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needlesandpins -> RE: play with another (7/13/2011 2:43:41 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: eleanorr
I understand how this person feels...
You ask a question, but because it isn't broad enough- or have enough parameters- instead of getting answers, you get lots of people telling you not to ask the question here and generally faulting them for every part of their post. I can't know what this person really meant, because they asked this one question and then went away.
But let's assume that he/she had phrased it in the following way...
My collared sub who is also a switch, does not want me to play with any other sub without her full knowledge. She says it breaks the "rules". It isn't part of our initial negotiations because the relationship we had happened more organically, without much in the way of discussion. I realize that I need to really talk with my collared sub, but I would like to know how other people feel about this.
In your relationship, do you the dominant tell your submissive all the details of any other such play before you do it? Does your submissive have a say in whom else you date?
What thoughts do you have on how much say a submissive has in the life of her dominant?
Would this have been a better way to ask this? If not- how would you have liked to see this question phrased so you actually answered it instead of giving the original poster grief for posting?
i didn't get any further than this in the thread so i may well be repeating here. however, it is not our place to assume anything at all. we have to take the question at face value. now yes, sometimes we could ask extra questions so that it's clear what the op is asking. however, in this instance it's perfectly clear and we don't need to assume anything. the guy is asking if his COLLARED sub needs to be told about him playing with others. if she means so much to him that she is collared to him then her needs have to be taken care off. simple and end of. she deemed it important enough to request it and frankly i don't see why he even needs to ask the question.
the only time i'd say that this sort of thing doesn't warant addressing is in the case of it being a casual arrangement or a paid situation.
if you think enough of someone to collar them, or have been seeing them in a more intimate one-to-one basis then i see no reason why all parties shouldn't know about the other. he should be honest enough for a start to state he has a collared sub already, and to let that sub know of any other playmate (in whatever form that person is 'played' with). how else is she supposed to make informed choices? being collared doesn't mean he gets to do what he likes at her expence. if i were looking and someone didn't disclose that they already have a collared, relationship, s/o, long standing playmate in their life i'd be pretty annoyed and see it as a deception.
needles
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