Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

What exactly is "training?"


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What exactly is "training?" Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
What exactly is "training?" - 10/2/2004 4:39:36 PM   
poolman9276


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I am new at this, a guy with a dom nature seeking a sub. There's definitely a sexual component to this, as well as emotional and companionship desires, and most of the women's profiles I've viewed plainly welcome some or all of this. But many ask to be "trained." Could some of the more experienced Doms and Dommes clarify what is expected of me in this respect? In other words, apart from my basic essence as a sexually dominant male, are there certain techniques or procedures or protocols I'm supposed to know and administer?

There's such a spectrum among submissives -- some seek structure, some want to be caged, some ask to be humiliated, others want to be sexually dominated and used, and still others want me to appreciate them for their poetry. I would imagine it would take a while, in a real-life context, to even begin to intuit what the sub needs and wants, and whether I am qualified to provide it. So, how to approach this great unknown at the outset -- from a profile or email exchange? I know I have much to impart and teach, but I'm not sure of who my "student" really is in this particular lifestyle context. Am I supposed to have a curriculum prepared? Is "student" even the wrong way to think about it?

In other words, what does "training" basically consist of? And is it a 24/7 thing (which sounds pretty tiring - I do have a life!) or is it like 55 minutes and then the bell rings?




Attachment (1)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/2/2004 5:02:36 PM   
masterzpet


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/12/2004
From: Idaho
Status: offline 		Hello,
I'm not a Domme but to me, there is no one way to do things. There is your way and the way of the one you choose to be with. Hopefully those two ways mesh.

If you wish to train your subs then think of how you wish them to be and how you want to be served. IMO, asking for training is the same is saying "I want to know how to please and serve you". You could always ask them what they refer to when asking for training. It very well could be something completely different! :)

It is my opinion that the term "training" is just another word for "getting to know you", "spending time with you" and "learning more about you". That is the way we "train" to be with someone else.

Just my opinions on the matter....

masterzpet

(in reply to poolman9276)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/2/2004 6:00:19 PM   
GentleMistress


Posts: 116
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		In my opinion, when someone asks me to train them, I ask them why they want to be trained. Some have come asking to be trained for another Domme, this i can not do because i do not know how she would want him to be trained. I prefer my submissives to be untrained and then train them to my liking, how i would want him to act/behave when he is in my presence. I think it depends on the Dom/Domme...just my opinion.

(in reply to masterzpet)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/2/2004 7:46:21 PM   
ShrewWhisperer


Posts: 63
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline 		mostly I agree with gentlemistress...you gotta find out what the sub wants to be trained in. There are numerous schools of thought which have sorta hard n fast rules in them...personally I consider them to be the boy scouts without badges, cuz everything comes down to 2(ormore) people who are wanting close to the same thing.

but training as a noun...(don't give me grief people, I know it ain't...one comment and I'll get my grammer' on you) :) means what you want it to mean, if you want your sub to start by blowing you, then making dinner, then coming and blowing you again....if you want them to blow you while cooking dinner....eat lite things, maybe nothing that splatters on the stove...it is bringing order and regulation to the subs behaviour, then rewarding & reinforcing said behaviour. Along the way you can fit in as many kinks, deviances, and just plain weird stuff as you wanna.

A lot of the time women looking to be trained mean it across the board, but it will come down to what you want to train them to do...and if they like it, they'll keep doing it.

(in reply to GentleMistress)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/2/2004 10:26:57 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		From a sub's viewpoint, i see "training" as being taught what is expected of me by my Dom--like how to address Him (Sir, Master, etc) , how to greet him, how and where to sit in His presence, how to behave in public when with Him (walk with eyes down, walk a step behind him, etc), what to wear for different occassions, how He likes to be served various foods and beverages, how He likes daily chores performed, and how to please Him sexually. Others can probably add to the list.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 10/2/2004 10:27:54 PM >

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to poolman9276)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/2/2004 10:39:33 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I'll admit, when I hear the term "training", I tend to think attitude and deportment. How the sub is supposed to act, what is the proper etiquette for various circumstances. In many cases how to speak, when to eat, whether to sit stand or kneel, all come down to training. Since every owner differs in their preferences, this just comes down to the "getting to know you" stuff that everyone who has replied seems to be in agreement about.

I do know that for some, the fantasy of training revolves around a close degree of personal attention from the top. Basically it's not unlike the training you might give any other pet - sit up / roll over / beg. Stay off the furniture unless vanilla guests are coming over, eat with one hand tied behind your back (and anything you can't eat with one hand you can't have even if it's there on your plate), never refer to yourself in the first person. These are not nessisarily things that Dom/me wants - this is simply the level of control the bottom wants out of their Dom/me, during the course of a scene.

So of course the first question boils down to, when the bottom says they want to be trained, do they mean that they want "training" as part of their scene, or are they looking for a long term relationship where they are taught the proper way to please their master or mistress?

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/3/2004 9:02:12 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I do know that for some, the fantasy of training revolves around a close degree of personal attention from the top.

Exactly!!

To me training is a kink like any other. The training kink is a desire to give up total control or to be micromanaged. Take a sub without a Dom/me and set them free into the wild and they know how to act in public, they know how to chew their food, they know to dress themselves, etc.

I think that if you asked many subs here, a good portion of them would say
- "my Dom/me knows best all the time and should have total control on how I act because she/he knows what is best for me" or
- "It just makes me hot when she/he tells me what to do".

Perhaps this is the distinction between sub & slave? Perhaps this is all conditional on how co-dependant or independant someone is.

quote:

These are not nessisarily things that Dom/me wants - this is simply the level of control the bottom wants out of their Dom/me, during the course of a scene.


I think there are as many co-dependant Dom/mes as there are co-dependant subs/slaves. And the reverse is true about the independent ones. This isn’t a judgement call on my part, this is simply an observation.

I’m pretty independent and I tend to interact with the independent submissive that likes me to be in control in certain situations and dictate every little movement and action but then we both drop on the bed exhausted and laugh and we both return to our own lives according to our goals, needs, desires. They get "training" while we play and we build on that and sometimes it crosses over into everyday life.

In some cases, the kinky activities/dynamic helped a submissive refine themselves, learn some self-restraint and self-discipline. And in some cases it helped me. And it is wonderful when that can happen. Opportunities for growth are always a good thing as far as I’m concerned.

I've always said I didn't have a micromanagement kink. As Poolman said in his original post, "I do have a life!". That said, I know people who have a massive micromanagement kink and it works splendidly for them. To each their own!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/3/2004 7:46:40 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with what most have said. Training in my mind is nothing more than what you want your submissive to do. Your rules. Not anyone elses. For instance my ex Dom may have wanted me to get him a soda when he came home from work. My new Dom doesn't want that at all. So what if I go get my new Dom a soda? Would it be welcomed? Would it bother him?
He needs to tell me what rules he wishes me to follow. Whether they be sexual or of a vanilla nature yet still serving him.

I know of some Dominants who prefer submissives who were'nt trained. It's a little hard to break old habits at times.

(in reply to poolman9276)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/3/2004 8:06:52 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline
quote:

Am I supposed to have a curriculum prepared?


It would be beneficial if you have some idea, based on your experience and your current life/style, as close to exactly how you want the relationship to progress, and guide her in that direction.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to poolman9276)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/3/2004 9:55:57 PM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		I was taught that the first step in the training process begins with yourself. As a newcomer to the lifestyle, you have much to explore, research and experience. When you have a grasp on your own firm wants and needs, (those that do not change because they are part of your "core", which comes with soul searching) - then you are better able to teach a submissive person how best to please you. This is my interpretation of training. Of course, its not the only way to go about training, but it certainly seems to make the most sense to me.

Sometimes when someone asks to be trained, they are saying nothing more than "please teach me what you know" - either in a specific area or the lifestyle itself. To me, that isn't training, it is a desire to learn more about something which interests you. My advice would be to ask what their expectations are, this way you know if it is something you are knowledgeable in before getting in too deep.

humble opinion of a slave : )

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/4/2004 7:18:45 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		It seems to me that the training you give should be tailored to what you desire/ require of the sub. Please though, whatever of the many paths you decide to take study safety first. The safety is always first in my mind the rest can evolve and become what you need over time,but we don't want to injure or kill anybody, or ruin their sexuality either. Good Luck...Mike

(in reply to poolman9276)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/4/2004 8:56:39 PM   
kajiranecantha


Posts: 16
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline 		Training to this girl means many many things. Sometimes a sub will have learned habits that the New Dom/mme will not approve of and they will have to break them to taching a sub how You like things done to self training in things like how to serve tea in such and such a way, creating bath rituals etc (If your Master/Mistress/Owner allows for such creativity)

_____________________________

submissively yours,

necantha

"What are you? A slave girl" Assassins of gor.

(in reply to Nvernilla)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/4/2004 9:40:55 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Am I supposed to have a curriculum prepared?


What does you wish your submissive to know? It is entirely possible that she may already have a strong understanding of herself and her sexuality. And maybe not. It may be that your needs and desires mesh seamlessly. And maybe not. It may be that she is able to please you in all things. And maybe not. It may be that you are so intuned to her mind and body, that you feel as if you've known each other for a lifetime. And maybe not. What do you know? It may be that your mytical submissive can read your mind and body at all times and so is able to please you in all things. And maybe not.

You are new at this and so I would imagine that there is a great deal that you need to learn about the nature of submissive women. I would also imagine that there is a great deal that you need to learn about various activities and tools and toys and their uses. I feel fairly certain that there is a great deal you need to learn about SAFETY - both for yourself and your submissive partner-to-be. There is probably a great deal you need to learn about your own dominant nature and any fetishes and sadistic needs and desires if you have those.

I do understand that some dominants work intuitively for a large part of what they do and many are self-taught. But they did actively work to gain a body of knowledge and set of skills to learn that which is relevant to the lifestyle they wish to live. If you read the posts of many dominants - both male and female - they indicate that they had to learn a great deal before they were able to teach their partners anything. If you wish a play partner - then the use of tools and safety should be the primary lessons. If you wish a partner to guide and care for, one who wishes to serve and care for you - then you need to be able to teach her what you want, but you must first understand her, how she works, what she wants (other than to be your undying and ever-devoted servant), and you need to know and understand what you want.

Until you learn - from other dominants, from books and websites, and yes, even from other submissives, I do not know how much actual training can take place. When, however, you have spent a great deal of time in study and introspection, you may well have a better idea of what you can teach your submissive partner.

I worked with an incredible trainer and there was indeed a curriculum of study for me to follow so that I was able to learn about myself, the nature of BDSM in various forms and guises. I studied with him for a time and am happier, healthier, and safer for it. Our relationship was one of teacher and student - we were not partners. The study was sometimes difficult and the introspection was sometimes excrutiating, but it was all to the good. Fortunately for me, he had both the experience, knowledge, patience, and skill to teach me. I can tell you from personal experience that knowing a subject does not necessarily enable one to teach it, to guide a student to a set of skills or body of knowledge.

newflowers

(in reply to poolman9276)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/4/2004 9:41:43 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		P.S. - I just looked at this post - I am officially kinky. Hurray for me.
-a-

(in reply to newflowers)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/4/2004 11:35:14 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Training. It simply means teaching your sub in various ways, formal or informal, how you wish to be served in any area of your life. If you are living apart and it is mostly a bedroom relationship, then you need to know what you want, and make sure that you are compatible in the bedroom. Same for live-in or 24/7. I can train online in the basics, and I know I am training for the eventuality that this sub/slave is going to be with another Domme. But I keep it to basics, (there are alot of basics!)and from there the new Dom/me has to take over and train in the more specific areas of service. It is just about what you want, and (hopefully) what s/he wants to learn to give.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to poolman9276)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/10/2004 8:45:20 PM   
DiamondDiva


Posts: 266
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I agree with mostly everything that everyone has stated but I will say AS A DOMME it is extremely important that BEFORE you take on the responsibility of having a sub you KNOW exactly what your objectives are and what you expect from them and make sure that you both understand the same thing.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What exactly is "training?" - 10/10/2004 10:21:22 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		::nods vigorously:: Oh yes. I agree completely. Self-awareness and negotiation are of paramount importance in my book, and according to the way I was brought into the community.

Of course, frequently the sub who desires "training" isn't all that self-aware yet and may be asking permission to be unsure and perhaps a little skittish. Just a thought.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to DiamondDiva)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What exactly is "training?" Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078