My Submissive's Place is... (Full Version)

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OttersSwim -> My Submissive's Place is... (1/19/2011 4:29:55 PM)

Okay Ladies this should be fun...

Lets suppose you and your submissive/slave are invited to a dinner.  It will be all kinky folks.  The plan is primarily a Dominant's dinner with the submissives/slaves either serving or being on hand.  There will be ten couples - both Male/female couples, and Female/male couples in attendance and there will be mutually agreed to protocols in place.

The questions asked by the host, who is trying to accommodate every Dominant's individual wishes, are where your submissive will eat, and will they have their own plate?  Two of the male dominants have already chimed in and one said that their slave would be on the floor beside them and would not have their own plate, and the other said that their submissive would eat in the kitchen and would have their own plate.

So...where would you have your submissive eat, and would they have their own plate?   What are your wishes for your submissive/slave during the dinner? 

This is the exact scenario that we recently encountered.  It was interesting how things broke out between male and female Dominants and after we have a few answers I will share that data.  :)



LadyNTrainer -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/19/2011 6:08:44 PM)

I'd like mine seated on each side of me so I can talk to them; I enjoy their company. First priority is getting food for the type 1 diabetic; he definitely gets his own plate and eats when and what he needs to. As I prefer to socialize and chat casually at BDSM events rather than spend a lot of my evening paying attention to what someone else is eating, I'd prefer that my primary partner got his own plate too. I'm flexible on that point, but totally inflexible re: the diabetic. If necessary I will intervene to make sure he gets the food he needs when he needs it, but I'd rather not.

I'm much more interested in socializing at these kinds of events than showing off how domly I am, so any arrangement that minimizes my level of bother works for me. The diabetic *must* manage his own food needs; my primary partner *can* manage his own food needs.

As long as the diabetic's health requirements were met (he needs to have access to appropriate food at appropriate times, period), it might be fun to have all the s-types eating from the floor. But that would largely deprive me of the pleasure of their witty incursions into the general conversation, and that would be a shame as they are quite entertaining.

I would probably have my primary doing some serving, but not so much to me personally. I have the weird quirk that accepting meat from another person's hands feels like the act of a subordinate, not a dominant. I make the kill; I distribute the meat. I would not enjoy my submissive having direct access to the food when I did not, at least not without wanting to growl and hackle.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/19/2011 8:08:25 PM)

In the kitchen, as they can in between courses, with their own plates and utensils. To Us, a "Dominant's Dinner" is one in which the Masters are free to talk and discuss while the slaves are in service.

If it some kind of "Joint Dinner" then We would prefer then at Our feet, with their own plates. But, this can begin to take up room such that others who are serving have difficulty. So, being seated at the table beside Us would be appropriate as well.

Master Fire



MaamJay -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/19/2011 8:24:50 PM)

We have held similar dinners in the past, usually on New Year's Eve. Being hot Aussie summer at that time, they've usually been BBQs out on the patio by the pool. In Aussie the usual tradition is that the males congregate around the BBQ and cook the meat (also drink a lot of beer!) and females organise everything else (salads, bread, table setting) and chatter away in the kitchen. We mixed this up with all SUBMISSIVES (female or male) being the ones cooking the meat at the BBQ AND running around setting up the table while the Dominants sat and chatted (and drank beer if they were so inclined). Subs didn't get to eat or drink until everything was set up and the food served (no diabetics to worry about ... I agree with LnT's views for Her sub). subs served their own Dom/mes food, then sat where directed, usually with their own plates. Some sat at the main table, others sat at a side table, and one sat on the floor (it was a bit too knobbly a paving to kneel on, so we gave her a mat to sit on). It was quite amusing as D's to see females out at the BBQ ouching when hot oil spat, or they had to reach over to turn the steaks at the back, shorter arms can be a hindrance! Master generously allowed Me to be D for the night, though I still had to put His food on His plate once it arrived at the table. Most times there were only 2 male subs, the rest were females, and My sub hub at the time would be suitably dressed in heels and lace, so you could hardly tell the difference! It was always good fun.

However otter, I didn't really pick a difference as to where male D's and female D's preferred their subs to sit ... I look forward to your data!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



SweetDommes -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/19/2011 10:08:42 PM)

Mine will be next to me, so he can fetch me anything I need, to pull out my chair for me, and to converse with everyone. Of course he would have his own plate - although, depending on my mood, I may decide waht gets put on said plate.



Miyani -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 12:09:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

I would probably have my primary doing some serving, but not so much to me personally. I have the weird quirk that accepting meat from another person's hands feels like the act of a subordinate, not a dominant. I make the kill; I distribute the meat. I would not enjoy my submissive having direct access to the food when I did not, at least not without wanting to growl and hackle.


I have been trying to put this into words for years now, thank you!

As for me, I would want my boy to have a place at my right hand, complete with plate. He tends to scarf his food, and I eat slowly, so I'd want a cushion under his chair. When he's done eating, he moves his chair back, and presto, his head is on my knee.



BlackTigerDragon -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 1:35:36 AM)

fr

I would like a sub at the table. At dinner parties you tend to talk to people and my sub will be included in this!

And unless a dirty table is some kind of kinky turn on then he will have his own plate. :)

...

Does a dirty table fetish exist?



allthatjaz -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 1:51:54 AM)



In this scene friendly environment everyone can take their proper place. For us that would mean she would be eating in the kitchen or out of her bowl on the floor and rushing to serve us when we call. This allows her to be rewarded by being able to show off her submission amongst other like minded folk. mj doesn't doubt our dominance within the confines of our home but as an exhibitionist she enjoys nothing more than being able to display her submission publicly and publicly for us is amongst others like us.



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 4:46:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
Lets suppose you and your submissive/slave are invited to a dinner.  It will be all kinky folks.  The plan is primarily a Dominant's dinner with the submissives/slaves either serving or being on hand.  There will be ten couples - both Male/female couples, and Female/male couples in attendance and there will be mutually agreed to protocols in place
He would be beside me, attending to whatever I needed.
quote:

where your submissive will eat, and will they have their own plate?
Next to me, at the table, serving me, and making sure my needs/desires were tended to.

quote:

Two of the male dominants have already chimed in and one said that their slave would be on the floor beside them and would not have their own plate, and the other said that their submissive would eat in the kitchen and would have their own plate
This would be why someone else's training would be of little use to me and mine.

quote:

So...where would you have your submissive eat, and would they have their own plate?   What are your wishes for your submissive/slave during the dinner
When home or at public functions, he sits next to me, and tends to my needs.   I once went out to dinner with a boy.   The waitress kept referring to me as "honey", and speaking to the boy primarily.    I let him know that the next time she called me "honey" I'd explain that I prefer Ma'am; next thing I know, he excuses himself to the bathroom, warns said waitress, not to address me as "hun"; additionally, I didn't allow him to order and told her, he isn't allowed to control the money, while I took the bill, and payed (only because he didn't have cash on him, but paid me back when we got home).

When out in public, I expect mine next to, and tending to my needs.   When home, relaxing, or watching tv, I like him on the floor, at my feet.    M



OttersSwim -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 6:19:17 AM)

Yay!  Thanks to you all for your thoughtful replies! 

I think this is an interesting thing to think about.   In the dinner I am referring to, my Lady was the only female Dominant in attendance.  The male dominants split almost evenly between having their submissive in the kitchen, and having them on the floor beside or behind them.  My Lady opted to have me sitting next to her at the table and we shared a plate and I served and fed her.  She had a little zappy thing that was strategically placed and depending on what number she pressed I knew if I was to feed her or feed me.  I was the only submissive at the table.

It was interesting for me to see so many varied relationship types between the Male/female attendees at the dinner, and how the female submissives were generally in the kitchen, or serving, or at their Master's feet.   Protocols put in place to keep submissives from speaking unless directly spoken to, or acknowledged after they gave a hand signal.  Not that there is anything wrong with this mind you, just different and I noticed it and wanted to see what other female Dominant's might have chosen. 

It is also interesting that most that have responded thus far chose to have their submissive with them (with variations on exactly how that would work).

The dinner was really a wonderful experience with great people and I enjoyed it immensely!  We have made some new friends out of it, and I got to see and participate in high-protocol too, and so it was a really rewarding thing to do!



LadyPact -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 7:37:33 AM)

It would be My preference that he be having his own plate in the kitchen, especially if it is a Dominant's dinner, as MFM described above.  I wouldn't expect him to have a chair at the table anymore than I would invite Myself to sit down during a submissive's sig (special interest group).  Yes, I would expect him to be assisting in service for part of the dinner and clean up as well.  Just because he's a male submissive, rather than a female, doesn't excuse him from that.



LPslittleclip -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 10:34:33 AM)

at a stated Dom dinned i would not expect to eat at the table or in the same room. when at home i would be at her feet at vanilla venues i would seat Her and i would be next to Her. unless otherwise stated i would help with serving and any clean up.



MCLady -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 10:44:09 AM)

My girl eats in the kitchen at home so she'll eat in the kitchen at a kink dinner party. In a vanilla setting we'd be at the same table but she would be attending to my needs.



Lockit -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 10:57:16 AM)

Wow... interesting situation. In part, this is why I would rarely take part in a public dynamic. Not that I am not up to the challenge... it is just that I don't deal with other people's dynamics in my relationship. In other words... I don't do things the way another dominant would dictate. lol

In my view... many male dominant's think they rule over female dominants and that they should call the shots. While there are times I might enjoy taking on the challenge of that... I tend to just shrug my shoulders... smile and walk away.

As far as I am concerned, the host is in charge. I can either accept what they wish to do or not attend, which is going to be my answer most the time. lol If I attend, it is according to house rules. I will never forget going to a place where my submissive had a problem with something that was going on. To me it was a little thing and only required that he remain quiet when it happened. I told him to just deal with it. I knew he was thinking... why should I? I don't believe this and I don't like it. My point was... it isn't a big deal and you are going to pick apart the situation when it isn't a big deal? He did get the look and it was a done deal whether he liked it or not. It didn't matter in the big picture.

House rules. As dominant, I go with the house rules if I have accepted them. If there are no house rules I have accepted... my submissive is close by me and it could mean he is doing different things at different times, depending on the situation.



LadyNTrainer -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 11:34:25 AM)

I just realized something else.  I absolutely don't get off on visibly displaying my submissives' "lowly status" in public.  Nor do I feel that this would increase my own status.  In fact I expect others, dominant and submissives alike, to respect them.  Not in a D/s way, but as the strong, intelligent and honorable human beings that they are.  If another dominant offers what I consider disrespect to either of my boys, I will inform them politely - the first time, anyhow - that this is not okay.  Disrespect to them is disrespect to me. 

My poly family is a bit like a wolf pack.  I am alpha; my boys bare throat to me and I am first to the kill.  But they are still wolves.  They are my wolves.  They are not sheep.  Treat any of us like sheep, and you may find the whole pack eyeing your throat.  You might also think of them as knights or samurai in service to their lord, strong and dignified warriors worthy of respect.  Disrespect them and it insults my honor.  They willingly bend knee to me and show their fealty and submission, and that is no disgrace.  But they aren't yours, so speak to them condescendingly or lay hands on them at your own peril.  If you do and you get your ass kicked either verbally or physically, don't come crying to me, I'll just laugh at you and tell them well done. If necessary I'll kick your ass myself until you learn some respect for my family. 

We don't have sticks up our asses on the subject, at least not TOO far, but that's generally how I feel on the subject. 



OttersSwim -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 11:59:31 AM)

Just a fast reply to clarify - there were protocols in place that had been agreed to by everyone in advance.  Nothing was forced on anyone.  The hosts were trying to be accommodating and honor everyone's individual dynamic.  Thereby, rather than give choices, they asked open ended questions and would have been just as accommodating to an answer of "my submissive will wait in the car".



LadyPact -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 12:08:00 PM)

Definitely a different strokes for different folks area.  I just see it as any submissive who would be attending the dinner with Me isn't over and above other submissives.  That includes the submissive of the host who has already put in a good deal of work for a formal to plan, shop, cook, and serve dinner for at least a dozen people.  (As Otter's post here and on another thread on the subject suggests.)  Especially if this is a more formal evening, I see it as offering an available resource.  Probably would be an offer made before the event for things like prep work and laying the table.  Up to the host's discretion, of course.  



Twoshoes -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 12:11:08 PM)

This whole thing sounds terribly convoluted.



kalikshama -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 12:28:14 PM)

I really like this!


quote:

My poly family is a bit like a wolf pack.  I am alpha; my boys bare throat to me and I am first to the kill.  But they are still wolves.  They are my wolves.  They are not sheep.  Treat any of us like sheep, and you may find the whole pack eyeing your throat.  You might also think of them as knights or samurai in service to their lord, strong and dignified warriors worthy of respect.  Disrespect them and it insults my honor.  They willingly bend knee to me and show their fealty and submission, and that is no disgrace.  But they aren't yours, so speak to them condescendingly or lay hands on them at your own peril.  If you do and you get your ass kicked either verbally or physically, don't come crying to me, I'll just laugh at you and tell them well done. If necessary I'll kick your ass myself until you learn some respect for my family. 



Lockit -> RE: My Submissive's Place is... (1/20/2011 12:50:32 PM)

Some of my friends were thinking of having a party where the submissive's served us all. I am not high protocol, but it can be a lot of fun in certain situations. This would have been one of them.

I wouldn't see this as reducing my submissive to anything less. It would actually been seen as an honor type thing and fun. An honor to serve me and my friends. I know that is how my friends submissive was looking at it. That one didn't happen, but it will. Now to find me another one of those submissive guys! lol

I won't reduce my guy and I won't allow anyone or a situation to do so. It drives me crazy when people call a human being 'it', so I am not into humiliation or disrespecting my man. However... a dominant's party with slave's aservin... oh yeah! lol



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