RE: Has this happened before?

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Twoshoes -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/29/2010 6:14:12 PM)
You're assuming a female switch exerts her control by denying sex. I'd think a female switch would want to start a sexual interaction she could control.

WolfyMontgomery -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/29/2010 9:28:20 PM)
quote: But I wouldn't be surprised if she starts seeing other ways that his, shall we say, consideration for her needs turns her on. Well... you know, Master can get me hot and bothered when he "considers" my needs too. Though it's not because I'm feeling Dommy over him, it's because he went out of his way as Master to make sure his slave was happy. It has nothing to do with my topping him and all to do with the fact that he wanted to do it that got me off. Granted I never orgasmed from any of these exchanges, but I have begged for sex afterwards lol. Heck, there are times when I've told him that I thought having sex after a fight would be detrimental because of some issue or another, and he agreed, and while I hadn't got a happy from that I was deeply touched that he respected my needs enough to refrain. I wasn't topping him or being Dominant, I was just telling him my feelings and thoughts on the matter like I'm required to do, and he thought better of going against those feelings. So sometimes granting a sub's or slave's wishes doesn't always immediately point to him/her being a Dom - sometimes it's more a gift from the Dom to her that makes his ownership of her that much more special. Edited to fix a couple spelling errors.

DMFParadox -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/29/2010 11:53:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes You're assuming a female switch exerts her control by denying sex. I'd think a female switch would want to start a sexual interaction she could control. No such assumption has been made. I'm assuming that exerting control is something a switch does more than a sub. At least in theory.

DMFParadox -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/30/2010 12:19:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WolfyMontgomery quote: But I wouldn't be surprised if she starts seeing other ways that his, shall we say, consideration for her needs turns her on. Well... you know, Master can get me hot and bothered when he "considers" my needs too. Though it's not because I'm feeling Dommy over him, it's because he went out of his way as Master to make sure his slave was happy. It has nothing to do with my topping him and all to do with the fact that he wanted to do it that got me off. Granted I never orgasmed from any of these exchanges, but I have begged for sex afterwards lol. Heck, there are times when I've told him that I thought having sex after a fight would be detrimental because of some issue or another, and he agreed, and while I hadn't got a happy from that I was deeply touched that he respected my needs enough to refrain. I wasn't topping him or being Dominant, I was just telling him my feelings and thoughts on the matter like I'm required to do, and he thought better of going against those feelings. So sometimes granting a sub's or slave's wishes doesn't always immediately point to him/her being a Dom - sometimes it's more a gift from the Dom to her that makes his ownership of her that much more special. Edited to fix a couple spelling errors. This is the chain of events that's triggering my response. 1. "he wanted to make up by having sex which is normal" 2. " but for whatever reason I just did not want to have sex" 3. She talks him out of it, and they don't. (This is where I could be reading into things, so if you did have sex or just hadn't said anything, OP, set the record straight, please.) 4. "I have an orgasm just from him touching me and it gets very intense" I used the word consideration because I was trying to be a bit less antagonizing of some people's sensibilities than if I'd used 'obedience'. But that's what I meant. She took lead on this and he accepted it. Within the overall context of the relationship - I haven't forgotten she's got the will and the mindset to normally be his submissive - within that context, she had a moment where his obedience and acceptance of her displayed through her obedience gave her a profound orgasm. It's as if a lesbian found herself turned on by a man. Doesn't mean she likes girls less, but something has happened that made her notice a new way to get off. Something ringing an alarm bell is the hint that fighting is common enough for its resolution to be a problem. It might be because her super-ego is too heavily overriding her id. I.e., her 'role' isn't satisfying her. If she hadn't had such a strong reaction to this resolution, I wouldn't immediately assume that; and it's still more likely that it's over economics and time management than it is over personal dynamics. At least statistically speaking. But in this case, her satisfaction with her role is a consideration in why they're having problems. Everything (except for defining terms) is maybe's and could-be's. Something to look into. If I'm wrong, it doesn't matter. But if my conjecture is right, and it helps her and him see their relationship in a way that closer fits their ids, then she'll have benefited from a different perspective. That's what it's all for. Do women (and men) get off by an idea of a thing and the lightest touch? Sure they do. Good for her. Glad things are looking up.

DMFParadox -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/30/2010 12:32:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Communist42 All experiences take place in the brain. When you orgasm, it is always because you think yourself there. Some take place in the dorsal ganglion :P

allthatjaz -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/30/2010 3:10:29 AM)
I just get the impression your reading far too much into this DMF. Its like you have got hold of this snippet of information and are twisting and turning it to suit your opinion. Perhaps she didn't want sex after an argument because she needed a loving moment more. Fucking after an argument can be hot and sometimes I really get off on that used feeling but sometimes I just need a reassuring cuddle because loving puts my head in a very safe place and that very safe place is probably the only time for me that I truly feel submissive. It didn't sound to me like she was taking control and denying sex. It sounded more like she needed some thoughtful moments with him and being the thoughtful man that he obviously is, he understood that.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/30/2010 4:12:56 AM)
HEY OP!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif]

DesFIP -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/30/2010 8:39:41 AM)
The problem with paradox is that he believes sadist is dominance. That unless the s type is unhappy, the d isn't in control. That's emotional sadism, not dominance. You simply can't get through his head that they are not synonymous. And that's why I put him on hide years ago, I suggest you do the same Wolfy rather than beat your head against the wall trying to teach him anything. The Man wants me happy and actively involved during sex, since his big thing is forced orgasms he would get very little pleasure from having sex with me while I was unhappy and not aroused. To paradox The Man isn't weal or twue because he doesn't get off on me being unhappy or in pain, physical or emotional.

NuevaVida -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/30/2010 9:25:46 AM)
DMF: I have been profoundly touched by the man considering and meeting my needs during emotional moments, and have had some rather interesting emotional and physical responses to it. For me it had nothing to do with "He's doing what I say and that gets me off" as you seem to be suggesting happened for the OP. For me it was that I felt heard, and I felt cared about, and I felt loved enough to where he would fuel my tank, so to speak, when it was feeling empty. This made me extremely sensitive to him, and as a result, even more desirous to give back to him exponentially. Just another way of looking at it. When I read the OP, I didn't see "switch" at all (and I have nothing at all against the concept of switching). I just saw a submissive who had a profoundly intense reaction to feeling cared about. When my owner and I have squabbled, I have pulled away, emotionally - it's my own self-protective reaction because of past issues. Having sex at that time? I'd do it but I would prefer not to, and I can't imagine a sad and angry lump in the bed would be that enjoyable for him. This wouldn't be a manipulation on my part to deny him sex or make it bad for him; it would be me doing what's required of me - expressing myself naturally and not pretending to be or feel something I'm not. It actually hasn't happened yet, but if I ever DON'T want sex, I'm required to tell him that, and why. It will always be up to him to decide if we do, anyway. I'd imagine if I ever felt that way, his bigger concern would be why, and how to work us through it, than whether or not he's going to get off. My last owner was really big on not giving me what I asked for, because he felt that would undermine his authority somehow. "If you want it, and I give it to you, then you're in control here." I always thought that was kind of ridiculous thinking. One day I asked him, "Hmm, then I guess you should no longer allow me to give you head, then? Because it's something I want and enjoy..."

DMFParadox -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/30/2010 11:56:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida I just saw a submissive who had a profoundly intense reaction to feeling cared about. Ok. I saw a person who had a profoundly intense reaction to feeling cared about. quote: Having sex at that time? I'd do it but I would prefer not to, and I can't imagine a sad and angry lump in the bed would be that enjoyable for him. There's shades of gray here, but for the most part I agree. However, after the air's been cleared sex can be a good way to reconnect. It might be where they were at, but she was pushing for something more. quote: This wouldn't be a manipulation on my part to deny him sex or make it bad for him People keep getting hung up on this. It's not the denial. If it were the opposite, i.e. he didn't want sex and she did, and she was feeling very strung up about it because of all the emotions involved and was afraid to ask, but she did and he acceded... etc., etc., and she had an orgasm right there just because of light touching. If that were the scenario, I'd say the same thing. I think that because it was a denial that people are missing this. If it had been her asking for sex instead of asking for no sex, there might be less confusion about my opinion. Orgasm denial is usually about making the eventual orgasm better. A better build up. At least in the way I approach it. Not about making anything bad for the perverse joy of it. I recognize that type too but that's not what I'm talking about. quote: I felt loved enough to where he would fuel my tank Sure, this is important. For both D's and s's. It's the details that are getting me here, but I'm getting burnt out on repeating them. quote: My last owner was really big on not giving me what I asked for, because he felt that would undermine his authority somehow It depends. Usually it shouldn't. Sometimes it does. I can think of at least two past relationships off the cuff where things went south when I got agreeable about things, even though it was the right thing to do and I stand by my decision. Again, this is all maybe's. Based on what she wrote, and subtleties I can't seem to easily point out here to the rest of the forumgoers, I think she should look into the possibility that this was more than a passing thing. That she can get satisfaction out of a positive reinforcement cycle that started with her enforcing her will, not his. It's just a possibility. One signal that might be important, might not be important, and because of the doubt is worth investigating to see if it is for her. Why is this so hard for people to accept?

DMFParadox -> RE: Has this happened before? (10/30/2010 12:05:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP The problem with paradox is that he believes sadist is dominance. That unless the s type is unhappy, the d isn't in control. That's emotional sadism, not dominance. You simply can't get through his head that they are not synonymous. And that's why I put him on hide years ago, I suggest you do the same Wolfy rather than beat your head against the wall trying to teach him anything. The Man wants me happy and actively involved during sex, since his big thing is forced orgasms he would get very little pleasure from having sex with me while I was unhappy and not aroused. To paradox The Man isn't weal or twue because he doesn't get off on me being unhappy or in pain, physical or emotional. HA! Being nice has its place. And being an ass lets me filter for idiots much faster. Case in point. Life is complicated. Good is bad and down is up a lot of the time. And sometimes good is just good and up is just up. But for the mentally lazy, the ones who don't bother trying to see when bad is good and left is right, stuff like this comes out of their mouths. Thanks for the warning, sweetcheeks. I'll reciprocate blocking you, should make life on the board much easier for both of us. Not that you're reading this.

crystalclarinet -> RE: Has this happened before? (11/2/2010 10:48:38 PM)
I guess with this one everyone has their opinion... but again as I said before my Dom and I go on many levels.... We were having a normal your parents hate me fight and he wanted to make up by having sex... This was all on a vanilla plain. Then what resulted I thought might have become a BDSM plain, but I wasn't really sure because its not something that I had delt with before. I can see why everyone is arguing this that or the other,but I never intended to without sex for a power exchange. I simply stated to my Dom/boyfriend this, If you intend to get married to me and have children with me then we need to learn how to resolve our conflicts without using sex because one day when we have children we might not have time to resolve our conflicts in that manner and we should really work on that sooner rather than later. So hopefully that can give everyone a clear picture, but then again maybe not.

January -> RE: Has this happened before? (11/3/2010 6:56:04 AM)
Hi crystal, There's only one poster on this thread who thinks you suddenly became a domme just because you had a wonderful and shocking orgasmic experience. And this particular poster seems to dislike all women. Especially orgasmic ones. I just say, You go, girl! And Yay on you! January

wandersalone -> RE: Has this happened before? (11/3/2010 8:47:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crystalclarinet I simply stated to my Dom/boyfriend this, If you intend to get married to me and have children with me then we need to learn how to resolve our conflicts without using sex because one day when we have children we might not have time to resolve our conflicts in that manner and we should really work on that sooner rather than later. hi Crystal, I wanted to say that what you have said above is SO important and many relationships break down because the two people have different ways of resolving conflict.

nephandi -> RE: Has this happened before? (11/3/2010 8:55:03 AM)
Greetings Sounds nice, oh and I am jealous. Such a thing has never happened to me but it is great that you have such a connection to your Dom, just enjoy it. I wish you well.

nephandi -> RE: Has this happened before? (11/3/2010 9:07:39 AM)
Greetings Seriously DMFParadox, you need to get that stick out of your ass, it will look better on a sub. Now what you must realize is that not every relationship is the same. Some have total power exchange relationships where the submissive party have no say, others just play in the bedroom now and again and there is about every grade in between. It is quite possible to be submissive without having to agree to sex every time the Dominant desires it, that might not fit you, but it obviously fir the OP and her Dom so what is the problem? Who died and made you judge and jury about what is and what is not a submissive act? Perhaps the OP felt love, or felt safe or felt joy which triggered the orgasm, it do not mean that it was about her Dom yielding to her desires, it was about her Dom being considerate and loving. Remember he is also her lover. Just because a Dom is considerate to his sub do not mean that he is not a Dominant or that the sub is a switch. I wish you well, and good luck with that stick, they get stuck sometimes.

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