Collarchat.com

Join Our Community
Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Creative Writings >> Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 10/22/2010 1:58:53 PM   
Wheldrake


Posts: 477
Status: offline
On The Block

A fantasy of slavery by Wheldrake, Part 2

For the next few minutes I was simply numb, sitting quietly on the hard wooden seat and wishing that I could somehow fade away into thin air and avoid the ordeal that I was certain lay ahead.  At the same time, I could hardly believe that any of this was actually happening to me.  The rain on the carriage roof, the discomfort of the hemp rope cutting into my wrists, and even Relkada’s amused, pitiless smile, seemed like figments of some distant nightmare.  I let out a worried sigh when the carriage came to a halt, and then literally shuddered when a gate creaked open and we lurched into motion again.  This time we came to a stop almost at once, and I heard the gate crash shut.  

“You know who I am, I take it,” Relkada said mildly after a moment.  I nodded, biting my lip and avoiding her eyes.  

“And you know where you are.”  

“In your house, I suppose.  Do I need to know more?”  

“A rather well fortified house on the outskirts of the city.  But what you really need to know, Areth, is that you’ll only make things worse for yourself if you try to run away or offer any sort of resistance.  Do you understand that?”  

“Yes,” I said tersely to the floor of the carriage.  

“Good.  But next time you speak to me, I expect to hear you call me ‘my lady’.”  She unlatched the carriage door and pushed it just slightly open.  “All right, get out, slave.”  

“Yes, my lady.”  I finally did look up, and was rewarded with a brief, tight smile.  Nevertheless, Relkada’s face seemed much harder and more forbidding than it had in the auction hall, when I had taken her for some harmless matron of the city.  I pushed the door fully open with my shoulder and stepped down awkwardly from the carriage, finding myself in a wide, bleak courtyard paved with grey flagstones that were rough and cold under my bare feet.  On one side loomed the turrets of a house that was almost a small castle, and behind us was the great outer wall with its heavy iron gate.  The gate was closed now, of course, and guarded by a huge man with a spear in his hand and a truncheon at his belt.  I blanched and turned back to the house, putting all hope of escape firmly from my mind.  

I was almost giddy with dread of what might follow, and yet I could not deny that feelings of curiosity and even excitement moved like mysterious serpents beneath the surface of my fear.  I had first heard about Relkada Tiren long before my lover Sellane had even begun to hint at her resentment and disappointment, long before I had contemplated selling myself into slavery.  At the time I had wondered with vague stirrings of arousal what it might be like to witness one of Relkada's infamous performances, of course from a safe vantage point in some opulent drawing room.  Now that I was hers in the most literal sense imaginable, and more likely to be the victim of her craft than a passive spectator, the thought of her was still as intriguing and seductive as ever.  All that had changed was that the intrigue was now combined with something close to terror.  

Relkada and Crell descended from the carriage after me, and Relkada smiled and took my arm in a way that might have been almost companionable if I had not been a bound and helpless prisoner.  “Welcome home, Areth.  Come with me.”  

I meekly permitted myself to be guided to the gaping door of the house and then inside, with Relkada’s arm hooked through mine and Crell following close at my heels.  They led me down a vast, echoing corridor and then into a small oak-panelled room that seemed almost intimate by comparison, though it was empty apart from a cabinet set into one wall.  Crell pushed the door closed behind us.  

Relkada turned me gently around and cupped my chin in her hand, forcing me to look her in the face.  “Here you are,” she observed.  “A captive in my home.  You won’t do anything foolish if I have Crell untie you, I take it?”  

“What could I possibly do, my lady?”  

“Exactly,” she replied, sounding pleased.  “Go ahead, Crell.”  He moved behind me and worked at the knots holding my wrists captive, with a good-natured chuckle.  

“Did you really need to make them so tight?” he asked jovially, and Relkada shrugged.  

“It would never do to let the boy wriggle loose.  Besides, it’s good for them to know they can’t possibly get away.  You can deal with it.”  

“Oh, of course.  It just takes a little longer.”  Nevertheless, my wrists were free a moment later and Crell stepped back into my line of vision, carefully winding the short length of rope into a coil and tucking it into a pocket in his leather vest.  I rubbed my wrists and waited nervously for instructions, not entirely happy to be untied.  It might mean that Relkada wanted something from me.  

“Take off your clothes,” she said coolly, as if telling a man to strip naked was the most natural thing in the world for her.  I reminded myself that she had already seen me nude on the auction block, and slipped my brown linen tunic over my head.  There was nowhere obvious to put the garment now that I had removed it, but Relkada took it from me and tossed it casually to the floor.  

"Lohni can collect this later," she noted.  "And then she can burn it – you won't be needing it again, slave.  Do the same thing with your trousers."  

I obeyed a little hesitantly, embarrassed that my cock was swelling to a partial but very obvious erection.  The reason had something to do with Relkada's proximity, and with a complicated excitement that came from being naked in front of a female owner who had a reputation for treating slaves as pawns in exquisite games of pain and pleasure.  There seemed to be little point in trying to conceal myself, so I threw my trousers on top of my tunic and then let my hands simply fall to my sides.  Relkada surprised me by simply reaching out and taking hold of my cock, and I gasped and instinctively pulled away.  Even Viyana, back at the House, had rarely touched my secret parts so casually.  Crell chuckled and grabbed my arms, pulling them behind me and thrusting me towards Relkada.  His grip was terrifyingly strong, and more than a little painful.  

Relkada looked me in the eyes and closed her hand around my penis again, moving slowly and deliberately as if to emphasise my inability to resist.  I held still in Crell's unyielding grasp, then pushed my crotch forwards against Relkada's hand as she slid her fingers down to the base of my shaft and toyed gently with my balls.  It had been so long since I had been allowed to come that I could not help myself.  Relkada smiled wryly and moved both her hands up to my chest, abandoning my cock to the empty air.  Her fingers stroked and kneaded my nipples in a way that made me squirm with discomfort.  She laughed and stepped closer to reach around and cup my buttocks, letting her fingernails dig just slightly into the soft flesh.  She was standing close enough that I could smell her perfume and could easily have rubbed my cock against her body, but of course I did not dare.  If anything I was frightened of accidentally brushing against her and getting fluid on her robes, since I was already leaking copiously.  

"Nice enough," Relkada pronounced, looking down at my body with a critical eye.  "He'll have to be thoroughly groomed, of course, and I want him a little thinner.  He and Lohni ought to match as closely as possible.  What do you think of him, Crell?"  

"He's already scrawny enough to be easy to handle," Crell's deep voice said from behind me.  "I can toss him like a rag doll.  I never think beyond that, with the boys."  

"You're so narrow-minded," Relkada sighed, though I could see the twinkle in her eye.  "Someday you really will have to at least see what it's like to be licked and sucked by one of the male slaves.  Apparently Tarin is the most skillful.  A few minutes with him kneeling in front of you might change your perspective entirely."  

"Someday, my lady," Crell agreed with what sounded like a distinct lack of enthusiasm.  "I do enjoy pushing them around and seeing to their punishments, though."  

"Oh, I know you do," Relkada practically purred.  "My strong, pitiless slave handler."  She reached around me and seemed to caress Crell's arm.  

I was growing increasingly alarmed at the talk of slave boys being made to kneel before male handlers, but I had not missed the implication that some of the slaves in Relkada's house were women.  

"Is Lohni a slave girl, my lady?" I asked hesitantly.  

"Lohni is none of your business for the moment," Relkada said firmly.  

"But my lady-"  She slapped me across the face, unhesitatingly but clearly with nothing like her full strength.  I gasped in surprise, rather than with pain, and instantly fell silent.  

"Since you seem to lack natural discretion, you are not to speak further unless spoken to," she announced.  "For the moment, at least.  Crell, let me collar and chain him, and then we'll take him under the stairs."  

"You don't want to try him out a little, my lady?"  

Relkada was already moving to the cabinet set into one wall of the room.  "Karyana wants to see him in as pristine a state as possible," she explained.  "Softened up a bit, of course, but pristine."  

A tightness formed deep in my belly as I wondered what exactly they were going to do to me.  I had never felt so utterly helpless in my life, not even when Viyana had locked her own collar around my neck for the first time.  To make matters worse, Karyana was another familiar name, and one that I placed without too much difficulty.  Karyana el-Hatri was the Suzerain of the whole bloody city, and rumour had it that she was one of Relkada's most constant patrons.  

Meanwhile Relkada had lifted a handful of gleaming steel out of the cabinet in the wall.  The collar was heavier than the one I had worn in the House of Viyana, and incised with flowing letters that would undoubtedly identify me as Relkada's property.  I lifted my chin obediently as Relkada reached up to place the collar around my neck, and sighed as the lock snapped into place.  

"Mine," she said firmly, and pinched my cheek hard enough to make me wince in pain.  Despite the harshness of her touch, her expression was not entirely unkind.  Nevertheless, I felt a coldness in the pit of my belly as I realised that I could not deny her assertion of ownership.  I was hers indeed, a helpless chattel of one of the most notoriously sadistic women in a city famous for its refined cruelties, and for some reason my cock was stiffer than ever.  

"Yours," I whispered under my breath, and Relkada did not reprimand me.  

She made a small horizontal circle with the tip of one finger, and Crell instantly spun me around so that I was looking into his face and had my back to Relkada.  He was still holding my upper arms, but Relkada took my wrists and gently pulled my hands to the small of my back.  Cold steel clicked shut around one wrist, and then the other.  The cuffs were not exactly painfully tight, but they were inescapable and seemed to be connected by a short metal bar rather than a chain.  I could neither move my hands apart nor bring them together.  

"Bring him," Relkada commanded, and led the way out of the room.  I followed obediently with Crell's strong hand on my arm, my erection bobbing in front of me as I walked.  I blushed as a woman in a white gown, who looked like an ordinary domestic servant rather than a slave, bustled past us with an armload of linen towels.  Her eyes lingered on my naked body for a moment, and then she was gone.  

Our strange little party made its way down a long corridor, into what looked like a banqueting hall with long tables and an enormous hearth, and then to a stairway that ascended from the rear corner of the hall in a gentle spiral.  There was indeed a cavernous space beneath the stairs, a shadowy cranny that neither the weak rays of sun coming in through the high windows of the hall nor the light from the torches ranged round the walls really penetrated.  

"This should be an excellent place to tuck you away for a few hours," Relkada announced.  "I want you to turn around and back in."  

Crell let go of my arm, which was safe enough for them considering that I was naked and shackled.  Flight and resistance were equally unthinkable.  I turned and took a step backwards just as Relkada had told me.  "Like this, my lady?"  

"A little further.  You're to stand practically against the wall.  Good."  She moved into the cranny and stood beside me, and I saw that she was still carrying a short, gleaming length of chain that must have come from the cabinet in the room where I had been made to strip.  Although there was plenty of room for both of us under the stairs, it felt strangely intimate to be sharing this dark, secluded space with her.  She was doing something with the chain behind my back, seemingly more by feel than by sight.  I heard the rattle of metal on metal, and then the click of a lock.  She must have fastened me, I realised, to some sort of bracket set into the wall.  I investigated with my hands and found that it was not a bracket but a heavy steel or iron ring at about waist height, and that the chain left me very little room for manoeuvre.  I could turn freely from side to side, and I might be able to kneel if I allowed my arms to be wrenched up uncomfortably behind my back, but sitting would be impossible unless I wanted to dislocate my shoulders.  I was simply going to have to stand there, naked in the semi-darkness, until Relkada or Crell or someone came back to let me go.  There was a chilly draught at this end of the hall, and after a few hours chained in this spot I would undoubtedly be cold, cramped and miserable.  In other words, I would be nicely softened up, presumably for Karyana.  Were they really going to present me to her later today?  The thought filled me with something akin to panic.  

"My lady, what are you going to-"  

This time Relkada punched me in the pit of the stomach instead of slapping my face.  I was sure she could have hit me much harder had she chosen, to say nothing of what Crell could have done.  Nevertheless the blow was enough to make me groan and lean forward, pulling uselessly at my cuffs.  She met my eyes sternly and drew back her fist again.  

"Please don't, my lady!"  

"I thought I told you to speak when spoken to, Areth."  

"I won't say anything else, my lady, I promise.  I'll wait to find out what you're going to do to me."  

She unclenched her hand and broke into a wry smile.  "Yes, Areth, you will.  Behave yourself in the meantime."  Relkada leaned close, and I caught the scent of her perfume again as she planted a gentle, teasing kiss on the corner of my mouth.  Her fingers toyed momentarily with my cock, but she stepped back almost immediately and turned away without another glance.  She and Crell passed out of my field of vision, and I heard their retreating footsteps followed by Crell's voice and a gust of laughter from Relkada.  Apparently she found her new slave amusing, unless of course she and Crell were already talking about something else.  

I sighed and attempted to resign myself to a long, uncomfortable wait.  I already wished that I could move my arms to a different position, just for a few minutes, and now that I was alone I became aware that I was also more than a little hungry and thirsty.  The air was cold on my skin, and on top of everything else I was beginning to feel the need for a chamber pot.  For the moment these were only annoyances, but how long would it take before I began to feel desperate?  The idea that simply standing in one place could be torture seemed ridiculous, but torture was exactly the word that came to mind as I contemplated the hours ahead.  I fought down a rising panic, and reminded myself firmly that I would only make things worse for myself if I started yelling for mercy.  

I stood there and gradually began to feel worse.  I could at least shift my weight from one leg to the other, but the muscles in my arms were screaming.  The flagstones were icy under my bare feet, and I could swear that the whole room was getting colder as the thin afternoon light that had been coming in through the windows gradually faded.  My bladder was beginning to feel not just full, but actually strained, and at the same time my throat was terribly dry.  Occasional servants in white hurried by, male and female, some carrying burdens and some empty-handed.  The women in particular usually found time to spare me a long glance as they passed, but none of them approached me and I did not dare address them for fear of being reported to Relkada.  Once Crell came strolling up to the entrance of my little dungeon, and I was sure that he had been sent specifically to check on me.  He smiled at me, squeezed one of my arms as if that could tell him whether I was properly softened up yet, and vanished again.  I had to bite my lip to stop myself from asking him for a drink, a chamber pot, a chance to stretch my arms for just a minute, even a kind word.  When he was gone I lowered my head and blinked back tears, feeling very soft indeed.  

Some time later, I heard lighter footsteps approaching and looked up to see a female figure coming toward me through the gloom of the hall.  I took her at first for another white-clad servant, and the light had grown so weak that she was practically standing in front of me before I realised that she was a naked woman with skin as pale and hair as blond as my own.  Her hair had been cut short like a man's, which I knew was unusual for free women of the city but quite common for female slaves, and as I noticed this I also saw that her nudity was not quite complete.  She wore a steel collar precisely like my own, and around her loins was fastened a kind of girdle of the same metal.  The plate that covered her vulva was slit so that she would be able to pass urine, but she would be quite unable to accept a man or even pleasure herself with the girdle in place.  She happened to be carrying the two things I wanted most in all the world, a leather flask and a porcelain chamberpot.  

I realised that I was staring at her nakedness and hastily turned my eyes to the floor.  The slave girl set down the items she was carrying and firmly took hold of my chin, raising my face to hers.  "Welcome," she said simply.  

"We're permitted to speak, then?"  

"We can talk quietly among ourselves as long as we're not in her presence.  Areth, I presume?"  

I nodded.  "And you must be Lohni," I said thickly, relieved almost to the point of tears to have someone I could address as an equal.  "The one I'm supposed to match as closely as possible."  Even our accents were similar, and I wondered how she had come to find herself a slave in this city of cruelties.  

"Indeed.  I expect we'll be seeing a great deal of each other.  You don't need to be shy about looking at me, by the way – in fact, you could get into trouble for it.  We're not given clothes because we're all meant to be on display, including to each other."  

"But why does Relkada-"  

She shook her head warningly.  "You must learn to call her 'our lady'."  

"All right, then.  Why does our lady want to display us to each other?"  

"I suppose she thinks it humbles us to be seen naked by as many eyes as possible," Lohni replied slowly.  "And it torments me to have to look at male bodies I can't touch, just as it torments the slave men to have to look at me and the other women.  I expect it will become a torment to you as well, in time."  

"You could touch me now," I said, though as I heard my own words I realised that they sounded like a crude proposition.  

"I could," she agreed.  "But then again, I can't."  She lifted her collar slightly with one finger and then let it fall.  "You and I will never be allowed to touch each other, Areth.  We will probably be required to, sooner or later, but that's very different."  

"It's not like I would tell anyone."  

"The worst thing you can do in this household is try to get away with things.  You'll eventually be caught and thrashed within an inch of your life – believe me, I know."  Lohni smiled wryly.  "Speaking of which, I'll catch it if I stand here talking to you for too long.  I'm supposed to see quickly to your needs and then let you get back to thinking about how cold and sore and hungry you are."  

"You cold-hearted bitch," I said, suddenly furious.  

Lohni sighed.  "It's not that I don't feel sorry for you, Areth.  She did almost the same thing to me on my first day, so I know what you're going through.  But I have my orders, all right?  You're not exactly here to be pampered."  

"All right," I said, though I was still trembling with helpless anger.  

"Good.  Here, go ahead and piss.  Then I'll give you a drink."  She picked up the chamber pot and held it directly under my penis, which had stayed resolutely limp despite her proximity.  I was too cold and miserable for arousal.  

"I can't do it with you standing right there," I told her plaintively.  

"How much privacy do you think a slave is entitled to?  You can close your eyes and try to pretend I'm not here if you want."  

"Put the chamber pot on the floor, then.  I'll kneel to use it."  

She simply gave a slight shake of her head, although this time I thought I could see real sympathy in her face.  I closed my eyes as she had suggested, though I felt a single tear leak out from under each eyelid just as my hot piss began to flow into the chamberpot.  I was mortified by the fact that Lohni would be able to smell the sharp, acrid scent just as well as I could.  

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked a moment later.  

"Yes it was," I muttered.  

"Well, you'll learn."  The sympathetic expression was gone, replaced by mild impatience.  "Damn it, Areth, I'll catch a strapping from Clista if I take much longer."  

"From whom?"  

"The main female handler."  Lohni was already reaching for the leather flask.  "She's taller than Crell, almost as strong, and probably twice as harsh in the punishment room.  Especially with the men, so you watch out for her.  Here, drink up."  She put the mouth of the flask to my lips, and I drank it down greedily.  To my disappointment the water was lukewarm, and was gone after two decent swallows.  

"Not enough, I know," Lohni remarked.  "It wasn't meant to be.  Good luck, Areth."  She gathered up the chamber pot and hurried away, leaving me slumped against the wall with a throat that felt only marginally less parched than before.  At least my bladder was empty, though the lack of pressure there only seemed to bring my discomforts into sharper relief.  

In hindsight I doubt they actually left me there too much longer, but I had lost all sense of time.  I was certainly wracked by periodic moans and shivers by the time Lohni reappeared, this time on the end of a leather leash attached to her collar.  She was wrapped in a heavy fur blanket that covered her arms and body like a mantle, but she was still barefoot and her ankles were locked together by a heavy chain.  The woman holding the leash was indeed taller than Crell, and built with the same compact muscularity.  Her dark hair was pulled back in a tight braid, and brown eyes that seemed to dart everywhere in search of wrongdoing to be punished glinted out from her bold, severe face.  

Relkada and Crell walked just beside them, Crell carrying a blanket and leash and set of leg irons that I could only assume were intended for me.  I was eager for the blanket, and I felt that I could endure the weight of the irons and the indignity of the leash if only I could be covered and protected from the worst of the evening chill.  Crell was dressed in a vest and trousers of brown leather, just as he had been in the auction hall, but Relkada had changed into a black gown that fitted her like a glove and left her arms nearly bare.  Her hair was braided in three very long strands, each interwoven with a light silver chain, and she moved with swift, decisive strides.  Despite her small wrinkles and touches of grey, there was no longer anything matronly in her appearance, and indeed she looked even harder and more dangerous than the big woman who could only be Clista.  Two white-clad men carrying torches followed behind, throwing the hall into dancing light and shadow.  

"How are you, Areth?" Relkada called to me in a silky purr.  "Enjoying, I trust, the comforts of my hospitality?"  

I drew myself up as bravely as I could.  "Enduring them, my lady."  

Lohni shot me a glance of what might have been sneaking admiration, and Relkada laughed aloud.  "We'll see how you endure what will follow, slave."  She caught Crell's eye and jerked her head in my direction.  "Leash him and bring him at once.  Karyana is expecting us for dinner at the eighth bell, and then the performance will begin."  

Despite my earlier attempt at bravado, I bit my lip to suppress a whimper as Crell's hand closed on my arm and he detached me from the wall without removing the cuffs that held my wrists together behind my back.  He applied the leash to my collar and the leg irons to my ankles with brisk, practised efficiency, then draped the blanket around my shoulders and jerked roughly on the leash to move me forwards.  Lohni and I exchanged a long glance as we were led out of the hall side by side, like a pair of captive animals.  Her face held sympathy that was surely intended for me, but also a sense of frightened anticipation that I suspect was for both of us.

(To be continued, hopefully without such a long delay this time. Comments are welcome as always, as are ideas about what the "performance" should include.)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 10/22/2010 4:45:39 PM   
Loftguy


Posts: 20
Joined: 7/24/2004
Status: offline
Wheldrake,

Great work; very well written. Hope that the continuation will be soon completed.

(in reply to Wheldrake)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 10/23/2010 12:24:05 PM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline
This is getting good, please continue.

(in reply to Loftguy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 10/23/2010 5:16:00 PM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline
Excellent!



_____________________________

"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to subrob1967)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 10/25/2010 5:01:09 PM   
SpyUnderCover


Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline
I am really enjoying this as well. Love how he whispers "Yours," with that mix of eroticism and resignation. Do please make Areth and Relkada want each other in spite of themselves. lol Very well done!

Spy 


(in reply to LadyRian)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 10/26/2010 1:26:07 PM   
Wheldrake


Posts: 477
Status: offline
I'm glad people are still enjoying the story. Thanks again for the very kind comments. I'll try to have the next (and final?) part up within a few days. Spy, I'll see what I can do about the relationship between Areth and Relkada. It could get interesting.

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 10/27/2010 10:03:57 AM   
SpyUnderCover


Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline
Wonderful! I can't wait! :-)

I'll keep checking back  ...

Spy

(in reply to Wheldrake)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 11/1/2010 5:41:12 PM   
MartindeMadrid


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline
Maybe you should think about continuing it beyond the next installment.  You have several well-fleshed-out characters and have made us care in short order about the principal characters.  Well done indeed.  You have a fine mix of detail, tease and eroticism spiced up with BDSM, and that is a difficult thing to do well.  The work is on par with any professional wordwright's and I believe you have talent which could be commercialized should you be interested.

The only small criticism I have is that when the slave got into the carriage he was bound with a leather strap, then he is tied with hemp when he arrives at the owner's castle.  Have to make sure you are consistent, but if all your problems are that small then you should be smiling.  Just for your information (since it could have been her grammar, not the Queen's English) when he is put into the cell under the stairway, his owner tells him to go "further" into the cell.  Since you are dealing with distance, the correct word is "farther."  (Can you tell I am an English teacher yet?)

Can't wait for the next installment.  Want you to keep writing because I enjoy it so much.

< Message edited by MartindeMadrid -- 11/1/2010 5:47:06 PM >

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 - 11/13/2010 11:59:08 AM   
Wheldrake


Posts: 477
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MartindeMadrid

Maybe you should think about continuing it beyond the next installment.  You have several well-fleshed-out characters and have made us care in short order about the principal characters.  Well done indeed.  You have a fine mix of detail, tease and eroticism spiced up with BDSM, and that is a difficult thing to do well.  The work is on par with any professional wordwright's and I believe you have talent which could be commercialized should you be interested.


Thanks very much for the kind words! I think I will continue the story for at least a couple more episodes, considering the way it's now developing, and perhaps eventually I'll work it up into a full length novel. As for commercialisation, I have already published three e-books and am at work on a fourth. If you're curious, the published ones can be found here:

http://www.strictsusan.com/publish/wheldrake.htm

Unfortunately writing is just something I do in my spare time, so I'm never going to be prolific. With that said, I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon, and this forum seems like a useful place to try out a wide range of ideas and see what gets a good response. After the current story has run its course, I may try out some shorter vignettes and then turn the ones that people like into complete stories. Suggestions for scenarios and storylines are always welcome. Femdom-type stuff is what comes most naturally, but I'm not limited to that by any means.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MartindeMadrid
The only small criticism I have is that when the slave got into the carriage he was bound with a leather strap, then he is tied with hemp when he arrives at the owner's castle.  Have to make sure you are consistent, but if all your problems are that small then you should be smiling.


Ah... well, you see... following the end of the first episode, but before the beginning of the second, Relkada cunningly untied the leather cord around Areth's wrists and then retied him with hemp. Yep. That's it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MartindeMadrid
Just for your information (since it could have been her grammar, not the Queen's English) when he is put into the cell under the stairway, his owner tells him to go "further" into the cell.  Since you are dealing with distance, the correct word is "farther."  (Can you tell I am an English teacher yet?)


I've actually seen differing opinions, among people who presume to write about grammar and usage, about whether the further/farther distinction is worth maintaining. Anyway, I'm happy to blame Relkada's shoddy grasp of language if her use of "further" bothers you. Lucky for her that there aren't any English teachers around in her manor, and that she's too old to be spanked anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MartindeMadrid
Can't wait for the next installment.  Want you to keep writing because I enjoy it so much.


Finally completed, and will be up shortly. "Better late than never" is rapidly becoming my motto in life, I'm afraid.

(in reply to MartindeMadrid)
Profile   Post #: 9
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Creative Writings >> Femdom Fiction: "On The Block", Part 2 Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.148