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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 4:13:31 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		by the way, you have message in your in box

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(in reply to rose2willow)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 8:14:02 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

I'd be careful with the judgments. Some people require a lot of alone time.


Yeah - like *me*! And you ain't me....

You still make time for the people who are important to you. And the OP's newish relationship is dying when it should be growing. I'd suggest her dom is busy making time for whoever's really important to him....

Focus.

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(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 8:43:35 PM   
WolfyMontgomery


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline 		While I don't like to go around judging people I haven't met - heck, I don't like judging people period. It makes my tummy feel all squicky. Anyway, this whole thread about this Dom guy just SCREAMS at me that there is most definitely something behind the scenes that the OP probably won't like.

Whether those goings on involve a girlfriend/wife/other person or whatever - or he's lost interest in her and is just using her as a go-to fuck girl now - or he's just gone out of his "courtship" phase and back to his usual habits of ignoring his girl's needs or something - or something else that I haven't thought of off the top of my head but is also equally plausible, there is most definitely something wrong with the situation. It may not necessarily be a "whoever" that is important to him, as much as just what *ISN'T* important to him, which is apparently their relationship for him to not be at the very least communicating to her his needs for alone time or figuring out what she needs.

Master and I lived a good 40 minutes apart for the first six months of our relationship. We would still see each other every day we could, stay the night at each other's houses, etc... distance of less than an hour isn't that crippling for a relationship.

You don't need anyone's permission to leave a relationship - even D/s and most M/s relationships are consent based (heck, they're ALL consent based, with varying degrees of agreeing lol), if you no longer want to give consent, then there's no more relationship. With or without a contract of anything a D/s relationship would not be contested in a court of law, and no one looks down on a sub who leaves a bad situation without that bad situation's permission. Sometimes it's nice to 'request your release' (if you feel he's worth respecting), but those are just as valid as any D/s contract - if he says no there isn't anything he can do about it anyway. It's not like he'd be able to keep you after that point, because then it would be human trafficking or abuse or whatever, and illegal, because there would be no consent.

rose2willow, I'd definitely suggest speaking to him, communicating what your needs are and that you aren't getting them. Unless he's a class-A bullshitter (which you can still often catch so long as you keep yourself in an objective headspace, which can be pretty hard I will admit) you'll probably be able to figure out if he's just thinking of lame excuses to not explain his prolonged absences from your life, or if he's at the point where he doesn't even care to lie and just says "Fine, go." or something of the like. Either way, obviously something needs to be fixed or it needs to be broken completely so that you can go elsewhere and find the one that IS for you.

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(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/3/2010 5:10:34 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Three months, you see each other every 2 weeks and you live less than an hour away?  You have to initiate contact all of the time?

Sometimes, you may just have to face the fact -- he's just not that into you.  He may simply be content to maintain the status quo, he may have no idea how this bothers you.  If you don't tell him then you can't blame him because more than likely his crystal ball is in the shop.

It sounds like you really don't tell him what's bothering you but instead you wonder to him whether he has other people.  I would quit wondering about others and start looking at what he is doing for you.  That should be your only concern.  What i mean is -- he isn't feeding your needs and your wants.  It doesn't matter if he has someone else or not because the issue isn't THAT, its what you are getting from the relationship.

So yeah, if he thinks you are concerned about him and another sub, he will only answer THAT question.  Because it could be the only question he is hearing.

Get a list of wants and needs you have.  Check off the ones he fulfills.  Then decide what of the ones he doesn't can you live without.  Then give him the list and tell him -- that these are the needs and wants you need to fulfill in order to be happy and maintain your current relationship with him.

He will give you a response and it won't be his at that moment verbal one.  But you need to be willing to acknowledge whatever that response is and it may mean -- he is just not that into you.

Its not easy to move on, but you recognize something is not quite right -- LISTEN to your instincts.

angel

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/3/2010 6:01:52 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose2willow

I have a wonderful Daddy/Dom. When we are together it is wonderful and the greatest experience of my life. He was my first BDSM experience. I am owned x 3 months. He makes me feel complete. In the beginning we talked many times daily and way into the early mornings. We only live 30 minutes apart but only see each other once every 2 weeks. I crave direction. I crave him. I am so lonely and I do not know what to do. I only hear from him when I text him or ask if I can call.When I mention this he tells me that I am his only sub reasuring me that everything is ok. Am I being bratty or unreasonable?  


No you are not being unreasonable but you are being foolish.

Stop calling him. If he doesn't call or text you it's over. Why waste your time on a guy who isn't interested?

There's this book called "He's just not that into you" and you're a textbook example. Get the book and read it. Seriously.

If he doesn't call you, he's not into you.
If he doesn't see you, he's not into you.
If he doesn't make you a priority, he's not into you.

If all you want is casual hookups that's one thing but if you actually like this guy you either have to stop being so needy so that he'll respect you enough to actually pursue you, or else move on to someone who is interested.

(in reply to rose2willow)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/3/2010 10:37:23 AM   
crystalclarinet


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline 		I think it really depends on how you are how he is and what is going on with your lives. I know for my Dom and I we are only able to see each other twice per week.... which is acutally more than you and it kills me once my days off from work have come to an end. I think it really depends on what you are looking for as well. My Dom is a recent law school grad and is currently trying to start a business and study for the bar so if I do not hear from him I would expect that. I love him so much and that is why I deal with the huge emotional toll it takes on me, but then again in my situation we are discussing marriage and what not. I find that having email communication helps us keep up with one another without us having to try to connect with our opposite busy schedules. For me though knowing I was only a half hour away and only seeing him every other week and then not getting to talk that much in one form or another. What I am sure many people have said before is to communicate with him and let him know what your feelings are. My Dom is very self centered he and I will admit to that and sometimes I just have to throw a fit to get him to listen .... really listen and it really has made us stronger and better lovers as a result. Although my relationship is very different from yours in any situation communication is key.

I will label myself a sub any day, but me being a sub does not mean I am worthless and meaningless and need to deal with this type of behavior. I would tell him you need to talk see what he has to say and then make your decision... If he isn't willing to give you the time of day then there is your answer.... If you are looking for a part time sub thing and not a growing relationship than that is the only way that I could see something like this working. I got into BDSM for the deeper love that can grow from the trust and understanding that you get, so get into for the art form, some people love pain. I guess you really need to decide what it is that you are looking for when it comes to this type of relationship and then decide if he is meeting what it is that you need.

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/3/2010 6:24:51 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		sounds like he's married...
your needs are not getting met
give him a chance to meet them (but in most relationships, if your needs aren't getting met, they likely never will be)
move on

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/3/2010 11:13:34 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose2willow

I have a wonderful Daddy/Dom. When we are together it is wonderful and the greatest experience of my life. He was my first BDSM experience. I am owned x 3 months. He makes me feel complete. In the beginning we talked many times daily and way into the early mornings. We only live 30 minutes apart but only see each other once every 2 weeks. I crave direction. I crave him. I am so lonely and I do not know what to do. I only hear from him when I text him or ask if I can call.When I mention this he tells me that I am his only sub reasuring me that everything is ok. Am I being bratty or unreasonable?  

Stop calling and txting him. If he doesn't pick up the ball, he's not into you. Or just move on and find someone who is into you.

(in reply to rose2willow)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/4/2010 5:25:54 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		TwoShoes missed the salient point. He didn't need this much 'alone' time in the beginning. He used to need a great deal more contact. Now the only contact he wants is the booty call.

If you need alone time, it doesn't change from one month to the next. You always need it. The fact that he's changed so drastically is a red flag. The fact that he hasn't given any explanation is another.


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/5/2010 12:49:48 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose2willow
Am I being bratty or unreasonable?  


Bratty? Probably not. Unreasonable? Maybe. More likely, you're insecure and these are the manifestations. If you're looking to change, start looking into WHY you feel lonely. Why isn't spending time with yourself enough? Etc. etc.

Master Fire


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(in reply to rose2willow)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/5/2010 1:02:26 PM   
MistressLavinia


Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

No you are not being unreasonable but you are being foolish.

Stop calling him. If he doesn't call or text you it's over. Why waste your time on a guy who isn't interested?

There's this book called "He's just not that into you" and you're a textbook example. Get the book and read it. Seriously.

If he doesn't call you, he's not into you.
If he doesn't see you, he's not into you.
If he doesn't make you a priority, he's not into you.

If all you want is casual hookups that's one thing but if you actually like this guy you either have to stop being so needy so that he'll respect you enough to actually pursue you, or else move on to someone who is interested.



As hard as it may sound, HE'S NOT INTO YOU. Seriously Elisabella gave you perfect advice. You can sit and say "I don't judge" but honestly if he's not doing a damn thing, and your doing all the work, He's not into you: So move on and find someone worthy of your beautiful self. I also think as harsh as it may have sounded, Focus said the same exact thing, and he's right.

That's my opinion and my opinion is not to lead on, or bullshit, or smooth it out, you asked what others think and the advice given on all ends are good. In my opinion though it's time for you to find someone who's strong enough to lead, love, and be there more then 30 minutes.

Good luck and try re-reading what you wrote, and others, I'm sure you will see something totally wrong with the relationship, (that isn't) - Much respect, and good wishes.

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
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(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/5/2010 1:08:53 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		It doesnt matter what one says to you to appease you. Actions speak louder than words..

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/5/2010 2:02:05 PM   
lev


Posts: 12
Joined: 6/14/2005
Status: offline 		your feelings are yours, when you are feeling bad about something, it is a clue that something is amiss in your life. your needs are not getting met. i'm a big fan of communication, because generally speaking people are not mind readers. let him know what your needs are, then you will find out if he cares enough to meet your needs.

How would this arrangement look to you if your vanilla gf was being treated this way by her vanilla bf? Does one date every 2 weeks sound like a love affair?

a great book that every woman should read "He's just not that into you" it is an eye opener.

Lev's girl, dory

(in reply to rose2willow)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/5/2010 2:05:31 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		youre not me, obviously, but if you were - youd stop texting and see what happened next.

if nothing happens and he doesnt call then just move on, send a polite email explainng youre reasons and find someone who can give you theyre time.

in the end, really, this is no different to any other relationship.  we are not 'different' people, the same rules still apply. 

in the end people are just people.  we give ourselves titles and we tell ourselves we live to a different rythem, but we dont.  we're just the same as everyone else.  if it isnt working for you, if it isnt making you happy move on.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/5/2010 3:00:12 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

It doesnt matter what one says to you to appease you. Actions speak louder than words..

Spot on.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 35
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