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JohnWarren -> RE: (Probably) very basic safeword question . . . (2/19/2011 4:32:03 AM)
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Here's a bit of advice from my book, The Loving Dominant. [note: this is copyrighted so please do not repost elsewhere]
I don't use gags much. They cut down on the complex verbal interaction between the submissive and the dominant (i.e. I like screaming and begging). They, also, can be risky.
However, in a semi-public environment (like apartment with thin walls or motel rooms), gags can avoid 'premature termination of the scene through external influence.' (e.g. someone calling the cops) Some submissives, also, enjoy gags. The mild ache from the stretched jaw muscles is a reminder of their status. The ball gives them something to bite down on while you are stimulating them, and for those who enjoy humiliation, the uncontrollable drooling provides the dominant endless opportunities for comment.
Before you use a gag, establish a safe signal that will work when the gag is in place. Like a safe word, it should be something that would not take place as part of a scene. This eliminates random grunting, but using a rhythm is acceptable. Don't get too complex. It may be easy for your submissive to hum The Stars and Stripes Forever when the only thing you are doing is watching. It is entirely a different matter to do it when you are playing Connect the Dots on his or her skin with a needle.
Simple physical signals are effective too. Some submissives use opening and closing both hands to signal unacceptable discomfort when gagged. Others use slow and purposeful eye blinks.
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As for the OP's original comment about the dominant not noticing... dominants are supposed to be paying attention. That's part of the job description.
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