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releasing a submissive - 10/3/2004 10:15:51 AM   
darkpetal


Posts: 24
Status: offline 		may i ask a question of the Doms.....

if a girl asks release me or lets continue, but there is no response.... whats a girl to do?

does this Dom still "own" in his mind?

i am requesting the thoughts and opinions of Doms.

thank you, peta
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/3/2004 10:22:31 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Here is the mantra my mistress taught me...

"I am a Sub, not a doormat"

"I serve because it completes me to do so"

"I am a human being. I think, I feel, I want, I live, I choose"

"I serve whom I choose to serve because service is what I do."

"If you can't deal with that, you can be replaced."

If a submissive asks to be released, the owner has serious relationship troubles brewing. This is essentially the same as calling safeword in a scene (if you think of the whole collared relationship inclusive as a "scene"). At that point, all the sub has to do is remove the collar. Get a pair of bolt cutters if need be. It dosen't matter if the dom thinks they are still in control. A dom without a sub is just a person with delusions of grandeur. Keep in mind that, much like any other use of one's safeword, such an action is not to be undertaken lightly. However, if your owner isn't willing to deal with the issue at hand, cut yourself loose.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/3/2004 10:46:14 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

if a girl asks release me or lets continue, but there is no response.... whats a girl to do?


If there's no response i would tell him that you consider yourself released by default and you are going to move on.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/3/2004 10:46:51 AM   
magiqual


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

if a girl asks release me or lets continue, but there is no response.... whats a girl to do? does this Dom still "own" in his mind?


There is no single answer to this. One time, I had a Dominant stand me up for a date, not answer the phone or email, etc. -- she had a medical emergency and needed all her energy and focus to deal with it. She sent me a note after about a week of silence asking me to take care of myself and she'd get back to me. A month later, we were able to pick up the relationship. Another time, with another Dominant, her going non-responsive turned out to meant she had lost all interest in being a Domme and I didn't get told this until after nearly five months of patient waiting.

Bottom line: whether or not he believes he "owns" you, you have to decide what's best for your own emotional health. If you can afford to be patient, some waiting and continuing to communicate is a good thing. If his silence is harming you, give it a couple more tries then cut the ties.

It's tempting, as a submissive (or slave), to make your dominant partner responsible for your well-being. At the end of the day, if your health (emotional or otherwise) is suffering at another's continuing lack of involvement in the relationship, you need to tend to that first. Think of it this way -- who would want a submissive who isn't in good shape? You owe it to yourself, and your dominant (whether now or in the future) to take care of yourself.

(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/3/2004 2:42:26 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		In my opinion, asking for release is a courtesy and formality and a clear signal that the relationship is over. What if you had gotten an answer that you were not released? You could still walk anyway of your own free will regardless of what is in his mind.

So what is in his mind is irrelevant at this point (unless he turns psycho stalker or something like that). The only thing that matters is what's in your mind.

(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/4/2004 2:50:46 PM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkpetal
*snip*
if a girl asks release me or lets continue, but there is no response.... whats a girl to do?

does this Dom still "own" in his mind?
*snip*


Hi,

Usually, and especially in the case of a Long Distance relationship (of any kind), the lack of any response is a fairly good indication of a lack of interest.

Occasionally there may be some set of circumstances that are a reasonable cause for the lack of response (medical emergency, death in the family, etc), but those are really few and far between.

If you have asked release, and still heard no response, then you have discharged your duty faithfully and can move on with a clear conscience.

If said Dom later contacts you and says something along the lines of “I was testing to see how long you would wait…” then I would suggest not even bothering to respond. That kind of game is for players who don’t want the responsibility.

Must my .02

Peace and Light
Terry

(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/4/2004 4:48:21 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		peta,

I'm assuming this was a on-line relationship that you had, because the picture of a Dom standing in front of you and ignoring you when you ask this question is silly.

In that case, realize that this relationship was purely on-line fantasy in the first place and you have nothing to be 'released' from. Consider that his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend or parents cut off his computer privileges.

Then, take a deep breath, put on a nice outfit, and go out and enjoy a real life experience. Maybe respond to some from CollarMe who is nearby and will meet you. Could be another sub, a Dom, or just someone who's profile interests you. Go have some coffee and stop living through on-line fantasy.

This is a tremendous opportunity - take advantage of it!

Merc & beth

(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/4/2004 5:30:38 PM   
SirPain


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/26/2004
Status: offline 		peta,

Having been in the lifestyle for almost thirty years it is my experience as a Master that only when you meet and have gone through enought time to establish a relationship can you be owned. A Dom saying, on line, that he owns you means nothing. hHe may as well own your cat because he has no control over what you do or what happens to you when you and he are not on line together. A cyber relationship has no grounds for ownership because it is very unreal in the sense that neither is emotionally and, most importantly, physically bonded to the other. Until HE actually puts a collar on you and declares you his property, how can he won you?

(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/4/2004 8:37:45 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hi I am unclear as to whether this is an O/L relationship or a R/T relationship. If it is O/l just walkaway there is little he can do, if it is R/T the same is still true but remember this if he trys to force you to stay I believe that carries about 40 yrs in most states. And as far as him comming back goes I have found that repetes don't work. If he won't respond to your question it sounds like his problem and not yours anyway. Good Luck...Mike

(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/4/2004 10:36:05 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Wow, I haven't been in the lifestyle thirty years, but even I know that you can have emotional ties in an online relationship. It's not my thing, but there are many who do have emotions invested in someone they have never met.
Darkpetal, if he isn't answering your queries, it probably means he isn't ever going to.

(in reply to SirPain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/6/2004 1:13:55 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		this slave would like to share an excerpt from and a paraphrase of an article from www.bornslaves.com.
" The process of accepting destiny(or going from online to real-time) is very similar to that of becoming airborne as a pilot. On the ground there are certain laws of physics at work. As soon as the aircraft has left the ground virtually everything changes. When an aircraft is on the ground it can be steered by turning the wheels. There is no vertical freedom, everything must be accomplished in a two dimensional plane(similar to the two
dimensional plane of a computer)Most important, just like being in a car, when everything else fails u can simply step on the brakes(or push the button on the puter) and everything will come to a halt in a matter of seconds.

Once airborne, however, not only is manuevering accomplished in a two dimensional plane, but also up and down. Other aircraft have to be avoided in three dimensions, and turning is a matter of setting up an arc against the air that produces the turn. Most different, however, is that there are no brakes. In a plane, if something happens, if things get out of control, it could be a portion of an hour, compared to seconds on the ground, before things can be brought to a halt. A landing site must be selected. If there is no power, there is no second chance to land. The site and the approach must be carefully calculated because there is no room for mistakes. Everything is in terms of doing the right thing next, instead of simply applying the brakes to make everything stop.
When we accept our destiny, life becomes about determining what comes next. The option to stop, to hold back, to resist is gone.
Knowing the spiritual world, trusting IT, and the wisdom and instincts that come from IT is the information on which we must depend for the next action. We have to trust, and don't have time to analyze, to figure out, to understand, or to create an image. What is happening is all that is happening. The challenge is being self honest enough that we can see without bias the truth in every situation. Then, it is knowing there is no negative, black spot on our soul that could motivate us to take action for the wrong reason
or purpose.
If any of the conditions are missing, then we crash, just like when in the air. The ego tells us that we can always apply the brakes. In real life there are no brakes. It is only after the brakes have been applied that we have time to "think about things". Without
brakes there is no such time. Thinking about things is a luxury which the ego enjoys, but has nothing to do with living. It is egotistic entertainment. Understanding serves its purpose only in helping others. Our own life isn't the result of understanding. It is the result of not understanding. It is the result of obeying. A slave's life is the result of having experienced the truth, accepted living accordingly, and practicing the truth experienced in obedience. So it is with every person of destiny."

wishing u the best,

beth

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 10/6/2004 1:55:06 PM >

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/6/2004 1:48:40 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		If you asked for release and he didn't reply, did you have his hearing checked?

I am not going to get on my soapbox here in regards to an online relationship, but if someone gets real feelings from it, I feel sorry for them, because they are only getting feelings for whatever they have been told, not for what really is. To those people, go behind your computer grab some of the power wires, and feel the power of being online!

If you are not getting a specific reply from a realtime Dom, he isn't.




But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
Carl Sagan

< Message edited by INSIDEYOURMIND -- 10/7/2004 7:15:26 PM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: releasing a submissive - 10/9/2004 6:58:49 AM   
darkpetal


Posts: 24
Status: offline 		i should clarify, it was a long distance relationship of approximately 1500 miles and i went to see him several times.
peta

(in reply to ShadowHwk)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: releasing a submissive - 11/21/2004 12:54:54 AM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Without getting into the discussion of who is in control the Dom or the sub...
This is not the world of GOR... This is a world of equality for everyone ( weather they like it or not).

A subs Gift is just that a GIFT... i is freely given it can be freely accepted or freely rejected.. It also can be freely taken back..

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to darkpetal)
Profile   Post #: 14
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