It is difficult to debate this out of context. You can be aggressive in your pursuit of something. You can play a sport aggressively, bet in poker aggressively, and even drive aggressively. But doing so doesn't make you dominate in any of those activities, and I think the same holds true in D/s.

I've actually encountered more aggression from subs then doms. Especially passive aggressive a.k.a. the 'sub brat'. I don't think it's an integral trait of a Dom. And no Dom should take out his aggression on his sub just to release pent up frustrations. As Gloria noted that's when aggression is defined as abuse.

Merc & beth

(in reply to ilmaster1224)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/28/2004 11:34:11 AM

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I couldn't agree more!

I have noticed that some men that call themselves Dom are really men that do not have any respect for women, and they seem to be aggressive. That borders on abuse.
If you are "in the zone" with your sub, or slave, a look from you is more effective than any type of aggression.
To me being a Dom does not mean constantly having to correct my sub, but it is the satisfaction of seeing that she understands and responds to my needs.

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If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

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RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/28/2004 12:39:11 PM

Laura

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I like Lady Beckett's response in the Mistress forum.

I think the difference between Domming and being aggressive is in the intent and the afterwards. It's intended to please both people (both want it, whatever it may seem in the moment). Also, after it's over Dom and sub are not angry or feel abused, there is affection of some kind between them. Without the affection or caring it is just aggression. That's why I don't see how a pairing up of two people to be "play partners" can really be worth the time invested. How can you really Dom someone you don't really know? How can you get under their skin without knowing them THAT well.

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RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/28/2004 2:22:25 PM

jillwfsub4blkdom

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i think in comparing the two the first thing that should be done is define aggression - i pulled this from webster's dictionary

1 : a forceful action or procedure (as an unprovoked attack) especially when intended to dominate or master
2 : the practice of making attacks or encroachments; especially : unprovoked violation by one country of the territorial integrity of another
3 : hostile, injurious, or destructive behavior or outlook especially when caused by frustration

In using the second and third cases of the definition, then i don't think that it would fit as the two being the same. Certain things would cause the person to be aggressive but they wouldn't be that at all times.

jill

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(in reply to ilmaster1224)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/29/2004 1:34:02 AM

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Semantics aside, aggression is not domination. Aggression may be a tool used achieve the end result of domination, but that does not make aggression dominance any more than a handshake makes an intimate relationship. Not all people who are dominant are aggressive. Certianly not all people who are aggressive are into domination. I'm at my most aggressive not when I am dominating someone, but when I am threatened. Then again, I identify very strongly with Rat as a totemic icon.

More to the point, and in part why I think your friend started such a heated debate - Domination in the context applied has whole levels of subtextual meaning that you won't find in the dictionary. I have found that gross oversimplifications will always provoke a flame war, especially when the oversimplification in question appears to be attacking somebody's lifestyle. This is, of course, just one more reason why I try to always use whole words and complete sentences, even if it does take me a little bit longer to finish a post.

Just my two bits.

~S

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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/29/2004 1:19:51 PM

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Domination, to me, is taking the reigns of authority over someone else, and enforcing that authority.

Aggression can come into it, but that's because it comes into the personality of people in general.

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(in reply to ilmaster1224)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 9/29/2004 1:47:50 PM

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Semantics thrown right smack in the middle....... :P

I like an aggressive man - because my idea of aggression isn't negitive or hurtful : )

Syn

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RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/8/2004 12:28:25 AM

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Aggression, like anything else, is a tool. There are times when it is appropriate. However, if it is the only tool you have in your "box," you are going to have a problem. Sometimes control (or domination) is very proactive, or aggressive. Sometimes the proof of that control is doing nothing.

Sometimes the boundaries/rules a dominant/master sets have to be enforced. And sometimes, that is an aggressive act.

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about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly
taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
-George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Synocense)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/8/2004 9:15:27 AM

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I would consider Aggression to be a subset of Domination, included within Domination. Thus, you can have Domination without or with Aggression, but I would consider most all Aggresssion to be a Dominate act. I personally like Control (another subset of Domination) more than Aggression, except for those certain situations reached under the full moon.

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Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. Thomas Jefferson

(in reply to ilmaster1224)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/13/2004 10:45:48 AM

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It definetly depends on how you look at it. A dominate is a take charge person to me, one who can lead and have others follow and accomplish a task. In this lifestyle that would be satisfaction. To me aggressive is a behaviour, one I that can be apart of the personality and character of a Dom. But to just be an Aggressor is nothing, it does borderline on abuse. There is nothing to accomplish, no goal and vary rarely a guideline.

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" When someone is telling you who they are LET THEM!!!

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RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/18/2004 5:46:40 AM

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I have just read your post and have seen a lot of good answers, especially from Mercnbeth, but actually none that answered the true question, What is dominantion??
Dominantion, is the accepting of control or power, from the sub/slave, for the mutual gratification, of both in the relationship. the sub/slave, gives you her control, her power, to exert over her, in your relationship, as you give to her your dominance, of course you and her give each other many things, not just this, but thats for another question, at another time, aggression?? see the answers that are posted, many wise people here....

(in reply to DiamondDiva)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/18/2004 8:25:13 AM

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There seems to be a lot of negativity towards agression, but I personally think that its a wonderful tool in expressing dominance. I don't see agression as a basis for forming a relationship, nor is it the driving force behind dominance, but damn it's nice to come home, grab a girl *aggressively* by the hair, throw her on the bed, tear her clothes from her body and have my way with her. So in that scenario, aggression works for us very, very well.

My definition of dominance is to have the ability to physically, emotionally, and/or psychologically affect another actions with or without their consent. Now, before the SSC safety police comes knocking at my door I will explain that I don't express my dominance in the BDSM arena without consent. I do, however, use those spooky dominant powers in day to day life and don't give a rats ass about consent. For example, if someone were to physically assault me, I have the physical ability to defend myself very well. In defending myself, I dominate another person physically without their consent. I can convince people to do something that I want them to do by pushing their perverbial "buttons" or by motivating them to do what I want them to do. Yes, I know it all sounds very manipulative and in many ways, it is. But then, what is leadership if not manipluation?

Dominance, in the BDSM world, strikes me as a consentual and benevolent form of manipulation that leads to an end which is desireable to all parties involved.

Need more coffee...will write more later.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to ilmaster1224)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/18/2004 9:45:54 AM

slavewithnoname

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Just my two cents worth. There are times when "aggression" is very stimulating, but then I have to ask... is it 'truley' aggression then? In Mr. Thorn's post, he mentions comming home and "forcefully" throwing his girl to the bed, ripping her clothes off and having his way with her". Would this not in a sense be Consentual, since she knew his ways and became his girl? Yes, I agree certian forms of aggression can be harmful... but controled aggression can be very very stimulating as well. So long as it has a harmless effect on both parties... I do not consider it aggression. There's a lot to be said for a man who will come home and "take what is his", not wait around for her to ok it... and to me, that in itself is a turn on.... but maybe I'm just a tad twisted as well ;)
Please take care everyone... play hard but safe!
~slavegirl~

(in reply to MrThorns)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/20/2004 5:15:48 AM

maat

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To me Domination is not about agression, it is not an agressiv act.
to me, Domination is about compleat trust. i put my trust, my self in my Masters hand. If He acted out of agression i would not be able to trust Him simply becuse agression can blind you from looking out for the wellfare of your submissive.

of corse i love when He is rough, or act forcefull, but underneeth that i know without a shadow of doubt that i am not in danger. yes accidents can hapend, but i know that they are not intended.

Domination is controle, not only controle of your submissive, but above anything else controle over your own emotions. Agression is a lack of controle.

Domination is thinking past the now, how your action will shape your submissive, Agression is lack of thought.

but... that is just my opinion.

i can not place myself in the hands of somone that can not controle themselfs.

(in reply to slavewithnoname)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/23/2004 10:19:35 AM

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Within all of this, I have yet to see a mention of Assertiveness as a factor. Assertive is different from Aggression as abuse differs from that which We do. To Dominate is to assert aspects of Your Will over anothers, freely given perogatives.
Assertion likewise differs from aggression in that it need not be forceful, merely strong in its precepts. The will that is asserted in a SSC relationship is in and of itself one of the bedrock principles, IMHO, due largely to the stigma We tend to carry from the vanilla view that All BDSM is whips and chains. What is more powerful then feeling the rush of asserting Your will in that which is ordinarily involuntary? I know the last comment will invite comparison, and I welcome it.

(in reply to maat)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/23/2004 2:46:18 PM

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From: GATINEAU, PQ
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Domination could best be described as controlling what a person wears or doesnt wear, when they cum and when they dont, when they pee, when and what they eat, when they entertain u and how, the way they react to certain stimuli like a cane, an ice cube, a suction cup, a scene, a wheel, a burlap rope between their lips, a clamp, a pail filled with water. Guess u get the picture!!

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Wetrope

(in reply to ilmaster1224)

RE: What is Domination to you? - 10/23/2004 4:16:54 PM

IservBlkKingPaPa

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Once again this slave agrees with Merc&beth

@}PaPa's}slave}--
Every Rose has her Thorns...

(in reply to wetrope)

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