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Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/25/2011 8:36:39 AM

ryo4768

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Joined: 1/18/2011
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Hello,I, being a 25 year-old Japanese guy and living in Japan, am a freelance teacher at several schools, whose only aim is to arm their students with knowledge and skills needed to pass the entrance examinations to the universities, not to grade their attainments and give them the diploma. Such being the case, the master card is a teacher's whole personality. I play a dominant part among my students. Even those naughty students who are not likely to listen to other teachers' instructions are willing to obey my orders, which I think is thanks to my personality. Schools which I am working for are different from ordinary schools in that even if teachers are filled with knowledge and skills, which of course I have, students will abandon such teachers as have no attractive personality. Even persons, older and ranked in higher positions than I in my schools, tend to obey my good pieces of advice. A social hierachy is no meanings to me. A superior personality is the only authority I believe in.

By the way, playing such a role in my everyday life sometimes tortures me. Whenever I wonder whether this part is my real self, I am suffering. Perhaps is my real self eager to be dominated by some respectable person? Mistress, if you have an acquaintance like me, please tell me whether I am dominant or submissive.

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/25/2011 8:45:35 AM

LadyPact

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There is no way that anyone else can tell you if you are Dominant or submissive. That's something that you have to figure out on your own.

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/25/2011 8:49:50 AM

LadyNTrainer

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Many submissive men are dominant in their work place. It's not unusual.

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/25/2011 9:06:07 AM

LadyConstanze

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Flip a coin?

Seriously, what does your work have to do with how you are wired sexually?

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/25/2011 9:41:51 AM

kalikshama

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I am quite assertive at work. And everywhere, really, until I agree to submit. My screenname is a loose play on these different aspects of my personality.

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/25/2011 8:58:27 PM

SthrnCom4t

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You don't have to be 'one or the other'. I see power exchange orientation as a spectrum, much like sexuality. Depending on who you are interacting with, you can lean one way or the other. Likewise, depending on where you are in life experience, etc.There can be clues if you look to what turns you on sexually, but it's not always clearly in focus, even then.

Having a strong personality, having confidence, desiring to be pleasing to your partner, nurturing, etc.....I don't see these as gender or orientation specific.

Read about different dynamics, meet lots of people, experiment..........life is a journey of self-discovery.

Good luck.

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/26/2011 12:42:11 AM

ThePeripatetic

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Ryo... The role you take on in the "vanilla world" has very little to do with how you may identify within the spectrum of BDSM.

I too am teaching in Japan. Of course as a teacher you have to put on your "leadership hat" and take charge. Basically, to be successful in just about any profession it pays to take charge, show initiative, and develop your leadership skills. All of this has very little to do with what takes place in the kink-realm.

I enjoy being a leader at work. I consider myself to be whats called in English a "go-getter". But I find that operating on this level day-in and day-out wears on me. I find my "release" so to speak through service and submission. This definitely feels more natural to me on a deeper emotional level and I feel it to be quite liberating in fact. So yeah, your day job can't really be used as a marker for what you need from BDSM.

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/29/2011 7:46:57 AM

ryo4768

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Thank you for your sincere advice, everyone. I can get a hint in order to think my real self more deeply.

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/29/2011 7:54:55 AM

DesFIP

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Many people who are submissive in their private relationships hold powerful positions in real life. It is not uncommon for a person who has great responsibilities in their job to want to submit as a vacation from the pressure of work.

What do you dream of? Do you dream of giving orders to your partner or of receiving them? Do you dream of doing things to your partner of having things done to you? The answers to these questions are more likely to tell you what you want in your private life. Plus, many people want it both ways. Sometimes they want to be in charge and sometimes they want to be controlled. The term for those is switch.

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/29/2011 7:13:18 PM

ThePeripatetic

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You could try looking at the movies and books you like and figure out which characters you most identify with. For instance, as far back as I can remember I loved the Batman episodes where he is trapped or seduced by Catwoman. In fact, I'm pretty excited for the new Batman movie to come out to see what kind of sparks fly between the DarkKnight and Catwoman this time. (Not sure about the casting of Anne Hathaway for the role but then again, they did a damn fine job casting Heath Ledger for the Joker so we'll see.)

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RE: Please tell me whether I am dominat or submissive. - 1/29/2011 7:33:07 PM

Sanguinarian

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You might be a Switch, dude. You don't have to be just one or the other.

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