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hausboy -> RE: defiance (12/13/2010 9:51:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
Using FR
Sorry folks if I am different. Sorry that I do not support drug sales. Sorry that I don't toe the line.
BTW if I read the profile correctly the OP is a she. I do care what people think but not enough to change. If she was a he I would say he needs a couple of good ass kickins. It took four guys to kick my ass and one of them needed a gun. Ahhh the good old days.
The fact is that I've been deeper into this abyss than most. Really the consequences of which I wrote were not jail. Jail/prison doesn't mean shit to me. Guilt does. The bullet holes, the day after I tried to burn a house down. The fact that people were loyal enough to me to not put me away. How could I fuck them over AGAIN ? The guilt is permanent, of that I am sure. Tearing the door off my picjup truck, why ?
When it hits you, it's over. You learn that you actually can control these things, something that will never happen once you resort to chemicals. Sometimes you learn the hard way. I never promised you a rose garden. Life did not come with a guarantee that it would be painless, physically or emotionally.
Those consequences taught me. Instead of a drug to keep me mellow I use my mind, therefore if necessary I can get extremely mean. Sometimes it is warranted, but when it is not I stay cool. Now, even if I get fucked over I put it in perspective. A few years ago I got fucked out of $1,500. That asshole is lucky he didn't do it many years ago because quite frankly, he would be dead or in the hospital. But I don't do that. A couple grand ? It's the consequences. Not from the government, something much more powerful, ME. I can no longer afford to be ignorant.
I really do deserve to die, and in fact one day I will, but not today. If I fucked with me I would kill me in a heartbeat. Now when I see a black kettle I remember first that I am a black pot.
I say this because if the change comes from within rather than within a pill bottle, it can be permanent. Years ago if I had went on drugs the change would never have occurred, and if there was a lack of whatever drug for some reason the world would have had to deal with a real asshole. I can't depend on that.
Maybe drugs are the only hope for some, but I still maintain that they should be used only as a last resort.
T
It doesn't really matter to me whether the OP is male or female--there are many causes for behavioral issues--some are psychological, some are chemical and some are truly medical. A very good friend of mine had been progressively behaving worse and worse...each year, she seemed to get more and more obnoxious and intolerable, unable to hold a job, friends etc. None of knew what her issue was, we just knew that we couldn't stand to be around her--temper tantrums, abusiveness, social inappropriateness to say the least. She refused medical help. She started having medical symptoms and finally, an emergency hospitalization forced her to be evaluated. She had so much fluid accumulating on her brain, she required an emergency shunt. The surgeon told her boyfriend she was days away from dead. If she had not gotten a medical eval,. she would be dead. plain and simple. Not all things are in our control. Any 12-stepper will tell you that one.
Your "all-drugs-are-bad." philosophy is equivalent to saying "just stop being depressed...and stop acting out." It's completely short-sighted. Would you also tell a cancer patient to tough it out and not do chemo? Believe me, I absolutely HATE the pharmaceutical industry--I have to deal with its evils on a daily basis. I truly do believe we, as a society, over-prescribe medications and the pharmaceutical industry is greedy and unscrupulous. But that is irrelevant to this entire thread.
The OP is crying out for help. Help that only a TRAINED, LICENSED medical professional can provide--be that a psychiatrist, physician or other--after performing a thorough evaluation.
I've been clean and sober for 18 years--personally, I try to avoid unnecessary medications wherever possible. My therapist recommended that I take anti-depressants and I chose not to, and instead I am pursuing a variety of alternatives. If the depression ever became too much, I would ultimately choose the anti-depressant route if my other options failed. Life is too short to be miserable. I understand where you're coming from--but there is a bigger world that just you. It is completely self-centered to criticize other people for choosing to take a medication, under a professional's care, especially when it helps improve their quality of life.
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