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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 10:38:03 AM   
PeonForHer


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Hmm.  I know that I've pissed off a few with my sense of humour, such as it is.  However, the majority of those few have been pissed off, I've realised, because the whole edifice of their D/s worldview is in danger of shattering if it ever gets exposed to an atmosphere that has a whiff of humour in it. 

Pfft.  I wouldn't last with that type.  Still, that type wouldn't last with me, either - I'd rather have sex with an old cushion.

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 11:40:43 AM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		In person and sometimes on the forum, I do have a sense of humor, but having been on CM  for years now, and still not having found what I've been looking for, and still being bombarded with several emails a day from people who are not what I'm looking for, I thought I'd try to do us all a favor, and save us all valuable time by making what I do and don't want crystal clear.  Life is too short to waste time with married guys, guys who will never come see you in person, guys who want things you don't want, like kinky sex as opposed to the foundations of an LTR, guys who don't want what you do want, guys who can't follow directions, because, after all, a slave needs to follow directions, so I state it all clearly.  If you're light and funny, and banter with everyone, you won't have a life, because you'll spend all your time responding to emails from all the corners of the earth.

I think we're very fortunate that we have this medium where we can be absolutely clear and honest (not that everyone chooses to do that) instead of wasting hours and hours with smalltalk, crushes on unavailable people, pain, misunderstandings and so on.  There is a place for light humor, and a place to be crystal clear.  When something really matters, I like clarity.  I'll save the humor for cocktail parties.

< Message edited by Voodali -- 10/13/2010 11:45:58 AM >

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 11:42:06 AM   
mnottertail


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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 3:32:59 PM   
Saltypepper128


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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saltypepper128

Maybe I'm reading too much into things. 

There's no nice way to ask this, but are you sure you're actually funny


Well mommy always told me I'm funny... lol no the only reason I posted this thread is because I see so many profiles that are like checklists. Borringgg. And a good amount of those profiles make it very clear that they are here to find a sub/dom and they are not here to mess around. Like I said in an earlier post, someone actually uses goofy funny emails as a filter. I guess I'm just a noob to this whole online networking crap.

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 3:39:48 PM   
Saltypepper128


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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Pfft.  I wouldn't last with that type.  Still, that type wouldn't last with me, either - I'd rather have sex with an old cushion.


Me too. Couch cushions are sexy

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 3:50:51 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		OP -

We're serious because most of us are not here to have casual sex. At least, most women aren't, as far as I can tell. So let's say you were looking for a relationship (D/s, M/s, T/b, whatever), and you knew that if it didn't ultimately head towards a deep emotional connection you wouldn't want to put energy into it - would you try to find out what sort of character the person you were talking to had, or would you try to find out if they knew any good jokes?

That said, when I was looking I always appreciated humorous emails, if they were good. What you really want is to find the balance between silly, funny energy and serious, dependable energy. Nothing sexier than a man who can goof off with the best of them and then take a deep breath and tell you how much you mean to him.

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 3:51:57 PM   
Saltypepper128


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
sp, you get 100 to 500 emails a day


I thought girls like attention though? Especially from faceless men looking to make you their slave right?

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 4:43:46 PM   
VaguelyCurious


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saltypepper128

I see so many profiles that are like checklists.

You're reading too much into it.

People define what they want because they don't want their time or anybody else's  wasted-they don't want to take shots in the dark. You take too many shots in the dark and you run out of bullets.

Most of those women will still have a sense of humour, even if they don't want to expend energy talking to someone they can't ultimately imagine a relationship with. 


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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 5:50:48 PM   
PeonForHer


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Interesting.  It seems as though humour is connected to superficiality, here.  For me, and in my experience, it's been the opposite. I've come to assume that if a woman doesn't have a sense of humour, she doesn't have any depth, either. 

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 5:55:40 PM   
Twoshoes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

Interesting.  It seems as though humour is connected to superficiality, here.


Yes, I find this strange, also.

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:27:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I find it is hard to communicate humor on a text based medium. What you think of as obviously joking can come across as offensive to others. You have to know someone ahead of time to know if you share the same sense of humor. At least talk to them in person to see their body language. Are they smothering a smile or raising an eyebrow at you?

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:33:25 PM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I find it is hard to communicate humor on a text based medium.


Really?  I have very little trouble with that, myself. 

When in doubt, make yourself the butt of the joke - that principle always works for me.

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:35:54 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I was single I found it extremely annoying when men would contact me who made a joke out of every single thing on earth.

I needed a man who understand that life is a balance and that there is a time and a place for everything...seriousness and humor. I wanted someone who understood that.

Don't get me wrong. I like humor. I like when He makes me laugh. But I also know there are times when we need to be serious and I want to know his thoughtful and insightful views on life.



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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:36:55 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saltypepper128
I thought girls like attention though? Especially from faceless men looking to make you their slave right?

If that's an example of the humor, I'm beginning to see the issue. 

OP, when was the last time that you answered 100 emails in a day from people you didn't know?  It's plenty tiring all on it's own. 


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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:37:04 PM   
Saltypepper128


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Status: offline 		So you're telling me all online relationships start off, "hi I'm x. I like this, this, this and this. I have this this this and this. (insert p.c. joke here)?"

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:44:52 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Right.  Because two people who might want to get to know each other could never start a conversation by saying they both like Chinese food, alternative music, and love the beach.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:46:40 PM   
Twoshoes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

When in doubt, make yourself the butt of the joke - that principle always works for me.


Same!

I've never been able to offend myself so far. To playfully tease others, you need real-time feedback, so it's not a good idea to do online. (Not that I haven't . I don't always do the wisest thing.)

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 10/13/2010 6:54:11 PM >

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:53:36 PM   
crazyml


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saltypepper128

I feel like my message was misinterpreted here.  I'm not asking why people don't like me, I'm used to that.  I'm asking why the norms are so different here from what they are in regular live social gatherings. 


I don't know that they're different, I've been at plenty of social gatherings where the "humorous goofball" in the disney tie was every bit as unsuccessful as they are here...

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:55:51 PM   
Twoshoes


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Status: offline 		Disney ties look stupid. That's why.
I have fashion sense. I'm sure of it.

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RE: why so serious? - 10/13/2010 6:57:11 PM   
strangedesire


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saltypepper128

I thought girls like attention though? Especially from faceless men looking to make you their slave right?


This would be a perfectly nice joke - if there weren't too many men out there who think it's true. For this kind of joke to work, your audience has to know you well enough to know that no part of you believes it. We don't. Most women have spent too much time being told that they ought to appreciate any kind of attention, no matter how unwelcome, to find this kind of crack funny from a strange man.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Interesting.  It seems as though humour is connected to superficiality, here.  For me, and in my experience, it's been the opposite. I've come to assume that if a woman doesn't have a sense of humour, she doesn't have any depth, either. 


Your humor, from what I've seen, tends to come from a place of understanding. You find common ground with others and use humor as a tool to build connections with them. (Affiliative behavior, I believe my Social Sciences professor would say.) Goofiness is often the opposite of this: it's about doing something slightly out of line with what would be expected. If you already have a rapport with the person in question, that's hilarious. If they know nothing about you, and your profile is pretty much blank, and you aren't reacting in a meaningful way to what they say in yours? At best, it will fall flat. At worst, they'll think that you're serious. "Alternative" sites of any sort tend to attract the people who failed at regular dating as well as the people simply looking for something specific. You get a lot of weird emails from people who are at least pretending to be sincere about strange things.


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