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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 8:29:05 AM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		FR

quote:


ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
What fears do you have about meeting a dominant?


my biggest fear is that instead of finding someone who cheerfully wants to flagellate me, i will find someone i depressingly want to flagellate myself with.  The secret question i have about everyone i meet is: are you someone whom i should have these loyal feelings for or are you someone i'm using for self-harm?

By self-harm, CaringandReal, i mean that in the past, i willfully ignored that i was using them to create a situation of chronic despair for myself that you fear.

No active looking until i'm more confident that i'm not using a person as a tool or choosing a person who is willing to let me (or uncaring that i) use them as such.  i at least want to be able to ask that question and come up with a clear yes or no answer so i can address the situation correctly. And, by correctly, i mean that this kind of user behavior deserves a clear "Bad monkey! No!" i need to feel more confident i can act appropriately when i realize *cough* "Hey, this bullshit is, in fact, bullshit. And i've had my fill."

Oh, sure, i have had all those fears ranging from "his not liking my haircut" to "her cooking me over a bonfire."  i have those concerns when seeking just friends not only if i were seeking Dominants, mostly they're minor and easily side-stepped.  But the doozey (sp?), the edge-of-the-cliff-i-daren't-step-off-of these days is the fear stated above.

Now i'll go back and read all of the better-written posts. = D


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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 9:18:34 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		~FR~ (I'm sleep deprived and probably wont make much sense)

I am afraid of finding someone I think is ideal. only to find out that it was all a front.
I'm afraid of them thinking the same of me (even though I am as I appear)
I'm afraid of falling into another abusive situation (abusers are SO good at hiding their Mr Hyde aspect)
I'm afraid of settling.

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 9:43:01 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		It wasn't fear of meeting him, but fear of what the relationship might bring.  And my fears weren't about him, but about myself:

I feared I might give too much again, too soon.
I feared I might compromise myself again.
I feared I might question myself too much again.
I feared I might let myself down.

Those fears (more like concerns, rather than actual fears) caused me to remain very aware of what I was doing and why, and what I was feeling and why.  It was also the reason for taking very slow baby steps into this relationship.  I had to trust myself, first and foremost.


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 10:52:34 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I was afraid Master would not be the same person whom i talked to on the phone with ( he was)
I was afraid he would not find me attractive (he says i am beautiful)]
I was afraid we would not be looking for the same thing (we were)

I don't know why i had those fears but they turned out to be for naught. 6 years (next month) later we are still together and still happy.

Matt's littleone

PS i am also really scared of spiders.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 11:04:34 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		What a great question.

I never used to be afraid of anything involving relationships or meeting men.

After my last relationship, that has changed.

I am afraid I will never meet anyone that I feel as intensely about as I did with my ex or whom I could truly, truly be myself with.

I am afraid that I will never really trust anyone again.

I am afraid that our communication system will further deteriorate the way we meet and get to know people.

I am afraid that I will never meet anyone who actually "gets" the whole me.

I am afraid that I will just stop caring about meeting someone and just become a glamourous old lady telling stories about my checkered past.

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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 11:20:13 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I am afraid that I will just stop caring about meeting someone and just become a glamourous old lady telling stories about my checkered past.


LOL actually I don't think that's a bad thing! 

I did stop caring about meeting anyone, and decided I was going to happily enjoy my life as a fulfilled, single woman.  Then he came along, and I said "No thanks, I'm a fulfilled, single woman."

Guess he shot that plan to hell. LOL.

But I still think that life is not a negative thing, at all.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 11:50:02 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Well, you can say that, because you met this great guy. I was sort of being tongue in cheek because, if you think about it, who really wants to be alone when they are old?

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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 12:12:12 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		girls that hit back

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 1:24:09 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I never ever had any fears when meeting a "Dom". I only had fears AFTER I was in a relationship with someone. Before that though I figured if he didn't like what he saw or hear then no big deal...he could move on and we'd both move on with our lives. No skin off of my back.

Now once in a relationship my fears have been many too numerous to name here and too private.



That is an interesting experience! I genuinely wish, for your sake, that you eroticize fear on some level. :)


Sorry, I never eroticize fear. There are times I am afraid of what Master could do to me  but it doesn't turn me on really but it does make me want to try harder to be the best slave I can for him.



(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 1:45:09 PM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		I guess the one fear that frightens me is the vase unknown at times. Unknown that I am enough for a Domme, unknown at what is coming next when I am with a Domme, the unknown in the 1st meeting.
That being said, fear draws me into some things that I find myself saying, that was not that bad.

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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 3:13:48 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		That I won't let him in and will miss something wonderful. In intimate relationships, I don't trust easily. It's a hurdle.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 3:15:58 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Well, you can say that, because you met this great guy. I was sort of being tongue in cheek because, if you think about it, who really wants to be alone when they are old?


Actually I can say that, because I honestly thought that, at the time we met. I was quite content being single, and had no concerns about not being paired up when old.


< Message edited by NuevaVida -- 1/3/2011 3:17:09 PM >

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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 8:11:16 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I am afraid I will never meet anyone that I feel as intensely about as I did with my ex or whom I could truly, truly be myself with.

I am afraid that I will never really trust anyone again.

I am afraid that our communication system will further deteriorate the way we meet and get to know people.

I am afraid that I will never meet anyone who actually "gets" the whole me.

I am afraid that I will just stop caring about meeting someone and just become a glamourous old lady telling stories about my checkered past.


Gosh red, ditto, ditto, ditto. Especially the bolded lines.

I'll also add:

I'm afraid I just can't do it again.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 10:51:01 PM   
BbcSlutKc


Posts: 60
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		I had been in a lot of abusive relationships in the past so that was by far my biggest fear. I was so scared he would end up like so many last relationships and end up beating the hell outta me. Come to find out even tho he is my Master I now know he doesn't have or ever had any intentions like that. I'm so happy I chose my Master wisely. I know it could have ended up bad being so new to this life.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 10:56:34 PM   
Need4Squeeze


Posts: 25
Joined: 12/26/2010
Status: offline 		I fear being nervous...
Sometimes I think I'll be nervous but I'm totally fine. Other times I have no reason to be scared but I'll suddenly find myself with sweaty palms.
In extreme situations, I'll often be very calm and controlled. While silly things that shouldn't matter, will sometimes have me terrified.

I'm a weird package. 

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/4/2011 12:34:06 AM   
CherryNeko


Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline 		1) Being abused.

2) Someone sorting me out completely, and not thinking I'm any special.

3) The state in which frightening things are happening to me. It's not that I'm frightened of something frightening (huh?), it's more like I can't think properly when I think something frightening is currently happening, or about to happen, to me. I can't make good choices when I'm in this state. It's a life-ruiner.

4) Being forbidden, by any reason, to use my senses permanently. Not being able to listen, sing or look at things... I know it sounds crazy.

4) I used to be seriously frightened of being alone, but then I read this beautiful writings, sort of like poems - orrr the translation, actually - and with a little pushing myself around I've been able to sort it out. It used to stress me out a lot, so I thought I'd mention it anyway.

I've changed a lot! O_O

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Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

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RE: What Frightens You? - 1/4/2011 12:39:28 AM   
gman992


Posts: 120
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		Being alone

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/4/2011 1:53:30 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		When i met my dominant, i was very very nervous - i'm 53, and have had two kids, and carry extra weight. I'm not a sweet young thing( - and really wouldn't want be again for all the tea in China(and that  is serious - i love hot tea!).)  My biggest fear was that he would look at me, laugh - or run screaming!

I'm not afraid of being alone - in fact, there are days when i prefer to be by myself, but i also don't want to be lonely. I had one fabulous relationship, and even though i knew that one was gone, i was worried that no-one else would measure up - not just in being dominant, but in being a genuinely nice person, that enjoyed my company and enjoyed women. My worries were baseless, but not unfounded. Its hard meeting new people with the intent to have a relationship with them, should all the stars align and the creeks don't rise.



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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/4/2011 1:58:36 PM   
subboytravis1980


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/4/2011
Status: offline 		I have never met a processional before, at least not that I am aware of. What frightens me the most about meeting a dominant would be that they would not take any interest in me.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What Frightens You? - 1/5/2011 8:14:02 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

What a great question.

I am afraid that our communication system will further deteriorate the way we meet and get to know people.



And what a great list of fears...well, if you can say that about fears. Could you explain the one I quote above a bit more. Do you mean the way that we talk to people will deteriorate? Or the way we find them?

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"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

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Profile   Post #: 40
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