A dilemma: advice?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

A dilemma: advice?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> A dilemma: advice?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

A dilemma: advice? - 2/3/2011 11:39:19 AM

MadamAurantia

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

The situation is: I'm a switch, my husband is my Dom. I'll only sub to him, but he doesn't mind the idea of sharing a sub together. Hubby's best friend since early childhood is completely sub, to the point that he has trouble functioning without someone dominating him. I'd almost call him a slave. The two were never in an official D/s relationship, they're both too hetero for that, but my husband had always been the one who looked out for him and kept him out of trouble.

Well, we now live in another state, and the friend is living with my best friend, an asexual vanilla woman. We know that the sub REALLY wants to be full sub to her: he's head over heels. But since she won't top him, he's kind of falling apart. I've talked to her about just ordering him around, but she's completely uninterested. She's also getting rather annoyed that he doesn't function day to day without orders, and is talking about kicking him out.

Hubby doesn't want to take him in at this point, as we can't afford a pet. After we graduate, we're all 4 wanting to have a household together with this man as our housekeeper.

I'm thinking about trying to top him long-distance. Does anyone know about this? I have to do something, and I can't ask the woman to go BDSM if she's not into it.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: A dilemma: advice? - 2/3/2011 11:43:22 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am betting that interference in that relationship will end badly. If it did work short term and you all live together at some point, she will resent it and you in camera.

Not all women are dominants, not all women are submissive.

It would be an entirely different deal if you can get her complete agreement for you to run him, but that is going to be tricky as well, when you countermand something she wants NOW!!!!

If he is a loser, it should fall apart without your involvment.

Order him to grow a sack, and let it go at that.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 2/3/2011 11:45:32 AM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MadamAurantia)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: A dilemma: advice? - 2/3/2011 11:48:05 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Being submissive does not mean you are incompetent. His problems lie deeper. Suggest strongly to him that he gets some therapy. It sounds to me like he's afraid to ever refuse anything for fear of being rejected. This is not a healthy way to live. If he can't find a sliding scale therapist, then suggest he attend ACOA meetings.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: A dilemma: advice? - 2/3/2011 11:52:08 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Sounds like a real mess. The woman doesn't want to top him, and he doesn't want a relationship without it.

You offered to show her how to top, and she declined. The relationship is now between the two of them. Frankly, I don't see it lasting. And if you get involved, you will get the messy failed relationship goop all over you. Steer clear.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: A dilemma: advice? - 2/3/2011 11:55:07 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Being submissive does not mean you are incompetent. His problems lie deeper. Suggest strongly to him that he gets some therapy. It sounds to me like he's afraid to ever refuse anything for fear of being rejected. This is not a healthy way to live. If he can't find a sliding scale therapist, then suggest he attend ACOA meetings.

This /\

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: A dilemma: advice? - 2/3/2011 12:03:04 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

You're not going to like this, OP, but why do you have to do something? It doesn't particularly sound like it's your business other than looking out for what could potentially happen if he's driving her nuts to the point of wanting to throw him out.

I'm not really clear from your post what the situation is between the two of them. Do they live together because they are romantically involved or it's a roommate situation? She doesn't seem to want to Dominate him or top him, so no matter how much he wants that is kind of just too bad. The question is do you and your husband want to Dominate him at this point and would that be acceptable in the household where he lives?

From the sound of it, he doesn't need a Dominant. He needs to acquire the skills to function day to day.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: A dilemma: advice? - 2/3/2011 12:27:18 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I've been in the position more than once when I thought I was responsible for someone.. I was not.

If you give them a shove out of the nest, lo and behold they will either 1) find someone new to take responsibility for them or 2) fly on their own.. most likely 1...

this person is an adult, yes? then treat him like one.. and leave him alone until he acts like one.. he's not a slave or submissive.. he's ... oh so many things but since I don't really know him, I'll leave it..

I had one VERY like him on the edges of my life for awhile.. she finally found a new person to do for her and buy for her and make sure she got her shoes on

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to MadamAurantia)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: A dilemma: advice? - 2/3/2011 10:25:36 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
I am betting that interference in that relationship will end badly. If it did work short term and you all live together at some point, she will resent it and you in camera.

It would be an entirely different deal if you can get her complete agreement for you to run him, but that is going to be tricky as well, when you countermand something she wants NOW!!!!

If he is a loser, it should fall apart without your involvment.

Order him to grow a sack, and let it go at that.

I agree with this and Steven's reponse in their entirety. I wouldn't recommend becoming a third in their relationship. If he cannot live with that relationship, he needs counseling, and to grow up and take responsibility, before he can find a domina, or come live with you and hubby. M

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: A dilemma: advice? - 2/4/2011 9:35:50 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamAurantia

I'm thinking about trying to top him long-distance. Does anyone know about this?

Yes, I did do this for several months, and it did not work!

The truth is, regardless of how closely both of you relate, and interact together, online; real life intervenes.

Long distance prevents the two of you from the reality of day to day real life. Then you both end up going your own way.

Because you lose the connection, when there is nothing in common every day.

Simply trust me on this ... I do know!