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play with another - 11/13/2010 3:17:00 PM

NEEDunow2010

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My collared sub who is also a switch, does not want me to play with any other sub without her full knowledge. She says it breaks all the rules--well, does it?

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RE: play with another - 11/13/2010 3:33:01 PM

DarkSteven

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So the issue boils down to you being able to do whatever you want but having to let her know, right? I'd say that that's a small price to pay for the freedom to play around.

The rules are what the two of you mutually decide on. There is no Domly Man's Handbook.

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RE: play with another - 11/13/2010 3:44:34 PM

barelynangel

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If she says it does, then it does. Its really that simple and you have your answer from the only person whom should matter to you. Why are you asking strangers? Are you going to try and guilt or manipulate her into changing her mind by saying well see what these anonymous nicknames on a message board say? Seriously?

angel

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RE: play with another - 11/13/2010 9:04:15 PM

MasterFireMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NEEDunow2010

My collared sub who is also a switch, does not want me to play with any other sub without her full knowledge. She says it breaks all the rules--well, does it?

The only "rules" are the ones you both agree to uphold. It sounds like it breaks HER rule.

Master Fire

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RE: play with another - 11/14/2010 8:35:08 AM

LilMichele

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Where does this idea that there's one set of rules for everyone come from?

Take out all the D/s or M/s and it's still a relationship and unique to the individuals in the relationship. Good luck, sounds like you guys have some talking to do so you can settle on acceptable boundaries.

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RE: play with another - 12/11/2010 9:09:27 AM

Dnomyar

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There you go again Steven. No Domly man handbook. So now I have to throw mine away??

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RE: play with another - 12/12/2010 4:09:54 AM

wandersalone

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You may want to mention that you have a collared sub on your profile so that women are informed of this from the start in case they are not looking for an attached person

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RE: play with another - 12/12/2010 6:27:56 AM

Hillwilliam

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Dom(mes) handbook

273rd edition 86th printing, moonshine press, page 34769, paragraph 4.

"Play outside a committed relationship shall be whatever the hell BOTH (or ALL) people involved agree on.

Lack of agreement between (among) both (all) the parties herein mentioned can be grounds for dissolution of the relationship.

The above dissolution can result in the male half (or other fraction) of the relationship losing his house and half (or more) of his stuff."

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RE: play with another - 12/13/2010 8:27:11 PM

jujubeeMB

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Why would you want to play with another sub without telling your sub anyway? Is cheating your kink?

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RE: play with another - 12/13/2010 9:26:09 PM

eleanorr

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I understand how this person feels...

You ask a question, but because it isn't broad enough- or have enough parameters- instead of getting answers, you get lots of people telling you not to ask the question here and generally faulting them for every part of their post. I can't know what this person really meant, because they asked this one question and then went away.

But let's assume that he/she had phrased it in the following way...

My collared sub who is also a switch, does not want me to play with any other sub without her full knowledge. She says it breaks the "rules". It isn't part of our initial negotiations because the relationship we had happened more organically, without much in the way of discussion. I realize that I need to really talk with my collared sub, but I would like to know how other people feel about this.

In your relationship, do you the dominant tell your submissive all the details of any other such play before you do it? Does your submissive have a say in whom else you date?

What thoughts do you have on how much say a submissive has in the life of her dominant?

Would this have been a better way to ask this? If not- how would you have liked to see this question phrased so you actually answered it instead of giving the original poster grief for posting?

(in reply to NEEDunow2010)

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RE: play with another - 12/13/2010 9:45:16 PM

Lockit

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ROFL... Okay wait.. let me get a few things straight here. A young guy comes in with a question about breaking rules and is he... when he just got through the age where he rebelled against rules or most his age do and he is all concerned about it? Some subbie trying to reign him in? Trick him? And a rule book for bdsm?

Then people respond and then someone else comes in and says they responded wrong?

ROFL!

Where the fuck is the rule book, because my answer would be from reading the question and the profile... You want online games for a while and hope for tpe and claim to be a dom with a collared submissive? Yeah, okay buddy... life is what you make of it and if you play the online game and love to cyber... somebody might get mad because it breaks all their rules and you might get mad because it might get in the way of your cyber games.

Break up, rip the cyber collar off and head for the nearest chat room and meet another. Just make sure you don't cheat or plan on cheating, by letting them know you will fuck, cyber or otherwise, whomever, whenever you want. Dom's make all the rules doncha know?

I don't think many took the question seriously. You can't attribute substance to something so easily torn apart.

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RE: play with another - 12/14/2010 3:00:32 AM

DarkSteven

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Ms. Rigby, IMO this guy got treated with all respect due him.

He has a collared sub, which implies a serious relationship. He still wants to play around, which likely indicates polyfuckery instead of polyamory. This in itself raises hackles for many because there are way too many that equate the lifestyle with nothing more than kinky sex, due to too many porn videos.

The fact that he considers letting his sub know ahead of time to be a hindrance - that implies that he is planning to make casual insta-pickups, with no regard for STD safety, etc.

And then he asks about "the rules", which not only means that he thinks that there is some rulebook, but that his sub invoked the nonexistent rulebook knowing he'd buy it. She KNOWS he has no clue.

Someone who is green asking this, is one thing, Someone who claims enough experience to collar another asking this is someone else.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: play with another - 12/15/2010 6:26:41 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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if you're in an open relationship where one doesn't want to know the other plays it's not cheating. but then of course that's not the case for her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

Why would you want to play with another sub without telling your sub anyway? Is cheating your kink?

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RE: play with another - 12/29/2010 10:01:22 AM

ricco50

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(in reply to NEEDunow2010)

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RE: play with another - 12/29/2010 3:57:41 PM

DaddysInkedSlut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NEEDunow2010

My collared sub who is also a switch, does not want me to play with any other sub without her full knowledge. She says it breaks all the rules--well, does it?

I dont know does it?

Did you both agree to have a monogomous relationship unless there is full discloser ?

If the answer is yes, then yes playing and not telling her is breaking the rules of YOUR relationship. I think that the 2of you need to sit down and discuss each other's expectations. Granted IMO that should have happened before you collared her or she accepted it but better later than never. Lol

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RE: play with another - 2/8/2011 11:05:11 AM

Dnomyar

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Lockit I have the origional copy of the rulebook. I will gladly share it with you in person. I just came out with a new revised version. OP listen to what DaddysInkedSlut just said. Set the rules together before jumping into a relationship.

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RE: play with another - 4/6/2011 7:35:17 AM

Sunny27

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Yes it does as if you play with another girl without her knowledge, how is she supposed to ever trust you again?
Thats how Myself and MyDom do it too we always tell the other if someone wants to play with one of us course if a guy ever comes up to me I say no staright away my reason is because I have a male dom simple but I will play with girls and my Dom will play with girls too!

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RE: play with another - 4/13/2011 12:51:08 PM

XXMystiqueXX

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POLYFUCKERY???? DAMN!!!!!!!!!! Never heard that one but it's absolutely brilliant and quite spot on! I must file that one away for later use!!!!!!!!!!!!

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RE: play with another - 4/13/2011 12:55:07 PM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NEEDunow2010

My collared sub who is also a switch, does not want me to play with any other sub without her full knowledge. She says it breaks all the rules--well, does it?

The fuck if I know. What rules did you both agree to before entering the relationship? What boundaries are important enough to be considered deal breakers, and need to be clearly negotiated and discussed? The answers are not going to be the same for every couple or triad or quad or polycule.

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RE: play with another - 4/14/2011 7:45:52 AM

81song

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From the sounds of it , you are breaking the trust factor and that is a deal breaker, not cool.

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