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CaringandReal -> RE: "Place"...what and why? (12/12/2010 9:18:20 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: catize
In the Ask a Master forum, in the thread titled “Barefeet” the OP declares that a submissive is 'kept in their place' when forced to go without shoes (and I assume, socks as well).
If I identify as submissive within my intimate relationships then that is my central identity within those relationships and I do not forget it.
I have often seen the phrase 'keeping him/her in their place' and I have no clue what it means.
What exactly is a sub/slave's 'place' and why do they need reminders? As for that, do the dominants/masters need to be reminded of their “place”? Why or why not?
Here's my take on it. It's not hard at all to remember that you are submissive, but it often becomes hard, especially as considerable time passes in a relationship, to feel your submissiveness to your dominant fully. And when that happens, when you forget to feel it, the attitudes and behaviors your dominant likes to see from you may slip a bit. I think those who use reminders of place, like the no shoes/socks rule, are aiming at making that feeling constant. I am not sure how effective it is, even if extreme (some people go without a lot more than shoes and socks!) because people can get used to anything and then its "reminder" features fail, but if a specific vulnerability was reinforced periodically (like having to go outside to the mailbox without shoes, except in freezing conditions or having to expose the soles of your feet every few days for some play), it might still serve to remind you. I don't know if you have experienced this forgetting of feeling submissive or not, but I have. One can get complacent without reminders. And many submissives do not like to feel that complacency. It feels bad, like you are not submissive any more, just kind of blah-vanilla.
Your other question, do the dominants/masters need to be reminded of their place, is similar to the question, "should dominants/masters be punished when they are bad?" The answer to both questions for me, is "only if the dominant in question deems that necessary and then self-imposes the punishment or reminder." If the person actually is a dominant or master, they should have control enough of themselves to self-monitor/self-maintain in this or other ways. Outside of this, the question doesn't make sense to me in this relationship context. There is an acknowledged uneven power arrangement in these relationships: one person has more control, more power than the other person. Unless you want to morph that relationship into an egalatarian or switching one, it doesn't work if the person with lesser control assumes the responsibilities and privileges of the person with greater control, and "reminding" a dominant of their place certainly fits that scenario of power usurption to me.
Are you actually asking whether a submissive person deserves the "respect" to self-monitor particularly if she is capable of it? Perhaps, if the dominant individual she is with thinks that is a good idea or if there is a hard limit around that area. Otherwise, whether you can self-monitor perfectly or not, if your dominant or master decides that they want to inflict reminders of your submission to them that might be more or less embarassing, uncomfortable, or even insulting to your intelligence and personal sense of commitment, well that is their call (and right), isn't it?
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