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RE: So Confused - 1/1/2011 6:48:35 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

You can have the rest...


Well my problem, when I encounter a dickhead, I tend to giggle.  And men can be a bit sensy. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: So Confused - 1/1/2011 7:09:01 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		one of my experinces with wankers lol, This guy I'd been talking to, maybe considering submiting to, he knew I didn't  drive and he tried to tell me that I can't be a submissive and not drive, he tried to sell me a bunch of other bull shit too, none of it I ever fell for. He also told me that because he's the dom he will tie up and butt rape, my then vanilla bf, and make him watch me being fucked. Which, the guy knew was not being offered, since I don't have sex with other men and told him so upfront, and my bf'* at the time, we're x's now* wasn't a part of the deal, or to be around when the play happened, he prefered to be kept in the dark as to my bdsm activities with others.

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One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: So Confused - 1/1/2011 7:47:44 PM   
DecadentRapture


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/26/2009
Status: offline 		Is mentor a code word for douchebag? 

I'm sure there are a few genuine ones around, but any that I have ever encountered are just some loser trying to take advantage of people just beginning their journey.

If any type of mentoring is needed, I think it far best to be of a peer-to-peer type, where no power exchange is part of the equation.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: So Confused - 1/1/2011 7:51:39 PM   
paintedshadows


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/1/2010
Status: offline 		Toppingfrmbottom, if I ever had a guy say that to me I think I would have had to personally go and beat his butt with my horses crop, because there is no way he is a Dom and if he is.. wow low level. And technically it's not a riding crop, it's a dressage whip and oooh does it sting like all get out.

(in reply to DecadentRapture)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: So Confused - 1/1/2011 11:52:59 PM   
paintedshadows


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/1/2010
Status: offline 		Hey guess what? I found another pain in the you know what tonight.. maybe I should be the official weeder of people. Either that or I have a sign on my back that says ' Kick the stupid person'  I'd have a sore ass right now if I had one of those signs. Because I'm just a magnet for idiots. Who? And I'm asking seriously. Who after less than 24 hours of communication assumes that one is ready to hand over the reins and let the pretty much unknown person take control? A person not in the right mindset perhaps, or am I missing information again?

(in reply to paintedshadows)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 12:10:07 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		How would you like a nice bait an switch in the process.
quote:

ORIGINAL: paintedshadows

Toppingfrmbottom, if I ever had a guy say that to me I think I would have had to personally go and beat his butt with my horses crop, because there is no way he is a Dom and if he is.. wow low level. And technically it's not a riding crop, it's a dressage whip and oooh does it sting like all get out.


_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to paintedshadows)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 12:28:14 AM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: paintedshadows

Hey guess what? I found another pain in the you know what tonight.. maybe I should be the official weeder of people. Either that or I have a sign on my back that says ' Kick the stupid person'  I'd have a sore ass right now if I had one of those signs. Because I'm just a magnet for idiots. Who? And I'm asking seriously. Who after less than 24 hours of communication assumes that one is ready to hand over the reins and let the pretty much unknown person take control? A person not in the right mindset perhaps, or am I missing information again?


Don't think that it's you. The fact is, there are a lot of idiots who rattle through the profiles and you're now encountering them. The best I can say is, block the idiots and be patient. There are real worthwhile people out there and when you find one, you'll know it - they'll act like a real human being, have worthwhile conversations about topics that you both enjoy and be able to conduct reasonably meaningful conversations.

If someone you've just met is trying to push you into something the very day you've met they're either just looking for some quick sex or just playing with you to see what they can get you to do. There's nothing wrong with being eager to find someone but don't let that eagerness blind your common sense. If you wouldn't tolerate this behavior from someone who'd approached you out in the real world, there's no reason you should consider it just because it's online on a kinky dating site.

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

(in reply to paintedshadows)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 7:43:57 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: paintedshadows

Hey guess what? I found another pain in the you know what tonight.. maybe I should be the official weeder of people. Either that or I have a sign on my back that says ' Kick the stupid person'  I'd have a sore ass right now if I had one of those signs. Because I'm just a magnet for idiots. Who? And I'm asking seriously. Who after less than 24 hours of communication assumes that one is ready to hand over the reins and let the pretty much unknown person take control? A person not in the right mindset perhaps, or am I missing information again?


I usually lurk but am trying to come out of the closet more often, lol.

You're not a magnet for idiots, you're having a  normal experience. People interpret things in different ways, some men think being Dominant is pursuing and grabbing what they want. Some women think that as well. You're just not a good match for the men you are meeting so far, wait...you'll find the right person.

Someone suggested doing some thinking to see what D/s means to you, it's a good suggestion. That way you can politely decline when you run into the men whose vision doesn't match yours :)  It took me a while to find out how I thought about the subject myself, and once I did I had better filters in place to find what I wanted. One guy seemed promising until he mentioned that he couldn't even act in a playful manner with his sub/slave...wow, I was just really turned off by that. But some woman out there will want the stone-faced serious Domly man and think he's perfect. Thinking about how you feel on the subject will lead you to who will fit you in a relationship.

A lot of men do seem to think that becoming a Dom will solve their poor social skill problems and they'll get a woman without having to work for it. Instant success- kind of like instant ramen noodles. It doesn't work that way in any venue but instead of working on their issues they'll come here because they seem to think they are promised a woman when they sign up.

Another thing...they may know that women are more scarce on sites like this and are trying to snatch you up before someone else does. Which is actually a good tactic if you want something although a bit clueless as to how men/women interaction is supposed to work. Ya know...just keep plugging away. Come here if you have questions, I've found a lot of good information here myself. People have been pretty kind in general about filling in the blanks for those people asking about things.

(in reply to paintedshadows)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 10:12:29 AM   
paintedshadows


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/1/2010
Status: offline 		This is one of the main reasons I like talking to people for a while, it gives me a better sense of their character and gives them time to show their true selves. It's why I don't like telling people what I want, because I worry that they'll take that and try to make themselves seem right for me and then I'll walk into something that I'll have a hard time getting out of. I'm a bit overly cautious, but I think it's for the best at this point, I can at least say I met one nice person that I'm getting along with.

(in reply to risktaker9)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 11:10:42 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The only reason dominants are treating you this way is because it has worked with other submissives and they think you are likewise pliable.  Really, you can ignore people and refuse to participate in that sort of silliness.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to paintedshadows)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 12:48:27 PM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Great advise ....move on and yes it sounds like the guy is playing you on, drop him.

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 3:56:55 PM   
bobbiestut2


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/31/2010
Status: offline 		I think the advice being to a given by everyone is superb and I agree. There is a however. However, down the road in a committed relationship, it may turn out to be fun for both of you to enjoy doing public exhibitionism. So a spanking in public may be better for both of you if dresses are pulled up and panties down first. But not to begin with.

How do I put an image up.

bobblieslut2

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 6:44:58 PM   
paintedshadows


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/1/2010
Status: offline 		I don't quite understand how the exhibitionism fits in there, as it is I've yet to meet one that hasn't tried to pull the wool over my eyes.

(in reply to bobbiestut2)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 7:12:29 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		And I would add that you should enter that fray carefully, as strangers may not take kindly to participating in your public spanking activities.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to paintedshadows)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 8:55:29 PM   
paintedshadows


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/1/2010
Status: offline 		And aside from that, I'm hardly the exhibitionist type, that just does not equate into my idea of a comfort zone. People around my area are very very unfriendly about anything out of the ordinary. My friend dresses in her own style, which is rather unique and she wears a lot of dark makeup, yet isn't goth, not quite. The older crowd sort of glares at her and moves away while everyone else just seems downright unfriendly about it. So anything like that around here is asking for the police to get involved.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: So Confused - 1/2/2011 10:00:21 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bobbiestut2

I think the advice being to a given by everyone is superb and I agree. There is a however. However, down the road in a committed relationship, it may turn out to be fun for both of you to enjoy doing public exhibitionism. So a spanking in public may be better for both of you if dresses are pulled up and panties down first. But not to begin with.

How do I put an image up.

bobblieslut2


1. She's asking about prospective partners, not someone in a committed relationship.
2. Baring a submissive in public and making her liable for public indecency, as well as opening myself up to assault charges, really isn't somewhere I would choose to go.
3. I get the feeling that you have exhibitionism as your personal kink.  That doesn't mean that paintedshadows has it as one of hers.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to bobbiestut2)
Profile   Post #: 56
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