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Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 1:52:26 PM

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline

I’m only 19. You can probably see from my profile picture that I’m not the best looking guy around. But I think I do okay, considering. I don’t want to boast obviously, but I genuinely think I’m a nice guy. I’m at a university in London now studying a pretty hard degree. I think I’m pretty intelligent. I’ve had a few relationships before – all were pretty fulfilling, even sexually. But ever since I can remember, I’ve never been fully satisfied sexually unless I’m submissive. With girlfriends in the past I’ve always been pretty submissive, but never actually telling them or doing anything “kinky” or whatever. Outside the bedroom I'd just do things for them which they probably just thought was nice. In the bedroom I'd do a lot of the work I guess. They probably just thought I was a really unselfish guy or something. I'll always be too afraid to tell anybody.

My questions are these. Do you think at the age of 19 me (giving up so to speak by) joining this site is really a good idea? I’m not sure I’ll ever be happy unless I have a sub/Mistress relationship. And I’m not sure how likely it is I’ll ever have that unless I join this site. As cleanly sexuality is a big part of life I do feel like I need to do this.

My next question is (having read the threads about why so many sub men are single and the ridiculous amount of spam most dominant women get here) is whether or not it’s even worth my time here? I definitely can’t go to fetish clubs and get loads of experience with pro domes etc. I’m a first year at a very intense course in a good university for goodness sake. I even feel awkward posting this now. I’m not even sure if I want to o to those places. I ‘m not hot. I literally have nothing to differentiate myself from everybody at all. I assume it's not nearly as bad for men, but there are a lot of rubbish female dominant profiles around here as well. Scams, fakers, etc. It just seems impossible to meet anybody.

How do I improve my profile right now to make it at least readable? Because to be honest, yes some sexual fantasy would be nice, but I know deep down to be truly happy in life I’d want a relationship. I do feel uncomfortable taking a picture of myself naked having only just summed up the courage to join this forum, actually. I'm not sure if real lifeystyle domme's looking for a relationhip would even appreciate that.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks. Sorry for the essay.

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 1:58:27 PM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

You will never find yourself in better circumstances than those you are in. (got that?)

Go to as many munches as you can, moreso than fetish clubs. Read the Ask A Mistress FAQ.

Proceed accordingly, when you don't know what you are doing, go slowly.

Welcome, and the ultimate answer is yes, if you mind yourself and don't become obstreporous or giddy immediately, and get to know the folks (even them you aint interested in) and work on and get known for the things that don't involve your genitalia, you will get that bit covered in the contract as well.

Welcome!!!!!!

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to ziroic)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 2:01:26 PM

Posts: 221
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline

Distinguish yourself by losing egocentricity. Change the ad from "I want" and instead describe how you can please a Domina.

If a profile looks like its too good to be true by using fetish model pictures and/or the profile focuses on your desires then its probably fake (at least as far as lifestyle).

(in reply to ziroic)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 2:13:18 PM

Posts: 184
Joined: 1/30/2011
Status: offline

quote:

My next question is (having read the threads about why so many sub men are single and the ridiculous amount of spam most dominant women get here) is whether or not it’s even worth my time here? I definitely can’t go to fetish clubs and get loads of experience with pro domes etc. I’m a first year at a very intense course in a good university for goodness sake. I even feel awkward posting this now. I’m not even sure if I want to o to those places. I ‘m not hot. I literally have nothing to differentiate myself from everybody at all. I assume it's not nearly as bad for men, but there are a lot of rubbish female dominant profiles around here as well. Scams, fakers, etc. It just seems impossible to meet anybody.

Dude first of all, you're abso-bloody-lutely adorable. I'm honestly jealous. If I had your Opie Cunningham looks I'd be getting even more than I do now.

Now if you take absolutely nothing else away from internet sites like this, you can learn the lingo. You can learn a little bit about what makes dominant women tick and how to spot them in the wild. You can make some friends, glean some insights. As far as finding real life partners goes, "good universities" are crawling with dominant girls who don't necessarily announce themselves as whip cracking Dommes (sometimes they do) but who will absolutely eat up a cutie pie like yourself. And you can take that from The Dude--I drank and fucked my way out of not one but two top fifteen schools!

You could also ask me good ways to get kicked out of two top tier prep schools, but I'm afraid it's a little late in the game for you to do that.

_____________________________

The Dude abides.

Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.

(in reply to ziroic)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 3:07:16 PM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Awww, patpat, z., to echo the above, you're cute as a ginger button!
And I looked at your profile: although you should pare your interests/dislikes down a bit to the top 5 or 7 per category, look at you!: agnostic astronomer who volunteers, and hates rap and paranormal: you're already in the good smart man column: any good smart Domme's favourite! [and hopefully future world leader].

Uni is where I discovered there are a LOT of lovely, smarter-than-average young men who love what I do to them: but it's an invisible sub buffet! There are no codes, so we rely on body language, smarts and politeness to find good comPATible sub men; there will be a LOT of compatible women for you.

I won't tell you any other Domme secrets ;-) , but here's your homework: go to a uni coffee shop or other university function or comedy club or volunteer, and ask out the very next girl >18 or older lady who laughs at the same thing you do, and smiles and holds your gaze: you'll be surprised what she keeps in her bedroom cupboard! Emo girls won't laugh, stoner girls will laugh at anything but will be two seconds too late, and vanilla girls won't return your gaze.

So once you've taken some time to get to know each other, [including getting each other tested for STDs], then whisper something sub-light you want to do for her pleasure, not yours. If you don't know, ask her.

There was no internet when I was discovering my sexuality, and I had no idea there were so many who love who I am and what I do; you've made me smile and reminisce about my own lovely young uni-aged subbies :-)

Enjoy yourself, be safe, and you'll find a Queen before you know it.

(in reply to TotallyDude)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 3:22:21 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm not going to critique your profile. I'm going to do some version of answering your question.

(For the record, I'm not the pat you on the head type.)

Why are you putting such importance on whether you should be on the site or not? It's not like the sun rises and sets by CM. Also, that bit that you wrote about not being able to see pros? Good. Believe it or not, some folks aren't cool with that to begin with. Clubs? Those aren't a terrible idea, if you'd like to get out and see some various things, but not a requirement. You'd do just as well with a local munch so you can get to know people and see how they do things in their own life.

Is it worth your time? If you're asking if there's a guarantee in finding a partner being on the site, My answer is no. Doesn't mean there aren't other advantages. Friends, conversation, the ability to learn some things are still part of the bargain. Can't be all that bad.

Yes, some people will not want a relationship with you based on various factors. Age, experience, and looks might be a part of that, but that's true for everybody. There are people out there who wouldn't be interested in Me because of age, situation, and looks just as well. It's not a big thing. Not everybody is suited for everybody else.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 3:22:54 PM

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TotallyDude

quote:

My next question is (having read the threads about why so many sub men are single and the ridiculous amount of spam most dominant women get here) is whether or not it’s even worth my time here? I definitely can’t go to fetish clubs and get loads of experience with pro domes etc. I’m a first year at a very intense course in a good university for goodness sake. I even feel awkward posting this now. I’m not even sure if I want to o to those places. I ‘m not hot. I literally have nothing to differentiate myself from everybody at all. I assume it's not nearly as bad for men, but there are a lot of rubbish female dominant profiles around here as well. Scams, fakers, etc. It just seems impossible to meet anybody.

Dude first of all, you're abso-bloody-lutely adorable. I'm honestly jealous. If I had your Opie Cunningham looks I'd be getting even more than I do now.

Now if you take absolutely nothing else away from internet sites like this, you can learn the lingo. You can learn a little bit about what makes dominant women tick and how to spot them in the wild. You can make some friends, glean some insights. As far as finding real life partners goes, "good universities" are crawling with dominant girls who don't necessarily announce themselves as whip cracking Dommes (sometimes they do) but who will absolutely eat up a cutie pie like yourself. And you can take that from The Dude--I drank and fucked my way out of not one but two top fifteen schools!

You could also ask me good ways to get kicked out of two top tier prep schools, but I'm afraid it's a little late in the game for you to do that.

Some good advice from The Dude! (seriously, I'm diggin' ya Dude!)

Ziroic:
There's absolutely nothing wrong with your looks--you'll have the ladies swooning in no time.

Now...This is coming from an ol' fart (well, 40. not THAT old but probably an old fart to you)--I got into SM about your age while almost drinking myself out of college. There is no rush--in all honesty, don't make the mistakes that I did. Now is the time to focus on your school, education, career goals etc.

If you find a like-minded, adventurous gal at school, by all means, explore together....but these years are the time for you to truly set a foundation for yourself. If I spent as much time on my studies/work in college as I did playing with my Mistress and various other mischiefs, I would have done much better once I graduated. Instead, it took entirely too long to finally get on track, switch careers, and land on my feet years later.

Read up, attend local munches if they do not have a 21 and over requirement--and meet real, live folks in the scene--and hopefully you can find some solid friends and maybe a mentor or two along the way. Take everything you read on here (my posts included) with a grain of salt--they are opinions, not gospel.

My only other advice is not to rush into everything too deep, too quickly. It's always better to be hungry for more than to overdo it first time out of the gate.

Truly good luck to you--make some friends/connections online--and make some friends in person at the munches. (and don't send any money to anyone!)

frederich

(in reply to TotallyDude)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 4:35:08 PM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ziroic

And I’m not sure how likely it is I’ll ever have that unless I join this site.

Bull. Shit.

Be available this Wednesday. Go to this bar:

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/296037/

and meet some people. Get over the whole 'I'm too busy with university' shtick and get over the 'woe is me, I'm not pretty enough' schtick and get over the 'the only way is the either the internet or a pro-domme' schtick, and do what everybody else does when they are our age and they want in.

It's a bunch of people in a bar. They won't bite.

And while you're at it, either get an informedconsent profile or a fetlife profile before you go. (I hate to say it you guys, cuz I loves ya, but CollarMe is kind of frowned on in the UK.)

(...woah. I think I just hit my patience limit with people who think the internet is the only way to operate. If you meet me in person I'll be considerably nicer than this, OP.)

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to ziroic)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 4:37:42 PM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Read up, attend local munches if they do not have a 21 and over requirement

Just as a point of information: no UK munch will have a 21 and over requirement, on account of the drinking age being 18. It just doesn't happen here.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 5:09:45 PM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm with VaguelyCurious and LadyPact. I don't have the slightest clue where you're coming from - you seem to have tremendous angst about simple things and feel like your presence on the site is some kind of major commitment.

And if you don't like your looks, I'll be happy to exchange mine for yours. At least some extra weight.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 1/31/2011 5:22:31 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 5:20:15 PM

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Since I started participating in the forums I've done more listening and learning and much less hooking up and I'm happy to have exchanged quantity for quality and wisdom.

So relax and enjoy and welcome!

(in reply to ziroic)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 7:02:51 PM

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm with VaguelyCurious and LadyPact. I don't have the slightest clue where you're coming from - you seem to have tremendous angst about simple things and feel like your presence on the site is some kind of major commitment.

And if you don't like your looks, I'll be happy to exchange mine for yours. At least some extra weight.

Steven...of course he has angst! Don't you remember being 19? I do. It sucked! (well, until I found girls, then it got a lot better) Every thing was a major life drama then.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 8:21:08 PM

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Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

your in college so like anything else reaserch and study it go and meet like minded folks at munches and meet and greets. if there is a local dungon then go and see what is going on and what you like and dont. it is a great big buffet and you dont have to try everything just what you like.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 8:33:52 PM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Steven...of course he has angst! Don't you remember being 19? I do. It sucked! (well, until I found girls, then it got a lot better) Every thing was a major life drama then.

19 was a lot further back for me than it was for you.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 1/31/2011 8:37:47 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

OP, you got some good advice here.

I have one more word of advice for you:

CONFIDENCE.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/1/2011 1:20:31 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Steven...of course he has angst! Don't you remember being 19? I do. It sucked! (well, until I found girls, then it got a lot better) Every thing was a major life drama then.

I was 19 a helluva lot more recently than either of you (

) and I can't say that any of my friends were this dramatic about much. Although to be fair, wey'd all discovered people of the relevant gender by then...

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/1/2011 1:26:09 AM

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline

Oh no, the essay was more than nice. Besides, how can you say that, you're gorgeous! Very much indeed.

I think it IS good for you to be here, but even if it wasn't, it's done! So anyway, I support very much the idea of just diving in whatever it is you're curious about. It's not about sexuality that much, it's more about you. You know who you are (and I see the submissive in you) and you know you are just looking for information and contact. Which is a very good thing to do by the way, I've known people who just won't think about it again, ever, but you're here. It's good in my opinion. You've identified this about yourself and now you're doing something about it. It's just brave.

Oh I know it feels awkward, yes! You'll get used to it. It's nothing bad, after all. Just new for you, right now. Hey, but you've already got a clue, a very specific one. I wouldn't worry about it being awkward. It'll be dreamy once you win!

I know it sounds crazy, but this site is wonderful. People ALWAYS, even if they don't know you or like you, will try to be helpful. The forums are incredible, you always get help! and you can not only find someone in here who is right for you, but you can also find more about yourself! I'm here because different opinions help me get an idea of what I'd like to try, I'm a beginner. Literally. I feel happy in here because you can get ideas, ask for advice, offer it in case you have something to say, get support, everyone is really friendly... it's great in here. Ignore the spam and don't feed the trolls, and it's heaven.

True, there are a lot of subs, and most dominant women get a lot of spam, but if you are really looking for someone, you'll find her sooner or later. You're not the only one in here that is looking, also. There are people who feel just like you do, only the other way around. You just have to browse through strange profiles in order to find them. If you're interested in someone, make contact. You don't know what could happen. Don't let the fact that they're buried in spam bring you down. An intelligent girl always notices mail from an intelligent guy, and you're very intelligent and cute, and I could say more good things about you! (Though I have to control that part of me, I've said enough now) You'll stand out, don't worry!

About the profile thing, I can't really help you because if you ever take a look at mine, I can't write profiles worth... well. However I think you should be honest and tell a bit about you, just so if anyone has this or that in common with you, she can stalk you freely and think about it until she's ready to make contact.

The people in here are just like you. They're people. Some love to spam, while there are others that don't use forums and don't write to anyone unless they're sure it's for real. You just have to look for the kind of person that you like, and maybe if she likes you back, it'll work for the both of you. These are real people, don't be afraid to find what you're looking for.

Oh and yes, you ARE hot. Please don't say you're not.

I really hope you feel comfortable here. If you need anything, believe me, everyone is very nice.

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

(in reply to ziroic)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/1/2011 1:49:47 AM

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I was 19 a helluva lot more recently than either of you () and I can't say that any of my friends were this dramatic about much. Although to be fair, wey'd all discovered people of the relevant gender by then...

<nods in agreement>

You are the Wise Woman ;)

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/1/2011 2:06:58 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Read up, attend local munches if they do not have a 21 and over requirement

Just as a point of information: no UK munch will have a 21 and over requirement, on account of the drinking age being 18. It just doesn't happen here.

Really off topic here, but I have to wonder if this is why folks across the pond don't have that many TNG groups. Part of the reason that TNG groups sprung up here was that many munch groups were 21 and up. The creation of TNG was to fill the void for the 18-20 folks who didn't especially have a place to go. That same void doesn't seem to exist in other locations.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: Should I be here? And what can I do here? - 2/1/2011 3:11:24 AM

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/26/2011
Status: offline

I thank you all for the kind, helpful and prompt advice and comments.

I think it’s quite obvious that I (and most likely the vast majority of people here) have been cognisant of their sexuality for a very long time. But I suppose being aware of who you are and actually acting on it are very different things. As much as I may or may not like to, I really don’t see myself going to munches any time soon. As good advice as that probability is.

I don’t think work is an excuse; it’s hard and I’m busy with it but I still have a life and manage to go out and spend time with friends. I do have time for volunteering as somebody pointed out. I mean, I’ve even doing a charity skydive next week while a friend from sixth form is staying over for the weekend. So I’m not going to lie to myself and say I’m too busy because that’s not the case. I think it’s to do with being completely and utterly intimidated by going to one of those things. I don’t think any amount of kind words about how good I look or how friendly everybody there is will change that any time soon. That's probably the best photo there is of me, by the way.

All the girls I’ve ever pulled I’ve done it by been their friends first. I’ve never pulled at a party or a club which may well be down to confidence like has been pointed out. So I think I’d be way out of my depth at a munch... Whether or not anything will come from making an account here though, I don’t know. I don’t suppose it matters like you say – either it’ll help or it won’t. But it can’t put me at a disadvantage I suppose. Unless of course somebody that I know sees my profile then I’d die of embarrassment I think.

Anyway, if I do bother trying to message some dominant girl, what’s the best way to do it? I mean, some want pictures of you naked as an opening message, whilst others won’t even read your message. Would most serious ones want an effusive message? A succinct message basically just listing your sexual fetishes? Or a casual message asking if they want to meet up for a coffee or something? It all just seems very, very difficult to know what to do whatsoever actually.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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