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CaringandReal -> RE: Sadism as "affliction" (1/10/2011 7:58:52 PM)
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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I have never quite figured out the cycles for myself, but do think my desires (to inflict pain and discomfort, to be predatory in a lustful way) are tied into coming off of periods of intense stress and lack of sleep (right after finals in college, right after a work project like an event that took a ton of planning and ended in a lot of stress). I've also sometimes noticed - maybe related or not - that I sometimes feel like I have a low grade flu or like you feel when you take cold medicine, but that might just be lack of sleep symptoms. Very weird!
How interesting. I remember an old dominant friend of mine mention the de-stressing after an intense period of pressure or work as also a time when he felt most predatory. There may be something to this. I imagine that if you carefully watch the symptoms--emotional or physical--every time it occurs you may start to notice more patterns associated with it.
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The other common environmental characteristic seems to be unobtainable desire - ie, lust for a person or situation that is simply not in my reach. To that end, sometimes people can be a 'muse' - if there's a person I want to dominate but cannot, or I want to express my sadism but it's absolutely not possible, then I seem to think about it a lot more. A pretty insightful boytoy pointed this out to me in the last year and I brushed it off a bit, but he's managed to point it out to me when it happens and he might be right.
I agree that the unobtainable can be extremely inspiring. I have often used my emotions for such individuals as an inpetus for my own writing. For me, it feels as though I "try harder" in my writing because I'm trying to impress/please this muse, whether they have knowledge of me and my writings or not. But, I do find that having a platonic relationship with the personification of a muse produces better content than a relationship more distant (such as that to a celebrity who is unaware of my existence), athough such relationships, if they remain platonic, are intensely frustrating. Oh, what some of us will do for art. ;)
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I can also recall girlish "crushes" on boys - both obtainable (a peer in a social group, a mysterious guy at a dance club) and unobtainable (a hot young rookie hockey player, a musician in a famous band, an actor with great eyes), and if I really let myself get immersed in the "crush," it can create a lot of good "gun powder" for my lust, which I can often redirect in any direction. Unfortunately, as I get older, this isn't quite as common. I suppose I am growing out of crushes in general, but I still sometimes get some serious puppy lust for a guy and it can get my predatory and sadistic urges going in a variety of ways.
Ah, well, I still get crushes at my age. I hope you never grow out of them. They are most fun: they are where the juices of life seem the richest. :) Since you eroticize pain and control, it makes perfect sense that any crush you developed would have those elements as a natural part of it. It's interesting that you can redirect your lust to a target that is not your crush. I have never tried that and don't know if I could. It's more my nature to long and pine after the unobtainable into perpetuity.
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I wish it were just a full moon though, then it would be easy to take advantage of and plan accordingly!
Akasha
That would make it most convenient, wouldn't it? ;) Although, were that so, perhaps your prey might also wise up to the pattern: some would make themselves scarce; and others would go walking alone in those dark alleys near your abode whistling a hopeful tune. :-p
The full moon is such an inspiration. I hate the clouded winter months when I cannot walk under one. A few days ago in my wanderings I caught a very nice sickle moon, though: yellowed and not too high in the sky, the kind that looks like a pair of demon horns. It was... tasty.
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