RE: Bringing out her dominant side?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Bringing out her dominant side?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Bringing out her dominant side?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/20/2010 4:40:43 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I agree. LP, and Geoff, please don't think that I am saying you are a manipulator!! I see these threads all over the place, though, and it bugs me, as you can see.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/20/2010 5:18:22 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
This whole idea sounds more and more manipulative to me, and it bothers me. Okay, rant over. Kthx.

Yup, I know how you feel. I think I've mentioned that I once had a GF who wanted me to top her. The thing is, she never gave me cause to question whether the partnership was more important to her than any D/s element of it. We played, there was no pressure, and we both had fun for most of the time we were together. People need to get their priorities worked out, be true to themselves and their partners, and never let anything stop being enjoyable and start turning into a chore.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/20/2010 8:35:35 PM

YSG

Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/6/2010
Status: offline

LH, Ive known you long enough to know you just need to rant sometimes, its ok.

Changing a person, or attempting to, is not my style. I've had girls (and I do mean girls) try to do that to me and its pissed me off to no end. Yes, she's shown interest,and we've even played a couple times, wich she has enjoyed tremendously. What Im trying to do is get her to be comfortable in taking control on the relationship side, just letting me serve her, etc. The more I think about it, the more Im starting to realize that its just going to take time.

_____________________________

Our duty is to hold ourselves responsible to the people. Every word, every act and every policy must conform to the people's interests, and if mistakes occur, they must be corrected - that is what being responsible to the people means- Mao Zedong

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/21/2010 12:01:39 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YSG

The more I think about it, the more Im starting to realize that its just going to take time.

This. And more than anything, just focus on being someone she's comfortable around-if she knows without a shadow of doubt that you'll be receptive to (and relaxed about) anything she might want to try then you're removing the biggest barrier to trying stuff.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to YSG)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/21/2010 3:04:02 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I agree. LP, and Geoff, please don't think that I am saying you are a manipulator!! I see these threads all over the place, though, and it bugs me, as you can see.

Not always, a friend of mine loves his wife dearly, she knows about it, the problem was she rejected it due to her upbringing she was afraid she might lose her husband (for some odd reason she thought he won't be her husband anymore but turn into a BDSM parody - blame the media and how they portrait BDSM and stereotype it), he's doing what he can to make her happy and he would like a bit of happiness himself, stuck with her through a major illness and all that and when he reached 50 decided that life is too short to deny himself that part completely, had an (another) honest talk with her and told her that he doesn't want to die with the regret of not having tried, she had a major rethink and it looks good. He's not trying to have her as the fantasy domme but just in some situations wants her to take a bit of control, things most nilla people wouldn't balk about but her conservative upbringing used to be a problem. To be honest, I'm quite glad that he stuck to his guns instead of leaving her.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/21/2010 8:26:38 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Your friend is a good guy, LC!

~virtual thbppppppptt! To Geoff~

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/21/2010 8:38:46 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Before you "bring out" the dominatrix within, you have to gauge whether or not she's in there. There are ways to tell, and you can bring her out. I know because I have done it. Some women are very pleasantly surprised at how dominant and sadistic they actually are. And they are grateful to the person who introduced them to this life.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/21/2010 8:57:41 AM

YSG

Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/6/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Your friend is a good guy, LC!

~virtual thbppppppptt! To Geoff~

I indulge you and all I get is a thbpppptt? you really ARE a mean girl!

_____________________________

Our duty is to hold ourselves responsible to the people. Every word, every act and every policy must conform to the people's interests, and if mistakes occur, they must be corrected - that is what being responsible to the people means- Mao Zedong

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/21/2010 10:04:20 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal
Some women are very pleasantly surprised at how dominant and sadistic they actually are. And they are grateful to the person who introduced them to this life.

Hell's bells - you do write cheering posts, Kal!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to slavekal)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/21/2010 10:26:02 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

Before you "bring out" the dominatrix within, you have to gauge whether or not she's in there. There are ways to tell, and you can bring her out. I know because I have done it. Some women are very pleasantly surprised at how dominant and sadistic they actually are. And they are grateful to the person who introduced them to this life.

Being a later in life Dominant Myself (and even later in life sadist) I have to agree with this. It's also why I feel so strongly about attempting to go about it the best way. If anything, I tend to think trying to put someone into the box of "have to be" often takes the person in the other direction.

I see this come up so much especially in cases of the 'you're Dominant, you have to have an interest in sadism' thing. (Same applies in reverse of you're a sadist you have to be Dominant.) I have to wonder if there could be a quicker way to extinguish any spark that a person might have in these areas.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to slavekal)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/21/2010 12:31:26 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Being a late bloomer, I have to agree with Lady Pact and Kal.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/22/2010 8:11:55 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I didn't always believe that. When I was young, I thought dominant women were just "other"...cut from a completely different cloth than regular women. I kind of accidentally turned my college gf on to this life. Much later, after reuniting with a high school gf, it happened again. I was actually trying to push her away. Little did I know that she would embrace her inner dominatrix with both arms and never look back.
But again, you have to do this properly. You have to go slowly and gradually or you will likely scare a woman off.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/22/2010 8:18:40 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I think that a somewhat thick skin might also be helpful. I was not terribly kind to the young woman that introduced all of this to me. It was a lifetime of conditioning that created some, less than pleasant, knee jerk reactions.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to slavekal)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Bringing out her dominant side? - 12/22/2010 3:38:48 PM

Slrn733561

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline

I told Her (afther She accepted to be my Mistress) it excited me when She talked firmly: do the dishes, get here and help me out with... But not to much either. Don't stalk Her, just make Her feel She's on the right track. It makes Her realise that there are advantages to the lifestile. She became my Mistress/wife.
Make a dicision also about being Hers 24/7 or just for play: 24/7 is onlu possible if you give let Her wear the pants whithout every minute expecting it to mean a sexual thing. In that case it means She'll find it normal to tell you where She wants to go, which house to buy, who has the remote, who chooses the new car... You're just there to sign the paperwork needed. And to do your best to pay bills and do housework.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 34