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Your experience as a slave - 4/27/2006 10:24:26 AM

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Joined: 5/26/2005
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Your experience as a slave, or so we are not confused here, a submissive, how important is it to you? Do you feel like when/if you are searcing for a new Master/Dom that you need to speak of it, or reference it? As you seek a Master/Dom do you ask of their experience?
What about the newbies, do you feel inferior because you are new, or are you proud to say that you have little or no experience in the lifestyle but are very interested in learning?
I have always felt that Dominant and submissive behaviour comes natural. Protocols are learned, but the actual emotion is intrinsic. So, if I'm approached by a submissive who is interested in me I rarely asks of that persons experience in the lifestyle, as I feel it will surface as I begin to teach/train, however, it is very often immediately volunteered. Which is why I ask?
I mean after all...My ad reads sub/slave sought, males need not apply, no experience necessary!

Onward with lashes, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 12:42:09 AM

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Joined: 11/23/2005
From: Kansas
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I feel that experience helps you grow and learn, however, in some ways, it's like a talent, like pencil art or sewing. Some people pick it up more naturally than others.

I was lucky enough to pick it up very naturally... I was actually submissive before I knew the word, or before I knew the intristic details of dating, even. It is natural for me, and some things I pick up well on. Other skills that I feel I should have as a submissive have not come as natural to me, unfortunately (damned gag reflex) but I learn, and I practice, even when I am not with a Dom, because while some submissives seem to only be their "subselves" while being Dominated, I am always a sub.

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 1:36:01 AM

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I think that many submissives offer their experience in order to keep the prospective dom's interest. Many are somewhat awed by a dom's presence and want to show that they are worthy of consideration. I agree that it will begin to surface as training begins. Also, when training with a new dom, many subs will say "I am used to doing it this way" or whatever.

(in reply to littlepetkana)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 4:21:42 AM

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From: Stockton, California
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The only reason I consider my experience as a slave important is that it often causes me to not get involved in potential relationships because warning signals go off quickly now that I've experienced how certain attitudes and behaviors eventually ruin such relationships. It's made me less likely to get involved these days, which, yes, is a bad thing, but whenever a warning sign appears, I will immediately stop pursuing the potential relationship. I've been around, and in, way too many toxic relationships that people thought were just standard relationships to know that it rarely ends well.

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 4:38:49 AM

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Other skills that I feel I should have as a submissive have not come as natural to me, unfortunately (damned gag reflex) but I learn....LittlePetKana LOL
I know exactly what you mean...and as gross as it sounds, I once had a submissive throw up on me, from gagging

LittleSarBon....you make excellent points as well. Although experience may not be a prerequisite when finding a Dom/Domme it may be very useful in your selection.
Still my question was along the lines of do you tout it when communicating with a potential significant other?

Damn, doesn't it seem like any question here no matter how simple always becomes complexing?
I guess that's what makes us all so damn interesting!
Peace, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 5:02:08 AM

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Joined: 4/17/2006
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No, I do not feel experience means a thing. I may have been with Doms, may have served one for a long time, but in the end......bet I learn something different with the next one.

I never 'actively' search, but when speaking with Masters/Doms I only speak of it if He brings it up, and then wonder why He felt he needed to.

No, I never ask him about his either.

I find D/s like most of life.....we learn as we go, trust as it is earned, and respect those who give us respect. Hopefully during that time if a connection is meant to be, we will both see it and move on from there.

Though I find communication crucial to any relationship, I do not believe that by bringing up past relationships, or balancing the current relationship on the past one, it gives the newer relationship a positive start. So, I try hard not to bring up the past, and just hope to begin the present.

un--------

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 5:18:28 AM

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Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
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My life experiences change me physically, emotionally, and mentally. Though I may be prone to share those life experiences with someone I don't feel obligated to tell all right off. I try really hard to approach each relationship regardless of its "labels" with an open mind. Simply because no 2 people are the same nor are any 2 relationships.

I personally HATE the idea of someone comparing my actions, words ect to how someone else does things or has done things. I am me. A very unique individual. Just because it worked for someone else does not mean it will work for me, for us. Don't try and conform me to your "past experiences" accept me for who I am and go from there.

I think of it like this. You may have 10 years experience on a job. However, every employer has different expectations , training, and ways of doing things. To expect that every employer will do things the same could be detetrimintal to my success on the job. It can make life harder than it needs to be.

Experiences are great. They help use grow but they can also hold you back. Which do yours do?

Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to unquenchable)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 6:20:33 AM

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Well i have always been submissive though for many years i fought it. I stated in my profile the years of experience i have (took if off at Masters request). It was important to me to find someone experienced just because i don't want to have to train someone and i just Love older men. I was lucky to find a wonderful Master.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 6:48:42 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

slave, or so we are not confused here, a submissive, how important is it to you? Do you feel like when/if you are searcing for a new Master/Dom that you need to speak of it, or reference it?

If I'm talking to someone and it's relevant to the conversation, sure.

quote:

As you seek a Master/Dom do you ask of their experience?

Uh yeah, how else can I get to know about them?

quote:

I have always felt that Dominant and submissive behaviour comes natural.

Which is false because it's not about actions and behavior. A slave can act just like a vanilla or even a stereotypical dominant.

quote:

So, if I'm approached by a submissive who is interested in me I rarely asks of that persons experience in the lifestyle, as I feel it will surface as I begin to teach/train, however, it is very often immediately volunteered. Which is why I ask?
I mean after all...My ad reads sub/slave sought, males need not apply, no experience necessary!

Who you are will emerge and flow and time and experience will prove yourself true to character.

However, it's important to know what a person has done and where a person comes from- and if their perceptions of themselves carry out in their actual life over time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 7:05:41 AM

MistressLlyoness

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Joined: 2/14/2005
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I like to know a slave's experience, as well as fantasies, and the why, why, why of everything. I would not play or expect the same things or levels from someone brand new that I would expect from someone who has a lot of experience. Newbies get some slack until they learn more.

If I were a submissive, you can bet I would be wanting to know a potential Master/Mistress's level of experience. Before agreeing to a singletail being applied to me I would certainly want to know if the person applying said singletail knew how to wield it. This is not to imply that a new or inexperienced Dominant is a bad thing. Quite the contrary. However, I would like to know if some effort has been made to learn the craft.

I also do not tend to play with those I do not know or who I have not at least seen play. There have been exceptions but not many. Finding out a person's experience is just part of getting to know them. I certainly would never take on a slave or a submissive without knowing what experience they have had.

I have also asked for references and have no problem with giving out references. Upon first meetings, we are literally placing our lives and livlihoods in the hands of a virtual stranger. Why not have all the information possible about that someone? It only makes sense to me to do so.

Ms. Lynette

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 11:30:23 AM

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Joined: 11/23/2005
From: Kansas
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I thought about it, another point I thought about is, sometimes both subs and Doms have lots of experience... with O/others that have NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE DOING.

I have had Doms who HAVE, indeed, been "in the lifestyle" for many years. However, they have been with subs who thought "subbing" was "getting the shit kicked out of you"

So, the word experience is sometimes misleading itself.

(in reply to MistressLlyoness)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 11:47:26 AM

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Joined: 1/2/2006
From: Lancashire UK
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Well fastlane, originally i did feel inferior when i first joined collarme , as although i have some experience a lot of the phrases ie; 24/7, TPE, D/s,M/s etc were quite new to me and i was (still am ~grins~) concerned that as a "newbie" Mistresses/Dommes would just pass on by as i am well aware that training a sub/slave is very time consuming..

But concerns aside i have learn't quite a lot through the forums, reading/posting etc and i am a little less "worried" now what other's think as i suppose we all had to start somewhere right ?
My profile does state that i have little experience but there is no point in hiding that fact to try and "be more appealing" to a prospective Mistress/Domme as they will find out soon enough if you haven't been "true" in what you have said ..

Running off now to hang my head in shame ~Oooo so shameful~

_____________________________

~Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me~
~Distracting/reacting~
~Against my will i stand beside my own reflection~
~It's haunting how i can't seem to find myself again..
"Linkin Park"
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(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 2:06:58 PM

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I think its important to share past experiences too, its a part of getting to know someone finding out about their history. I know when I was initially talking to Master, him sharing about his past experience in Master/slave relationship, his attitude towards his last slave, his play experience etc were things that really peaked my interest. I also shared with him about my past experience as a natural course of conversation. However, I was really conscious to try to just have a clean slate when we actually came together and let him take the lead in where he wanted to lead me and how. I put myself in a *trainable* position...which is a whole nother story in itself as it is very difficult to let go of the past completely..but at least he knew where I had come from.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to dave1212)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/28/2006 8:47:31 PM

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Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Still my question was along the lines of do you tout it when communicating with a potential significant other?

No I don't "tout it". Over time, building a relationship, of course it comes up, but I don't wave a flag telling all. I tend to be kind of private on more intimate things in general and feel no need to proclaim my experience or lack thereof to very many. That's just me. YMMV

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/29/2006 1:46:27 PM

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Joined: 3/25/2006
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I have never been a part of the BDSM world per say, that is i seldom had never heard there was a bdsm community untill twenty five years after my first experience as a slave.
My first Master took me into his world along with another female slave when i was twenty, i was with them for four years untill they died in an auto accident, during all that time my "sister" and i were the only slaves we knew of. we did not do household chores of any kind and whilst we did not exactly sit around and eat bon-bons, we were engaged very much in learning how to please our Master and His guests, He insisted on our education in a wide variety of subjects, from tantra, food preperation and serving, music appreciation, art appreciation, wine knowledge, politics etc, etc, i lived a very privaleged life.
After a huge gap in my life of vanilla jobs i met my first Mistress as primarily Her lover She quickly pegged me and collared me and i became a live in slave where i did do everything for Her, including accompanying Her on Her business trips and generally being a great asset to Her, here again neither of us knew of any others like us.
After six years when She had become extremely wealthy, She decided to give me up and marry a man She had met who was very vanilla. Out of her concern for me she did check out then the BDSM local community and found me a Master who seemed quite compatible. Unfortunately after a year W/we broke off the relationship.
Almost immediatly afterward i moved in with a Dom/Dom couple and lived with Them for 6 wonderful years, unfortunately They divorced and i left the relationship and was without a Master or Mistress a year.

A few months ago i discovered CM and now again am with a Mistress i love and adore.

slave rachel

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/30/2006 6:19:58 PM

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Joined: 4/25/2006
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I feel experience is important, both ways. I ask. It's one of the attractions for me. There is a huge difference in serving someone new and serving someone who has mastered many aspects of his life and skills. That includes teaching. If you don't know a particular subject, how can you teach it to or convey to someone else or understand how those different aspects apply to you, yourself? How do you know?

With every Master I've met in person, they all spoke of how it took years before anyone else even considered them a potential Master. They didn't know "everything" . But with the likes and skills they profess TO know, they knew well and are still learning and profecting. For me, that is something to be admired. A great friend mentioned, "If you find a Master that claims to know all....run!"

Whether you're born Dom or sub or walked your way into it, it takes time to aquire certain skills when the life of another is literally in your hands.

Just my two cents.

_solitaire_

(in reply to MsRachelxxx)

RE: Your experience as a slave - 4/30/2006 8:35:04 PM

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I agree with you xsolitairex.

I think i was terribly fortunate to be with those who had a very well honed natural ability.

(in reply to xsolitairex)

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