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Becoming a better slave. - 11/9/2010 8:03:34 PM

femdomlover72

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After searching for so long I have finally met the Mistress of my dreams! Now I have a new problem, and that is how to be the best slave I can. I am not new to the idea of domination, but I am new to the actual experience of being a slave. I find myself wanting to please her so bad, and I am not always sure how to act or what I should do when I am around her. She knows I am new, and she told me she was going to go slow with me. In the sessions we have had it was a bit different, but now I am going to be serving her as a part-time, live-in slave ( I hope that makes sense!) Now that is a completely different situation to me than a session. This past weekend was the first time she let me stay with her, and it was indescribable. Just being around her is bliss, and I found myself trying to find stuff to do to serve her. She is not one to give constant orders, she seems to expect me to anticipate her needs. I want to do exactly that, but I don't want to go too far and get on her nerves. When I am with her, I have the urge to constantly ask her what I can do for her. I want to be at her feet worshipping her. This works okay in a session, but I am afraid I will get on her last nerve doing that all the time in a live-in situation. Any advice that you would give this slave would be most appreciated.

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/9/2010 8:29:04 PM

LadyNTrainer

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There's this myth that someone can become "A better slave" or "A better dominant". While there are some technical skills that can be helpful, the bottom line is that what is "better" for a relationship with one person may be worse for another person. What you need to focus on right now is being a better partner to the one you're with, and there is no single magic formula for doing that other than asking her and listening very carefully to the feedback.

You're already sensitive and aware of some potential issues that may bother her, and that's actually a great start. Discuss those issues with her and maybe even suggest a sort of safeword that she can use, a command for you to take some time busying yourself elsewhere if she feels too pressured by your submissive desires and needs time and space of her own. But beyond that, the ball's in your court, not ours.

Strangers on the Internet can't answer the crucial questions for you, and the crucial questions are about what's going to work individually for you and your dominant partner. Only she can answer that. Anything we tell you could well be the totally wrong answer for her personal preferences, and those are all that matter in your relationship.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/9/2010 8:36:10 PM

DarkSteven

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Ask her if she could provide daily feedback for now, weekly after you get the hang of it. Note that none of us can tell you how to be the best slave FOR HER.She knows her desires better than we do.

Congratulations, and enjoy!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/9/2010 9:42:01 PM

hausboy

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congrats.! nice to read some good news for a change!

In addition to the good advice here from DarkSteven and LadyNTrainer....(nothing can replace good ol' fashioned communication)

I personally find that the little details matter--it shows her that you care. It doesn't matter if it's a small gesture, like her favorite tea or how she takes her coffee....or something more substantially important in your relationship. It applies to any couple--gay, straight, vanilla or BDSM--taking the time and effort to focus on someone else's desires, wants, needs and tastes and demonstrating that care, love and attention to detail, can sometimes speak as loud as words.

good luck and have fun!!

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/10/2010 9:25:18 AM

Steponme73

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Talk to her! She is the one you are trying to please...ask her what she wants and tell her your problem.

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/10/2010 9:44:19 AM

slavekal

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This thread makes me realize how passive aggressive I can be. I do aspire to be a great slave, but at the same time, I can be lazy. My attitude is that if a Mistress wants me to do certain things, she can tell me. If she doesn't, I assume she doesn't want it.

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/10/2010 2:30:12 PM

LadyHibiscus

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You have to please the person you are serving. How can you do that if she does not tell you her wants and needs? Can you read her mind? I do enjoy; and even expexpect, anticipatory service, but no one can anticipate what I might like until thwey know me!

Take notes. What are her likes and dislikes about food, television, etc? What does she want you to do, at what times? She has to be clear--and if you are uncertain, ask!

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/10/2010 5:14:28 PM

behavingbadly

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buy her little presents or make other thougtfull gestures.

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/10/2010 6:07:00 PM

femdomlover72

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Thanks for all the great advice! I like the idea of some type of safe word she can use to tell me to get lost for a while, and I will run that by her. Thanks DarkSteven, I definitely enjoy everything about this situation. It is a good problem to have! The one thing I have heard alot is take notes, and talk to her and you are all so right! hausboy thanks for your reply, I will pay very close attention to what she likes as you suggest. Up until last weekend, I only saw her one-on-one for an hour or two at a time, so it was hard to get to know what she likes outside of a session. But now that I will be around her much more I will have that opportunity. Well I want to write more, but I have to go give someone a ride. Thanks again!

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/10/2010 8:44:31 PM

MaamJay

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Great advice here. I think the first discussion you need to have with Her is about how many questions She will tolerate! In the interests of you getting to know Her that is. When Master and i moved in together, i barely stopped asking questions for the first few weeks! He didn't mind. However, He also expected that once it was asked and answered ... it would be remembered! Or at least 90% would be, everyone forgets the odd thing. The other thing we hashed out was what would need to be asked in an ongoing way. For eg, He chops and changes what He wants in His sandwiches, so i never assume that, i always ask what He wants today. However, i also know His general food likes and dislikes, so if He's busy filling the car and asked me to go into the servo ahead to order lunch ... i can pretty safely pick something i know He will like off the menu.

If you're memory's not great, take notes and review them often! Or write it in your daily journal if you're writing one for yourself or for Her. I recommend a journal, it's a fantastic record of a wonderful learning journey and one you will treasure reading over years later. i'm still writing one for Master and we got together June 2004! These days it's more like a travelogue as we're living in an RV and moving around Australia ... but it is a record of our lives together and i can still use it to express my feelings safely on the odd occasion when we have a glitch.

Good luck OP!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/10/2010 11:38:32 PM

femdomlover72

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Oh MaamJay, I love the idea of a journal. I never even considered it. I need an outlet to express my feelings. I don't want to bore anyone here with that. Thank you for your input.

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/12/2010 7:01:42 PM

MaamJay

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Grins! Oh it's always nice to know when One's advice hits the mark! Thank you and good luck! If there's a question you'd like to ask but perhaps feel it's not appropriate for the boards in general, email Me "on the other side" and I will answer. Can't guarantee it will be right away as it depends how much internet we have where we stop, but usually within 2-3 days.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/12/2010 8:31:23 PM

hausboy

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Don't get yourself too stressed out--journals (written, private ones...as opposed to the public ones online) are a great tool. I took copious notes when I served a Domme who had a real attention for details--she was into Victorian service, and liked everything "just so." When she saw the level of care I took to set the table exactly the way she had specified, it showed her I was serious about listening to her wishes. The other boy was more interested in getting off--he did not take her instructions seriously. He was dismissed. I was invited to return, and we developed a good friendship.

You'll start to notice the things that stand out.... my current household, the Lady of the House has a penchant for flat soda. (I know, gross.) But she only had to mention once that she likes to open the can and let it sit out before pouring it, so you can be sure that every time after she ordered a soda, I remembered to leave it out. I noticed my Households boots were dirty and scuffed--next visit, I brought my bootblack supplies, and offered to clean them.

Good luck and enjoy yourself too!
When I first met with the Household, I did a walk-thru of the House, and asked them what their priorities were--what was important to them. What things they found intolerable--and what types of things they truly appreciated. I'm certainly no mind-reader either--but no Dom/Domme likes to have to repeatedly remind their servant/sub/slave of things that they've told them before.

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RE: Becoming a better slave. - 11/13/2010 5:20:55 AM

femdomlover72

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Thanks for that MaamJay. It is nice to have someone I can go to with questions. hausboy, again your advice and suggestions are great. I am going to start writing down everything she tells me about how she likes things. From the food she eats, to how she likes her shampoos lined up in the shower. I love the walk-thru idea to find out priorities. Unfortunately I was unable to see her this weekend as I had planned, but I can't wait to get started trying out some of the ideas I have gotten from this board. I am going tell her of my discussions here, she will want to read them. At that point I think she can correct or encourage me concerning what has been discussed.

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