RE: Bringing out her dominant side?

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LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/20/2010 4:40:43 PM)
I agree. LP, and Geoff, please don't think that I am saying you are a manipulator!! I see these threads all over the place, though, and it bugs me, as you can see.

PeonForHer -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/20/2010 5:18:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus This whole idea sounds more and more manipulative to me, and it bothers me. Okay, rant over. Kthx. Yup, I know how you feel. I think I've mentioned that I once had a GF who wanted me to top her. The thing is, she never gave me cause to question whether the partnership was more important to her than any D/s element of it. We played, there was no pressure, and we both had fun for most of the time we were together. People need to get their priorities worked out, be true to themselves and their partners, and never let anything stop being enjoyable and start turning into a chore.

YSG -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/20/2010 8:35:35 PM)
LH, Ive known you long enough to know you just need to rant sometimes, its ok. Changing a person, or attempting to, is not my style. I've had girls (and I do mean girls) try to do that to me and its pissed me off to no end. Yes, she's shown interest,and we've even played a couple times, wich she has enjoyed tremendously. What Im trying to do is get her to be comfortable in taking control on the relationship side, just letting me serve her, etc. The more I think about it, the more Im starting to realize that its just going to take time.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/21/2010 12:01:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YSG The more I think about it, the more Im starting to realize that its just going to take time. This. And more than anything, just focus on being someone she's comfortable around-if she knows without a shadow of doubt that you'll be receptive to (and relaxed about) anything she might want to try then you're removing the biggest barrier to trying stuff.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/21/2010 3:04:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I agree. LP, and Geoff, please don't think that I am saying you are a manipulator!! I see these threads all over the place, though, and it bugs me, as you can see. Not always, a friend of mine loves his wife dearly, she knows about it, the problem was she rejected it due to her upbringing she was afraid she might lose her husband (for some odd reason she thought he won't be her husband anymore but turn into a BDSM parody - blame the media and how they portrait BDSM and stereotype it), he's doing what he can to make her happy and he would like a bit of happiness himself, stuck with her through a major illness and all that and when he reached 50 decided that life is too short to deny himself that part completely, had an (another) honest talk with her and told her that he doesn't want to die with the regret of not having tried, she had a major rethink and it looks good. He's not trying to have her as the fantasy domme but just in some situations wants her to take a bit of control, things most nilla people wouldn't balk about but her conservative upbringing used to be a problem. To be honest, I'm quite glad that he stuck to his guns instead of leaving her.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/21/2010 8:26:38 AM)
Your friend is a good guy, LC! ~virtual thbppppppptt! To Geoff~

slavekal -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/21/2010 8:38:46 AM)
Before you "bring out" the dominatrix within, you have to gauge whether or not she's in there. There are ways to tell, and you can bring her out. I know because I have done it. Some women are very pleasantly surprised at how dominant and sadistic they actually are. And they are grateful to the person who introduced them to this life.

YSG -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/21/2010 8:57:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Your friend is a good guy, LC! ~virtual thbppppppptt! To Geoff~ I indulge you and all I get is a thbpppptt? you really ARE a mean girl! [:(]

PeonForHer -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/21/2010 10:04:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal Some women are very pleasantly surprised at how dominant and sadistic they actually are. And they are grateful to the person who introduced them to this life. Hell's bells - you do write cheering posts, Kal!

LadyPact -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/21/2010 10:26:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal Before you "bring out" the dominatrix within, you have to gauge whether or not she's in there. There are ways to tell, and you can bring her out. I know because I have done it. Some women are very pleasantly surprised at how dominant and sadistic they actually are. And they are grateful to the person who introduced them to this life. Being a later in life Dominant Myself (and even later in life sadist) I have to agree with this. It's also why I feel so strongly about attempting to go about it the best way. If anything, I tend to think trying to put someone into the box of "have to be" often takes the person in the other direction. I see this come up so much especially in cases of the 'you're Dominant, you have to have an interest in sadism' thing. (Same applies in reverse of you're a sadist you have to be Dominant.) I have to wonder if there could be a quicker way to extinguish any spark that a person might have in these areas.

LaTigresse -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/21/2010 12:31:26 PM)
Being a late bloomer, I have to agree with Lady Pact and Kal.

slavekal -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/22/2010 8:11:55 AM)
I didn't always believe that. When I was young, I thought dominant women were just "other"...cut from a completely different cloth than regular women. I kind of accidentally turned my college gf on to this life. Much later, after reuniting with a high school gf, it happened again. I was actually trying to push her away. Little did I know that she would embrace her inner dominatrix with both arms and never look back. But again, you have to do this properly. You have to go slowly and gradually or you will likely scare a woman off.

LaTigresse -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/22/2010 8:18:40 AM)
I think that a somewhat thick skin might also be helpful. I was not terribly kind to the young woman that introduced all of this to me. It was a lifetime of conditioning that created some, less than pleasant, knee jerk reactions.

Slrn733561 -> RE: Bringing out her dominant side? (12/22/2010 3:38:48 PM)
I told Her (afther She accepted to be my Mistress) it excited me when She talked firmly: do the dishes, get here and help me out with... But not to much either. Don't stalk Her, just make Her feel She's on the right track. It makes Her realise that there are advantages to the lifestile. She became my Mistress/wife. Make a dicision also about being Hers 24/7 or just for play: 24/7 is onlu possible if you give let Her wear the pants whithout every minute expecting it to mean a sexual thing. In that case it means She'll find it normal to tell you where She wants to go, which house to buy, who has the remote, who chooses the new car... You're just there to sign the paperwork needed. And to do your best to pay bills and do housework.

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