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Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/2/2010 4:53:29 AM   
RedBottomGirl26


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline 		Let me start off by saying, that this is a very sensitive issue for me, as I'm currently on a rocky road with my friend who is a dominant. We both each have our own disabilities, though I do not take medicine for mine (prefering to work on those limitations myself, and it's not exactly something you can always "see").
He on the other hand (and out of respect for his privacy, I don't want to mention his exact disability, or too many particulars, but needless to say he is half the time wheelchair bound, the other time he uses crutches (which I admire in many ways, that he doesn't want to get too complacent, you know, that he also tries to overcome certain things).

Anyway, I've had some major family problems/stress at this point in my life, which may be interfering with our budding relationship. We seemed to grow very steady and fast attached to each other, like a month ago, before we met in real time. I will admit, because I've been very isolated myself, I have never been around too many disabled ppl (except my parents have several problems, though they can still walk and stuff, but in other ways disabled). But, it wasn't his disability I was having a problem with, except maybe the initial shock of having to adjust, but mostly b/c making adjustments quickly his hard for me, not a reflection on him.

I'm so tore up about all this stuff. I really like him, he has a great personality, he's never really let me down. But, I do have to mention my concerns not only for my mental state, but the stress I may be causing him inadvertently (like maybe I'm tranfering, when I don't mean to, b/c I see him as a safer person to vent to, b/c he listens to me, and is nice and thoughtful, which I've never really had that in any relationship, even a friendship).

So, I know I'm not explaining this very well, but needless to say I'm a little emotionally disabled, it's embarrassing to admit it, but I've suffered through a social phobia and problems surrounding people for years, and he has more of a physical. I really want our relationship and dating to continue, but he has already expressed doubts, and he seems to be withdrawing from me (like giving me the silent treatment sometimes, when I ask him to at least talk to me about what's bugging him). I will admit, sometimes I get very defensive, and dare I say even distrusting of people due to the phobia I have had for years, and some might even say a bit paranoid that people are going to hurt me (and that's probably b/c I was hurt by someone I trusted once, and I think I'm not the only one suffering with that guilt & anger that I was never able to express, and I have discussed this issue with my "friend" and I think he understands it). But, that probably does not excuse the rare outbursts I get sometimes. Like some, I do suffer from a textbook abandonment fear, rejection, and when I'm abandoned or rejected my self worth seems to be tied into these things (it might explain why I like attention, but yet am repulsed by it sometimes too).

Anyway, I just don't want to screw up a good thing. We both seem, not necessarily made for each other, but he finally "gets" me and I think I get him (granted, we only spent a few days w/ each other, but I started to actually feel safe with him, which is something I haven't experienced in a long time. I haven't even kissed or held someone, and when I do, it usually only lasts a few weeks and it's over and gone). I know nothing lasts forever, but I really want to be the person that someone can stay with for at least a few months to at least a year or two, enough for me to see that not all people are bad, and that some people do have good intentions for you & that they want to help you, without really expecting anything much in return.

I have also enjoyed helping him too, in some ways by helping to make his life a little easier, I find that I'm not as focused on my own problems. But, I admit, I was very much emotionally unstable when I was with him, but I'm like that with most men, so I don't think it was a reflection of him at all. I think I just felt secure to let out my feelings, & perhaps subconsciously I did so, b/c I knew he could handle and accept me for who I was. I think it was far too soon to let those emotions go, before I knew him better, but...I really could not help it, it was very much a compulsion, I felt that repressing it, would have made my feelings that much stronger. At the time, he dealt with my feelings well, he held me, we talked about my feelings, and I felt a little better being around him. Yet, at the same time he raised many concerns, instead of just taking me for who I was at the time (like he was debating the future too much, but I used to do that alot too, so I understand that concern).

But, there came a time when he questioned if I was right for him (and I suppose on reflection I could see why he would doubt if I was right for him. I don't blame him for questioning it at all)...he said that at the time he wasn't sure if he could be my Dom, or that he didn't feel he was the right one. Yet, when I returned home, he said maybe he was hasty in his decision, and would perhaps like to try again (but of course I made a tiny mistake of being a little jealous or suspicious of him one time, and I hope I have not lost his respect. I tried to apologize, and admit that what I did was wrong, but I'm not really sure if he can forgive me, but he knows I have trust issues, so I don't understand why he can't just be patient and work with me [he is a counselor after all, so I guess I thought he would understand things more than I do].

The thing I can't wrap my head around, is it his insecurity in knowing how to deal with me, or is it my own, or perhaps both of us? Are we just not compatible, though in many areas we certainly seem to be. Even at my most suspicious, people still think I'm a good person, with usually my heart in the right place (I just get a little too emotional, both when I'm really happy, but the same is true when I'm sad, or angry). I'm trying to find ways to control it (pills haven't helped, therapy helped for awhile, but again I seemed to distrust my own therapist--she was a nice person, it was just within my nature to distrust, again, not a reflection on her. I should mention he is "not" my therapist, he's just a good listener, though there were times we'd talk and he didn't always know what to say.

Is it possible to develop a healthy relationship over time, even if a person has doubts, could it still work out, or is it not advisable to continue something like what I've described. When I was with him in person, he said at times he felt like "this isn't right"...and I wasn't sure in what way he meant, he never really explained his feelings to me very well. He said he'd rather I know how he really felt, than to mislead me. Yes, I was disappointed to hear that, but at least he was trying to be truthful. I just can't shake the feeling that I let him down big-time, but that it's perhaps over my own limitation, just as he can't help being in a wheelchair, I often can't seem to help the emotional/social problem I have, though the big difference there that he was born with his, and mine did develop when I was about 11, but I wasn't always the person I am now, and I can probably get better from mine, unfortunately he doesn't have much of a choice about his situation. I think he really wants to help me, and I know I want to build a better foundation with him. I'm just worried that I've set an initial bad impression, and I don't know if I'll get a 2nd chance to make it up. He said, I didn't disappoint him, but I have no real way of knowing if he really meant that, of course since I have trust issues, it's hard for me to believe him, but...I don't think he's lied to me so far, so maybe I can take it on faith, that I didn't disappoint him. And he never really disappointed me either, b/c he's honestly treated me better than a few others who had no problems at all.

Well, sorry if I seemed to ramble, I'm just...have a hard time putting all this into words that make sense, it's more a feeling for me right now, so it's hard for me to be really logically when it's my heart I'm worried about. I'm just really attached to him so far, so it really bugs me not to hear from him for awhile, & it does make me wonder if he's truly okay. He took a week off from talking to me, which was fine, I wanted him to get his head/heart straight, but now...I just don't know if he still wants to keep trying, esp. since he seems rather avoidant to me. I don't want to pressure him, yet, I think I deserve some kind of answer, even if the answer is, I don't want to see you anymore, at least I wouldn't have to keep guessing.
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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/2/2010 4:57:30 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Whew.

The good news is that your relationship type stuff is common to all relationships. The bad part is that it's hard to do.  If we all didn't have such a strong desire to be with someone, we'd never do it.

I suggest writing down your feelings instead of talking about them all the time.  Writing seems easier.  Then each of you can read what the other wrote.  I suggest www.penzu.com.


_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/2/2010 5:16:45 AM   
RedBottomGirl26


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline 		Didn't I just write down my feelings? But, do you mean to write them down and address them with "Him"? I have tried writing these feelings to him (I think he prefers to talk face to face, yet...even in person he didn't seem as confident when he talked with me at times). I should mention right now we have a long distance relationship (but he only lives 3 hrs. away, still that's hard enough as it is). I do suspect the distance might just be getting to him too. I can wait awhile, but maybe for whatever reason he's in a rush or something. Thanks for the advice, I'll really consider what you had to say. I would talk to him more if he wasn't seeming to ignore me right now. I'm still open and willing to communicate, but I'm not quite sure if he is, but I really don't want to give up on a good possible thing. It's been awhile since I've been able to find someone as caring and compassionate as he seems to be. I know he doesn't like that I'm distrusting, but I just can't help that. Trust is built over time, it should not be automatic & it does irk me a bit that he does expect me to automatically trust him. Granted, it's not attractive to be leery all the time or paranoid, but the same could be said about being overly naive.

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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/2/2010 6:52:08 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Trust is built over time, it should not be automatic & it does irk me a bit that he does expect me to automatically trust him.


I think you are right. You shouldn't automatically trust anyone.

And near as I can figure, he is alternately hot and cold with you. This would make anyone feel insecure. Please understand your feelings are normal. Despite the fun of the first meeting, he may be too flighty to sustain a real relationship. You HAVE to let go of the idea that if he doesn't call you again, you were the one who failed. A relationship is like a garden. If the garden isn't cared for, the plants wither and die.

He also has obligations to you.

January


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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/2/2010 9:51:00 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		You acknowledge you have an emotional disability.

You aren't on medication, and prefer to manage on your own.

Here's a question... do you have a therapist or counselor?

You seem concerned you might overwhelm/stress him and you might especially if he is becoming your major source of emotional support.

Our partners (and our friends) are just that: our partners and friends. They aren't our therapists or counselors.
I thnk maybe it might be something to consider.

As for the rest, relationships take time to grow, develop and build.
It's not a sprint.


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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/3/2010 9:39:42 PM   
RedBottomGirl26


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks angelika for posting. You are right, maybe I have been rushing things b/c of the need I do indeed have/feel. I do believe even at one time he said "we should slow down"...but isn't he the dominant, shouldn't he be eyes wide open--aware, how fast things are moving? I think you're right to point out that if he's my friend or lover, that it would be unfair to look at him as therapy support. We also talked about this element, some time ago. He felt I needed "professional" help, it both upset me when he said that, mostly b/c I felt like a disappointment that it was so apparent or bad, that he felt the need to recommend it (also saying that while he could provide support, that he couldn't be my therapist for obvious reasons). But, I am thankful he told me the truth, if that's what he saw.

I get where he's coming from, but again I do have to ask myself...I never asked him to help me. He offered to help me first, I just sort of accepted it because I was grateful someone wanted to try.

And to answer your question, yes I had a therapist (two of them, one a long time ago when I was still in high school--she actually, changed jobs, though I deeply suspected she got burnt out on me and quit or transfered, she said that wasn't the case, but I sort of knew differently, most ppl do in fact, get burnt out, they just don't want to be rude, or feel like they are abandoning u, when in fact, they are, but they have to disguise things as a transfer, so it doesn't feed your fear of abandonment). That was partly, why I discontinued my first therapy, even though I was in there for several months, almost a year.

The second, I had I guess last summer, I tried it again for 2/3 months, but in the end they just wanted to recommend pills, instead of really working with me in group therapy (also it would have helped my social problem probably, since that's one of the main factors). Anyway, it's not like I haven't tried to get help before, though anytime I think I exp. a failure, usually I won't try again for awhile, but really a person like me, should have a solid program in place to help me cope or manage.

Well, there really hasn't been a resolution to my problem yet, or even closure, for some reason that's really important to me. I kind of understand why he wouldn't want to seek a relationship w/ me (a patient usually would not fall in love w/ their doctor, but maybe it's the Florence Nightengale effect)...I mean, it has been known to happen, the only difference is I met him on a dating site, and both of us were looking for life partners, or someone who might become that, in fact, I didn't really know that he did that for a living until he volunteered that information. If he didn't want that to become an issue, then maybe he should have just left out his job, until he was secure, that I wouldn't be depending on him as an emotional crutch.
I do admit, that I shouldn't be doing that, but if I honestly thought he couldn't handle it, then I wouldn't.

However, it has come to that now, it seems...he hasn't talked to me in several days, so I can only assume he is conflicted, hurt, or either doesn't care, & I'm not entirely sure which. Unless, he tells me HIS feelings I can only speculate the worst, yet...until I hear from him, I don't want to assume. I asked him directly, was this managable, could he find me the help I need if I'm not capable of finding it on my own, or if he's too afraid to deal w/ it himself (doesn't seem very Dom to me, but I'm not going to judge, emotionally problems are tougher than dealing w/ physical many would say). I said, mostly I just wanted his friendship, but ...he just seems so awkward about everything. I'm trying to hold on, until I have a complete answer, or at least a yes or no, as to whether things might still work out, but sometimes things aren't always so simple.

Though, I do need to hear whether he still wants me as a friend, and whether he knows anyone who could actually help me (I mean clinically, that way, if I'm working on those stressors with someone besides him, we might be able to focus more on friendship/relationship than on my problem or his). Besides, he probably talks to ppl all day long, I'm sure the last thing he wants to do in a relationship is have someone on his "couch". I guess I just didn't think of it before, but at least I'm trying to be considerate to his needs (which is suppose to be what a sub thinks about as a first priority, yet, I'm still transitioning a little, so sometimes, it's more of an after-thought, but I'm sure once I straighten these problems out, I'll be a much better person, let alone, a much higher quality sub). I still, can't help but feel below par sometimes, like I didn't measure up, but I suppose beating myself up about it, wouldn't really help me either.

I appreciate the comment, if nothing else, maybe it gave me a chance to think about things differently.

< Message edited by RedBottomGirl26 -- 11/3/2010 10:32:24 PM >

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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/4/2010 5:34:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You won't take the recommended medication, you won't get professional help, yet you expect someone to deal with your overwhelming issues even when he has his own. That's wrong. The fact that you didn't ask him to help you doesn't change the fact that he has to deal with your issues.

If your therapists have said that you need the medication in order to lift or lessen the symptoms so that the therapy will have a better chance of working, then why won't you? If you were diagnosed as a diabetic, would you refuse to take insulin? Emotional disorders are a result of problems in brain chemistry, in the exact same way that diabetes is the result of a problem with body chemistry. If your brain disorder manifested as epileptic seizures, would you still refuse to take medication? Many of the newer medications used for mood disorders are actually epileptic medications, the hard wiring in the brain is wrong. If you had a short in a lamp wire you might get a lamp that flickered on and off or one that never went on. The difference in symptoms would not mean that there was a difference in the cause. In both cases the lamp would need rewiring. Since we cannot rewire the brain literally, we change the brain's chemistry through medication.


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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/4/2010 7:22:03 AM   
lev


Posts: 12
Joined: 6/14/2005
Status: offline 		often times mental health issues are from chemical imbalance. there is nothing wrong with taking medication if you need it. it doesn't mean you are a failure. If you really don't want meds, there are alternate therapies. Emotional Freedom Technique is one. you can google it, get free ebooks on how to do. Brainwave technology is another.

but you are ultimately responsible for your own mental health. no Dom can Dom you into being mentally healthy, and someone with mental health issues can be very taxing on other people. i don't think you are being fair to yourself or others by expecting your friends, a Dom or whomever to help you with your mental health issues if you won't use professional help.

Lev's girl, dory

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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/4/2010 10:20:17 PM   
RedBottomGirl26


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline 		I have tried 3 or 4 different types of pills (Prozac, Celexa, Paxil, and even Zoloft, out of all those Zoloft is the strongest, it made it to where it took me two hours to fully wake up even after an 7 or 8 hr. sleep, so it induced longer sleeping for me, which even w/ depression, I don't like that groggy feeling, and even when I was already awake, I still wasn't "awake"...it was a terrible experience, and I never want to feel like that again). Now, maybe there are lesser or milder ones, it was just very thoughtless of the person who perscribed it to me, to not even check in with me when I stopped therapy and medicine all together, and was too scared to go back because of those reasons. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to get better. I want to, it's why I've sought help a couple of times. I just think some medicine is not viable or helpful to all people, thus alternative therapies is probably the best way to go.

I appreciate some of the helpful suggestions, but at the same time, it is true...some ppl will look at me as the illness and not the person I really am. That's what saddens me a little, is that once people know something about you (if it's medical, or mental) they do think differently of you, no matter how many other good qualities you have. I wish I could find someone strong enough to look past all that to see the person I really am. I just didn't want anyone to love me any less, but sometimes it does happen. I know no one is going to save me except myself, that was partly why I'm talking about it first, in order to decide my next move...sometimes that can be a first step in getting the courage to seek other types of help. It all starts with a kind ear and a patient person.

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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/4/2010 10:55:04 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		Study zen. Sit sesshin. Label your thoughts, see where they progress, label those. Let them rest comfortably in your mind. When you wonder if you are broken, think "I am wondering if I am broken" and let the thought rest in your mind. When you think "I did X, was it wrong" label that thought, and let it pass.

Moments are illusionary. Pain, frustration, anger, joy and peace will all fade into the next part of your cycle, and the next, and the next... be mindful of the transitory nature of things, and you will be freed from attachment to avoidance mechanisms, and the pain it is bringing you.

Joy does not come from avoiding pain. Joy comes from noticing its presence. As does peace. Simply notice it exists, and focus on it. It can be hard - it IS hard - until it's easy. Then it becomes hard NOT to notice it.


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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/4/2010 11:03:19 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lev
no Dom can Dom you into being mentally healthy


Some can. I find that once the healing has progressed, the relationship fades, however... not because she's healthy, but because she has too many echoes of the past to fully heal and rediscover the spark, and needs to find her own path at that point. There's an adjustment period that's practically impossible to weather through. I avoid such women now, unless they're friends of mine already.


_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/5/2010 8:42:24 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		RBG, who were you seeing? A primary or a psychiatrist? If a psychiatrist, do they specialize in your disorder? There are psychiatrists around here who I wouldn't vote for dog catcher, they are known to be that poor. There are others who are incredible at what they do.

Saying you had one bad experience and therefore won't try again is like saying it took three shots of novocaine to numb your mouth for a filling and therefore you won't ever go to the dentist again.

I'm fourth generation mood disorder, my daughter is fifth generation. I am extremely knowledgable. I have had to be. In addition to the SSRIs which you've tried, there are several different classes of medication which can help mood disorders. There are some people who still respond better to the old fashioned tricyclics, there are anticonvulsants and also atypical antipsychotics which are used.

Generally speaking, if you have friends who are nurses, ask them for recommendations. They know which doctors are good and which aren't.


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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/5/2010 8:48:34 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedBottomGirl26

I have tried 3 or 4 different types of pills (Prozac, Celexa, Paxil, and even Zoloft, out of all those Zoloft is the strongest, it made it to where it took me two hours to fully wake up even after an 7 or 8 hr. sleep, so it induced longer sleeping for me, which even w/ depression, I don't like that groggy feeling, and even when I was already awake, I still wasn't "awake"...it was a terrible experience, and I never want to feel like that again). Now, maybe there are lesser or milder ones, it was just very thoughtless of the person who perscribed it to me, to not even check in with me when I stopped therapy and medicine all together, and was too scared to go back because of those reasons. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to get better. I want to, it's why I've sought help a couple of times. I just think some medicine is not viable or helpful to all people, thus alternative therapies is probably the best way to go.

I appreciate some of the helpful suggestions, but at the same time, it is true...some ppl will look at me as the illness and not the person I really am. That's what saddens me a little, is that once people know something about you (if it's medical, or mental) they do think differently of you, no matter how many other good qualities you have. I wish I could find someone strong enough to look past all that to see the person I really am. I just didn't want anyone to love me any less, but sometimes it does happen. I know no one is going to save me except myself, that was partly why I'm talking about it first, in order to decide my next move...sometimes that can be a first step in getting the courage to seek other types of help. It all starts with a kind ear and a patient person.


I don't know how long you tried the medication for. Usually, the extreme grogginess and other side effects that hit you in the beginning, abate as your body adjusts.
You are blaming the prescriber. As the patient, it was your responsibility to let him/her know.
They could have cut the dose in half. For some people, less is more.

A mental illness is a physical illness.
My Master sees me as no less of a person because I have depression. We worked on outside things first to see if exogenous factors would alleviate it. They didn't. He supported me in going on meds/counselling.
It is wholistic: eating well, including taking a good multivitamin and fish oil supplements every day. Daily excercise.

There is a difference between presenting oneself as someone who is working on issues and who has a mental illness, and someone who presents it as an emotional disability and offers excuses as to why she doesn't have the kind of help that can help her.

You have a past?
Everyone does.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic.
It just seems like you offer excuses to counter why you aren't on meds or in therapy.
You have to be your own advocate.

As for your first counselor, the truth is that you feel abandoned, but she probably was transferred. That happens all the time.
My shrink is on a medical LOA; life happens. She didn't get sick to avoid me.
Meanwhile, I have to find an alternative (as much as I hate it) to sub for her while she recovers, because not doing so, is not accepting responsibility; not helping myself.

The way to not be judged for having a mental illness is by taking responsibility for your treatment; taking responsibility for your life.
You are a person with a mental illness, not a mental illness with a person.
You aren't coming across that way.

Best wishes-

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/7/2010 9:59:11 AM   
RedBottomGirl26


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline 		Des, my mom is a nurse (well was, she's retired now). As much as I love her, she had her own problems to deal with, so she can't really offer me much help, she may know the names of certain drugs or what they do, but as far as therapy...she doesn't know alot about that. I have never been to a psychiatrist before, only therapists. Considering the cost of a doctor versus only a person w/ a Master's Degree is probably considerable. I was getting some care for free about a year ago, but it was just very tough for me to stay in therapy (mostly b/c it seemed like just another crutch & I wasn't really seeing the results I wanted, though 3 months probably wasn't a long enough time). The very first time I went to therapy it was for almost a year, but that was probably 7 or 8 yrs. ago. Anyway, you might be right, just because I had a bad or at the very least lukewarm experience, doesn't mean it might not be better the next time. I may have to look around 2 or 3 places to find something that's right for me, still don't know if I can afford the costs. I really could use some help, in some form, b/c I really don't know how to straighten my life back out again.

And at Angelika, I respect that you're just saying it like it is, and saying your version of the truth. Though, perhaps it did sound a bit rough around the edges, but I guess that's okay. I'm kind of used to it. But, you are right (at least to a degree) that I've never really been my own advocate. How can I, I'm in the same situation that I was several yrs. ago. Sometimes, it's deeply embarrassing b/c you don't really understand the futility I live with. It's not that I couldn't be responsiblity, I've just never had much responsiblity expected from me (either from others or myself). I still feel trapped between two worlds, in age being an adult, yet emotionally not really being there. It may be embarrassing to admit it, but I'm hoping by saying it out-loud or thinking about it, it might put me into a certain mode to try to change things, to get up enough courage to make some big changes. It's just really tough sometimes. There are some things as of right now, I can't even do for myself, some of them are pretty important to getting around in the world and making things happen, but there's no reason for me to list them.

I lived a very sheltered and guarded life. Which was good and fine from the standpoint of being protected and knowing someone cared enough to look out for me, however...it didn't help me seek adventure or embrace change, it didn't help me be more independent (sadly, most ppl would label me co-depend...not my word for things), I don't see how being a sub is any different from being co-depend. many subs are, though I suppose the lucky ones aren't. And I don't see how being really passive is different from being a sub. Many say I'm not as pro-active as I should be, which makes me more passive than others. I'm just trying to wrap my head around some of these ideas, so forgive me for thinking out loud. I think it does help to talk about it some.

Well, at least I know there are a few people who have some experience with this, so that makes me feel like if I ever need to ask more questions, then I know who to ask. Thanks.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/7/2010 12:56:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		A psychiatrist is pricey, but once you're stable you may only need to check in once a year.

My daughter at 16 had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. However at 30 it won't matter if her emotional level is that of a 26 year old. Or if she acts 40 when she's 46. It only matters when you're young. The fact that you need five extra years to get to an adult level will be a nonevent when you're older.

The meds you mentioned are SSRIs and commonly used for unipolar depression, panic disorders, social phobias. Anticonvulsants such as Lamictal are used for type II bipolar. Atypical antipsychotics are helpful for both bipolar and anxiety disorders.

And yes, if they work but the side effects are overwhelming that's a sign you need to start over with the tiniest possible dosage and work your way back slowly to the right level. It can take up to six months per med. However you're in the same place you were several years ago. If you had spent the six months getting to the right level, you would only have lost six months, not five years. Do you really want to look back in another five years and regretting not having invested those six months? Because either you do something about this or you will still be here in five years, and five years after that.


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(in reply to RedBottomGirl26)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/7/2010 3:43:43 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedBottomGirl26


Sometimes, it's deeply embarrassing b/c you don't really understand the futility I live with. It's not that I couldn't be responsiblity, I've just never had much responsiblity expected from me (either from others or myself). I still feel trapped between two worlds, in age being an adult, yet emotionally not really being there. It may be embarrassing to admit it, but I'm hoping by saying it out-loud or thinking about it, it might put me into a certain mode to try to change things, to get up enough courage to make some big changes. It's just really tough sometimes. There are some things as of right now, I can't even do for myself, some of them are pretty important to getting around in the world and making things happen, but there's no reason for me to list them.

I lived a very sheltered and guarded life. Which was good and fine from the standpoint of being protected and knowing someone cared enough to look out for me, however...it didn't help me seek adventure or embrace change, it didn't help me be more independent (sadly, most ppl would label me co-depend...not my word for things), I don't see how being a sub is any different from being co-depend. many subs are, though I suppose the lucky ones aren't. And I don't see how being really passive is different from being a sub. Many say I'm not as pro-active as I should be, which makes me more passive than others. I'm just trying to wrap my head around some of these ideas, so forgive me for thinking out loud. I think it does help to talk about it some.

Well, at least I know there are a few people who have some experience with this, so that makes me feel like if I ever need to ask more questions, then I know who to ask. Thanks.


I am a bit confused if you weren't seeing a psychiatrist, who was it that prescribed the Zoloft...the one that you never went back to.

And I do understand about being an adult and yet not quite being able to function as one.
It seems as though from what you said, some of your issues are related to your being perceived as emotionally fragile when you were younger and then being protected and shielded as a result of it?
Resolving that, will be at least, in part a therapy issue.
Although, my reasons are very different, I can relate to that.

It may help to have that as a specific goal as a whole and some of these issues as parts of the whole: "There are some things as of right now, I can't even do for myself, some of them are pretty important to getting around in the world and making things happen..."


Some of your issues are likely related to brain chemistry.
Depression and anxiety are not a weakness.

If people are suggesting medication it is likely for a reason, but always ask why.


(btw: having a dependent personality is just that; it is different than being co-dependent. You learned to become dependent, you can unlearn.)

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(in reply to RedBottomGirl26)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/7/2010 6:53:12 PM   
dory007


Posts: 40
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		Can i suggest a book? It is called "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" by Dr Daniel Amen. i found it very helpful in changing negative thought patterns that i wasn't even aware of, until they were pointed out in the book. best wishes to you. 

(in reply to RedBottomGirl26)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/8/2010 4:30:06 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Primary physicians can and do prescribe SSRIs. Unfortunately they shouldn't, they ought to be referring the patient to a psychiatrist. However many HMOs won't do referrals if humanly possible not to.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/8/2010 7:06:42 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Primary physicians can and do prescribe SSRIs. Unfortunately they shouldn't, they ought to be referring the patient to a psychiatrist. However many HMOs won't do referrals if humanly possible not to.


But how she phrased it is what has me confused: "Now, maybe there are lesser or milder ones, it was just very thoughtless of the person who perscribed it to me, to not even check in with me when I stopped therapy and medicine all together, and was too scared to go back because of those reasons."

So it appears as though someone affiliated with her mental health care did prescribe. There are nurse practioners who work in clinics and such, usually under a psychiatrist, or she may not have even asked who the person was in relation to their position to the clinic.
Therapists don't prescribe, but someone did.

I am not blaming her: the medicine end of mental health clinics can be very busy and sometimes confusing places. I just find it interesting.







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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Emotional vs. Physical Disability - 11/9/2010 5:44:58 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't find it odd that they weren't chasing her down, asking her if she was still taking her medication. She stopped going there, they assume she's found a different doctor. And yes, busy clinics are confusing and less likely to pay attention to individual patients, especially when they become nonpatients.

It was her responsibility to call in and say the side effects were unacceptable.


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Profile   Post #: 20
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