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LadyNTrainer -> RE: 24/7/365 (1/8/2011 11:50:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SpallaTorri
I am interested in a lot of different kinks, but what I am most interested in is the concept of being a lifestyle slave. To serve one sexually, physically, in all aspects. It's... Exciting to think about. I was wondering, is it uncommon? I would like to be realistic here, and keep my hopes to a minimum, so if someone could, please enlighten me.
In the sense of people who keep their partners chained in the basement 24/7 and flog them every day and twice on Sundays, you're right, that is pretty rare/unrealistic. Real world constraints on time and energy, things like family obligations, jobs, children, community and social involvement, vanilla hobbies, etc, mean that very few people are hopping around like bunnies having any form of sex 24 hours a day. Kinky sex isn't an exception.
In the sense of deep and loving D/s and M/s relationships where the dynamic is 24/7, hell yeah, there's a lot of those in the scene. I'm in one; I own two beautiful men who make me very proud to have them in collar. We're committed long term partners and a poly family as well as an Owner/slave dynamic. A lot of our life looks pretty boringly vanilla though. I'm not screaming orders and beating people all the time. They're not chained in the basement all the time. We have a life, and it's a good one. We laugh a lot together. We love each other. We have family nights. We watch geeky movies and play D&D. And there is never any question about whom they serve or who their Owner is.
So if this is what you mean by 24/7, then yes, it's realistic. If what you meant was "do people really act like they do in stereotyped bad femdom porn movies all the time", the answer is no. That stuff is fun for a hot scene, but living that way isn't realistic mainly because it takes too freakin' much energy and isn't practical. There's a lot of D/s you can incorporate into daily life that can be meaningful and wonderful in a D/s relationship, but don't expect it to be the all kinky sex channel all the time, or you will be disappointed. And stuff that is likely to cause logistical problems with having a life, a job, a family, healthy outside social relationships, etc, is probably best left in the realm of fantasy or of occasional play rather than trying to do all the time.
But hey, I hear you're not a REAL femdom if you don't dress in latex and leather and high heels all the time and beat the bank teller with a riding crop if they're too slow to make your deposit. Also, you will lose your Real Femdom Card (TM) if you ever treat your slaves like human beings who are in a committed long term relationship with you and actually talk to them and stuff. So what do I know. Clearly by these standards I'm not a REAL dominant.
But real means something very different to me. It doesn't mean being terribly flashy, or having the latest dungeon toys and wardrobe, or boasting and swaggering. The folks who do that all the time usually find that by-and-by, their relationships break their mainsprings and pass away. I'll let an old friend of mine who is much wiser than me explain what Real is.
quote:
The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
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