Newby needs guidance

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Newby needs guidance

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Newby needs guidance

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Newby needs guidance - 4/30/2006 6:39:30 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Newbie has a question.
So, Im posting this on the general site and hope for some honest and insightful replies.
I am new to this, so new actually that I'm asking this question in open forum and will accept all and any feedback. I am a dominant, I wish to become a skilled Master and one on top of my craft. I always knew this in life and in my job but only recently did I find someone with whom I could live the life on a physical level. Here are my questions. 1) I believe that I understand the responsibility that ges with this life as a master, I have read widly and I am being as studius as I can, but I need a mentor, guidance as I slowly develop and lean more. Where could I find that beyond the written word? 2) In finding a true and commited partner, a slave, I believe that untill I have mastered the craft I may not find the right one and at the same time I believe that practice will be the only real teacher, How do I carry the burdon of inexperiece but the trust of another so I can learn and become better?

I would appreciate and ackwoledge your replies and guidance

Regards

Afro_dizzy

RE: Newby needs guidance - 4/30/2006 6:45:34 PM

Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline

I would check out TES (www.tes.org/beta) they are really nice and quite informative and will have more hands-on learning events than you can imagine.

As a newbie sub, I would say you are asking all the right questions--as long as you are open and honest, you have every right to try and make your relationships work because in all honesty, it is about much more than a set of skills--communication is more important than anything I think! No one ever knows if a relationship is going to be for keeps or not--but if you tell a woman "you're just practice until I learn what I'm doing" she will probably be less interetsed and that will, in and of itself, limit where it might go.

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 4/30/2006 6:56:42 PM

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

          You've taken the most important first step by acknowledging that you have a lot to learn and are willing to do it.

         My suggestion would be to find a local r/t munch group and attend regularly. If there is more than one within reach, get out to as many different sorts of things as possible.   If nothing else, go hang out at a Leather Night in a gay bar (take your lady along if you think you'll be uncomfortable).

         I'm in the habit of warning newcomers that some in the community make BDSM into some sort of fundamentalist religion but only you can decide how much of your life should be devoted to the lifestyle.

       Good luck and I hope you listen to a lot of different voices.

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 4/30/2006 6:58:16 PM

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Afro-Dizzy, Ladies and Gentlemen;

May I suggest, that you locate a BDSM support and education group and participate. In addition, if you have an opportunity, to watch dominants in their scenes and after they are done and catch their breath, approach them and ask for their advice, mentoring other support in your learning.

Furthermore, I really would be talking to those slaves/submissive types, as they are the ones that receive the corporal/impacts and administrations of the dominant.

As far as the attitude, behavior, handling everything that comes together, excluding the afore mentioned “corporal/impact” skills, the most important tools any Master/Mistress has, is their minds, their touch and their voice. These initial skills are primary but a wonder foundation, as you patiently develop the skills of reading and communicating with the submissive and or slave.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 4/30/2006 9:45:20 PM

Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

I would have to agree with the lady since you're a Newyorker; the Eulenspeigel Society has been around for what is probably decades by now, they have beaucoup functions, demo's galore and other examples of Delicious Deviance.
Gentry

(in reply to ladychatterley)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/1/2006 2:13:34 PM

Ceyx

Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

How do you bear the burden of inexperience while retaining the trust of another? My opinion:

First of all, heave that burden right up on your shoulder so that everyone can see it. As you say, trust is key; a submissive will have to trust you with some extraordinary physical and emotional terrain, and if you try to hide your inexperience, you'll lose that trust right out of the gate. Be honest.

Be prepared to encounter people who, fairly or unfairly, won't be interested in you or who will refuse to do certain things with you because of your inexperience in some area. There's no shame in that. Far better to move on than to enter into play or a relationship that you aren't ready for.

Be prepared to make mistakes. Acknowledge and learn from them when they happen. Everyone makes mistakes, and another surefire way to shatter trust is to pretend that you don't, or to try to hide or deny them when you do. Acknowledging and correcting mistakes builds trust.

Be patient. Start small and build from there. Experiment carefully. If you make it clear that you won't try anything, physically or emotionally, that you aren't reasonably certain you can handle, people will be more inclined to trust you.

Be confident and optimistic. Understand that with time and devotion, you'll grow into the person you want to be; be happy with what you've done so far and look forward to a better future. Be realistic about your level of experience, but don't let it paralyze you.

Ideally, you'll find people who will give you the benefit of their own experience and people willing to grow with you as you find your way.

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/1/2006 5:33:45 PM

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

I'd say a "spellcheck" would do you a world of good.

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/1/2006 10:49:53 PM

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

I'd say a "spellcheck" would do you a world of good.

Meow Meow!

--------

Afro - as others have said - go to where the people are. Watch for the ones who listen a lot, speak rarely and can cut through the crap. Seek their friendship.

Z.

0

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/1/2006 11:04:01 PM

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherorlace

I would have to agree with the lady since you're a Newyorker; the Eulenspeigel Society has been around for what is probably decades by now, they have beaucoup functions, demo's galore and other examples of Delicious Deviance.
Gentry

They've been around since 1970, when an advertisement was placed in the Village Voice announcing the formation of a support groups for masochists. They are generally recognized as the oldest BDSM organization in the US.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to leatherorlace)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/1/2006 11:41:49 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

I'd say a "spellcheck" would do you a world of good.

Personally, I think a calculator is much more important than a spell checker. I'm often asked to count but rare is the dominant who requests I spell.

Oh, and spell check is two words. You might want to try using it next time you want to correct someone just to make sure your own grammar and spelling are letter perfect.

Celeste

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/2/2006 5:07:04 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

ARRRRGGGG!!!
Agreeing with Bita first thing in the morning....should be a good day today

As to the OP, well since you have set out to "master" your craft (a totally abhorent turn of phrase to my mind, btw), you have to learn, and to do that you need a teacher, someone who knows what you seek to learn....do as others have suggested, go where the kinksters are to be found and make friends.

< Message edited by Arpig -- 5/2/2006 5:09:05 AM >

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/3/2006 2:44:45 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Thank you very much for that reply on my behalf.
I always get a smile on my face when people mock my spelling.

(in reply to Zensee)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/3/2006 2:58:18 PM

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Is it safe to assume this is for 24/7 TPE? It would help if we had a little better idea of what you want to Master. Feel free to mail me and I will do my best to point you in a direction or to someone much more knowledgeable than myself.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to Afrodizzy)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/3/2006 8:40:07 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Take wulf up on his offer...you could do a damn sight worse as far as mentors go

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/3/2006 9:22:51 PM

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

I agree. I don't know Wulfchyld well but from what I have read of his postings and his messages to me, they have all been very helpful. He is full of information. I would also agree with the others to throw yourself into the community and their activities as much as you can. Being a new sub myself, these forums have been a huge help. I have gotten some great advice on here.

BTW, Welcome to the lifestyle.

_____________________________

~Sassy~

(in reply to Arpig)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/3/2006 9:25:27 PM

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

I'd say a "spellcheck" would do you a world of good.

Personally, I think a calculator is much more important than a spell checker. I'm often asked to count but rare is the dominant who requests I spell.

Oh, and spell check is two words. You might want to try using it next time you want to correct someone just to make sure your own grammar and spelling are letter perfect.

Celeste

Celeste

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha *gasp* hahahahahahahahahahaha

_____________________________

~Sassy~

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/3/2006 9:39:23 PM

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

I'd say a "spellcheck" would do you a world of good.

Pardon me. But you chose your name because you think it's a cartoon character? Well, there really is a Race Bannon who wrote a decent non fiction BDSM book.

You, however, just keep looking like the cartoon character. Sheesh. Ask and ye shall receive. Nearly everyone on this site has been polite to you while you ramble on about how your whole purpose in life is to give any woman who stumbles into your path an orgasm.

That doesn't make you a dom to most of us. Then you want to correct someone else's spelling?

Whatever.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/5/2006 2:28:22 AM

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline

Please make sure that you know exactly what you really want before you engage a submissive. Make sure that being a Master is not just a wonderful fantasy in your mind or that you don't just want a bit of kink in your vanilla life.

Have a sub in your care is a huge responsibility. It is not just carte blanche for having a woman serve you with no real effort in return.

love from tendergirl (still sulking after being dumped by a confused wannabe Dom)

(in reply to wytchywoman)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/5/2006 5:20:28 AM

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Advice that should be given to ALL new Doms just as "Being sure you want the reality and are not just in love with the fantasy" should also be put to every new sub.

Unfortunatly too many can't tell the diffrence till they are faced with the reality.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to tendergirl)

RE: Newby needs guidance - 5/5/2006 11:01:13 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Wulf

Thank you for your very kind reply. I just returned from a week in Europe and hence my slow replies. I would like to seek your guidance on a number of matters raised in the forum thus far.
1) to clarify and satisfy my position that this is not merely a fantasy but a reality of my inner self. This is a very important thing to me and given that my experience is very limited, I may have to test the hypothesis to be sure, I would seek your guidance in this regard.

2) I need to get involved with a local group/groups so I can get exposure and learn and would want your guidance and insight on that matter

3)Though 24/7 would be ideal, my work life is demanding and I travel extensively and frequently. I will need guidance as to the proper manner to engage in such a relationship with intermittant presence.

Where and how may I contact you at your conveniance.

Thabk you for your kind aproach and offer, my gratitude exceeds my enthusiasm.

REgards

Afro

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Newby needs guidance

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.225