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ORIGINAL: hlen5

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


.......and the funny thing is when I tried to tell him that, he claimed a man being attracted to a woman who seems available and "invites" touching by sleeping over is normal, yet if it's a guy it's not normal...

I was trying to make the point that unwanted touching is never ok. I wasn't trying to say what happended to your bf was exactly the same as rape. I felt less sympatheic towards him after reading what you posted above!

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy


It is what it is. I need only look at my own marriage or the experiences of my Mistress to see how much easier it for women to find suitable partners. I think the advantages include friendship opportunities as well, as men are open to being friends with women but women are very guarded (especially with married men) about friendship with men.

To keep things together, guys need to function very well independently. In an odd way, I like having a harder road to hoe.

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ORIGINAL: LadyRian

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I get what you're saying, pyro, but I think it works both ways.  When folks are first starting out, it's not so much a quality vrs quantity debate.  When a woman is learning to top, needing help with skills, wanting people to play with so she can learn this technique or that, she doesn't have issues with volunteers.  Male tops often can't say the same thing.  Being welcomed at the new munch?  Same thing.

Some of this shows up in places like the forums.  The same question can be asked by a male or a female, but the female will get the better response rate.  Women have the easier path.

I find this to be absolutely true.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


Being approached more often doesn't mean you actually have it easier, you still have to go through the frog kissing

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
1. A guy from Birmingham who wanted me to visit him (complete stranger, yeah, I come to his house suuuure) and do a scat session with him - that's 2 hard limits at once, Birmingham and scat, I told him that in no uncertain terms (I wish I would simply have blocked and not bothered), he came back that he's affluent and he would give me £20 for my trouble. Errr, OK, so I tell him I am not interested, hard limit and he thinks he can change that for £20? Do I look that cheap? Mind you do I look so desperate to do something I really don't want to do that I spend £30 of my own money, because the ticket is roughly around £50...

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Many people are agreeing like this, so these comments must be true on some level.  On the other hand, on another level, they are clearly false -- just look at all the posts from women about the disastrous relationships they had with their new Master or their fake slave.  Maybe it's easier for women to find play partners, but ain't no way women have it easier in the relationship department.  They create a lot of these problems themselves.

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A large percentage of women in BDSM -- and in vanilla -- have crappy relationship-choosing criteria.  This issue of "I need a dom with experience" is a great example.  Who cares if the man has experience?  Seriously.  (A lot of people, I know, but that's my point.)  Does he have self-control, the ability to learn, and the ability to take advice from women.  (Many men don't have any of those, even if they have a black belt in flogger, or floggee.)

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"How do I know a Master is real?" is a regular topic on these boards.  It's almost always women asking, thinking somehow kinky dating is fundamentally different from any other kind of dating.  You can't tell me that dominant women have this all figured out, and it's just sub women who are screwed up.  A lot of women, period, have no idea what they are attracted to, or they are attracted to things that are unhealthy for them.

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On to envy.  Hell yes it's real.  I think PORN has a lot to do with its creation.  Lady Pact's relationships look like the OWK Cinema, right?  At least, that's my best guess, because that's all I've been able to observe directly, since I've never been able to play with anyone, but OWK is all over the net.  Shit.  Now I'm envious of her.  Crap.  Porn is like relationship heroin.  Guys want that, or expect others have that, instead of realizing that reality is imperfect.  Warts and all.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Hi Red.  How are you?

Actually, the point of the post didn't have anything to do with relationships.  I think men and women are pretty equal there.  It had more to do with the social aspects that are connected with BDSM.  I was attempting to focus on the difference between doors that are regularly open for women that men don't necessarily have the same access.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I'm great!  How are you?

I think if you discuss the envy that appears on these message boards, LP, you are opening the thread topic up to things outside the scene.  I get the strong impression that the guys who express the most envy, from d, s, or switch sides, are not active in local scenes.  So I thought you were talking about something broader, and I really do believe that porn for men, and chick flicks for women help both genders have totally unrealistic understandings of how human beings actually develop relationships.  Not that I want to ban either, but I wish people watched less TV, and had more good examples in their lives of healthy, stable relationships.

Regarding the easier-road-for-women point, there have been recent event announcements in the Upcoming Events section, whose main selling point appears to be that there are no male wallflowers permitted.  You're guaranteed play the minute you walk in the door, and femdoms greet you as soon as you walk in.  I haven't been to these events, and don't know how good their execution of the idea is, but it does seem to be a good business attempt: encourage attendance by directly addressing the problems you and other commenters have mentoned.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
1. A guy from Birmingham who wanted me to visit him (complete stranger, yeah, I come to his house suuuure) and do a scat session with him - that's 2 hard limits at once, Birmingham and scat, I told him that in no uncertain terms (I wish I would simply have blocked and not bothered), he came back that he's affluent and he would give me £20 for my trouble. Errr, OK, so I tell him I am not interested, hard limit and he thinks he can change that for £20? Do I look that cheap? Mind you do I look so desperate to do something I really don't want to do that I spend £30 of my own money, because the ticket is roughly around £50...

Well, somebody's going to ask, so it might as well be me: how much would his offer need to have been? £500? I mean, a monkey's quite a lot of money for, say, an hour's work - albeit a very weird hour's work.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
1. A guy from Birmingham who wanted me to visit him (complete stranger, yeah, I come to his house suuuure) and do a scat session with him - that's 2 hard limits at once, Birmingham and scat, I told him that in no uncertain terms (I wish I would simply have blocked and not bothered), he came back that he's affluent and he would give me £20 for my trouble. Errr, OK, so I tell him I am not interested, hard limit and he thinks he can change that for £20? Do I look that cheap? Mind you do I look so desperate to do something I really don't want to do that I spend £30 of my own money, because the ticket is roughly around £50...

Well, somebody's going to ask, so it might as well be me: how much would his offer need to have been? £500? I mean, a monkey's quite a lot of money for, say, an hour's work - albeit a very weird hour's work.

Tell you what, Darling, fly me out there and I will poop on you gratis.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I think I am living a parallel life to the one you all are talking about. Which is entirely possible! Since I took a step back from event organizing, the scene is a different place for me. (Not better, just different.)