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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 4:38:53 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

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From: Rochester, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

If the guys is a loser, it will show up sooner or later, but one strike on the not using your nameissues shouldn't eliminate him...

Taggard

One strike doesn't eliminate anyone, but it certainly counts when the next two show up.

Yet many a home run has been hit while down in the count... *smile*

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 4:42:16 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout
What's wrong with it is that she doesn't like it.

That she doesn't like it does not make it wrong.

quote:

She has politely asked someone to stop doing something she doesn't like and he won't stop.

Then she should politely wish him luck and send him on his way...I am sure there is someone else for whom being called slave at first meeting is a huge turn on. There is someone somewhere turned on by anything!

Taggard

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 4:50:24 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's common with rude people who think that being a dom gives them special anti-rudeness powers.

yes how truth how truth... you dont' get those being a dom ... that is when you are a master and you have the special master ring that comes from a cracker jack box.... it took me over 30000 boxes but I got my ring *G*

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 5:20:10 PM

jezzabelle

Posts: 391
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

Then she should politely wish him luck and send him on his way
Taggard

Which is exactly the advice that more than one of us has given her. I agree, lots of dominants do seem to like to call all girls pet names, and some girls may like it, but she doesn't belong to him, it makes her uncomfortable, it's getting in the way of her getting to know him, and he still does it even though she asked him to please call her by her name. I'd feel the same way in her position. If I don't belong to you or don't know you well, then don't call me girl, pet, sub, slave, slut, etc. because I'm sure as hell not going to answer to it.

< Message edited by jezzabelle -- 4/25/2006 5:21:07 PM >

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 5:33:34 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jezzabelle
it's getting in the way of her getting to know him

Seems like quite the opposite. She just didn't like the him she got to know.

Should he have done something entirely out of character and acquiesed to his request? Would that have allowed her to get to know him? Or would she be getting to know something that really wasn't him?

If she really wanted a Master, I would think she wouldn't be looking for someone that is going to give in to her whims...but maybe that is just me.

Taggard

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 5:40:40 PM

scifisub42

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In my opinion, People whose opening emails include referring me to 'girl' or 'slave' or 'slut' or any similar names, reminds me of how whites used to call blacks 'boy' or 'tom'.

And to continue to refer to someone in that manner, without their consent, only increases that impression of a bigoted asshat with no sense of concern for another's well-being.

scifi

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Post #: 26

RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 5:59:07 PM

slavejali

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I really enjoy being in france, they have a way of cooking a meal., its an entire process. The prep time is is just as special and social as the sitting around and eating the product of your cooking.
Maybe some doms are microwave doms, they just like to throw something in the microwave and *bing* its done, there you have it, a meal (err slave). I would think a good Master would really enjoy the process of *becoming* for a slave and wouldnt have to have instant gratification in a ready made slave. Being able to time introduction of certain ingredients into the relationship would seem to me to be the mark of a Master chef.

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:06:58 PM

catize

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[/quote]
Seems like quite the opposite. She just didn't like the him she got to know.
Should he have done something entirely out of character and acquiesed to his request?
If she really wanted a Master, I would think she wouldn't be looking for someone that is going to give in to her whims...but maybe that is just me.

Taggard
[/quote]

No, unfortunately there are myriads of people like you who believe that every submissive/slave should submit to anyone calling themselves a dominant. Seems to me that being Dom-o'-the-World would tire you guys out.
You are correct that she is getting a true picture of him, and it's his ass.

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:21:25 PM

Proprietrix

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heartfelt - I'd like to interject a few things I haven't seen addressed here.

First, it may be that this man is just of a different "training" in the lifestyle. (I don't know, as you didn't really mention it.) He may have come from a lifestyle background that taught particular forms of address. And perhaps he has been living this lifestyle according to those convictions.
I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying that we all come into this lifestyle having had different histories, different mentors, different customs. For all we know, this guy is discussing with *his* mentor/trainer, that he's not sure how to react because a slave girl is requesting that he address her by her formal name.

The second point I haven't seen addressed is when you said this:

quote:

i also don't think i would have the same reaction if He was using terms like pet or girl as those seem more affectionate to me.

which pretty much substantiates what Taggart was saying about the interview being on the submissive's terms,
and/or
it could very well be that "slave" and "sub" are terms of affection for him. Perhaps he does not though, feel enough affection (yet, if ever) to go from "slave" to "pet".

Another thing I didn't see addressed was when you said this:

quote:

The problem that i am having is it is inhibiting my ability to make aany sort of connection with him. Instead of looking forward to talking with him, i feel resentful about this behavior. The only reason that i have continued talking with him so far is that i am in a very small niche market with what i'm looking for and he happens to have some of the qualities that i am seeking. However this behavior is making it hard, if not impossible to see if we are really compatible.

(I'll try to express this how I'm seeing it, and hopefully it will come across making sense....)
This statement read to me (and lord knows I could be wrong) like "my gut is telling me this just isn't right, but my heart wants it, so my mind is just going to ignore them both and concentrate on this little quirk this guy has so that if I 'need to bail' I have a reason to."

I know some VERY nice people. Warm, cordial, caring, independent, funny, humanitarian...... and unfortnately nose-pickers. It's gross as hell. I've asked them to not do it around me. They continue booger plundering anyway. I do my best to look past it, offer them a tissue, and enjoy having them in my life.
On the other hand, I met a guy once who seemed to be everything I had ever wanted. But something didn't seem quite right. I got to know him a little at a time, and as I realized we were completely nothing alike, gradually everything little thing about him annoyed me. I couldn't stand the way he scratched his ear. I hated seeing him eat. By the time I realized he was a total asswipe, I couldn't even tolerate hearing him whistle.
I don't know the situation at all between you and this man. Nor do I know what's going on in your gut, your heart, and your mind when he calls you "slave" or "sub". I do encourage you though, to pay attention to what all three are saying to you. Because ultimately, you are the one who has to make the judgment call with this man.

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:28:17 PM

heartfeltsub

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His response was this: "i have found that before I get too personal i want to see if the person (in this case you) are serious about the lifestyle... now what may seem cold, is really a way to keep everything anonymous until it seems like you are really what you say you are" and he then said that i do seem serious about this lifestyle, which i am, but he will not use my name.

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:30:45 PM

heartfeltsub

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That is exactly my thougths on it darq, i would really like to get to know this person, because it seems from the bit we have talked that we may have a great deal in common, i just want him to get to know the whole of me.

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:39:44 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

No, unfortunately there are myriads of people like you who believe that every submissive/slave should submit to anyone calling themselves a dominant.

Yes...because that is exactly what I think...impressive that you figured it out from what I wrote.

quote:

You are correct that she is getting a true picture of him, and it's his ass.

Some people like asses. Some people like France. It's a big world and people who bash other people seem pretty small to me.

Taggard

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:40:22 PM

heartfeltsub

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Those are good points Proprietrix, i do not know his training, because our conversations have not gotten that far. His answer to me about using the terms was deliberately to cause distance and that he knew that it came across as impersonal and cold, but he did that until he was sure that the person he was talking to (me in this instance) was serious about the lifestyle. Also thank you for your advice, i will listen to all 3 to see what i should do. Also not only does he also call me slave, he always calls himself Master in sort of a third person context.

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:48:40 PM

heartfeltsub

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i know that i had not been entirely clear on the settings of this question, and i don't know if you have had a chance to look at the additional things that i have since posted, but his use of those terms (as he explained) was intended to be distant and cold so that if he didn't think a particular submissive is serious, it maintains anonymity. After saying he did think i am serious (which i am) he asked me my name and then wouldn't use it. He also stated this: "well slave, i will be candid... I would like to begin to discuss more in depth and hopefully about collaring you... you seem very fitting for what I am looking for." So if his non-use of my name initially was only to determine if i was serious or not, when he wished to begin more in depth discussion, moving past anonymity to getting to know me personally, it was then that his continued non-use of my name started to grate on me. i hope all that makes sense. And you are correct he can choose to speak any way he wishes, that is his right. i have merely been trying to see if this is a common occurence and to see if it would also affect any others are it is affecting me, which is that i don't seem to be able to create any kind of connection with him. Thank you again for your posts.

heartfelt

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:53:35 PM

jezzabelle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: jezzabelle
it's getting in the way of her getting to know him

Seems like quite the opposite. She just didn't like the him she got to know.

I don't think it's that she doesn't like the person she's getting to know. I made that statement based on what she had written in her original post, that she found his calling her things other than her name was making it difficult for a connection to be made. While I don't think he should bend over backwards and change all that he is for her in order for a connection to be made, I don't think calling someone by their given name is all that outrageous of a request. She just wishes to feel a connection with him, that he is getting to know her as a person and not just another slave. Calling every potential girl as sub, slave, or girl instead of her name could easily be viewed as a lack of genuine interest in that girl as a person that the dominant wishes to form a relationship with. I don't see that as giving in. Is his refusal to call her by her name just an indication of things to come? Is he going to completely disregard requests for certain limits just because he doesn't like her limits?

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:56:35 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
i know that i had not been entirely clear on the settings of this question

I think you have been pretty clear...this is a very common story, actually. I have avoided giving my personal opinion, cause it really doesn't matter what I think...you are the one who will have to be on your knees before the guy.

Quite honestly, it sounds like the guy is an onliner...speaking of yourself in the third person works great in a chat room, but it will get you laughed out of the bar where your local munch is held.

If you can get by his funny speech patterns, maybe it'll work out. Talk to him on the phone to see if he does it even there... He might just be strange that way, but a perfect match in every other way. Life is too short not to try, right? Just get those references (and make sure they are people who have actually met in 3d)...and meet in a public place.

Taggard

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:56:46 PM

heartfeltsub

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Thank you jezzabelle, that is exactly the point that i am trying to make. i want to feel that he is trying to get to know me, and i can't seem to feel that way.

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:57:08 PM

Cloudz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I have the habit of refering to many people as lad, laddy, lass or lassy with caps where appropriate when writing. I have the annoying habbit of forgetting both names and phone numbers

But, Bear, this is supposed to be someone who is seeking to be her dominant. I'm bad with names too, but if I'm seeking to form an intimate relationship with someone, one of the things I do is make an effort to learn her name.

I bet you do too [wink]

hell yeas.. It's just the first two meetings in which I have problems after that I have them tagged but not bagged.....

Bear,

YOU know you have my heart so I will come whatever you call me :)

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 6:59:34 PM

heartfeltsub

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Thank you for your advice Taggard, it may be as you say and i will see how he talks out side of chat.

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RE: Not using names during initial conversations - 4/25/2006 7:02:01 PM

Quivver

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Bottom line is if you cant find a way to like what ever it is they call you it's gonna bug you forever.... which in turn is THEIR loss..........

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