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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Why it is always my fault. (11/11/2010 12:10:49 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyRian
I take responsibility for things which are my fault, but won't take responsibilities for things which are not. And there are things which are definitely not.
If I take responsibility for something which is not my fault, I feel that this weakens my position, that I'm giving away my power, and that I'm also enabling the person who's truly at fault to continue to be weak as well by not allowing then to accept responsibility for their actions in the matter. Many times both are at fault, and in this case, it's time for each party to own what belongs to them. I think that trying to own something that belongs to someone else is just taking on excess baggage, and doesn't do the other person any favours either.
I agree with this, -except- that for an individual in a position as a HoH, even if an individual event is someone else's -fault- (for example, the table servant spilled the soup on a guest while serving), it is STILL my -responsibility-. I may not have spilled the soup, and it certainly isn't my fault that the guest is dressed in Tomato Bisque, but it -is- my responsibility to assure that my servants have the skills and environment to put out their best efforts, so in that vein, accepting responsibility for what IS mine to carry means that I have to ask the tough questions...
- Why did the servant spill the soup? Was it a lapse in training? was there something on the floor that hir foot caught on? did xhe have too many things on hir tray? was xhe being rushed through hir service? was xhe intentionally clumsy in a play for attention?...
- What can be done to minimize the chances that such things happening in the future? Improved training? re-assessing the floor coverings in the dining area? Having someone go in to sweep before the meal is served? have someone review the loads and balance on the servant's trays prior to sending them out of the kitchen? schedule events to allow for sufficient time for courses to be served and people to not be excessively hungry or short of time while the meal is in progress? address behavioural issues/neediness before it shows up in inappropriate behavior while a servant is serving?...
See, it isn't so simple as "this wasn't my fault" when one runs a household. In our home, the buck ALWAYS stops with me. No matter who commits the action, in the end, I am the one who answers for that action in the repercussions on my home.
On those terms, accepting responsibility for finding the root cause of mistakes, problems, and inconsistencies does -not- display a -weakness-, in my opinion, but displays a strength-of-leadership that encourages those around me to both trust in my capacity to lead, and to rise to the standards of the household in their own service. I am the model upon which my servants will base the importance that I place in those standards that I set. If I hold myself to high standard, they will resent much less that they, too, are held to high standard... and it has been my experience that the servant, also, rises to higher standard on hir own impetus when it is clear that the -leadership- is serious about taking responsibility as well.
Calla
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