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Fears, Limits, and Childhood


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Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 7:45:14 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am aware that this lifestyle can make us aware of many thing about ourselves as we explore it and I wanted to share something that I discovered about myself recently and I wondered if others have had this type of experience when delving deeper into it ... If so perhaps you might want to share it.

I have been talking to one dominant in particular for a couple of months and we have become closer and closer. In the course of discussions about what we are comfortable with and what we are not comfortable with I had this kinda "flashback" to when I was a child. I was talking about how I am not completely comfortable with being tied to the point of immobility and I thought about why and I remembed my mom using "child restraints" to keep me from climbing out the window during naptime. I was quite little but I still remember screaming to get up and not being able to move and feeling somewhat helpless.I asked my mom about this and she confirmed the memory and told me she did it to keep me in the house and safe.  I wonder if this is at the root of my aversion to total immobility bondage and the one other experience I had with it was also negative for me.

Has anyone else ever experienced a small revelation like this before, and if they realized where their fear came from were they able to expand their limits? I think I might be able to try again with the right dominant now that I realize where the fear has come from. What is your experience with this if any?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 8:13:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, it's happened to me. 

The question that starts "Does anyone else...?" is always answered with "yes."

I'd simply caution you not to go into this quickly or expect a dom to act as a therapist.  Sometimes limits are ok to be limits.  What I discovered in myself I had and have no desire to "push beyond."  It's simply a part of me and I understand it more than I did before.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 8:17:42 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		Yes. I still have flashbacks to my past; any little thing can set them off. Recently though, I did manage to expand a limit of mine. Knife play. Though I would not say that I am totally comfortable and ok with it now, I am at the stage where I don't become gripped with fear over the sight of knife  Small breakthrough, but at the same time huge.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 8:46:51 PM   
unquenchable


Posts: 155
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		As a child I was accidentally locked in a closet.  Our house was big and the closet was on the top floor, I called out and cried but to no avail, I was simply not heard.  My mother thought I was sleeping soundly in my afternoon nap.  A couple of hours went by before someone came up and heard me. 

To this day being in a cage will bring me to a state of panic. 

My solution.........NO CAGES!

un----------

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 8:58:31 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		As a child I experienced many things that surprisingly had no bearing on me as a slave.  I was tied up - to the bed, to a tree, and sometimes to a chair in the yard.  I was slapped.  I was thrown.  I was humiliated.  I was belted.  The only scary thing as a slave was the belt, but we worked throught it.  All of these things are safe, coming from my Master.  He walloped me with a shoe once, not even very hard, and I panicked.  Gotta love those suppressed memories.  But...Master is safe, and has my well being always in mind.  That is the difference, and allows me to welcome from him what was once traumatic.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 9:05:52 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		        Flashbacks?  No.  I don't have the luxury of repressed memories, they are all too easy to access.  I do have specific 'buttons' that can be pushed with a predictable response and it's possible there are buttons I don't know about yet.  The ones I know about are limits and the others are why I use a safeword.  I don't believe I would actually come unglued and harm anyone but it would absolutely end the scene.

        Topping does seem to be a healthy release for me but I do this because it is fun and my wife and I enjoy it.  If I learn things about myself along the way that's great but it seems that happens whenever I study something new and interesting.

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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 11:07:24 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		I have a huge aversion to knife play, the moment I see one my first instinct is to defend myself and even attack if the situation fits into certian parameters such as being taken by suprise with it, even if i'm restrained when the play begins.  There is a big big maybe about going along with it if I know it is coming well into the future. But otherwise there is a danger that I will view the mistress as an assailent then as someone i'm playing with when it comes to certian things.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 11:13:52 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Yes, at times I have had flash backs from past experiences. It is a major reason I will not ever be involved in a scene with a cane they send me to a space in my head that is very hard to get out of and in my opinion is unhealthy for me.
 
I also can not have sex with a man who is wearing a wrist watch. Sounds silly but it is what I remember from a very bad experiences for me.
 
I think it is important for me to be upfront and honest with Phoenix and anyone else I plan on "scening" with that these are things I can not do during scene. Other wise they may be left wondering what the heck while I curl up in a corner rocking back and forth sobbing like a baby.
 
Phoenix's Nika

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 5/2/2006 11:18:32 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Oh Nika.. that post made me wish I could give you a big hug!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 9/2/2006 11:36:36 AM   
ownedandcollared


Posts: 217
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline 		Flashbacks and nightmares are much-too-common in O/our lives.  i was unfortunate enough to have been physically, emotionally and neglectfully abused by my parents, and sexually abused by three different males...two one-time incidents and one two-year-span occurances with a sadistic cousin. i have a great many fears, but i have never even once thought to lay down a safeword or a limit. i am fortunate enought to have a wonderful Master, the kind who wakes me up kicking and screaming and shhes me until i manage to fall asleep again. There is nothing that i wouldn't do for Him, and on the same token, i am certain that nothing would be asked of me that would cause me trauma.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 9/2/2006 11:38:30 AM   
ownedandcollared


Posts: 217
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika
 
I also can not have sex with a man who is wearing a wrist watch. Sounds silly but it is what I remember from a very bad experiences for me. 
  
Phoenix's Nika


It is strange, the things we remember.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
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RE: Fears, Limits, and Childhood - 9/2/2006 12:08:38 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think that everyone has had experiences from their childhood that affects them in adulthood wether they be negative or not. I can remember the incident that specifically caused me to be claustrophobic, the same with my fear of heights.  I know why I find facial hair on a man so icky and even certain types of hands on a man. All of which are issues from childhood.

Early adulthood created an issue with  beer and cigarette breath. Hell, I even know why I am specifically attracted to a certain type of woman. The list goes on and on. I think that we handle those things that push our personal buttons differently based upon the current situation and how we feel about our reactions. Most of my own personal issues don't cause me any problems so I don't need to deal with or try to overcome them. I do have a few that have caused me ALOT of problems that I continue to work on.

I think life is just a constant work in progress. While we work and get rid of baggage we also may be gaining new stuff. I saw several people write of knives. That is an object I don't really have any feelings about one way or another. However, if I were violently attacked and a knife was involved I imagine that would be a new issue.

I have huge respect for anyone that has had horrid things from childhood that they have fought to overcome. Some of the stories makes the mushy icky mom side of me just want to hug people.....pathetic huh.



_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ownedandcollared)
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