RE: Weight and Master/Dom control

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SpaceSpank -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 5:05:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: barelynangel The concept most don't get is the weight issues of America is NOT a majority of people NOT being able to lose weight. I think people are using medical ISSUES and other ISSUES as EXCUSES. I am NOT saying the ISSUES aren't there, what i am saying is people use the issues as a crutch and MOST people know it. Sadly I would disagree with this point, but not the truth behind the fact that it isn't a medical issue. The fact of the matter is that everything from our media to our parents have constantly been enforcing an unhealthy lifestyle, coddling people to be blind to their own health issue, and supporting blaming anyone/thing except yourself for your problems. So while objectively you can sit back and see that 400lbs+ person living off McDonalds as being to blame, that person does not see it that way. The reach for the Big Mac as a reflex, they supersize out of habit. They were raised all their life on it, told it was fine, and they are told they are not to blame. Does this mean they have no accountability? No, but they have blinded themselves to it. And weight is not the only place this happens either, but it's the topic. There are other issues as well. Some have a VERY narrow and absolute opinion on what healthy is. The will look at someone with a few extra pounds who is perfectly healthy and active the exact same way as someone who is 100lbs overweight. You also have those who prefer to ridicule and ostracize overweight people instead of try and help them to do better. People in this position will often wind up depressed and that just leads them even further into an unhealthy lifestyle, or at least makes it even harder to get out of it. Some of the above absolutely has relevance to being a good Master, as I think anyone who wants to fill that role needs to hold themselves personally accountable. If I could no longer fit out of my door, I would have no one to blame but myself for how I got there, I would not blame McDonalds or cable TV for it. Unfortunately that does not hold true for a good number of people, and I'm sure there are several Masters/Mistresses out there who are otherwise fine people with their acts together who have still fallen for this trap subconsciously. But there is certainly a narrow line you need to toe in excluding people, where do you draw it? Is there a weight you cut off at? a BMI index? Do you appraise their lifestyle? Do you simply judge them by how fit they look to you? If you have a naturally slower metabolism, you are far more prone to gaining and keeping weight. So if you're raised on something like rich southern cooking, you may be very active but still a fairly large person. Others gifted with a high metabolism may do nothing at all and eat crap all day long and still look fit. Are they a more worthy Master simply because they were lucky to be born with a high metabolic rate?

anniezz338 -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 6:08:51 AM)
SpaceSpank, sadly, just like society dictates us everywhere else, first impressions do count. And it's been statistically proven. I watched a documentary where a girl was made up to be 60-80lbs heavier and went looking for a job, shopping, dining out, etc. Then she went as herself. I was surprised how noticeably different she was treated. I'm single and I'll own up that my first impression would not be positive meeting someone grossly overweight. Yes, it's shitty. I know first hand because it has been done to me. Should I automatically assume that he's that heavy for a good reason? No. Does it make me a bad person? No. Point blank, when wannabe's and wankers are brought up, I think of some overweight men I have chatted to online. They can't get a date anywhere else so they present themselves as Masters/Doms. I may have little experience, it's true, but it comes out in their behavior when you start talking to them. I've been looking into this stuff for about a year now. I can start ticking off the names of who I would consider true Masters/Doms in CM....and I bet I would get alot of agreements. I can tell at least a general difference. And there is alot of them (no not all overweight).....lol. I do not like talking badly about people....but that's the truth. And when I was losing my weight, I was dealing with anxiety, stress, slow metabolism, perimenapause (don't even get me started on that...lol) and a torn muscle in my back, all considered legitimate medical issues. I still deal with them. They are on the excuse list.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 6:53:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 I've been looking into this stuff for about a year now. I can start ticking off the names of who I would consider true Masters/Doms in CM....and I bet I would get alot of agreements. Just curious...how do you determine the validity of these "true masters/doms" of CM? Have you met these folks? Scened with them? Interacted in anyway with them offline? Or, are you judging them based on how they present themselves here on the forums?

SpaceSpank -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 6:59:33 AM)
I agree first impressions matter. But I think it's the impression itself that can be the problem. Many of us here have interests or even lifestyles we live (every day or part time) that would garner us dirty looks from many, or even outright anger/resentment depending on the communities we live in. Taking that into account, is it not somewhat hypocritical to automatically dismiss others without looking a bit deeper? Maybe you just don't find them attractive, which is valid. There are many I do not find attractive and they are in superb physical shape. But to judge their worth by the look of their cover is another matter entirely. Maybe that person is struggling with medical issues to lose the weight and it's just taking time. Perhaps they normally aren't overweight but they hit a bad patch and are now in the process of dropping it. Or maybe they really are just a slob who sits around all day eating twinkies and drinking jolt cola. Either way, I feel they should be judged on the content of their actual character (or lack thereof). The wannabe's, fakers, and those who misrepresent themselves are generally found out for their own failings at some point anyways both here and in "real life". At least that is how I feel on it, but I do tend to be a bit of an idealist at heart in many ways.

anniezz338 -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 7:08:45 AM)
Nope, haven't met a one of them, much less scened with any. Yes, I am basing it on what I am reading on here, and the correlation in other forums and the Doms I have been fortunate to meet. And I see where you are going with this and I'm not going to split hairs on it. Why do you think I ask so many questions? I'm still learning but I trust myself, and my gut, for the most part :)

tazzygirl -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 7:21:31 AM)
Oddly enough, because you are posting on this forum, and your picture is quite visable, you could be considered a whore who will fuck anyone who spanks your ass. And that would be a kind assessment by the vanilla world. Judgements can work both ways. You dont like overweight men. I dont like blue eyed men. I dont like skinny men either. quote: Point blank, when wannabe's and wankers are brought up, I think of some overweight men I have chatted to online. They can't get a date anywhere else so they present themselves as Masters/Doms. I may have little experience, it's true, but it comes out in their behavior when you start talking to them. I've been looking into this stuff for about a year now. I can start ticking off the names of who I would consider true Masters/Doms in CM....and I bet I would get alot of agreements. I can tell at least a general difference. And there is alot of them (no not all overweight).....lol. Bets are made, and lost, every day. What i may find as a domly trait in a man, you may not. Domination, just as submission, is a very subjective thing. Take care is using such limited definitions. Its ok to say... "i dont want"... that is your right. But when you say..."They are such and such because I see such and such"... then you are judging.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 7:22:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 Nope, haven't met a one of them, much less scened with any. Yes, I am basing it on what I am reading on here, and the correlation in other forums and the Doms I have been fortunate to meet. And I see where you are going with this and I'm not going to split hairs on it. Why do you think I ask so many questions? I'm still learning but I trust myself, and my gut, for the most part :) I'm "going" to the same place RedMagic went with his POST. I've not met him but I do get the impression he's a smart man...dominant or otherwise. [;)]

gungadin09 -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 8:09:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 No, I cannot expect the perfect person not only because I cannot give that back in return, there just is no such thing. We all have our faults, as we or others may perceive them. But here is the kicker. How can I be called judgemental when I am a "fat chick". You want to talk about being judged. In the next breath, I feel I asked a valid question for others opinions. Shame on me. And as the late great John Wayne once said in a movie, "That's the most explaining I have done in years". It was just a question. Girl's got spunk! i knew we'd get to you. Collarme- you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave... For the record: i think you have the right to determine for yourself what constitutes "strength" and "discipline" in a prospective Dom. Just as everyone else does. i don't know what you consider to be "grossly obese". But any kind of addictive behavior would cause me to have serious doubts about them. You're right- a Dom needs to be able to demonstrate self-mastery- however you choose to measure it. pam

AquaticSub -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 8:14:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 i don't know what you consider to be "grossly obese". But any kind of addictive behavior would cause me to have serious doubts about them. You're right- a Dom needs to be able to demonstrate self-mastery- by whatever criteria you use to measure it. pam Because being overweight is now automatically an addictive behavior? I'm amazed what people can gather from a picture and a profile that may or may not be out of date. I really am.

tazzygirl -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 8:16:24 AM)
My profile picture is... hmmm 9 years old. Ive lost 50 lbs since then. ~chuckles ~ but please, do judge me based completely upon that. weeds out the wannabes really fast!

AquaticSub -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 8:25:56 AM)
My pic is from when I was at my thinnest cause I still like the angle. Also Miss Greedy took the picture during my first meet with Heijira, and Iron. So it has a lot of sentimental value to me. I update the weight every ten or twenty pounds or so. If I remember! [:D] I remember at one point during the weight loss going "Oh yeah... I lost thirty pounds... lalalala.... "

gungadin09 -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 8:42:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 i don't know what you consider to be "grossly obese". But any kind of addictive behavior would cause me to have serious doubts about them. You're right- a Dom needs to be able to demonstrate self-mastery- by whatever criteria you use to measure it. pam Because being overweight is now automatically an addictive behavior? No, that's not what i said. pam

Atropos19 -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 8:53:27 AM)
annie: This may be a little off topic, but I'm interested in this documentary you mentioned. Exactly how was this woman treated differently? And how traditionally attractive was she "in real life"? It's funny... I have a female friend who's a bit on the heavy side (and married to a skinny guy, go figure), and she says that when she goes into stores like Abercrombie, the Gap, etc. to buy clothes for friends and relatives, she gets dirty looks from the skinny 17 yr old blondes behind the counter, like "What are YOU doing thinking you can shop here?" I've always thought it was all in her head (i.e., projecting her insecurities onto other people), but in the past couple years I've started to wonder...

AquaticSub -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 9:09:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 i don't know what you consider to be "grossly obese". But any kind of addictive behavior would cause me to have serious doubts about them. You're right- a Dom needs to be able to demonstrate self-mastery- by whatever criteria you use to measure it. pam Because being overweight is now automatically an addictive behavior? No, that's not what i said. pam So please explain how you meant the term addictive behavior. The OP is talking about a picture and a profile and even says that not having a weight listed at all implies a lack of self-control. I'm really curious how we get addictive from this scant information.

kalikshama -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 9:11:19 AM)
quote: This may be a little off topic, but I'm interested in this documentary you mentioned. Exactly how was this woman treated differently? And how traditionally attractive was she "in real life"? There have been a few. Google "documentary fat suit." Here's one: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=2778249&page=1

AquaticSub -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 9:11:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Atropos19 annie: This may be a little off topic, but I'm interested in this documentary you mentioned. Exactly how was this woman treated differently? And how traditionally attractive was she "in real life"? It's funny... I have a female friend who's a bit on the heavy side (and married to a skinny guy, go figure), and she says that when she goes into stores like Abercrombie, the Gap, etc. to buy clothes for friends and relatives, she gets dirty looks from the skinny 17 yr old blondes behind the counter, like "What are YOU doing thinking you can shop here?" I've always thought it was all in her head (i.e., projecting her insecurities onto other people), but in the past couple years I've started to wonder... Tyra Banks reported the same thing when she wore a fat suit out shopping once for her show. If/when I get such looks while I heavy, I simply dismiss them. They aren't worth it. Fat is the new 'unclean' so it's ok to be a bitch to heavy people. Used to be the town slut, now it's the ones who like extra dessert. In another 50 years or so it'll be someone else.

anniezz338 -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 9:15:22 AM)
Atropos, she was in her mid 20's, cute in face and figure normally. Your friend is right. That's how the girl was treated when she had the weight added, especially in the looking for a job bit. With the weight, they showed her no interest, just handed her an app and told her to fill it out and bring it back. Without the weight, she was smiled at more, asked about her experience, more interest was shown to her....that sort of thing. In the dining part, with the weight on, it showed clips of other diners actually looking at what she was eating, laughing and making comments to their dinner partners behind their hands. Same thing basically with the stores she visited. Sadly, it just is what it is.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 9:22:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Atropos19 annie: This may be a little off topic, but I'm interested in this documentary you mentioned. Exactly how was this woman treated differently? And how traditionally attractive was she "in real life"? It's funny... I have a female friend who's a bit on the heavy side (and married to a skinny guy, go figure), and she says that when she goes into stores like Abercrombie, the Gap, etc. to buy clothes for friends and relatives, she gets dirty looks from the skinny 17 yr old blondes behind the counter, like "What are YOU doing thinking you can shop here?" I've always thought it was all in her head (i.e., projecting her insecurities onto other people), but in the past couple years I've started to wonder... Atropos19, you might find these links interesting... "You're So Fat" and What Would You Do? The Calorie Police Personal preferences are fine...heck, I have them. I'm not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but I've learned over the years that people come with their own background stories that make them who they are in the present moment. Like my granny used to say... "Judge not lest you also be judged" which was her way of saying if you're gonna dish it out then be preparred to take it. She had another one..."If everyone jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you?" which always cracked me up 'cause she was from West Virginia and had never been to Brooklyn! Just because something seems to be "just the way it is" doesn't mean it's right or that you or anyone else should follow the example. BTW...welcome to the forums.

AquaticSub -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 9:25:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 Sadly, it just is what it is. Is it? Or is it what we allow because we find it acceptable to mock a particular group of people instead of chiding the ill-behaved?

subkatslut -> RE: Weight and Master/Dom control (11/30/2010 9:27:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Oddly enough, because you are posting on this forum, and your picture is quite visable, you could be considered a whore who will fuck anyone who spanks your ass. And that would be a kind assessment by the vanilla world. Judgements can work both ways. You dont like overweight men. I dont like blue eyed men. I dont like skinny men either. I wasn't going to go there but my first thought with the picture I saw was of someone who didn't take care of themselves. Also someone who is too lazy to put up a good picture for a first impressions is probably not someone who is going to put a whole lot of effort into serving someone well either. Which is different then someone not posting a pic for any number of reasons. I suppose these 2 assumptions based on a pic are spot on? Would you agree anniezz? quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 I'm single and I'll own up that my first impression would not be positive meeting someone grossly overweight. Yes, it's shitty. I know first hand because it has been done to me. Should I automatically assume that he's that heavy for a good reason? No. Does it make me a bad person? No. Point blank, when wannabe's and wankers are brought up, I think of some overweight men I have chatted to online. They can't get a date anywhere else so they present themselves as Masters/Doms. I may have little experience, it's true, but it comes out in their behavior when you start talking to them. I've been looking into this stuff for about a year now. I can start ticking off the names of who I would consider true Masters/Doms in CM....and I bet I would get alot of agreements. I can tell at least a general difference. And there is alot of them (no not all overweight).....lol. If you know how shitty it is and it's been done to you then why the hell would you start a thread doing just that yourself? If anything you should be advocating don't judge a book by its cover not joining in with all those people who treat others like shit based on assumptions. Wannabe's and wankers? Oh heck yeah but as you admitted yourself and as I can attest they come in all shapes and sizes. Young and old. Married and single. Black, white and green. I hardly see how this has to do with starting a thread about self discipline and how it corresponds to weight much less support why you would attack one group of those. The bottom line is that many men see presenting themselves as Masters/Doms as an easy way to get laid because they are too dang lazy to work for it. Once you weed those out there aren't many actual doms left. Actually even less for you because of your added assumptions about weight. Then again it may simply be what you attract because of your pic and the assumptions it draws because I've actually talked and met with some very decent men. In spite of all the wannabe's and wankers.

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