Simple/Complicated question: How did you get started?

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Simple/Complicated question: How did you get started? - 12/14/2010 12:59:38 PM

MrAllan

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/11/2008
Status: offline

Good afternoon all,

So I don't especially know how to ask this question, so I'll simply launch into it? How exactly does one get started in the Dom lifestyle? I'm young (23) and have only played once or twice with a very experience sub who was happy to put up with my inanities. Almost all of my research (videos, stories, blogs, etc) has been done online, and I feel in my bones that the D/s relationship is the ideal for me.

I've always been somewhat afraid to broach the subject with past women I've dated, and now, being in a new city (DC), i really don't know where to start. I'm looking for any tips & tricks that can help someone like myself gain more practice and become a more experienced and useful Dom.

Perhaps it might help to simply recount some stories: Doms/Masters, how did you get started in the lifestyle? What did you learn? And what advice would you pass on to someone just starting down that same road that you yourself traveled?

Thanks everyone!

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RE: Simple/Complicated question: How did you get started? - 12/14/2010 1:01:19 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Val met me. I'm a corrupting influence!

Seriously, he was always domly. I'm just how he got started. I'll ask him to take a look at this thread when he wakes up.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MrAllan)

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RE: Simple/Complicated question: How did you get started? - 12/14/2010 1:07:19 PM

MrAllan

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/11/2008
Status: offline

That has sort of been the impression I've gotten from most people -- they met someone who introduced them to it, even if they had the latent tendencies. Going the other way (from being interested to meeting others who are) seems to be more complicated.

And thanks!

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Val met me. I'm a corrupting influence!

Seriously, he was always domly. I'm just how he got started. I'll ask him to take a look at this thread when he wakes up.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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RE: Simple/Complicated question: How did you get started? - 12/14/2010 2:06:21 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I met my first sub online from Alt.com back in the days when it was a viable site. She was new as well, and being very attractive, she got loads of invitations for teaching. As her Dom, I was co-invited.

If you meet someone online, be honest. You have little experience but you're not letting that stand in your way. A lot of being a Dom is simply being in quiet control, and that can't really be taught. When it comes to sessioning, don't do breath play or fire play or any of the edgier stuff until and unless you've been trained in it.

If you meet someone through vanilla channels, then just give her rear a swat when you kiss her and see what happens.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MrAllan)

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RE: Simple/Complicated question: How did you get started? - 12/14/2010 5:39:42 PM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I met my first sub online from Alt.com back in the days when it was a viable site. She was new as well, and being very attractive, she got loads of invitations for teaching. As her Dom, I was co-invited.

If you meet someone online, be honest. You have little experience but you're not letting that stand in your way. A lot of being a Dom is simply being in quiet control, and that can't really be taught. When it comes to sessioning, don't do breath play or fire play or any of the edgier stuff until and unless you've been trained in it.

If you meet someone through vanilla channels, then just give her rear a swat when you kiss her and see what happens.

just don't do it *while* you're kissing here.. or else she may bite your lip...

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Simple/Complicated question: How did you get started? - 12/14/2010 6:09:56 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I got brought in by someone as well. I hadn't explored any of this until I had My first.

As for the rest, I give the same advice to people today as what I did all that time ago. Attend munches and events for learning opportunities. Read non fiction books on BDSM. Go to demos, especially those that include group participation or a hands on to learn topping skills. Volunteer as set up or clean up with your local group so you can get to know people and have a chance to talk with them. When they see that you're willing to invest yourself, they'll be happy to teach you what they know.

Looking back, I didn't learn anywhere near as much off of the net as I did out in the real world. Even if I said it was five percent, that would be a stretch. I see the internet much more as a tool to make the job easier to finding groups and other like minded people, but it will never replace the opportunities that are outside of the front door.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

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RE: Simple/Complicated question: How did you get started? - 12/14/2010 6:10:23 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Read books
Take workshops
Join your local community and get a reputation as a polite smart person who's fun to be with
Join a TNG group

Conversely, date and when you're ready to move to a sexual relationship, sit down first and tell them that you like rough sex where you're in charge and she isn't. And ask if that appeals to her.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

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