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How to connect with a mistress? - 9/29/2004 6:21:00 PM   
Seekingdomfem


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/29/2004
Status: offline 		Hi,

I am a new guy to the lifestyle and to collarme. I am trying to find someone to train me, take me under their wing and develop this passion I have for exploring the very limits of who I am inside. I have read and talked with many subs, but in trying to find a mistress it feels like I am missing something... not sure what it would be. Any advice for a new guy looking for the connection that will open him from the inside out, before even the first touch of sexual desire?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 9/29/2004 8:27:38 PM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline 		Start with thinking about putting the Mistress's wants, needs and desires above your own. Reading the thread 10- steps to conntacting a mistress

(I havn't mastered inserting a link to it like proudsub always does but it on the next page in the ask a mistress section)


Not to jump on your case, but you coming across as being in it all for yourself. Very "Do me" ish.. and while that may not be your intent, it is the impression your post and your profile give off to me.

Just my .02

Ms. Eden

< Message edited by MaitresseEden -- 9/29/2004 8:31:16 PM >

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to Seekingdomfem)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 9/29/2004 8:28:09 PM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaitresseEden

Start with thinking about putting the Mistress's wants, needs and desires above your own. Reading this thread would be a great start too

http://www.collarme.com/forum/10_Steps_For_Making_A_Good_First_Impression/m_30125/tm.htm


Not to jump on your case, but you coming across as being in it all for yourself. Very "Do me" ish.. and while that may not be your intent, it is the impression your post and your profile give off to me.

Just my .02

Ms. Eden


_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to MaitresseEden)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 9/29/2004 9:11:58 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Reading the thread 10- steps to conntacting a mistress


10 steps

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to MaitresseEden)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 9/30/2004 6:21:31 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Most men looking for a Domme forget to tell us who they are. They will go into detail about what they want out of a BDSM relationship. But that's not what makes a man interesting and tempting to contact for more of anything. Why are you interesting? What's good about you? Who are you?

There are endless profiles from male subs here. Make yours different, be approachable and interesting rather than just another needy penis. Show the man attached to the penis.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 10/1/2004 4:04:12 AM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Seekingdomfem

Hi,

I am a new guy to the lifestyle and to collarme. I am trying to find someone to train me, take me under their wing and develop this passion I have for exploring the very limits of who I am inside. I have read and talked with many subs, but in trying to find a mistress it feels like I am missing something... not sure what it would be. Any advice for a new guy looking for the connection that will open him from the inside out, before even the first touch of sexual desire?

I would go to munches and events in your area to learn more http://www.ropebdsm.com/ http://www.tiedva.org/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/heckwv/

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to Seekingdomfem)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 10/2/2004 6:28:01 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I absolutely agree with the others. I have reviewed your profile and you have a list of interests and then emphasize that list with what you want in your profile. Attend events in your area, and don't worry about having a personal Domme as yet. Fly solo, learn, test your limits, and you might even meet someone and see a few sparks begin to fly. I sincerely doubt you are going to find someone online who can fulfill your needs, at this point. With a true Domme, it is about the Domme, not about you. Be patient, you will learn in time what will make you happiest.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Seekingdomfem)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 10/11/2004 7:36:03 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		While a sub deals with what his/her Dominant desires, I think that the way to get a lasting relationship is to find someone who has the same interests you do. Obviously, not everything is going to match, but the closer you can come, the better off you are. Once you manage that, you do end up dealing with things that may not be exactly to your liking because it is special to your Domme. Subs do get to have wants and desires as far as I am concerned. I expect to know them and use them as rewards/carrots for performance enhancement. It seems the way you've worded your ad is offensive to some of the dominant women on here. You may want to look for a way to reword it, perhaps using "I dream of", instead of "I want." Personally, I have no problem with your profile. I take into account your experience level as stated in your ad and realize you don't understand the "proper" way of phrasing things.


As for advice on how to find someone, get yourself out and attend munches and such. I take someone I meet face to face a lot more seriously than anyone on here. I very much agree with Laura about telling people what makes YOU special. Why would they want to bother with you... Do you cook? Do you speak eight languages? Are you able to make just about anyone laugh? I hate to say this.. but you are selling yourself to us. Think about it. Would you be more likely to buy a new TV set that the ad played up the whizz bang features and touted how good the picture was and how it would make you the envy of your friends and neighbors or a TV set that said, you'll like this one, buy it. It is a delicate balance to actually sell yourself without seeming conceited or ego driven but it can be done.

Good Hunting

Beach

(in reply to Seekingdomfem)
Profile   Post #: 8
how to make a mistress - 10/13/2004 3:12:03 PM   
sissyirene


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/8/2004
Status: offline 		Hi how can i turn my wife into dom? shes not at all right now. and shes not interested in toy as well :(

(in reply to Seekingdomfem)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: how to make a mistress - 10/13/2004 3:57:25 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyirene

Hi how can i turn my wife into dom? shes not at all right now. and shes not interested in toy as well :(



IMHO, you can't. To some, being in charge is -not- pleasurable. Having someone do their every whim is embarassing or just not enjoyable at all.

To me, too, trying to "turn her into" a dominant person because of your desire misses the point of power exchange. You want to do what makes -her- happy, and if being the dominant partner doesn't do that, well...you don't do that.

Blah, though, that's just my opinion


Also, and unrelated-- BeachMystress, I -adore- the picture you're using. SHe's a lovely lovely woman. May I ask who the artist is?

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to sissyirene)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: how to make a mistress - 10/13/2004 3:59:48 PM   
MsCharlotte


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/6/2004
From: Joplin, MO
Status: offline 		Do read and follow the advice in the "10 steps" thread mentioned earlier. Be yourself. Be patient. Be focused on filling HER needs. And network network, network! Not just here, but any other BDSM community sites you feel attuned to -- the commercial ones like alt com and bondage come, but also (and much more importantly if you want real time in person interaction, the local BDSM groups in your area. They're hard to find, but they exist almost everywhere!

Once you've found someone you want to meet with, do have safety protocal in place -- safe call, safe words, etc! Don't be so excited to be living out this fantasy that you put yourself in real danger! (The turth is, I think Real Danger is much more of an issue with lil sub girls meeting male Doms, but anything can, does, and HAS hapened!)
Enjoy the journey,
Mistress Charlotte

(in reply to sissyirene)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how to make a mistress - 10/17/2004 12:39:28 AM   
MistressZanthia


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline 		You have probably already turned her off to it by asking her to do it for you.

How about actually being a submissive first? A "do me" submissive will never turn his wife into a Domme, she'll resent it and him and probably divorce you if you press her hard enough about it.

#1 THROW ALL YOUR FANTASIES OUT THE WINDOW
#2 BE AN ACTUAL SUBMISSIVE

HINT:
Try catering to her needs and doing your absolute best to meet her desires and needs before even thinking about what she could do to and for you. Do not expect her to play with you in return, just submit without saying what you're doing. Pamper her, you will still get your fix but you should give up on the toys, it may be she never takes an interest in the accessories of D/s. Eventually she will enjoy letting you please her...

But NEVER, EVER expect her to tow the line and cater to your fantasies... if she's feeling particularly Dommely say after you've offered to (out of a sincere desire to take a load off her mind and help her relax) and ran her a bath (thrown rose petals in it, lit candles, served a beverage of choice) and washed her and toweled her dry ... and then asked her if there is any other service you might do for her... you may get your Domme yet.

You get the idea.

_____________________________

~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to sissyirene)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 10/17/2004 7:27:41 PM   
MistressZanthia


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline 		How about simply asking a woman out on a date, like mem are supposed to do? That's how you get to know people. IN PERSON. In other words stop wasting time chatting and emailing and ask the lady of interest out on a dinner date or something. BE REAL.

_____________________________

~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to Seekingdomfem)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to connect with a mistress? - 10/20/2004 9:36:17 AM   
MistresKatamaura


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		This is my opinion. Put out what you want to get out of a relationship. Don't think that just because you have time to see someone they have the time to see you. I do check avaiblity. That is, is the sub emotionally avaible and has the time to have a relationship with me. Is the sub compatable with me.

Also, something I look for, attitude. Do they have the right attitude to be submissive to anyone?

Also, I don't give no-shows another chance. Once they don't show there are no other chances with me. Think about it like any other friend or a professionals appointment book. They charge you for no-shows. So respect their time and show up. If you don't show up you don't really want to be with them. So, don't even say you want to meet.

(in reply to MistressZanthia)
Profile   Post #: 14
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