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Staying Safe.. - 5/1/2006 8:11:04 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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A friend emailed me a few days ago and told me she had met someone online, it was not what I expected as I thought I had warned her as much as I could and to be safe; luckly, she was in town and in a public place as the creep she met turned out to be a nutcase. What happened to her reminded me of the follwing that I wrote last year after a girl named Taylor was found killed by someone she met online. It was tragic and it made national news, and after what my friend went through, I thought I would share this here and ask for others to weigh in with regard to meeting people online.
This is the time of the year when people thing about traveling and for some of us, we think about venturing to meet others [a potential partner].

"I have been in this lifestyle long enough to have a good idea of when someone is not all that they appear to be; yet, in light of recent events [Taylor being found and others], I wanted to remind ALL the ladies to use safe calls.

"I ask a few friends to call and check on me so long into a date (play or otherwise) or the like; we set up 'safe codes' and the like, in case. They have an address or where I will be, who I am with, know what that guy looks like, my cell, his cell, what I am wearing, etc and any other info I can give them.

"Worst case senario, someone has info on where I was/am and the like.

"My girl friends and I do this because we don't want to be a 'news story'. Heck.. I STILL check in with friends when I leave and text or call them when I get home to let them know I am fine.

"This not 'paranoid,' it is called responsibility and taking care of yourself. I am a mother, so anything I can do to protect myself and to make sure I am around for my child for many many years, I will DEFINATLY do."

< Message edited by slaverosebeauty -- 5/1/2006 8:14:36 PM >

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/1/2006 8:23:03 PM

cariad

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Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
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girl is sorry to hear your friend had a bad experience and this is why she always suggests to anyone who is meeting for the first time to set up safe calls and have code words.

in fact case in point here: girl is going to meet a Dominant Couple in 8 days and she mentioned it to her cousin who luckily is only 3 miles away, he has concerns as he is "nilla," and wasn't aware of girl having set up safe calls until she told him about it.

he agreed to let her be on the subject as long as she calls him when she arrives, emails him as she can with a code word that if it is not there he will know what to do and he was happy with this arrangement.

girl has set up calls with a Dom in PA, two of her DJ's at her internet radio station, her cousin, and her foster sister where she lives. this has seemed to ease girls cousin's mind a bit but he is still leary of it and understandably so.

girl also stresses meeting in public, taking a friend who sits close by but not too close to hear and see what is happening, as well as the safe calls.

get as much info on the person as is possible and pass it onto your safe calls, safe emails and the likes so that you do not become a news story.

girl was reminded of a girl where she lives being murdered after her ex decided that she was not going to break up with him, and beat her to death. now girl is not saying all Men are like this but girl has had her share of bad experiences and has also seen Doms/Dommes, Tops, subs and slaves alike get hurt by not doing as girl suggested and luckily they were not severely hurt, but they sure did get scared straight into listening to what girl has to say from now on.

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/1/2006 8:40:55 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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And I've never used a safecall and meet people in real life and from online all the time.

It doesn't stop you from getting on the news- it just means they will realize something's wrong a little sooner.

My general advice is- if you feel you need a safecall, then just don't meet. I really don't take risks like that.

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/1/2006 9:06:53 PM

spankmepink11

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I've never used a safe call either and have met many from online, I just make a habit of A) Not jumping into an immediate meeting. B) ALWAYS meeting briefly...in very public venues for the first time. and C) just not meeting anyone i don't feel perfectly confidant about.
Did i mention the police backround check?...(kidding)

I've actually been stalked/harrased by vanilla men i've met through real life traditional channels...and have never experienced that with people i've met online. Lifestyle or otherwise.

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/2/2006 4:57:54 AM

Lashra

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Some people who don't use safecalls are lucky, nothing ever happens to them. But then again you have to wonder, what may happen if their luck runs out? Wiser to be safe then dead. Use the safecalls.

~Lashra

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/2/2006 6:44:42 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
Some people who don't use safecalls are lucky, nothing ever happens to them. But then again you have to wonder, what may happen if their luck runs out? Wiser to be safe then dead. Use the safecalls.

~Lashra

It's not luck any more than it's luck that the ones who use safe calls haven't gotten raped walking from a building to their car- it's good judgement and understanding.

Again- a safe call doesn't stop someone doing something wrong, it just lets people know sooner when something has gone wrong. If I feel I need a safe word with someone, I just WON'T meet them, it really is that easy.

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/2/2006 7:30:15 AM

CherryLeopard

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I use safe calls, meet first in public places, leave an envelope with info/plans with a trusted friend including the persons profile info as well as the real life info (name, phone number, address etc.). I also check the state sex offender registry for their info. Yes it came back positive one time... I let the person know this and he and his profile suddenly disappeared. Am I paranoid? Perhaps, but I believe in safety both before and during scenes and this includes taking measures to protect myself from folks who aren't who they claim to be.

I also encourage the folks I'm meeting to set up safe calls both during our first (public) meeting and for our first few private meetings. Safety runs both ways.

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/2/2006 8:40:29 AM

plantlady64

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HEllo All,
I agree someone should know where & when you're going to meet a new person from the web. Sometimes I have someone who knows if I don't call by a certain time to call the police & other times they just have the other persons info in case I don't call them the next day.
Usually if I'm meeting someone brand new to me I meet in a public place, park a few blocks away & don't let them escort me to my car. The first time I go to someone's house is when someone knows all the information about this person I'm visiting and a time I'm going to check in by.
Overall like other posters have said here I do not feel this prevents bad things from happening to you, but rather leaves a trail for the police to find you if something goes really bad. I think you have to be careful to try to weed out the loonies before you go meet someone. If I think I'm ready to play s with a potential friend I have them meet me in my local public dungeon where I'm surrounded by friends who will keep me safe for our first play time. Lots of Doms are not too fond of public play, but I figure if they find me interesting enough I'm worth proving you're not hiding someting. Suzanne

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/4/2006 8:24:00 AM

slaverosebeauty

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I'm glad that a few of you do NOT feel the need to have safecalls and the like, but, I am a single mother, and at the end of the day I WILL be with my child. Pure and simple. I will do whatever it takes me be 'mommy' and to stay safe so I can return to my child.

Before I meet someone in person, we have had a decent number of emails, IMs [when possible] and enough phone conversations that I have a level of saftey with that person and to a point, a level of trust, otherwise I would to meet them [possibly even play with that is mutual]. I have been 'requested' [aka told] by a few men I have met in the past to have safecalls and the like set up, to put me at ease and to make sure that things are on the level. I see nothing wrong with any of that, especially for those of us that are single parents. I have set up safe calls for vanilla meetings as well unless I know the person well. Nothing wrong with that.
Besides, I look for quality people, not quantity when it comes down to whom I associate with, whether it be as a potential partner or friend or the like. I don't want to be on the front page of The Fresno Bee as another 'story' or lesson for others.

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RE: Staying Safe.. - 5/4/2006 8:38:59 AM

gooddogbenji

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To me, in my HUGE experience (none), but with a reasonable amount of common sense, it comes down to a safecall being that last line of defense. Just as with airbags, they may keep you safe when you crash, but it's not a licence to drive through telephone poles. When all has gone to shit, and the cops need to be called, it might just help you. Or not.

If you do all of your research in advance, have good intuition, and know what to look for, as well as meeting publicly and such, the safe call should be needed at best in 1 % of your offline meetings. I mean, if you meet in public, and this person creeps you out, you walk away. You don't go back to his hotel and wait for the safecall. That's common sense.

Of course, it adds an extra measure of perceived safety, but I would tend to agree with many others. Do your homework to eliminate the need for it. Use it as a luxury, maybe, but don't bank on it.

Just my opinion.

Yours,

benji

< Message edited by gooddogbenji -- 5/4/2006 8:40:03 AM >

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