RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (Full Version)

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thatsub -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 7:56:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
...
If they are say out of work for 13 months and have been actively looking and maybe have taken a part-time job at a retail store and done other things to manage their finances as responsibly as they are able...vs...someone who is totally negative on the experience and maybe looking for someone to "save" them.
...

Actually it would make more financial sense to keep trying to renew your unemployment, since with it you get total package of services that you won't be able to afford with a regular retail job. Right now I have a friend who was  unemployed for a long time; he finally could not take it anymore and got a retail job. His wife still bitches at him for doing it, since he now makes less money than she does on unemployment.

It is sad when unemployed people can make more than some folks who are following your advice, but it is true.



stiv2009 -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 9:31:22 AM)

I suppose the easy thing about dating during a time of boom, is that you can fairly confidently make the equation joblessness=fecklessness. In a time of recession its much harder. Therefore its maybe about looking for the potential in people rather than their reality. We all do that when seeking homes (we see beyond the ugly wallpaper) -and so, I suppose, that is what we must do with people too. Personally though, I have never been able to do that confidently. The ugly ducklings became fairly ugly swans! However, sports managers do it routinely. They see an impressive juvenile, often a problematic one, and lo and behold later, he becomes a world class performer. When considering a love interest - I suppose the only clue we have are what we can make of their values and character. Look for the good in people, and try to weigh how much of it there is.



Tantriqu -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 10:29:08 AM)

I have no problem with underployment or his going back to school, but probably wouldn't date someone who was unemployed.

That being said, my lovers tend to come from both ends of the scales; the ones who make the least amount of money will NOT permit me to buy things for them, and the richest feel entitled.
In one year, I went from a lawyer in international law who always expected me to buy even his beer, and a cop paying both rent on his place and the mortgage on his ex-wife's plus alimony and child support despite 50:50 custody, who couldn't bear to let me buy him coffee. So it meant we went out very little, and never on the big holidays I adore, since he simply refused.
I prefer going dutch!



PeonForHer -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 11:04:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
That being said, my lovers tend to come from both ends of the scales; the ones who make the least amount of money will NOT permit me to buy things for them, and the richest feel entitled. 


That absolutely chimes with my experience and my expectations.  There are powerful reasons why a broke man won't want a woman spending money on him, while there are similarly strong reasons why, for a rich, man the opposite is true. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 1:02:10 PM)

Financially, I am an utter disaster. My health insurance is killing me. I am laid off for another few months, and side work isn't what it used to be. So, I don't ask too many folks out... but I am not destitute!

Since I am not interested in changing my domestic arrangement, and don't expect my date to make my car payment, I don't mind if someone is unemployed (after all, I DO live in SE Michigan!) but I DO mind if he is a total layabout. Bone idleness is a thing that anyone can be "victim" of, employed or not.

I hear that story about you should be spending your workday looking for work. To me, that is asking for a nervous breakdown. NO ONE has the ego to deal with that level of rejection.



Takeylarose -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 1:41:31 PM)

They say it's a job looking for a job.. Thankfully I have never really had that problem, I'm used to working overnights so you could imagine what kinds of places I would be able to apply overnight LOL (Some maybe more interesting and fun more than others)

Thanks to the internet I can look anytime day or night and do it in my PJ's if I want!




Politesub53 -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 5:21:16 PM)

Sheesh Lockit whats wrong with you woman. If I expected you to have a job, how could you sit on my pedestal all day long ?  [8D]

Anyhow if the worst came to the worst we could sell the pedestal and just snuggle up close.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 5:42:45 PM)

If I were to consider someone who was not employed, I would have to assure that hir time with the House did not ruin hir professional standing... so chances are pretty good that, for the servant who intended to, or who was actively -trying- to, retain hir career, part of hir service to the House would be in doing things that would improve hir networking, hir opportunities to find work, and hir career aspirations.

OTOH, over the years we have had servants whose -only- role was in service to the House, and I have absolutely no issue with that. Of -course- there are stipulations... sitting around on the computer playing games while the household slips into disarray is -not- going to make me a happy Matriarch... and, as a qualifier, at the moment, since we're not accepting full-time, live-in servants, the person would have to be able to care for hirself in terms of residence, etc... but aside from that, we would certainly not discount someone just because they weren't working in a job out in the world.

Dame Calla



PeonForHer -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 5:42:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Sheesh Lockit whats wrong with you woman. If I expected you to have a job, how could you sit on my pedestal all day long ?  [8D]

Anyhow if the worst came to the worst we could sell the pedestal and just snuggle up close.


Pedestals don't come cheap these days, PS.  Even a plakky one from Argos could set you back a few bob.  Just saying.



Politesub53 -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 5:46:59 PM)

No worries Peon. I still have the one I made while watching Blue Peter. It is suprising how long those cornflake packets last. [;)]



PeonForHer -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 5:56:57 PM)

[:D]

The good old days . . .



NuevaVida -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 6:47:47 PM)

Hi Lockit,

I'm afraid I'm a bit biased in this area, because of my former marriage.  He was unemployed for about half of the marriage (we were married 20 years), and I carried us, financially (barely).  It was exhausting for me, and I lost a great deal of respect for him due to his lack of motivation and effort to help us out (I didn't make much, myself). 

It's baggage crap, I know, but as a result it became important to me that I'm with someone who is employed.  It also depends on circumstances, too. If my master had been unemployed when we met, I'd be asking how long he's been unemployed, what he's doing to look for work, how long was he at his last couple jobs, etc.  As it was, I asked him how long he's been at his job.  When he told me, I was relieved.  I didn't need him to be a white collar executive.  I just needed to know I wouldn't have to carry him.  Given his history, I think he felt the same, about me.

Still, due to both our divorces financially ruining us, we are frugal about going out.  I don't mind that part.  I don't need the wining and dining.  I just wanted to be with someone with a good heart, a character I could admire, and a good work ethic.



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/31/2010 9:41:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Would you consider getting involved with someone new if they were unemployed?  Yes, as long as they were making a good-faith effort on a daily basis to find employment. 
 
Would you have some stipulations or conditions that an unemployed person would have to meet before you would be involved with them?  Yes, they would have to be making a good-faith effort on a daily basis to find employment.
 
If you wouldn’t consider someone that was unemployed, what would your reasons be?  If they were sitting on their butt all day and not making any effort to find employment, or expected me to support them.

Is it heartless to expect someone to be employed with things the way they are?  I was out of work for five months in 2009 myself and can fully empathize.  Nonetheless, I worked just as hard at finding a job as I do now that I'm employed and would expect the same of any person I was considering, if they happened to be unemployed.  When I am unemployed, I consider finding a job to be my full-time job, and that remains the case until I find employment.
 
I recently received a message from a sub who was laid off and asked if he could have room and board in return for being a "no-limits" slave.  I laughed as I hit the delete button.  That's definitely not happening.
 



Lockit -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/31/2010 9:55:01 PM)

Thank you all for your answers!

I know a man who was ill and he lost everything. He was down to his last dollar and soon to be homeless and he decided to get a cup of coffee with his last buck. There he met an angel. She loved him no matter what, she gave him a place to rest, a place to heal and a place of safety. He actually called her his angel. They married and many years later I met him while doing advocacy work.

With a hand up, he was able to work some things and make some investments. He wasn't totally a loss, but still couldn't work an every day job and bring back what once was. His practice was done... but his knowledge was used. I called him Doctor.

While not everyone in need is a doctor or worth the effort, I believe there are some that are worth it. However, my friends story is pretty much a fantasy kind of thing, because it's very rare.

My son was in poor shape. A family took him in because he didn't want to go by mom's rules. He pulled it together and supported the whole family for a very long time. He started out getting on his feet in a fast food place and ended up an oil rigger.

They have to want to do something with their life and you have to be able to see it.



Takeylarose -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (11/1/2010 2:10:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


They have to want to do something with their life and you have to be able to see it.



That says it all right there.  I'm more convinced with actions than words. If I see them getting up everyday going out there and trying  instead of sitting around wishing for a job to land in there lap then I wouldn't discount them as a potential mate.  I don't want someone to support me, I just want them to be able to support themselves. There is more to a relationship than how much money they bring to the table.

At some point I think we've all had one of those relationships where we "give" more financially but ultimately that was our own choice, it's not like we were forced to take them out or buy things for them. If you made that choice in the past you can't hold that against future mates. Are there bad apples out there? Heck yes but if you decide you want to give or do for them anyway then you can't blame anyone but yourself.





RedMagic1 -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (11/1/2010 2:49:02 PM)

I will contribute the following useless fact:

The main screen has magically combined this thread with another currently-active Ask A Mistress thread, by shortening the title to "Dating in a time of a poo"



Lockit -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (11/1/2010 3:17:37 PM)

LOL Shit!



liketobeBlues -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (11/1/2010 4:53:00 PM)

That may well be a hard limit for some folks!
 
~ Blue ~



LadyPact -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (11/1/2010 5:37:55 PM)

No worries, liketobe.  There will be someone along to start a genuine poo thread or bump their old thread for wank material shortly.

Lockit, I'm sorry for not addressing the topic (the real one).  Since I don't "date" I didn't feel that My comments would have fit the criteria.



Lockit -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (11/1/2010 11:22:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: liketobeBlues

That may well be a hard limit for some folks!
 
~ Blue ~


My cussing often is! hehe Where have you been lady? Give me a call soon! The boys keep asking about you know who. lol



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