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compatibility - 9/28/2004 9:03:41 AM   
robyn


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		Just how compatible do the Dom and sub's interests need to be to make a relationship work?

If the hard limits match, but one enjoys a certain type of play the other cant stand? Or one person enjoys humiliation and the other one doesnt get it? Can a long term relationship work? What if your philosophy/interpretation of D/s is different from one another?

Thank you for your help :)
robyn
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 11:09:01 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If the hard limits match, but one enjoys a certain type of play the other cant stand? Or one person enjoys humiliation and the other one doesnt get it? Can a long term relationship work? What if your philosophy/interpretation of D/s is different from one another?


If you have a good working vanilla relationship with that person, what happens in those relationships? You care for the person. You learn about them and you compromise. If a vanilla relationship can do just that, why can't a D/s relationship do the same?
No matter what, you are still in a relationship. If your relationship consists of nothing but play the lust will run out soon enough. Then no need to worry about it.
We all evolve at different levels. Because you may or may not like something today does not mean next year you won't have seen a demo or a movie and decided to try it out. It is currently one of your favorite pasttimes. Generally when love is involved things work out in the end.

However, if seeking just a play partner. I'd say what you want is very important right off. That is all you will ever have with this individual until the relationship is over. Might as well get what you want while the getting is good.

(in reply to robyn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 11:42:01 AM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		robyn,
In order for any relationship to work, you must have communication, if your ideas, or ideals are different, maybe you can explore each others differences.
My parents were married for 48 years, they communicated by yelling at each other, but at least they communicated.
That may not work for everyone, but then again, we are not everyone.

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 11:50:58 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

My parents were married for 48 years, they communicated by yelling at each other, but at least they communicated.


Inside,
If you don't mind a personal question if you do then just don't answer.
Anyway, what did you get out of the 48 years? Do you have good relationships? Do they last? Do you yell and scream?

Mine were married 49 when mom passed away. Almost 50, yep they yelled to. Myself, I can't stand to hear yelling. I refuse to do so. My relationships seem to last a bit longer than the norm..at least thats what I have noticed.

Anyway, inquiring minds are always wanting to learn more and more.

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 12:02:25 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I enjoy pain and corporal punishment. My wife most adamantly does not. I enjoy long bondage scenes that slowly build in intensity over hours or even a few days. My wife has some how mastered the art of the S&M quickie. Occasionally, I find myself on the verge of tears begging for something more than a few light swats of the hairbrush, and yes the fact that a scene can be over in under half an hour is a little disillusioning to me. But does our relationship work? Of course.

You asked if partners have to have common interests for a relationship to work. I adamantly believe so. Not all interests are in the bedroom. My wife and I have a tight relationship as friend, lover, and confidante. We don't fight because we trust that the other person will hear us out and has got our best interests at heart. We have so many common interests we're damn near joined at the hip. The light of my life is actually a bigger geek than I am. She'll drag me to sci fi conventions, and always has dice ready if a game of dungeons and dragons breaks out (and if there's none happening, she'll twist my arm into starting one).

If a dominant and submissive have no relationship outside of the bedroom, that relationship is really not going to last. Brain chemistry flip flops after a few months in a new relationship, and you stop getting that endorphine-buzz of euphoria from being in their company. If all you have is chemistry, you'll both move on to new relationships in search of another fix.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to robyn)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 1:42:09 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Suleiman,

I quite agree. From being able to discuss the kids, the day, the dog, the museum exhibit, the grocery store, and why the telephone bill is so high (again - it's always my fault), if there are not common interests and personal compatibility outside of sessions and scenes and play, there can be no lasting relationship. I think that when two people have vastly divergent BDSM interests and likes or dislikes, there must be some common ground with which to begin on which to build.

A strong foundation is paramount, without it, there is little hope of anything lasting beyond the first few hormone flushes. We can talk communication and trust and honesty from now until forever, but there must be a basis from which to start.

newflowers

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 2:31:31 PM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		i believe that you can work out compatability issues the majority of the time. The largest factor is the importance of the issue in which they are incompatible. If it is something that is a huge factor, i am not sure that the relationship will be able to work unless the other party is willing to compromise.

jill

_____________________________


"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

(in reply to robyn)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 2:45:52 PM   
ScorpioMaster


Posts: 146
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline 		The BDSM relationship is about growth and understanding with the proper comunication. I have known some Dominates who have learn some skills because their sub/slave like things done to them. I think you got to have the same values at least for it to work.

(in reply to robyn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 3:50:08 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		Gloria,
I do my best to avoid raising my voice at any time. I rarely yell, and it takes alot to provoke that.
My relationships have always been long, and fruitful.
Jeffrey

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to ScorpioMaster)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: compatibility - 9/28/2004 5:41:08 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		I thought this fit

An old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table celebrating their anniversary when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here starkers fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny giggled, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped and sat back down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"That doesn't surprise me," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

< Message edited by INSIDEYOURMIND -- 9/28/2004 6:42:52 PM >

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 10
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